Tashanna Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 He says he does, but I don't think he does. I'm 24, 5'2 and 130lb. I need to lose some weight, I'm going to work on it. I was 120 before I had a baby. The types of women that he says are sexy, hot, etc. do not look like me at all. Not facial features or body type. He thinks a thigh gap is very sexy, sexiest thing possible on a woman. I don't have that, at all. Never have, never will. His ex's have looked nothing like me. He always went for very similar girls, then me. A type doesn't change, right? He said that I should lose weight (in as nice of a way possible). He doesn't tell me that I'm sexy or hot, just pretty. Pretty to me means face. Same goes for personality. He always went for a certain personality/interest type. I'm the opposite. He has hardly no sex drive with me, even if I throw myself at him he says no often. When we do have sex it's once and done. But apparently that's only been with me. I've met one girl he's slept with (a frequent lay). She said things along the lines of how good he was, sex all the time, multiple times a day. I've asked him how sex was in his previous relationships and it was miles better than our sex life. It makes me just want to stop eating totally until I lose a bunch of weight. Now I'm embarrassed about my body and hate going out, I feel like everyone thinks I'm fat.
smackie9 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 No what it should be doing is making you want to kick him to the curb. You are not the problem, he is.......get rid of him and you will get rid of the problem,,,,and the way he has been talking to you, he wants you to. 12
hippychick3 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 You are not fat and deserve better treatment than this! He should absolutely not be telling you to lose weight and on top of that, turn you down for sex. You need to find a man who appreciates you, is crazy attracted to you, and loves you the way you are. There are PLENTY of men out there who would want to have sex with you everyday. 7
deckard11 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Dump him. I'm sure there are plenty of men out there who would find you sexy. 5
preraph Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Thigh gaps are airbrushed! Everyone has a little pouch on the upper thigh. He's a jerk. Plenty of guys would find you sexy. Guys love petite women and you're not fat, and so what if you are, some guys would still find your curves delightful. Don't stay with someone who is trying to make you feel bad.
whichwayisup Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 This guy is making you feel bad about yourself and that's not good. You are beautiful and sexy because you're a woman!! He isn't appreciating you, wants you to lose weight and whether he's said or not, you feel not up to his standards on sexy and attractiveness. You compare yourself to his ex's and that's not good either. Ask yourself why stay with someone who doesn't embrace and accept you as you are? 1
amaysngrace Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Your boyfriend is mean. Being in a relationship is suppose to be a good thing but it doesn't sound like that's the case with yours. You're better off alone more than being with somebody who makes you feel bad about yourself. That's not love. 1
Smoothman Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Thigh gaps are airbrushed! Everyone has a little pouch on the upper thigh. He's a jerk. Plenty of guys would find you sexy. Guys love petite women and you're not fat, and so what if you are, some guys would still find your curves delightful. Don't stay with someone who is trying to make you feel bad. Umm, thigh gaps are real, I can assure you... Just cos you don't have one, doesn't mean they don't exist... Ask an Asian lady to show you... 2
TXGuy Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Your boyfriend is mean. Being in a relationship is suppose to be a good thing but it doesn't sound like that's the case with yours. You're better off alone more than being with somebody who makes you feel bad about yourself. That's not love. "He tells me I'm sexy, but I don't believe him." The boyfriend is not being mean. The problem is with the OP and her self esteem. She is the one that sought out one of his ex's and asked her about their sex life. Very creepy and destructive. 1
amaysngrace Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 "He tells me I'm sexy, but I don't believe him." The boyfriend is not being mean. The problem is with the OP and her self esteem. She is the one that sought out one of his ex's and asked her about their sex life. Very creepy and destructive. He told her that the sexiest thing possible is something she does not have and told her to lose weight. Sorry but I think that's mean. 6
Author Tashanna Posted March 21, 2016 Author Posted March 21, 2016 "He tells me I'm sexy, but I don't believe him." The boyfriend is not being mean. The problem is with the OP and her self esteem. She is the one that sought out one of his ex's and asked her about their sex life. Very creepy and destructive. I didn't go looking for an ex. He f*cked his best friend for 3 years as a FWB. She's still around and she brought up a very uncomfortable conversation at a party.
