I double texted a girl AAAHHHHHHH

[Brink007]

I feel a bit crazy typing all this up, but this girl is literally the girl of my dreams and she is BEAUTIFUL. I want her around as long as possible. It's a bit of a read but your advice is TRULY appreciated.

 

 

 

I met this girl at a bar about 3 weeks ago. She was hanging around with a guy who I assumed was her boyfriend (how can a 25 year old girl this beautiful NOT have a boyfriend?) (also I'm 26) I found out she works at the same company I work at, and I straight up asked "So does your boyfriend work at ____ as well?" She then informed me she did not have a boyfriend, so I got her number and said we should go out sometime. She agreed.

 

After talking to a few people around the office (our company is huge), it turns out she has gone on a lot of first dates with guys from the company and each time has texted them "I'm not looking for much more than friendship" after the date. It seems that is her go-to line when she isn't extremely interested.

 

When I texted her to ask her out, she agreed but said that she was "kind of dating someone a little" (I'm assuming to protect herself in case I turned out to be a creepster)

 

During our date, we found we had a ton of common interests and I feel like we hit it off. At no point were there any feelings of awkwardness. She mentioned the fact her guy friend asked her to go to a concert with her to be held on Thursday (this was Monday) and I brushed it off by saying "that sounds awesome" so as to not appear phased by it or jealous. On the ride home we flirted quite a bit and were really enjoying each other's company.. You know those times where it just "feels right." I dropped her off and she texted me 30 minutes later saying she had a great time. I told her I did too and that we should do it again sometime. She replied with "for sure."

 

Our work has instant messaging so I messaged her on Tuesday to see if she wanted to go out sometime for drinks after work and sit on a patio somewhere. She said it sounded like a great idea and that Friday would probably work for her. I told her to have fun at the concert tomorrow and that I would talk to her Friday morning about where we would go. She replied, "Sounds great!!"

 

Friday morning came and I asked her how she was doing. She replied with "extremely tired." I'm thinking, 'Great, she stayed up late with her guy "friend" and now is going to back out.' When she danced around my question about actually setting a date and time, I just told her I would text her later.

 

Later came and I texted her "what would you say about going to _____ later for something different? If you're too tired we can go out some other time, it's no big deal." I was pretty sure she would say no so I wanted to cover myself and not make a big deal about it. She asked if we could take a rain check for another time. I told her it was no big deal and after a couple texts poking fun at her I told her to "text me whenever you want to cash on that raincheck." She said "absolutely!"

 

I told myself from here I was done until she texted me..

 

Monday rolled around and I didn't talk to her at all. Tuesday came and she messaged me through our work's instant messaging asking me how my day was going. I took this to mean she wanted me to ask her out again. I did and she said she was free any day that week to go out. Awesome. I decided to pick the next day because it was going to be much nicer out than Thursday or Friday.

 

I picked her up and we went to the bar, sat outside, and had a couple drinks. We talked for like 3 hours and got a decent buzz going. It went just as well if not better than the first date. The conversations flowed so smoothly. It was like we'd known each other for months. When I dropped her off, we hugged it out (didn't want to kiss her yet, I knew she wouldn't want to rush into anything) and I said "well it's been real, maybe we should hang out again sometime." She said "that sounds good, I had a lot of fun again, maybe I'll see you tomorrow night (St. Patricks Day) or Friday. I feel here would be the best time for her to bring up this imaginary guy she mentioned before our first date who she's "kinda sorta dating a little" OR drop the "I have fun with you but I'm not looking for anything real serious" line.

 

I texted her a bit on Thursday and she was incredibly responsive. Then I texted her Friday night while I was out with friends asking if she and her friends were downtown. She said she had an eventful night the previous night and was going to bed early. I replied with "haha nice." The next day she told me "yeah it wasn't so nice." I asked her why and she said her friend (the same guy friend from the bar and the one who took her to the concert) got arrested for dui while she was with him and he was afraid he'd lose his job. I just replied with "Damn I'm sorry to hear that, hopefully he will be able to argue it."

 

Aaaaand this is where I'm at now...Not knowing what the hell to do. Here's this guy who I'm not really jealous of (he's not that attractive and they've been friends for like 6 years) but she's hanging out with him a lot and isn't afraid to make me aware of it. I know she had fun hanging out with me each time. I've been on a ton of dates over the years and I know when things are going well. You can just feel it.

 

This girl obviously has options (any guy would love to be with her) so I don't want to appear too needy, but I also don't want to get trapped in the friend zone. The way I see it I have 2 options.

