Author Brink007 Posted March 21, 2016 Author Posted March 21, 2016 I don't understand what's so terrible about what you wrote and the fact that you sent two messages in a row (omg what a mess...not). Where did "acting like you don't give a damn" go? Out the window haha... I just know everyone says double texting a girl, especially assuming the reason she didn't text back, is a giant no no. Does the context of my text (the fact I care about her friend) make it a little less bad? 1
scorpiogirl Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Dramatic much? Stop texting her. Ask her on another date and speak using your voices and words coming out of your mouths. You're exaggerating a very insignificant thing. 2
Scarlett.O'hara Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Your second text isn't a big deal, but to send another text trying to justify it is a BAD idea. It will make you appear unnecessarily desperate overthinking the situation. It is fine to feel that way in private, we all have moments where we second guess ourselves, but to keep going on about it will give the impression that you are seriously insecure, and it could lessen her attraction for you. I wouldn't bring up the dui again. Try and keep the focus on each other if you can. 5
Satu Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Much ado about nothing. “When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married.” ― William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing. 2
Art_Critic Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 You are about to be friend zoned, the best you can do is ask her out.. she has a guy she is seeing so she has back burnered you.. you are what is known as an orbiter... Some guys like to be orbiters and clean up after the girl they are hovering around breaks up but me.. no way would I want to be second in a girls life.. When I was single I hated to be that guy and worked out of those situations by asking the girl out and forcing the decision to be made.. 3
Author Brink007 Posted March 21, 2016 Author Posted March 21, 2016 (edited) I just can't get over the fact that I apologized for nothing. To me that comes off as insecure Edited March 21, 2016 by Brink007 2
Jabron1 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 You need to chill out a bit Despite what others have said, double texting in general is bad. But everything depends on context. I wasn't thinking at all, and texted her "you're probably not in the mood to joke around tonight so I'm sorry. I truly hope your friend makes it out of this ok." Very lame. 'You're sorry', seriously? OR, I could text her and say "For the life of me I don't know why I apologized the other day, it's just the whole friend getting a DUI thing hits home to me. I have a good friend who got fired from his job and couldn't drive for 6 months. It kind of ruined him." This would be so much worse. so I'm thinking I could pretend like it didn't happen and message her in 3 or 4 days casually. Yeah, I just wouldn't bring it up again. It all comes down to her interest in you, mate. A high interest girl will think that text was sweet, a 'maybe' girl will see that as lame/weak. The lower her interest in you, the less room you have for mistakes. I think you are developing too much of a sniper mentality for this woman. That's why you are getting anxious. That will cause you to behave in erratic ways. I would suggest you do things to take your mind off her. Focus on other women, a hobby, friends, your career, etc. 2
okc85 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 I just can't get over the fact that I apologized for nothing. To me that comes off as insecure Seriously, it's NOT a big deal. You were a human showing compassion. If you follow up with another text apologizing for your apology...then yeah, she's going to think you're insecure. And you're not, right? 3
spriggan2 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Im reminded of that Seinfeld episode when George leaves a phone message... 5
bu2002 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 You need to chill out a bit Despite what others have said, double texting in general is bad. But everything depends on context. Very lame. 'You're sorry', seriously? This would be so much worse. Yeah, I just wouldn't bring it up again. It all comes down to her interest in you, mate. A high interest girl will think that text was sweet, a 'maybe' girl will see that as lame/weak. The lower her interest in you, the less room you have for mistakes. I think you are developing too much of a sniper mentality for this woman. That's why you are getting anxious. That will cause you to behave in erratic ways. I would suggest you do things to take your mind off her. Focus on other women, a hobby, friends, your career, etc. Read this post over and over and over until it sinks in. Once you've done the last sentence for a few days, you can reconnect with her without any lame jokes. When you reconnect with her, reference something positive about your dates with her, maybe a funny moment or inside joke you talked about, or anything that would invoke positive emotions. 1
smudge21 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Hmm, not sure sending a text to apologise for the text in which you said sorry from the first text to which she never replied, is the best idea. The fact is, she never replied to the first one and now you want to send a third? Back off a lot and see what happens. Try to remember why she got interested in you and how you were back then. That's the person she liked, not this yapping at her heels love sick puppy dog apologising for things he hasn't done. 2
