Ex gf has come back into my life to apologize

[Hrtbroken316]

You aren't the one who should be jumping through hoops, she should. Not to punish her, but to a) protect your heart and b) because it's only fair. It's one thing if you guys parted on amicable terms, but she went scorched earth on you. She needs to earn your love -- don't be cheap and give it away like a putz.

 

I agree with the waiting philosophy. I thought what you said was perfect -- don't be a weakwilled wuss and sabotage it. If she wants it, she'll make it known. If she was fishing for an ego boost, you likely won't hear from her again.

 

I also think that her most recent thing died and she's looking at you because she felt you were a layup, a sure bet. You showed that you weren't, so stick to that.

 

Now, if you were over it and couldn't care less, then I'd tell you to do what you want. But obviously you aren't anywhere in that galaxy.

Thank you!

 

I completely agree, and to be honest, after I've had lunch this afternoon, I feel like I'm confident and content knowing that her apology was just that. I'm going to take it for what it is and just let the rest fall into place should fate have it. I'm not jumping through ANY hoops for this girl.

[Hrtbroken316]

If anyone was curious, this is her apology message:::

 

 

Hey,

 

I hope all is well with you. I know this might seem very random and out of the blue at the moment, but there are just some things i had to clear out and let out of my chest right now. Look, I know its been months since the break up, but there are a few things i want you to know. I was at a very very bad place in life when this all fell apart. I was going through severe depression that hit me out of nowhere and I just wasn't me and couldn't think straight and it took months for me to realize and admit to all this. With that said, I understand now why things went the way they did. You were right, I wasn't myself and couldn't be pure with you due to what I was going through. I understand I handled the situation very immaturely and in a way that I would come off as heartless towards you considering the fact that I wasn't able to be open with you and explain all this in person hoping you would somehow understand where I'm coming from. i just really need you to believe me and somehow be understanding of the fact that I really wasn't me during those times. The person you got to know and develop feelings for. I dont know exactly what went wrong, but I cant sit here and say that it wasn't because of my situation that it led to things being different. Its taking so much out of me to write you all of this and im in tears just express myself right now. I dont know if its the month of March bringing back all the great memories, or what it is. But i just feel like you deserve a sincere explanation and im so beyond sorry i wasn't capable of giving you one at the time. I just want you to know that I truly appreciate the times we had together and youve taught me so much about life and myself....things have changed so much now. I've realized who my friends really are as well. I want you to know that my feelings towards you were always genuine adn that the way things ended never say well with me. I feel like a very ****ty person for not being able to open up with you and tell you why i felt the way i did at the time. I know that if i wasn't going through what i was going through, things have been different now and not so messed up. We did share 6 months of our lives together and I guess what im trying to say is that I'm truly deeply just sorry. I'm sorry for how things turned out and im sorry for how i handled it at the time. I know this might seem a little too late, but i just feel like i owe you that much and wouldn't really be at peace with myself until i expressed it.

[lolablue17]

You are very insecure, but you should be proud of yourself. I think you're handling just great!

 

She is focused in herself and her own drama. She knows she messed up and now she wrote a lovely mail, and I'm sure she was very exited writing it. She was expecting this letter to have a huge effect on you, because she thinks she is really meaningful in your life.

 

When you answered the way you did, it did shut her down, because she then understood that you have a life of your own, and you have balls, and she is not as important as she thought she is. you can do great without her.

 

She was surprised. Why do i think that you acted great? Because if she wants you back, now she realizes she will have to work harder. A few mails and apologizes won't be enough.

 

You put high standards. It's a good test for you to see if she really wants you back, or she just want to cure her guilt and provide her drama queen needs.

[Hrtbroken316]

You are very insecure, but you should be proud of yourself. I think you're handling just great!

 

She is focused in herself and her own drama. She knows she messed up and now she wrote a lovely mail, and I'm sure she was very exited writing it. She was expecting this letter to have a huge effect on you, because she thinks she is really meaningful in your life.

 

When you answered the way you did, it did shut her down, because she then understood that you have a life of your own, and you have balls, and she is not as important as she thought she is. you can do great without her.

 

She was surprised. Why do i think that you acted great? Because if she wants you back, now she realizes she will have to work harder. A few mails and apologizes won't be enough.

 

You put high standards. It's a good test for you to see if she really wants you back, or she just want to cure her guilt and provide her drama queen needs.

It's interesting, because I know I can be insecure. But this is the first time in a relationship type thing where I feel like I healed the right way, moved on, continued my life, and now she's back.