 

1) Since the last 2 dates we went on were just sit and talk dates, I should ask her to go hiking and grill at my house afterwards or something. If she agrees, I'd feel pretty confident about things and probably try to find the right time to kiss her. If she baulks at it, at least I tried.

 

2) sit back and wait until she texts me again. It worked once before.....

 

 

Any advice is GREATLY appreciated. This girl is dynamite and I want to date her steadily so bad, but I'm afraid one wrong move will scare her off.. Thanks so much for your time.

Edited March 19, 2016 by Brink007

[Satu]

Don't chase her too hard, or you might hear the words you don't want to hear:

 

"I'm not looking for much more than friendship."

 

I don't think she's one that wants to be pursued...

 

 

"Love sought is good, but given unsought is better."

 

- William Shakespeare, 12th Night, Act III, Scene 1.

[Brink007]

Eh, I hate to say it but you're probably right. Maybe give it until next weekend and then text her if I don't hear from her? I just think if we went on an activity date we'd have a really awesome time together. We both love the outdoors and doing anything physical. It would be a good chance to bond in a different way. Idk I hate to just give up..

[Satu]

Eh, I hate to say it but you're probably right. Maybe give it until next weekend and then text her if I don't hear from her? I just think if we went on an activity date we'd have a really awesome time together. We both love the outdoors and doing anything physical. It would be a good chance to bond in a different way. Idk I hate to just give up..

 

Don't give up.

 

Just slow down a bit.

[Gemma1]

It seems like she really likes you and I'm not sure what your worries are based on. She has a guy friend, that's ok. If she were one of those girls who had a ton of orbiters, I'd be a bit worried, but not over just one guy friend that she's had for six years.

 

I think you've played it pretty cool so far, and done really well. What you need to do at this point is start escalating the physical side of things. You'll either get your answer (that she sees you as a friend) or you'll progress things in the direction you want them to go.

 

I think the idea of a hike or some other activity is a great one. Maybe wait a couple of days to show you aren't overeager and then invite her on some type of activity like that.

[Brink007]

Thanks a lot for the responses. I guess I will give it until the middle of the week and then ask her out again. It's a fine line you have to walk sometimes! Haha

[preraph]

the guy is an "x" factor. Could just be a friend. Could be one of the two is carrying a torch. One thing is for sure: They are not both interested "that way" in each other or they'd be exclusive or married by now. She may have a thing for him or vice versa, though. She may not give up on him.

 

Still, all said, next time you go out, kiss her and kiss her good. This could be the tipping point. Good luck.

[bu2002]

I wouldn't worry about the guy. My guess he's liked her all this time but she's oblivious to it. If she wanted to be with him, they would more than likely already be together.

 

I think you're playing things fine, but definitely have to start getting physical on the next date, otherwise the whole vibe between you two starts to trend back towards being "friends". So hopefully there's some hand holding and a kiss in store. Definitely like doing some sort of activity, where there's not a constant need for talking throughout the day. Any sort of walk and talk or gaming activity would work well. I think you'll realize you'll have more fun on these types of dates, where it can be more relaxing and less format.

[Tahirthegreat]

From my experience, guy "friends" are usually more than that. I would find someone else to talk to and not take this one too seriously if I were you.

[abby_tx]

From my experience, guy "friends" are usually more than that. I would find someone else to talk to and not take this one too seriously if I were you.

 

I disagree. I am a girl with guy friends I have not and would not sleep with. I'd be very sad to hear a guy didn't pursue me because of this.

[Tahirthegreat]

I disagree. I am a girl with guy friends I have not and would not sleep with. I'd be very sad to hear a guy didn't pursue me because of this.

 

Yeah, Im not doubting that there are men and women who can be friends, or saying that women with male friends are always something more than. Just in my personal life, the so called "friends" were always more than that. Not worth the risk to me.

[BlametheIrish]

I disagree. I am a girl with guy friends I have not and would not sleep with. I'd be very sad to hear a guy didn't pursue me because of this.

 

I've got guy friends too. One has been my best friend since 6th grade, two have been friends since fourth grade and two since high school. I've never done anything inappropriate with any of them or gave them the impression that I've wanted anything but friendship. Love the all like brothers. I'm even going to be the best man at my closest male friends wedding. Opposite sex friendships are pretty damn omal in my neck of the woods. I don't see how the get flamed so muck on LS.

[BlametheIrish]

*Pretty damn normal.

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

I've got guy friends too. One has been my best friend since 6th grade, two have been friends since fourth grade and two since high school. I've never done anything inappropriate with any of them or gave them the impression that I've wanted anything but friendship. Love the all like brothers. I'm even going to be the best man at my closest male friends wedding. Opposite sex friendships are pretty damn omal in my neck of the woods. I don't see how the get flamed so muck on LS.