lilmissjava Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Wow, if there were rules, I would have broken all of them just this week alone. 1
Kamille Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 The text where you messed up was with the "haha nice" reply to her "eventful night" comment. That's when I would have considered next-ing you for 1. misunderstanding a text that was clearly saying the eventful night wasn't nice 2. not asking questions about it. That reply made you sound disconnected and innattentive. She called you out on it and you say "you sympathized and left it at that". What does that mean? 2
okc85 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 The text where you messed up was with the "haha nice" reply to her "eventful night" comment. That's when I would have considered next-ing you for 1. misunderstanding a text that was clearly saying the eventful night wasn't nice 2. not asking questions about it. That reply made you sound disconnected and innattentive. She called you out on it and you say "you sympathized and left it at that". What does that mean? I agree, haha. I'd be annoyed by a 'haha nice' text considering the context. It's not like she said, 'I'm out at a bar, just took an irish car bomb.' LOL. 2
xcupid Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Leave it alone. Don't mention it unless she brings it up. You're overthinking and overreacting.
caringsister Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 I'm going to start off by saying I messed up about as bad as you can mess up. I know it's a bit of a read but I would SINCERELY appreciate any advice. I have been on 2 dates with a very attractive girl (she's 25 and I'm 26) and things have been going great over the past 3 weeks. I met her at a bar and found out she works at the same company I do (our company is huge) The position I'm in at the company is one she is hoping to be in 2 years from now, so she looks up to me. I'm usually terrible at texting, but this time I've been acting like I don't give a damn (in a smart way) and was able to get her to text me first a couple times. The dates went GREAT by the way. They just felt right and I would say I held the power for the most part. She has a guy friend who I'm honestly not jealous of because they've been friends for 6 years and would have been "together" by now if she liked him like that. She mentioned him a couple times and I just shrugged it off like I didn't care. This weekend, while I was out with friends, I asked her if she was out with her friends. She said "no I had an eventful night last night and am going to bed early. I replied with "haha nice" and left it at that. The next day, she texted me "It wasn't that nice...." I asked why and she said she was with that same guy friend and he got a dui and was going to lose his job. I sympathized because I got the impression she was extremely shaken up and left it at that. The next day (yesterday) I texted her a pretty hilarious text and she didn't respond for an hour and a half. Up until now she has responded to everything within a minute or 2. I understand she could have been busy, but a couple hours later I thought to myself ...maybe she is SUPER upset about this and doesn't want to talk to anyone.. I wasn't thinking at all, and texted her "you're probably not in the mood to joke around tonight so I'm sorry. I truly hope your friend makes it out of this ok." now I KNOW I messed up badly... as soon as I sent it I knew it sounded desperate. I'm pretty sure I completely ruined everything. I don't need you guys to tell me how badly I ****** up because I know I did. I broke the cardinal rule.. Obviously I'm not going to text her for a few days if I don't hear from her. Some of our conversation over the past 3 weeks has been through instant messaging through work (our work has 1500 employees and 6 different buildings. She is in a different building), so I'm thinking I could pretend like it didn't happen and message her in 3 or 4 days casually. OR, I could text her and say "For the life of me I don't know why I apologized the other day, it's just the whole friend getting a DUI thing hits home to me. I have a good friend who got fired from his job and couldn't drive for 6 months. It kind of ruined him." Any advice is super SUPER appreciated. Thanks so much If you messed up any where it was "haha nice" i don't see where apologizing for joking when she may not be in a joking mood because of what is happening with her friend is so wrong. I wouldn't recommend sending a text apologizing for apologizing though. Try not to overthink things and simply recover by moving forward. 1
OnlyHonesty Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 You've put the girl on a pedestal, that never ends well. You will learn this in due time. 1
Pillow Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Your texts seem fine to me. I don't even think she's paying that much attention to be honest. I know I wouldn't. Just be confident. Don't overthink. Write what you want. I think the only problem here is you're dating someone who you think is out of your league. That's when things go awry. Find some flaws in this girl that'll bring you back to earth. Don't put her on a pedestal. Be more wary. The only time I dissect men's texts is if I'm seriously over the hills about them and I'm not sure how they feel about me. Otherwise you're more of a pleasant diversion from work.
