Gretzky99 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Is it normal to have thoughts pop up again with your most recent ex when you are going out with a new girlfriend? My ex broke up with me around 8 months ago. We haven't spoken since. For the last 3 months or so, I've rarely even thought of her, but since I started seeing my new girlfriend which has been no more than a month and a half, now, I found myself thinking about m ex again. Comparing and contrasting; Having some dejavu thoughts. Doing pros and cons of how my new girl is better in xxxxx categories, but I miss the xxxx personality/ways of my ex.
Thistooshallpass21 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 One, love the name. Huge hockey fan. Two who broke up with who?
Author Gretzky99 Posted March 21, 2016 Author Posted March 21, 2016 One, love the name. Huge hockey fan. Two who broke up with who? Thank you. Me too, of course!! She broke up with me.
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Thank you. Me too, of course!! She broke up with me. You're really not ready to date yet. How long was your previous relationship?
Woon Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Ofcourse its normal! Did the same the first 2months. But after that, i just kind of stopped subconciously. Guess the brain kinda realised theres no point to it.
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 You're really not ready to date yet. How long was your previous relationship? I read your previous thread. I see she was with you for a year, and it's been 8 months. IT's ok, I guess, to think about her. But 'comparison' is a definite no-no. Because nobody will ever match up or equate with her. But, get this: Nobody will ever match up and equate with your current GF, either. Every person is unique. They have their own qualities, temperaments, characteristics, virtues, vices, perfections and flaws. It's unfair to compare, because your GF is not your ex. And she never will be. Why should she be? You're not looking for a clone - are you? In which case, focus on your GF now, and don't bring your ex into the picture as a mirror. 2
mightycpa Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 I used to compare girlfriends all the time. Over time, I had a really good notion of what I wanted in a girlfriend and what I didn't. That's how I figured out what truly made me happy and what didn't. That's how I improved the quality of the women I would see, and how I worked my way through them to find better and better matches until I found one that I could settle down with. As a result, the last three women I dated were outstanding matches for me, and compared to where I started out, there was a world of difference. I think it's perfectly natural to do that at least a little, but now the question is, what do you do about it? I'm going to give you my answer. On the one hand, you recognize that your new girlfriend is a better match in some ways... you like certain things about her where your ex didn't measure up. So that's a good thing. On the other hand, there are aspects to her personality that don't seem to mesh as well with you, and that should tell you something. Eight months is a long time for casual dating, and so I have to believe that things are getting serious. I think, based on what you said, it might be time to let this new one go, and find yourself somebody whose personality gives you thrills. Dating is a process of discovery, and what you've discovered is that you don't like this one as much as you might think you do. I say throw her back in the sea, and use your two recent experiences to better inform your choices in the future.
Author Gretzky99 Posted March 21, 2016 Author Posted March 21, 2016 I read your previous thread. I see she was with you for a year, and it's been 8 months. IT's ok, I guess, to think about her. But 'comparison' is a definite no-no. Because nobody will ever match up or equate with her. But, get this: Nobody will ever match up and equate with your current GF, either. Every person is unique. They have their own qualities, temperaments, characteristics, virtues, vices, perfections and flaws. It's unfair to compare, because your GF is not your ex. And she never will be. Why should she be? You're not looking for a clone - are you? In which case, focus on your GF now, and don't bring your ex into the picture as a mirror. Hi TaraMaiden2. Thanks for the advice. Yeah, you're right, it's not right to compare, I totally agree, but I can't help doing so, and in doing so, is the reason why I'm having the thoughts/memories of my ex pop up again after not thinking about her the past few months. I will say though, that with the passing of every week that I see her, it's become less and less, but their still present. I just don't know whether or not if this is a bad sign or something that will gradually fade away the more time I spend with my current GF.
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