 

Same here. I have a male bff whom I've been close friends with over 10 years now. He's married now, and I'm in a serious long term relationship, but it has never changed the dynamics of our relationship. We've never had inappropriate moments as he is like a brother to me. Our significant others have come to accept the friendship because we've never given them reason not to.

[Empire87]

Thanks a lot for the responses. I guess I will give it until the middle of the week and then ask her out again. It's a fine line you have to walk sometimes! Haha

 

If you are interested in having something progress with this girl then you need to establish an intimate desire into your time with her. While I understand your reasoning for holding off on kissing her, you also could take the other route and steal her away with passion and excitement instead of playing it safe and letting her figure out what she wants and all that nonsense.

 

If you play the nice guy, patient card then she's going to have no urgency or interest in opening herself up to something more with you. Now, if you take her on a date and end with hooking up, or start sending flirty texts with sexual innuendo, then you become the guy that's got a lot more to offer and way more upside. Think about it, the "guy friend" she's with has known her for 6 years, and just got a dui when they were out together. Just from that info I can be led to believe that they've had an on again off again type deal, where he's someone she had strong feelings for years ago but it's just lingered ever since because they hang out with the same circle of people. Plus he's clearly not as put together and mature as you appear to be so use that tour advantage.

 

Be the guy where she doesn't have to worry about handcuffs and breathalyzers. He's not going to have a car for the next 6 months at the very least. So unless she's picking him up, or he drives illegally, then you have a nice window to win her over.

Screw that "I'll take it at your pace, just figure things out with him and let me know if you wanna get together this weekend maybe" route. All that's gonna do is lessen the spark that might be there with you. You're putting her on a pedestal and thinking that you'll be lucky if she decides to hang out with you. Start thinking like you are the one with a lot to offer and don't let her string you along or leave you in limbo.

 

If I were you I'd take her on another date, and make sure you kiss her at the very least. If she's going on dates with you, then she's gonna let you kiss her. If she didn't want to, she wouldn't go out with you. Know that going in.

[Timshel]

the guy is an "x" factor. Could just be a friend. Could be one of the two is carrying a torch. One thing is for sure: They are not both interested "that way" in each other or they'd be exclusive or married by now. She may have a thing for him or vice versa, though. She may not give up on him.

 

Still, all said, next time you go out, kiss her and kiss her good. This could be the tipping point. Good luck.

 

Kiss her! What are you waiting for, kiss the girl

 

If you don't want to get friend zoned like the other dude....make a move.

[d0nnivain]

My 1st piece of advice: stay off your company's IM. Your employer monitor's this & reads every word. Too many personal IMs & you will get fired for misusing your company's resources & not doing your job.

 

 

Watching somebody else get a DUI can be pretty traumatic. Especially since your dates with her involved alcohol & in your own words you got a pretty good buzz on learn from this other guy's misfortune. Do text her again to set up a date but make it one that doesn't involve drinking.

 

 

Go for a kiss soon because you are heading in the direction of the friend-zone.

[Brink007]

Kiss her! What are you waiting for, kiss the girl

 

If you don't want to get friend zoned like the other dude....make a move.

 

I just never had a decent opportunity to move in. She told me she was kind of sort of dating someone before I took her out the first time, so I definitely didn't want to come on too strong then, and the second time we went to the bar right after work and I dropped her off at her car afterwards. I thought it would be a bit much to get out of my truck and try to escalate things really quickly by her car. This is why I want to take her out somewhere where we can walk around and slowly escalate things physically.

 

Also I don't want to text her too soon after her experience with her friend, because since they've known each other for six years and I've known her for three weeks, she might think it will hurt her friend's feelings if she goes out on another date with me so soon after his DUI. Maybe I'll just give it until tomorrow...

[Timshel]

I just never had a decent opportunity to move in. She told me she was kind of sort of dating someone before I took her out the first time, so I definitely didn't want to come on too strong then, and the second time we went to the bar right after work and I dropped her off at her car afterwards. I thought it would be a bit much to get out of my truck and try to escalate things really quickly by her car. This is why I want to take her out somewhere where we can walk around and slowly escalate things physically.

 

Also I don't want to text her too soon after her experience with her friend, because since they've known each other for six years and I've known her for three weeks, she might think it will hurt her friend's feelings if she goes out on another date with me so soon after his DUI. Maybe I'll just give it until tomorrow...

 

Yes slowly......slow is good and sexual tension is a lost art form any more but a sure fire way to get the girl. A walk sounds perfect.

 

DUI is serious and of course she is worried about her friend.