preraph Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Stop apologizing. You haven't done anything. And if you keep letting her confide in you like a girl about her relationship, you WILL just end up nothing but friends. The proper response after saying you're sorry she went through this with the guy is to add "But not really because I hope you dump him and go out with me."
SeanP Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 I feel a bit crazy typing all this up, but this girl is literally the girl of my dreams and she is BEAUTIFUL. I want her around as long as possible. It's a bit of a read but your advice is TRULY appreciated. I met this girl at a bar about 3 weeks ago. She was hanging around with a guy who I assumed was her boyfriend (how can a 25 year old girl this beautiful NOT have a boyfriend?) (also I'm 26) I found out she works at the same company I work at, and I straight up asked "So does your boyfriend work at ____ as well?" She then informed me she did not have a boyfriend, so I got her number and said we should go out sometime. She agreed. After talking to a few people around the office (our company is huge), it turns out she has gone on a lot of first dates with guys from the company and each time has texted them "I'm not looking for much more than friendship" after the date. It seems that is her go-to line when she isn't extremely interested. When I texted her to ask her out, she agreed but said that she was "kind of dating someone a little" (I'm assuming to protect herself in case I turned out to be a creepster) During our date, we found we had a ton of common interests and I feel like we hit it off. At no point were there any feelings of awkwardness. She mentioned the fact her guy friend asked her to go to a concert with her to be held on Thursday (this was Monday) and I brushed it off by saying "that sounds awesome" so as to not appear phased by it or jealous. On the ride home we flirted quite a bit and were really enjoying each other's company.. You know those times where it just "feels right." I dropped her off and she texted me 30 minutes later saying she had a great time. I told her I did too and that we should do it again sometime. She replied with "for sure." Our work has instant messaging so I messaged her on Tuesday to see if she wanted to go out sometime for drinks after work and sit on a patio somewhere. She said it sounded like a great idea and that Friday would probably work for her. I told her to have fun at the concert tomorrow and that I would talk to her Friday morning about where we would go. She replied, "Sounds great!!" Friday morning came and I asked her how she was doing. She replied with "extremely tired." I'm thinking, 'Great, she stayed up late with her guy "friend" and now is going to back out.' When she danced around my question about actually setting a date and time, I just told her I would text her later. Later came and I texted her "what would you say about going to _____ later for something different? If you're too tired we can go out some other time, it's no big deal." I was pretty sure she would say no so I wanted to cover myself and not make a big deal about it. She asked if we could take a rain check for another time. I told her it was no big deal and after a couple texts poking fun at her I told her to "text me whenever you want to cash on that raincheck." She said "absolutely!" I told myself from here I was done until she texted me.. Monday rolled around and I didn't talk to her at all. Tuesday came and she messaged me through our work's instant messaging asking me how my day was going. I took this to mean she wanted me to ask her out again. I did and she said she was free any day that week to go out. Awesome. I decided to pick the next day because it was going to be much nicer out than Thursday or Friday. I picked her up and we went to the bar, sat outside, and had a couple drinks. We talked for like 3 hours and got a decent buzz going. It went just as well if not better than the first date. The conversations flowed so smoothly. It was like we'd known each other for months. When I dropped her off, we hugged it out (didn't want to kiss her yet, I knew she wouldn't want to rush into anything) and I said "well it's been real, maybe we should hang out again sometime." She said "that sounds good, I had a lot of fun again, maybe I'll see you tomorrow night (St. Patricks Day) or Friday. I feel here would be the best time for her to bring up this imaginary guy she mentioned before our first date who