[Do] guys that are persistent and [don't] take no for an answer have mental problems?

[LookAtThisPOst]

...of course, I wanted to add that most women don't reply at all...not even with a "not interested", those that do, I move on.

 

But like 99% of them that don't respond...I'll contact them later....sometimes get blocked though, but it's a shot.

 

Some would argue that a non-response IS a "no" answer of the non-verbal kind.

 

They don't reply, sometimes they just block. Some right after the first email as a weeding out process.

 

"Oh, an email (first email) from an ugly guy...I'll block him now...pre-emptively so he doesn't try again."

[brothers343]

Some people grow and others stay the same. What you didn't like years ago you might like now. Thats why some still try....even after years go by.

[preraph]

I am 63 and I can't think of any instance where persistence when a woman has said no got the guy anywhere but labeled a creep. Women don't say no to seeing someone if they have a romantic interest in a guy. To think they don't know what they want is crazy. If I'm not attracted to you, persistence isn't going to do anything but deepen that feeling.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I am 63 and I can't think of any instance where persistence when a woman has said no got the guy anywhere but labeled a creep. Women don't say no to seeing someone if they have a romantic interest in a guy. To think they don't know what they want is crazy. If I'm not attracted to you, persistence isn't going to do anything but deepen that feeling.

 

Believe it or not, I've heard "how we met" stories on how being persistent, even after being turned down has somehow, and surprisingly, got them the woman.

 

 

One time I was at a Meetup, and saw a woman who brought her new boyfriend with her. I asked about him and she said, "Yeah, he asked me out 3 times before I said yes...and I figured why not give it a shot."

 

Now, they were hot and heavy for each other as I could plainly see on the dance floor. lol

 

USUALLY these were organic occurrences that would happen in real life, when they would run in the same social circles. He wasn't necessarily pushy, but there were opened windows of opportunities where he would pose questions by joining him for drinks after said social event or what not.

 

Some marriages have even resulted in this.

[SammySammy]

I am 63 and I can't think of any instance where persistence when a woman has said no got the guy anywhere but labeled a creep. Women don't say no to seeing someone if they have a romantic interest in a guy. To think they don't know what they want is crazy. If I'm not attracted to you, persistence isn't going to do anything but deepen that feeling.

 

My mother "hated" my father. He laughed too much. Teased her too much. Never took anything seriously. Not to mention he dated a classmate of hers.

 

My mother and father have been married over 50 years.

 

Things change. Situations change. Attitudes change. Opportunities change.

 

The idea that persistence is a problem might be applicable in a world of no change. We don't live in such a world.

 

Fortunately, women can change their minds. Or I wouldn't be here.

[carhill]

Yeah, maybe different times and customs and socialization exist today.

 

Heh, I think my dad was still working through the closet of suits he bought to get my mom to go on a date until I was a teenager. I don't think he ever bought a new one and he wore them every day. My mom was a sales clerk at a clothing store when they met and, being persistent, he kept going back and back and back. Today that would probably be labeled stalker behavior. Still, they were married for life. Society has changed. Those of us who didn't change with it are, well, outlier. Life goes on.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Society has changed. Those of us who didn't change with it are, well, outlier. Life goes on.

 

I guess I was one of those outliers. When I was in my 20's, attempting to be a "repeat customer" at the local mall to the cute store clerks...it wasn't really well received. I grew up under old-school methods of courtships.

 

Now, I've kind of resigned myself to pretty much giving up after 1 or 2 tries considering the attitudes of a lot of women have changed to not really needing much less desiring a man in their lives...at least to the point where once romantic pursuit.

 

Women aren't as easily impressed by romance and persistence like they once used to in order to "get the girl."

[Bobbi7]

Do I have mental problems that I won't take no from my ex from last year then? I bet the majority of you will say yes, but no to the men? Right?

[d0nnivain]

The delivery can have an impact. If somebody says "No" but is blushing, giggling & smiling through the "rejection" that is not as clear as a blunt "no thank you I'm not interested" delivered in a firm voice while maintaining defiant eye contact.

[carhill]

Do I have mental problems that I won't take no from my ex from last year then? I bet the majority of you will say yes, but no to the men? Right?

TBH, I'd be loathe to diagnose mental illness based on appropriateness or inappropriateness of persistence in a romantic pursuit.

 

However, you point up a possible distinction based on societal labeling of gender roles. A man is, generally, labeled the aggressor, pursuer, penetrator and is expected to be those things, not just in romance but in all facets of life. A woman, in general, is not, so, if she acts outlier to her labeling, she would be considered to be outlier by those who collate and label people and their behaviors. If encountering one of those people in a interpersonal interaction, sure her behavior might be labeled negative, same as some women label a man who's persistent as creepy or stalkerish. People do what suits them and each assigns labels uniquely. Sometimes generalities apply.