Author Tashanna Posted March 21, 2016 Author Posted March 21, 2016 We have a baby together though. I can't just walk out anymore.
amaysngrace Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 We have a baby together though. I can't just walk out anymore. If he's critical of your post-baby body that's even worse. You can too walk out. I left my mean man and took both of our kids with me. It's very possible. You just have to believe in yourself a little. 5
TXGuy Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 (edited) He told her that the sexiest thing possible is something she does not have and told her to lose weight. Sorry but I think that's mean. If he blurts that out sure. But if that was a response to stage 9 interrogation the OP started (which appears to me to be the case from your posting), then he is simply being honest. Also note that she gave some indication she is being hyperbolic. Note where she said something to the effect of "in as nice a way as possible, of course" in regards to the weight. Edited March 21, 2016 by TXGuy
amaysngrace Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 If he blurts that out sure. But if that was a response to stage 9 interrogation the OP started (which appears to me to be the case from your posting), then he is simply being honest. Also note that she gave some indication she is being hyperbolic. Note where she said something to the effect of "in as nice a way as possible, of course" in regards to the weight. I didn't know you were living in their house and have firsthand knowledge of how they interact with each other to know this is completely her problem. My bad.
TXGuy Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 I didn't know you were living in their house and have firsthand knowledge of how they interact with each other to know this is completely her problem. My bad. Sure I do. I probably got it the same place you did, the worldwide baby monitor surveillance website, http://www.USbabymonitor.nsa.guv.
Almond_Joy Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 "He tells me I'm sexy, but I don't believe him." The boyfriend is not being mean. The problem is with the OP and her self esteem. She is the one that sought out one of his ex's and asked her about their sex life. Very creepy and destructive. If her bf showed sexual interest in her, her esteem issues wouldn't be this severe. Attractiveness requires validation, reinforcement. She should be getting that from him. That's part of maintaining a fulfilling relationship. It is cruel of him to claim commitment and then show in his actions that he does not want to be with her. It's ridiculous that some guys think this is OK. OP, please don't let your bf's preference convince you that you are not attractive. You are being so unfair to yourself by staying with a man who does not appreciate you physically. And if you go to drastic measures to lose weight, you will likely lose what little respect he does have for you, if he respects you at all anymore. Things wil just get worse. Your bf can remain in your child's life without you two being together. Start looking into support resources for young mothers if you are not financially independent. Get your resources together and leave him. He can't change his physical preference and you can't change your body to what he wants without damaging yourself. It's not worth it and neither is he. 5
TXGuy Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 If her bf showed sexual interest in her, her esteem issues wouldn't be this severe. Attractiveness requires validation, reinforcement. She should be getting that from him. That's part of maintaining a fulfilling relationship. It is cruel of him to claim commitment and then show in his actions that he does not want to be with her. It's ridiculous that some guys think this is OK. They are new parents. It is common for new parents to have diminished sexual interest with each other. The fact that he had 'wilder' sex with previous partners is not necessarily a good reason to break up with someone. In fact, the more typical instance of this type of thing is the wife having wild sex with jocks/thugs, but giving vanilla sex to husband. That is suboptimal, but would LS posters suggest the wife do all her previous dirty acts with her husband, or alternatively tell the husband to leave her? I think most suggestions would be for the guy to get over it and concentrate on his children. I go back to her statement that he does tell her she is sexy, she just doesn't believe it. Or doesn't believe he finds her 'sexy enough.' I don't know if there is enough information to be sure either way, but this doesn't look like a clear cut case of BF being a jerk. 2