she's "kinda sorta dating a little" OR drop the "I have fun with you but I'm not looking for anything real serious" line. I texted her a bit on Thursday and she was incredibly responsive. Then I texted her Friday night while I was out with friends asking if she and her friends were downtown. She said she had an eventful night the previous night and was going to bed early. I replied with "haha nice." The next day she told me "yeah it wasn't so nice." I asked her why and she said her friend (the same guy friend from the bar and the one who took her to the concert) got arrested for dui while she was with him and he was afraid he'd lose his job. I just replied with "Damn I'm sorry to hear that, hopefully he will be able to argue it." Aaaaand this is where I'm at now...Not knowing what the hell to do. Here's this guy who I'm not really jealous of (he's not that attractive and they've been friends for like 6 years) but she's hanging out with him a lot and isn't afraid to make me aware of it. I know she had fun hanging out with me each time. I've been on a ton of dates over the years and I know when things are going well. You can just feel it. This girl obviously has options (any guy would love to be with her) so I don't want to appear too needy, but I also don't want to get trapped in the friend zone. The way I see it I have 2 options. 1) Since the last 2 dates we went on were just sit and talk dates, I should ask her to go hiking and grill at my house afterwards or something. If she agrees, I'd feel pretty confident about things and probably try to find the right time to kiss her. If she baulks at it, at least I tried. 2) sit back and wait until she texts me again. It worked once before..... Any advice is GREATLY appreciated. This girl is dynamite and I want to date her steadily so bad, but I'm afraid one wrong move will scare her off.. Thanks so much for your time. yea hurry on up and kiss her before this becomes a no-go if it hasn't already. I've done stuff like that to women before and it ended up nowhere because I took too long to do anything and now am just looking for opportunities to do something if I can get lucky. don't wound up like me. its not fun.
Author Brink007 Posted March 22, 2016 Author Posted March 22, 2016 (edited) Thanks for all the advice. I'm just going to chalk it up as an experience to learn from and move on. After all labeling her the girl of my dreams is a bit pathetic. I can get other girls. Hell, if she doesn't hear from me again, at least I will have gained some respect from her. I'm going to a concert in a month that I know she is going to as well. Maybe I will run into her there. Maybe not.. Edited March 22, 2016 by Brink007
Versacehottie Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 Thanks for all the advice. I'm just going to chalk it up as an experience to learn from and move on. After all labeling her the girl of my dreams is a bit pathetic. I can get other girls. Hell, if she doesn't hear from me again, at least I will have gained some respect from her. I'm going to a concert in a month that I know she is going to as well. Maybe I will run into her there. Maybe not.. wait, to me it seems like you are still overthinking things and being overly dramatic. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. In fact, as a budding potential relationship, there are more grey areas than other more defined relationships. So relax. Why are you jumping straight to "move on"? Has anything happened that would require that action on your part? No. Even if you made a texting mistake--it was a small one at most. Most decent people you would want to be in a relationship with are going to overlook ANYTHING you have done so far if they are attracted to you. Try to operate in the "grey" area and see what happens. You do realize that all or nothing thinking is amp'ing up your anxiety and causing you to make additional errors in your thinking, right? It's like you are playing the whole thing out in your head rather than what is happening in real life. Relax and good luck
bluefeather Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 I'm just going to chalk it up as an experience to learn from and move on. After all labeling her the girl of my dreams is a bit pathetic. Glad you saw the light. A lot of people here were saying you messed up at "haha nice," but in my opinion, you messed up at the beginning: this girl is literally the girl of my dreams...I met this girl at a bar about 3 weeks ago
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