deckard11 Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 I received a text message today from an ex friend of mine. It was picture of my favorite item from a Chinese restaurant we use to go to all the time. The text said had this today and thought of you, hope you are doing well. I responded with I don't know why you are even thinking of me. You are the one who turned your back on me for no reason. Enjoy your mean, goodbye. I have no regrets about my reply whatsoever. This woman and I were close friends for almost 8 years and one day she just ups and stops talking to me for no reason at all. So now, 15 months later she texts? I don't think so. I was nothing but good to this woman and her kids too. You don't up and stop talking to em without a reason. I'm sure you all are going to think I'm in the wrong here. But I don't care because my actions were justified. You just up and stop talking to a close friend for no reason. 2
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 If it doesn't bother you, could I ask why you posted? I mean you sound like "Who cares?" while you obviously do.....? The reason you're sharing, is......? 1
preraph Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Well, of course it bothers you because it opened up an old wound. Exactly why people shouldn't "reach out" once a thing is over. 1
Author deckard11 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 No, it doesn't bother me at all. I felt like sharing to show others who are maybe in the same situation that it's ok to not be forgiving. 2
whichwayisup Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 No, it doesn't bother me at all. I felt like sharing to show others who are maybe in the same situation that it's ok to not be forgiving. Not forgiving keeps anger in your heart. You seem very angry about it all still. Instead of wishing her well and letting it go, you are hanging onto it. Not healthy... 1
Author deckard11 Posted March 21, 2016 Author Posted March 21, 2016 Not forgiving keeps anger in your heart. You seem very angry about it all still. Instead of wishing her well and letting it go, you are hanging onto it. Not healthy... She was the one who started all this. I finished it. I made it clear to her in my reply and I'm sure she will never reach out to me again. Good riddance. 1
whichwayisup Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Is it possible there was a misunderstanding? What was the history of your friendship? It is odd that a person would just disappear without saying a word, ending things. Was there a disagreement in the past or was it like you two were hanging out then one day she just up and left your life? just trying to understand your situation and back history. 1
Author deckard11 Posted March 21, 2016 Author Posted March 21, 2016 Is it possible there was a misunderstanding? What was the history of your friendship? It is odd that a person would just disappear without saying a word, ending things. Was there a disagreement in the past or was it like you two were hanging out then one day she just up and left your life? just trying to understand your situation and back history. She just up and left. The last time were together it was a week before Xmas 2014. We had coffee together. When we were done we made plans to get together in a few weeks. I called and texted to conform the following week and she never got back to me. Don't know what her problem was and I don't even care now. Hell with her. 1
privategal Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Youve had a few issues with losing friends that youve written about. I wonder if maybe it is you? Its worth a try to look inside first and see if theres anything in your end. Im not judging your response to your ex friend today. I just feel bad that back then it hurt you...you never got to learn why and when she texts today I wouldve asked wjat happened in case you could learn from it etc. But I understand your anger and if you wanted to lash out no one could blame yiu. 1
Author deckard11 Posted March 21, 2016 Author Posted March 21, 2016 Youve had a few issues with losing friends that youve written about. I wonder if maybe it is you? Its worth a try to look inside first and see if theres anything in your end. Im not judging your response to your ex friend today. I just feel bad that back then it hurt you...you never got to learn why and when she texts today I wouldve asked wjat happened in case you could learn from it etc. But I understand your anger and if you wanted to lash out no one could blame yiu. No, it's not me. That's for damn sure. I was a loyal friend to the end. I did so much for my ex friends and never asked or expected anything in return. Never got anything in return either. It's all on them, not me. I will never let anyone into my life again. At this point I really don't care why the one who contacted me today up and ditched me. She's nothing to me anymore. 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 No, it doesn't bother me at all. I felt like sharing to show others who are maybe in the same situation that it's ok to not be forgiving. No, it isn't ok. And it's abundantly clear by the tone of your posts that this is hurting your persona much more than even you realise. It sounds abrasive, uncaring and hard. And those are symptoms of an old wound that has cut deep, seems to have healed over, but actually conceals the tip of the poisoned dart still lodged deep within.... 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 No, it's not me. That's for damn sure. I was a loyal friend to the end. I did so much for my ex friends and never asked or expected anything in return. Never got anything in return either. It's all on them, not me. I will never let anyone into my life again. At this point I really don't care why the one who contacted me today up and ditched me. She's nothing to me anymore. In every case? You were totally blameless throughout? Because it seems there have been different situations, with different issues and different friends (according to privategal). Are you saying it was always on them, every time? Because I have had some fall-outs with ex-friends and I can promise you hand on heart it was probably 50/50 a lot of the time.... 1
