Zahara Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 (edited) Also do you think being on this site ever sinks you deeper into the pain by understanding everything better? Or is that good and necessary? To heal and grow? It's hard to hear the truth. You have to decide what's best for yourself. Pretending and being in indefinite pain or accepting reality, healing and moving on to a healthier emotional and mental mindset? You can come on LS and gripe about your situation and deny the truth. That's your choice to stay stagnant. Or you can come to LS, hear the truth, feel the pain and find support to help you move on. The only way to heal and grow is cold turkey NC, especially with someone manipulative like him. It's like I don't want to face it. Then there is no point advising you. You're not ready to let go. Reading how someone said guys under 30 can't really commit even if it appears so, because eventually they'll notice other pretty girls. I don't know why but that kills me, that it would be worth breaking up with me because there are other pretty girls. But now he says he wants me!? I'm not going to generalize guys under 30 because I know guys who are married that are under 30. He says he wants you because he needs to regain control and possession. You are mistaking his attention for love. It isn't love. I think you can't let go because your ego is bruised. You can't take that he wants prettier girls and his attention is making you feel validated. You feel pretty, worthy, etc. Unfortunately, for all the wrong reasons. It's like why bother having hope to date another guy within my age range, if eventually I won't be enough. Not every guy is your (ex) boyfriend. That sort of thinking is self-defeatist. Edited March 22, 2016 by Zahara 1
Author Beautifultoknow Posted March 22, 2016 Author Posted March 22, 2016 OK I'm done with him Haven't contacted him all day. Throughout the whole relationship people said I deserve better and were surprised I'm with him He doesn't want "prettier" girls, he wants other girls. Like I said he talks to girls way less attractive than me. Done pretending I'm not that great. I deserve something amazing. 1
Zahara Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 OK I'm done with him Haven't contacted him all day. Throughout the whole relationship people said I deserve better and were surprised I'm with him He doesn't want "prettier" girls, he wants other girls. Like I said he talks to girls way less attractive than me. Done pretending I'm not that great. I deserve something amazing. It would be in your best interest to block him. It will help you move on without him distracting you with contact and derailing you from actually grieving and healing.
Author Beautifultoknow Posted March 23, 2016 Author Posted March 23, 2016 I'm crying now, and I feel suicidal. I feel like it was all my fault he didn't treat me right because I didn't enforce it. I didn't teach him how he should treat me. I put up with too much and did too much. I'm not capable of having a relationship I guess. Or worthy. I feel like complete crap. I really want to die. Everything is my fault and it's all too late now. Now I'm stuck here, somewhere I don't want to be, that even being with a jerk like him sounds better. I guess I don't deserve anything good. Even people on here who are supposed to be on my side just make me feel like so unworthy. I called asking him if he broke up with me originally because he wanted someone prettier and he obviously denied blah blah, I ended up saying I don't ever want to see or talk to him again and he argued it a little bit but his friend Matt again was coming over and he hurried up and said fine and hung up. (Trust me it really is Matt as he was over basically everyday when i lived there and he like looks up to Matt, so it's not some girl, but it might as well be) I don't want to be alone again. It's so hard living life alone, I feel like I have no one anymore. I have even less than I came into the relationship with. I feel like it was all a waste of time and I can't make sense of any of it in a positive light. I don't see a single light in all of this! And that might be what hurts the most. That it all truly meant nothing. That I just made a fool of myself and that's it...nothing else came out of it
Author Beautifultoknow Posted March 23, 2016 Author Posted March 23, 2016 Now this guy who is trying to be with me and kind of stalked me at college today, sent a message saying "you looked so beautiful, I couldn't even get my eyes away from you" While that's probably some new bs, I really wish it was my ex's. God I want to stop wanting him. I wish he thought I was so beautiful still.