Lorenza Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 He says he does, but I don't think he does. I'm 24, 5'2 and 130lb. I need to lose some weight, I'm going to work on it. I was 120 before I had a baby. The types of women that he says are sexy, hot, etc. do not look like me at all. Not facial features or body type. He thinks a thigh gap is very sexy, sexiest thing possible on a woman. I don't have that, at all. Never have, never will. His ex's have looked nothing like me. He always went for very similar girls, then me. A type doesn't change, right? He said that I should lose weight (in as nice of a way possible). He doesn't tell me that I'm sexy or hot, just pretty. Pretty to me means face. Same goes for personality. He always went for a certain personality/interest type. I'm the opposite. He has hardly no sex drive with me, even if I throw myself at him he says no often. When we do have sex it's once and done. But apparently that's only been with me. I've met one girl he's slept with (a frequent lay). She said things along the lines of how good he was, sex all the time, multiple times a day. I've asked him how sex was in his previous relationships and it was miles better than our sex life. It makes me just want to stop eating totally until I lose a bunch of weight. Now I'm embarrassed about my body and hate going out, I feel like everyone thinks I'm fat. First of all let me start by telling you, that starving is the worst way ever to lose weight. You won't be getting enough nutrients, enough glucose to feel energetic and what you'll drop in the first place is water from your body. You need your carbs, you need enough calories every day to function well and be a healthy energetic mommy to your baby. You do want your baby to have healthy mom I hope? NEVER stop eating and getting enough carbs. The best way to get in shape is to cut on processed food, saturated fats and getting some exercize. Second of all, the reason for you to get in shape should come from yourself and not for some loser who has no say on how your body should look. You try to seduce him and he says no to sex? Sounds like he has issues and going for certain body types makes him feel better about his own insecurities. A guy who'll love you for who you are will be thrilled his woman throws herself at him. Dump him. 2
Woon Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 No what it should be doing is making you want to kick him to the curb. You are not the problem, he is.......get rid of him and you will get rid of the problem,,,,and the way he has been talking to you, he wants you to. AMEN. Guy sounds like an immature d!ck. 1
sandylee1 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Why did he get with you if you're not his type? He must find you attractive in his own way... there must be things about you that he loves surely. Perhaps he was also able to perform more often and he's getting a bit older now.... it might have nothing to do with you. Asides from this issue...is he a good boyfriend? Does he treat you well? Is he a good involved dad? What reason does he give for turning down sex with you? Finally ...... if a thigh gap was that important to him.. he wouldn't be with you . He can obviously see that there's more to a girl than a thigh gap... especially when it's a very very small percentage of women that have a thigh gap. You have something that's more important than that. 1
LostOnes05 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 You gained 10 pounds after having a baby?? Shame on you (sarcasm)!! I'd say you had anywhere from 170-200 lbs. to lose...aka getting rid of him. But if that's not an option, get in the gym/lifestyle change for yourself because he could be gone any day. I hate to break it to you, but you're not fat...not even according to a BMI (body mass index) calculator. Now, could you still be unhealthy and within normal weight ranges...absolutely. But umm, what are you up to Saturday night : ) ?! 5'2" 130 pounds sounds Campbell soup good to me. Now if you get to 135, I think we should see other people. Obviously kidding (or am I?). Hopefully you got a little laugh but your weight is not the issue at all...it's that you are comparing yourself to his past and it's hurting your self esteem along with his sexual rejection.
elaine567 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 "He tells me I'm sexy, but I don't believe him." The boyfriend is not being mean. The problem is with the OP and her self esteem. She is the one that sought out one of his ex's and asked her about their sex life. Very creepy and destructive. Her self esteem would not be in her boots, if he was actually having fulfilling sex with her and he stopped refusing her offers. Maybe your self esteem would be in your boots too if your woman said that longer, thicker penises than yours were "very sexy, sexiest thing possible on a man" and when you wanted to have sex she always turned you down and even when she did agree she went starfish on you for 5 mins tops, then rolled over... 2
Ferret Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Umm, thigh gaps are real, I can assure you... Just cos you don't have one, doesn't mean they don't exist... Ask an Asian lady to show you... Might be real for a cittin type of ethnicity Asian women also have a cirtin color skin and often dark hair as well so unless the OP is Asian or has some Asian in her genetic background? its a moot point. There is a very different body style between say a person with a Asian family tree and a Irish or German one so sorry but that comment isn't really helpful for the OP as it is shes not really over weight its not like shes "let herself go" like some women do...shes just got a asshat BF from the sounds of it who is not man enough to ether treat her right or leave.. 1
despgirl Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Umm, thigh gaps are real, I can assure you... Just cos you don't have one, doesn't mean they don't exist... Ask an Asian lady to show you... I am Asian and I don't have a thigh gap... What a stereotype *facepalm* 2
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