Machomer1987 Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 I have messed up and now feel (deservedly) terrible I will start from the beginning...so about 6-8 months ago myself and a female friend of mine began an arrangement to be "friends with benefits" at the time it suited both of us as we had both come out of long term relationships, she also has a young Child and things were tough with the father. At the time it made sense as we were best friends anyway. So we would meet up at least once a week I would usually stay over and we would chill out. We never did anything coupleish like go out for dinner etc but it suited at the time, it was never mentioned to go out etc. I also had a great relationship with the child which was fantastic as she is a wee gem! The whole time I suppose I did hammer the message home quite hard that it was what it was and for her not to get attached etc. I didn't plan on developing feelings but...I have done I started feeling like this a few weeks ago but I have been hurt in the past quite bad so subconsciously I don't think I wanted to admit it to myself. She then mentioned she had a date lined up with this guy that she already knew. So as the date grew closer I was kind off struggling with admitting to myself just what was happening, now I know this will would outrageously stupid but I didn't say anything until she had got back from the date. Then I confessed as to how horrible I had felt the whole weekend thinking of her out with him. We have had a chat since and basically she said how shocked she is as I made such a big thing of no feelings between us etc but she now has feelings for this guy so she's chooses him over me, which I understand god only knows why I didn't say anything before that date but there isn't anything I can do to change that. I was banking on our connection being enough for her to take a chance on me but things haven't gone my way. We used to talk all day every single day and even this last week throughout all this we still have been talking to each other, loads of emotion has been thrown around although I haven't seen her in person, I did ask but she said it would be too hard and not fair to this other guy. Her mums advice was to try things with this guy and if I'm serious I will be there should it not work out think the impression I got is all her friends think I'm just jealous. I think the world of this guy feel like such an idiot to have waited so long before saying anything but I just don't know what to do now. Do I give up? I don't really want to wait but maybe things won't work out? Would that be settling for second best?? Any advice is really appreciated thank you!
OneLov Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Move on. By your answer, she seems sold on starting a relationship with this guy. If you communicate to her you're waiting, she will likely lose respect for you. You should pursue other people. If it's meant to be; it will happen. 1
Popsicle Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 I don't know, man, what did you expect? Too little, too late. 1
Author Machomer1987 Posted March 21, 2016 Author Posted March 21, 2016 Thanks for replying. Yea I know iv been very silly! He lives 300 miles away and has a couple kids himself so there is plenty baggage, she just can't get last having a feeling about this guy. Real kick in the teeth but what can u do love and learn, I asked her to block me on one platform and iv done the rest so no open form of communication between us. Shane we lost the friendship aswel but it's hot to be this way. Thanks again
preraph Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 And this, ladies, is why when you're in a noncommitted hookup relationship, you never stop going on real dates with other people. You didn't want her but you don't want anyone else to have her. 1
Author Machomer1987 Posted March 21, 2016 Author Posted March 21, 2016 Nope that's not quite right either. I was fine with things for long enough, the feelings developed over time. So not quite as clear cut as u have suggested!
Popsicle Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Nope that's not quite right either. I was fine with things for long enough, the feelings developed over time. So not quite as clear cut as u have suggested! Maybe you were fine with things how they were and could have gone on forever like that. That is what I suspect are your true feelings and you are denying these feelings, because you've lost her and its left a void. You didn't want more with her and would have been fine so long as she never left. No one likes feeling a loss. Maybe you just need to find someone else, another woman, who will be fine with things staying like that indefinitely too. A special woman would.
big dog Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 should be a good lesson not only to you but others who see this post. People need to be really careful about having those "friends with benefits" relationships. Lots of things can happen...and not always good things.
Try Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 Then I confessed as to how horrible I had felt the whole weekend thinking of her out with him. We have had a chat since and basically she said how shocked she is as I made such a big thing of no feelings between us etc but she now has feelings for this guy so she's chooses him over me If after knowing you all this time, she "chooses him" over you, she was not going to choose you in the long run. Also, after only one date, it is ridiculous for her to talk about it being unfair to the other man if she did not continue to date him, she either wants to continue dating him or she does not. Fairness has nothing to do with it. Stop beating yourself over the head about waiting until after the date to tell her how you felt, as that was not the main reason that she did not pick you. Move on and do not look back. She will either tell you that she made a mistake and wants to pick you, or she will not. She already knows you well enough to know. 1
elaine567 Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 think the world of this guy feel like such an idiot to have waited so long before saying anything but I just don't know what to do now. We do not have sayings like "Strike when the iron is hot" and "He who hesitates is lost", for no reason, do we? The other guy on the scene, focussed your feelings for her, but had he not been there, I guess you would still be just moseying along. Move on for both you and her sakes.
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