 

It's almost as if I'm insecure about the overall situation, but feel secure knowing I'm taking the right steps for once.

 

Yes, I feel weak and vulnerable, but I'm willing and ready to make bold choices that typically only "secure" people would do :)

[Trishern]

Anyone who ghosted me like that wouldn't get the time of day with me ever again.

 

 

You did well in your responses so far.

 

 

I say don't engage any more and BLOCK her.

 

 

She wants to reel you back in. Don't go there.

[Zahara]

I know its been months since the break up,

 

Break-up? What break-up? Oh, when she just decided to up and go without a peep? That's her definition of a break-up.

 

I was at a very very bad place in life when this all fell apart. I was going through severe depression that hit me out of nowhere and I just wasn't me and couldn't think straight and it took months for me to realize and admit to all this.

 

Really? So depressed and in such a bad place that she was able to shoot off to Europe. I'm sure she was in her right mind to make her travel plans. In her right mind to pack. In her right mind to plan her stay there. In her right mind to do everything but say something to you -- even if it was a damn text. You have to wonder the lack of conscience for someone to do something like that and take 7 months to realize what they did wrong. It doesn't sound right.

 

I understand I handled the situation very immaturely and in a way that I would come off as heartless towards you considering the fact that I wasn't able to be open with you and explain all this in person hoping you would somehow understand where I'm coming from.

 

Of course, if she couldn't do it in person, the next best thing in her mind was to disappear.

 

i just really need you to believe me and somehow be understanding of the fact that I really wasn't me during those times. The person you got to know and develop feelings for. I dont know exactly what went wrong, but I cant sit here and say that it wasn't because of my situation that it led to things being different. Its taking so much out of me to write you all of this and im in tears just express myself right now. I dont know if its the month of March bringing back all the great memories, or what it is. But i just feel like you deserve a sincere explanation and im so beyond sorry i wasn't capable of giving you one at the time. I just want you to know that I truly appreciate the times we had together and youve taught me so much about life and myself....things have changed so much now. I've realized who my friends really are as well. I want you to know that my feelings towards you were always genuine adn that the way things ended never say well with me. I feel like a very ****ty person for not being able to open up with you and tell you why i felt the way i did at the time. I know that if i wasn't going through what i was going through, things have been different now and not so messed up. We did share 6 months of our lives together and I guess what im trying to say is that I'm truly deeply just sorry. I'm sorry for how things turned out and im sorry for how i handled it at the time. I know this might seem a little too late, but i just feel like i owe you that much and wouldn't really be at peace with myself until i expressed it.

 

It was to alleviate her guilt. That's why she was badgering you because she wasn't getting the words she needed to hear to alleviate HER bad feelings. You accepted her apology and now you move on. If anything, you don't want to go back to someone that lacks coping skills, and you certainly don't want to put yourself at risk again for repeat behavior.

[Simon Phoenix]

If anyone was curious, this is her apology message:::

 

 

Hey,

 

I hope all is well with you. I know this might seem very random and out of the blue at the moment, but there are just some things i had to clear out and let out of my chest right now. Look, I know its been months since the break up, but there are a few things i want you to know. I was at a very very bad place in life when this all fell apart. I was going through severe depression that hit me out of nowhere and I just wasn't me and couldn't think straight and it took months for me to realize and admit to all this. With that said, I understand now why things went the way they did. You were right, I wasn't myself and couldn't be pure with you due to what I was going through. I understand I handled the situation very immaturely and in a way that I would come off as heartless towards you considering the fact that I wasn't able to be open with you and explain all this in person hoping you would somehow understand where I'm coming from. i just really need you to believe me and somehow be understanding of the fact that I really wasn't me during those times. The person you got to know and develop feelings for. I dont know exactly what went wrong, but I cant sit here and say that it wasn't because of my situation that it led to things being different. Its taking so much out of me to write you all of this and im in tears just express myself right now. I dont know if its the month of March bringing back all the great memories, or what it is. But i just feel like you deserve a sincere explanation and im so beyond sorry i wasn't capable of giving you one at the time. I just want you to know that I truly appreciate the times we had together and youve taught me so much about life and myself....things have changed so much now. I've realized who my friends really are as well. I want you to know that my feelings towards you were always genuine adn that the way things ended never say well with me. I feel like a very ****ty person for not being able to open up with you and tell you why i felt the way i did at the time. I know that if i wasn't going through what i was going through, things have been different now and not so messed up. We did share 6 months of our lives together and I guess what im trying to say is that I'm truly deeply just sorry. I'm sorry for how things turned out and im sorry for how i handled it at the time. I know this might seem a little too late, but i just feel like i owe you that much and wouldn't really be at peace with myself until i expressed it.