Zahara Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 I'm crying now, and I feel suicidal. I feel like it was all my fault he didn't treat me right because I didn't enforce it. I didn't teach him how he should treat me. I put up with too much and did too much. I'm not capable of having a relationship I guess. Or worthy. There's a saying -- the best relationship you can have is with yourself. I think you need to work on yourself because there is a reason why you put up with poor treatment. You're capable of having a relationship, just not one that demoralizes you and not now when you're not emotionally strong. It's not in your best interest to undervalue yourself just because some guy treated you badly. If you don't see your own value, how can you expect anyone else to see your worth? I feel like complete crap. I really want to die. Everything is my fault and it's all too late now. It's your pain speaking. You don't want to die over some douchebag. A few months from now you'll look back and wonder why you thought the coming decades of your life were worth eliminating over some dysfunctional guy. Now I'm stuck here, somewhere I don't want to be, that even being with a jerk like him sounds better. I guess I don't deserve anything good. Even people on here who are supposed to be on my side just make me feel like so unworthy. OP, you have a poor sense of self. The whole I'm this and I'm that is victim talk. Poor me. Who on here made you feel unworthy? Rather than people trying to help you to see the reality of your ways. I called asking him if he broke up with me originally because he wanted someone prettier and he obviously denied blah blah, I ended up saying I don't ever want to see or talk to him again and he argued it a little bit but his friend Matt again was coming over and he hurried up and said fine and hung up. (Trust me it really is Matt as he was over basically everyday when i lived there and he like looks up to Matt, so it's not some girl, but it might as well be) That's how important you were. Matt was more of a priority. I hope your eyes are open. Stop chasing this man and asking him why he didn't choose you. I don't want to be alone again. It's so hard living life alone, I feel like I have no one anymore. I used to be like you. I couldn't deal with it. It was so uncomfortable. Guess what? I did the work and I'm happy to say I've been on my own for a long time now and I love my independence, my freedom and my aloneness. You're co-dependent. You need someone, anyone to cling to because you're afraid of being alone. You need to fix that otherwise you'll always be clinging to bad relationships and situations because that would be better than you feeling comfortable in your own skin. I have even less than I came into the relationship with. Really? I would think you have more. You gaining your self-respect and keeping a man that mistreats you away from your life. You using this as a lesson in that you need to work on loving yourself more because you don't -- all you keep doing is devaluing and putting yourself down. Just because some man didn't choose you, you've used that to define who you are and all is gone. It's self-destructive and unhealthy. 1
Zahara Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 (edited) Now this guy who is trying to be with me and kind of stalked me at college today, sent a message saying "you looked so beautiful, I couldn't even get my eyes away from you" While that's probably some new bs, I really wish it was my ex's. God I want to stop wanting him. I wish he thought I was so beautiful still. Yes, all BS. Stay away from men and work through the issues that you have now. You don't believe you're beautiful? Not everyone is going to love you or like you. Relationships end. People move on to others. We're all gone through it. It's life and this won't be the last time you get rejected whether in a relationship, work opportunity, a friendship, etc. You need to stop allowing that rejection to define who you believe you are -- so what if he doesn't think you are beautiful enough to be with? With that sort of shallowness you're actually better off without someone who values you based on the external. It's juvenile and shallow. Edited March 23, 2016 by Zahara 1
Author Beautifultoknow Posted March 24, 2016 Author Posted March 24, 2016 Great stuff Zahara, Thank you for taking the time to help me. And I do believe I can be beautiful, I just have an all time low confidence right now. 1
Zahara Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 Great stuff Zahara, Thank you for taking the time to help me. And I do believe I can be beautiful, I just have an all time low confidence right now. Of course. Keep posting when you feel down and weak. But also reach out to your family and friends for support. You are beautiful. You're just in a bad spot right now. Take the time to heal. Pamper yourself. Do things you've always wanted to do. Make a list of goals you want to accomplish. Think about what you're passionate about and do it. Start exercising, running, walking -- it's a great mood changer. Think about volunteering. Go travel! Read self-help books. Find your independence. A relationship should NOT be what completes you. It should a be bonus in an already contented and happy life. Don't make him your everything. Because when he leaves, you're left with nothing. You can do it. It's going to be painful for awhile but it won't always be this way.
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