[Timshel]

TBH, I'd be loathe to diagnose mental illness based on appropriateness or inappropriateness of persistence in a romantic pursuit.

 

However, you point up a possible distinction based on societal labeling of gender roles. A man is, generally, labeled the aggressor, pursuer, penetrator and is expected to be those things, not just in romance but in all facets of life. A woman, in general, is not, so, if she acts outlier to her labeling, she would be considered to be outlier by those who collate and label people and their behaviors. If encountering one of those people in a interpersonal interaction, sure her behavior might be labeled negative, same as some women label a man who's persistent as creepy or stalkerish. People do what suits them and each assigns labels uniquely. Sometimes generalities apply.

 

Agree. IMO, most of the time.

 

Bobbi, do you have a female confidante? Someone you are able to speak plainly with and trust?

 

No one on the internet would be reasonable to say that you (or anyone) are mentally ill.

It would be healthy to have someone trustworthy to talk to, if not a close friend or family member, a therapist would be fine.

 

You seem anxious and unsure of what to think of other people's actions and talking to someone in person is the best way to get definitive and productive feedback.

[basil67]

Do I have mental problems that I won't take no from my ex from last year then? I bet the majority of you will say yes, but no to the men? Right?

 

An ex can't be compared to someone who we have never dated.

[preraph]

Persisting after being told no by a living breathing human being is refusing to face reality and is also clinging to someone who doesn't want you. Whether that's mental illness depends on a lot of other things, but for certain, it isn't healthy behavior.

 

What people's parents did back in the days before birth control has no bearing on today, nor does what happens in the movies. Women don't have to "select someone" anymore, nor do men. We can all say no and no one is going to make us marry up, nor are financial reasons going to force us to.

 

Disregarding when someone says no is immense disrespect, not love. It's also condescending, as if you believe you are powerful enough to override their decision.

[Miss Peach]

I've noticed this varies between cultures. In some cultures it's expected. Others it's creepy.

 

If you don't want to talk to the guy on OLD just block him.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Persisting after being told no by a living breathing human being is refusing to face reality and is also clinging to someone who doesn't want you. Whether that's mental illness depends on a lot of other things, but for certain, it isn't healthy behavior.

 

What people's parents did back in the days before birth control has no bearing on today, nor does what happens in the movies. Women don't have to "select someone" anymore, nor do men. We can all say no and no one is going to make us marry up, nor are financial reasons going to force us to.

 

Disregarding when someone says no is immense disrespect, not love. It's also condescending, as if you believe you are powerful enough to override their decision.

 

Depends, nothing is black and white and it depends on the situation. The preceding posters and myself have born witness to even marriages resulting in women who said no to men....at FIRST. ;-)

[JuanDelToro]

Depends, nothing is black and white and it depends on the situation. The preceding posters and myself have born witness to even marriages resulting in women who said no to men....at FIRST. ;-)

 

In the age and times we`re living in, things are black & white. Women have grow to be very independent having too many options, especially with men. When they say NO, these days is a definite NO. 15 years ago it was a MAYBE, 30 years ago it was a YES and 50 years ago they wouldnt say anything (you would just throw them at your back and take them home ).

 

Persistence with women, is a waste of time, a waste of resources and the source of frustration and drama.

 

A girlfriend of mine just recently showed me her RSVP profile. I was gobsmacked by the shear amount of messages she was receiving every single day. Too many of these men were the persistent type flogging her with recurrent messages. Her opinion about these guys wasnt the best one.

[LookAtThisPOst]

In the age and times we`re living in, things are black & white.

 

Not sure what world you come from where you think this when grey areas in this day and age are highly prominent.

 

Anyhow, like I said earlier (May want to scroll back). I've known men to score dates and even wives by a few no's they've received at first. *shrug*

 

It happens.

[Bobbi7]

I seriously think a guy has a mental illness if he keeps pursuing someone who told him once, "leave me alone and piss off." How much clearer can someone be? Not ton mention, "Not interested." It's disgusting. And they need to be examined by a professional. Plus not taking hints in general, excessive contacting, blocking one twice, and still contacting.

[preraph]

Depends, nothing is black and white and it depends on the situation. The preceding posters and myself have born witness to even marriages resulting in women who said no to men....at FIRST. ;-)

 

Yes, and I bet they were miserable.