 

Yeah, that was all mostly about her and very little about you. Take it for what it is and don't use it as an excuse to re-engage. She needs to some more correct for that to happen.

[Zapbasket]

Break-up? What break-up? Oh, when she just decided to up and go without a peep? That's her definition of a break-up.

 

 

 

Really? So depressed and in such a bad place that she was able to shoot off to Europe. I'm sure she was in her right mind to make her travel plans. In her right mind to pack. In her right mind to plan her stay there. In her right mind to do everything but say something to you -- even if it was a damn text. You have to wonder the lack of conscience for someone to do something like that and take 7 months to realize what they did wrong. It doesn't sound right.

 

 

 

Of course, if she couldn't do it in person, the next best thing in her mind was to disappear.

 

 

 

It was to alleviate her guilt. That's why she was badgering you because she wasn't getting the words she needed to hear to alleviate HER bad feelings. You accepted her apology and now you move on. If anything, you don't want to go back to someone that lacks coping skills, and you certainly don't want to put yourself at risk again for repeat behavior.

 

Listen to Zahara. She's making great points here. I'm all about apologies, even long after the fact, but...what she did was really f'd up and there isn't much a person who did this can say to remedy that fact. Yes, people can get overwhelmed by all the things coming at them and behave erratically or be insensitive to the people they love, but...*stable* people with *character* and *integrity* quickly pull it together at least enough to say, "I'm not being myself right now, and I am hurting you, and I need to take responsibility for that and take some time to clear my head so that I can DO RIGHT BY YOU."

 

Also, I agree with other posters that the likely scenario is that her plans with X boyfriend or X,Y,Z friends or people in her life fell through, and that spurred the reach-out to you. I do feel that yes, people can grow and mature and realize much later that maybe they weren't exactly fair in ____ situation, but I don't get the sense this is the case with her. Worthwhile people don't need their sh*t to hit the fan to spur them to make amends to people they have wronged in the past. Their sh*t hitting the fan comes more in the form of their conscience being at war with their actions until they can no longer stand the battle going on in themselves and so they go and do something about it.

 

Let her come to you. Let her do ALL the work; you deserve at least that. If she does nothing more, then that tells you what she is, read: NOT someone you want in your life.

[Hrtbroken316]

Yeah, that was all mostly about her and very little about you. Take it for what it is and don't use it as an excuse to re-engage. She needs to some more correct for that to happen.

Ya, I pretty much agree. It's obvious this is just a big game for her. I don't think she's even close to being on my level at this point in our lives.

 

I'm going to move on. I dont expect her to try again, at this point I just wish she'd stop.

 

THANK YOU ALL

[Hrtbroken316]

Listen to Zahara. She's making great points here. I'm all about apologies, even long after the fact, but...what she did was really f'd up and there isn't much a person who did this can say to remedy that fact. Yes, people can get overwhelmed by all the things coming at them and behave erratically or be insensitive to the people they love, but...*stable* people with *character* and *integrity* quickly pull it together at least enough to say, "I'm not being myself right now, and I am hurting you, and I need to take responsibility for that and take some time to clear my head so that I can DO RIGHT BY YOU."

 

Also, I agree with other posters that the likely scenario is that her plans with X boyfriend or X,Y,Z friends or people in her life fell through, and that spurred the reach-out to you. I do feel that yes, people can grow and mature and realize much later that maybe they weren't exactly fair in ____ situation, but I don't get the sense this is the case with her. Worthwhile people don't need their sh*t to hit the fan to spur them to make amends to people they have wronged in the past. Their sh*t hitting the fan comes more in the form of their conscience being at war with their actions until they can no longer stand the battle going on in themselves and so they go and do something about it.

 

Let her come to you. Let her do ALL the work; you deserve at least that. If she does nothing more, then that tells you what she is, read: NOT someone you want in your life.

Thank you for the reality of the situation. It helps getting reinforced for a decision you have to make.

 

I agree with you as well, I believe she's not really being real with herself, let alone me.

 

It seems like a lost cause. Thank you for your honesty. You explained that very well

[EnniA]

I think your responses were great. Why would you worry if u went cold on a person who broke your heart and disrespected you? We should stick up for ourselves and not allow ppl to step over us; use us and throw us when they feel like it. However, if u still want her back make her work hard for it, show her she cant treat u as she feels like in a given moment.

You seem to be a good hearted guy, all the best