1. Thank God no one was hurt or killed.

2. I hope both of them have learned a lesson and you also by proxy.

3. He messed up, he's ok and the girl dating some one else is a small price to pay and just consequences.

 

Are you this guy's best bud? Up to you...snooze ya lose.

[Versacehottie]

Ok some good advice already on this thread. Here's what I would say. I think you have already played it well so far. I like the level of contact you are giving her and the responses when she has wanted to reschedule, talking about the concert, etc. Keep doing this! Full disclosure: I would handle things much like this girl is handling so can definitely relate to her point of view and that you are doing it right. I would also say something like "i'm kinda dating someone" so as to keep expectations and obligations low, especially with a co-worker.

 

I agree with donnovain about keep the personal convos off the work IM. Just text her instead during the work day, which takes your relationship out of being work-based anyway and opens up the time frame during which you can stay in contact.(evenings, weekends too).

 

About the girl, she's open--otherwise she wouldn't be going out with you. Sounds savvy and attractive enough that she is experienced with all of this so she knows what she is doing--meaning YOU HAVE A CHANCE since she is giving you a chance. I wouldn't worry about the real/possibly faux "guy she is kinda dating". So what? She is giving you a chance so they can't be solid. The door is open. I wouldn't worry about the friend. Keep acting not jealous about him and sympathetic about his DUI (though I wouldn't bring him up or give it too much attention but if she brings him/it up, roll with it). Here's the thing (which I say ALL the time about guys), people usually have more than one iron in the fire. Until they are locked down, you shouldn't place their other relationships on a higher plane than yours. In fact, you probably have a better shot since you are the new blood and she is letting you in. If any of those guys were the right one, she wouldn't be giving you a chance! You just have to CONFIDENTLY play your game to the best of your ability. To worry about other guys is going to hurt your confidence, game and strategy. You just have to see her as a girl who is interested in you that you are interested in. You can't control those other factors and if they were not there you'd be doing your best and not trying to guess how they affect things---so behave like that: do your best! It's all you can do in ANY situation. It gives you the best shot for success. The others are not factors if you take the lead. Boom. Period.

 

As far as the next date to take her on and when: I like the hike and grill idea. Active is good. I wouldn't even try to get clarification on the other guy she is kinda dating. Now she is kinda dating you too. I would be slightly physical, affectionate because that's what dating people do. It's confident and self-assured. Be very careful since she has warned you indirectly that she is skittish: just make sure to read her cues about that; don't push it too much. Otherwise she will feel like she needs to make the official decision about dating you. Match her level of affection. Though it's fine to make the first moves. Let hand linger, etc. You said you have dated a lot so sure you know how to do this. I wouldn't "wait"; I would do the time frame of when to schedule like you would with any other girl you are dating. That said, it also doesn't hurt to wait until she texts you and then ask. I think if you really want to ask though, you should. If she can't do it this week, don't be discouraged, just take with a grain of salt like you have been doing and slow your pace with her. Good luck

[kendahke]

Just be prepared for her to tell you "I'm not looking for anything besides friendship". You already know that that is her go-to line, so don't be surprised when it gets used on you.

 

She may not be the kind who seriously dates guys she works with, which is very good policy.

[Brink007]

Ok some good advice already on this thread. Here's what I would say. I think you have already played it well so far. I like the level of contact you are giving her and the responses when she has wanted to reschedule, talking about the concert, etc. Keep doing this! Full disclosure: I would handle things much like this girl is handling so can definitely relate to her point of view and that you are doing it right. I would also say something like "i'm kinda dating someone" so as to keep expectations and obligations low, especially with a co-worker.

 

I agree with donnovain about keep the personal convos off the work IM. Just text her instead during the work day, which takes your relationship out of being work-based anyway and opens up the time frame during which you can stay in contact.(evenings, weekends too).

 

About the girl, she's open--otherwise she wouldn't be going out with you. Sounds savvy and attractive enough that she is experienced with all of this so she knows what she is doing--meaning YOU HAVE A CHANCE since she is giving you a chance. I wouldn't worry about the real/possibly faux "guy she is kinda dating". So what? She is giving you a chance so they can't be solid. The door is open. I wouldn't worry about the friend. Keep acting not jealous about him and sympathetic about his DUI (though I wouldn't bring him up or give it too much attention but if she brings him/it up, roll with it). Here's the thing (which I say ALL the time about guys), people usually have more than one iron in the fire. Until they are locked down, you shouldn't place their other relationships on a higher plane than yours. In fact, you probably have a better shot since you are the new blood and she is letting you in. If any of those guys were the right one, she wouldn't be giving you a chance! You just have to CONFIDENTLY play your game to the best of your ability. To worry about other guys is going to hurt your confidence, game and strategy. You just have to see her as a girl who is interested in you that you are interested in. You can't control those other factors and if they were not there you'd be doing your best and not trying to guess how they affect things---so behave like that: do your best! It's all you can do in ANY situation. It gives you the best shot for success. The others are not factors if you take the lead. Boom. Period.