Author deckard11 Posted March 21, 2016 Author Posted March 21, 2016 In every case? You were totally blameless throughout? Because it seems there have been different situations, with different issues and different friends (according to privategal). Are you saying it was always on them, every time? Because I have had some fall-outs with ex-friends and I can promise you hand on heart it was probably 50/50 a lot of the time.... Yes, that's what I am saying. Every case and every time. I looked back on it to see if it was partly my fault but it wasn't. And you're wrong on your other post as well. Doesn't bother me at all. Gives me satisfaction that she tried to reach out and I put a stop to that. It's all about how you treat people. I'm not as forgiving. To little and way too late on her part. 1
privategal Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 You said too little too late in your last post about a friend as well. So I agree, maybe your perfect and have no mistakes towards friends and people just leave you. Its ok then to make the choice to be totally alone and let no one in. Its your life and choice and if its right for you, Id say you dont need to post anymore, as posting here shouldnt be for arguing or negatives but to get different perspectives. This is the second post where you havent wanted anyones help or advice so Im not sure why it is you post. I think your clear in your path and what you need to do and I support people doing whats best for them. 1
Author deckard11 Posted March 21, 2016 Author Posted March 21, 2016 You said too little too late in your last post about a friend as well. So I agree, maybe your perfect and have no mistakes towards friends and people just leave you. Its ok then to make the choice to be totally alone and let no one in. Its your life and choice and if its right for you, Id say you dont need to post anymore, as posting here shouldnt be for arguing or negatives but to get different perspectives. This is the second post where you havent wanted anyones help or advice so Im not sure why it is you post. I think your clear in your path and what you need to do and I support people doing whats best for them. I didn't ask for any help or advice in this matter. Maybe you would understand more if you've been screwed over by people as many times as I have. People aren't nice.
whichwayisup Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Friendships, like relationships, are give and take. If one is giving all the time and can't ask for advice or help, 9/10 it makes the other person feel unneeded and can affect the friendship. Perhaps your trust issues to begin with has had an effect on your friendships and how you relate to people. Not saying ALL, but some of them.
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 I didn't ask for any help or advice in this matter. Maybe you would understand more if you've been screwed over by people as many times as I have. People aren't nice. List the precise number of times you have been 'screwed over by people' and if possible give an insight (without going into details) of what was involved. I'll do the same.
Author deckard11 Posted March 21, 2016 Author Posted March 21, 2016 List the precise number of times you have been 'screwed over by people' and if possible give an insight (without going into details) of what was involved. I'll do the same. May I ask why you keep replying to my posts in this and other forums? Geez, just pm if you're so curious.
Haydn Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 She was thinking about you and tried to say something lighthearted. She made an effort to maybe become friends again. Your reply was bitter and rancorous. Maybe if you feel all this anger etc.... it would have been best just to ignore her?
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 May I ask why you keep replying to my posts in this and other forums? Geez, just pm if you're so curious. I can PM, but you must realise that my persistence is an effort to help. Maybe if we can compare notes and assess what damage has been done to you, there will be a way through this. You cannot possibly enjoy the feelings you experience....? It makes me feel as if you are sad and broken inside.
Author deckard11 Posted March 21, 2016 Author Posted March 21, 2016 I can PM, but you must realise that my persistence is an effort to help. Maybe if we can compare notes and assess what damage has been done to you, there will be a way through this. You cannot possibly enjoy the feelings you experience....? It makes me feel as if you are sad and broken inside. I'm guessing you are a therapist or a therapist in training, right? I've been on many message boards and have seen therapists join and pass themselves off as regular people. Just curious.
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 No. I am in fact just a regular person, although I did a stint with an organisation that dealt with Counselling in relationships. But I'm just me. No PhD, no nuthin'. Just wanting to help.
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