 

As far as the next date to take her on and when: I like the hike and grill idea. Active is good. I wouldn't even try to get clarification on the other guy she is kinda dating. Now she is kinda dating you too. I would be slightly physical, affectionate because that's what dating people do. It's confident and self-assured. Be very careful since she has warned you indirectly that she is skittish: just make sure to read her cues about that; don't push it too much. Otherwise she will feel like she needs to make the official decision about dating you. Match her level of affection. Though it's fine to make the first moves. Let hand linger, etc. You said you have dated a lot so sure you know how to do this. I wouldn't "wait"; I would do the time frame of when to schedule like you would with any other girl you are dating. That said, it also doesn't hurt to wait until she texts you and then ask. I think if you really want to ask though, you should. If she can't do it this week, don't be discouraged, just take with a grain of salt like you have been doing and slow your pace with her. Good luck

 

Wow. Thank you so much for your insight!! It's great to hear it from another girl's perspective. While we were at the bar I did sort of escalate things (she said it was cold and as we were walking to my truck, I told her "body heat makes it better" and put my arm around her while we were walking.) She squeezed back pretty hard. I know this seems juvenile but I want to take small steps.

 

I'm thinking I will probably wait until tomorrow night and text her something like "So it was definitely fun hanging out with you the past couple times, but what do you say we go to the trail next time it's nice out so we can see if your hiking skills are up to par with mine ;)"

Edited March 20, 2016 by Brink007

[Brink007]

I'm going to start off by saying I messed up about as bad as you can mess up. I know it's a bit of a read but I would SINCERELY appreciate any advice.

 

I have been on 2 dates with a very attractive girl (she's 25 and I'm 26) and things have been going great over the past 3 weeks. I met her at a bar and found out she works at the same company I do (our company is huge) The position I'm in at the company is one she is hoping to be in 2 years from now, so she looks up to me. I'm usually terrible at texting, but this time I've been acting like I don't give a damn (in a smart way) and was able to get her to text me first a couple times. The dates went GREAT by the way. They just felt right and I would say I held the power for the most part.

 

She has a guy friend who I'm honestly not jealous of because they've been friends for 6 years and would have been "together" by now if she liked him like that. She mentioned him a couple times and I just shrugged it off like I didn't care.

 

This weekend, while I was out with friends, I asked her if she was out with her friends. She said "no I had an eventful night last night and am going to bed early. I replied with "haha nice" and left it at that.

 

The next day, she texted me "It wasn't that nice...." I asked why and she said she was with that same guy friend and he got a dui and was going to lose his job. I sympathized because I got the impression she was extremely shaken up and left it at that.

 

The next day (yesterday) I texted her a pretty hilarious text and she didn't respond for an hour and a half. Up until now she has responded to everything within a minute or 2. I understand she could have been busy, but a couple hours later I thought to myself ...maybe she is SUPER upset about this and doesn't want to talk to anyone..

 

I wasn't thinking at all, and texted her "you're probably not in the mood to joke around tonight so I'm sorry. I truly hope your friend makes it out of this ok."

 

now I KNOW I messed up badly... as soon as I sent it I knew it sounded desperate. I'm pretty sure I completely ruined everything. I don't need you guys to tell me how badly I ****** up because I know I did. I broke the cardinal rule..

 

Obviously I'm not going to text her for a few days if I don't hear from her. Some of our conversation over the past 3 weeks has been through instant messaging through work (our work has 1500 employees and 6 different buildings. She is in a different building), so I'm thinking I could pretend like it didn't happen and message her in 3 or 4 days casually.

 

OR, I could text her and say "For the life of me I don't know why I apologized the other day, it's just the whole friend getting a DUI thing hits home to me. I have a good friend who got fired from his job and couldn't drive for 6 months. It kind of ruined him."

 

Any advice is super SUPER appreciated. Thanks so much

Edited March 21, 2016 by Brink007

[okc85]

Why do people follow these crazy rules. You did nothing wrong. If she blows you off for that text, do you really want to date someone like that ,anyway.

[Lorenza]

I don't understand what's so terrible about what you wrote and the fact that you sent two messages in a row (omg what a mess...not). Where did "acting like you don't give a damn" go?