Emilia Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Na you can find some reasonable places for less. Even using your example of Plymouth you can rent a 1 bedroom flat for £500/£600 a month. Ah, I thought you meant London. You would start around 650 a room in a 3-bed, if it's a large house your bills would be tiny. With a one bed you also have to add council tax and utilities 1
Emilia Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 The further north I go the more I like it I'm happy here in Edinburgh. It's gorgeous. Howlingly cold in the winter though. That wind is..... bracing. 2
Author Steven1 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 The further north I go the more I like it I'm happy here in Edinburgh. Edinburgh, lovely place! Just went there recently and going back soon hopefully. Lovely cafe called Casa Amiga if you are familiar with it? 1
Emilia Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Have you been to Leeds OP? I really liked it the couple of times I've been there. Very young, good bars, cheap. Liked the people 2
Satu Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Edinburgh, lovely place! Just went there recently and going back soon hopefully. Lovely cafe called Casa Amiga if you are familiar with it? I know it well. Lovely people, lovely coffee and cakes!
Author Steven1 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 I know it well. Lovely people, lovely coffee and cakes! Get the Natas if you haven't tried them (custard tarts) 1
Author Steven1 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 Have you been to Leeds OP? I really liked it the couple of times I've been there. Very young, good bars, cheap. Liked the people I've made flying visits before but that's about it. Been through it etc but never stayed more than a day. I always had a bit of an indifferent view to it I don't know why. I think to me anyway (was probably the areas too) that it was one of those places where you were neither here nor there from something good or bad happening in terms of the areas and people. Like York though it was very student orientated, but I think York has a bit more to it. I would have to spend a good few days in Leeds to get a feel for it. 2
Satu Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Get the Natas if you haven't tried them (custard tarts) Yes, I love them! Opposite Casa Amiga is Dalmeny Street, where you'll find Out Of The Blue, which is an arts centre with a nice cafe. Definitely worth a visit. 1
Emilia Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 It's about employment prospects. York is beautiful but it has far fewer jobs. A former colleague of mine has to commute to Leeds from the outskirts of York because there are so few jobs there. 2
Author Steven1 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 Yes, I love them! Opposite Casa Amiga is Dalmeny Street, where you'll find Out Of The Blue, which is an arts centre with a nice cafe. Definitely worth a visit. Thanks for the tip Hey who knows, this whole social circle thing, I'll treat you to a coffee...lol
Author Steven1 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 It's about employment prospects. York is beautiful but it has far fewer jobs. A former colleague of mine has to commute to Leeds from the outskirts of York because there are so few jobs there. Yeah I've heard a few people say that they moved to York purely just for the town it's self rather than any prospects of work etc. I used to get a Taxi from the train station to see my ex at the Uni campus etc and the Taxi drivers always said that anything in or around the main town was expensive, even some of the outskirts. 2
Emilia Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Bigger cities can be grubbier in parts. I don't know what you do, what your prospects are but larger places tend to offer more. They also usually have more diversity and a young population. You may need to put up with less savoury stuff for a couple of years but I think it's a small price to pay with potential options presented - but that's just my view. Good luck! 2
Satu Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 It's about employment prospects. York is beautiful but it has far fewer jobs. A former colleague of mine has to commute to Leeds from the outskirts of York because there are so few jobs there. The actual city of York is tiny, and doesn't have much of a population. If you like it that much it might be worth a commute. 1
Author Steven1 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 Bigger cities can be grubbier in parts. I don't know what you do, what your prospects are but larger places tend to offer more. They also usually have more diversity and a young population. You may need to put up with less savoury stuff for a couple of years but I think it's a small price to pay with potential options presented - but that's just my view. Good luck! Thank you for your advice, it is genuinely appreciated. It's honestly nice to know that there are people like the two of you about and it's encouraging to get out there a bit more. I'll keep you updated though. 1
Satu Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Thanks to you and Emilia for a nice chat. Bedtime for me. G'Nite. 2
Author Steven1 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 Goodnight, and thanks again both of you 1
burnt Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 I've recently just come out of a very,very long term relationship (7 years) I'm turning 25 this year. I'm still very raw from the breakup and still not sure if things will go back or if it's over... ^^What you wrote above is the most important part in your post and the most part I believe you should focus on right now, instead of focusing on how to find a new partner. After you go through a break-up, there is a long natural grieving/mourning process. It sounds like this was your first heart-break, which is also the hardest one, and the longest one to recover from usually. On top, 7 years in a relationship with someone is a very long and significant amount of time in your life. It's hard to jump right out of a break-up like that. And finally on top of everything else, being an introvert makes it super hard, because, unlike the bubbly extroverts you don't find it easy to find new distraction quickly to speed up the healing process. What I'm saying is be patient with yourself. What you're going through is very natural. You will need time to heal before you can and should think about finding other women to be in a relationship with. What you need is time now to focus on YOURSELF first and healthy enjoyable distractions that you usually enjoy. If you tell yourself that you have to go out there to 'find' people, you will feel even more defeated right now, because you are already battling some level of depression as a result of the break-up. So, what are the things/activities that you do enjoy--even if they are solo activities? For example: many people are into hiking or cycling or running, all of which are solo activities, but they provide a great emotionally healthy and therapeutic outlet. FYI, I'm a an introvert myself (actually, more appropriately a super hermit and quiet happy to so most of the times). So, I have some idea about the difficulties you are talking about. 1
Author Steven1 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 ^^What you wrote above is the most important part in your post and the most part I believe you should focus on right now, instead of focusing on how to find a new partner. After you go through a break-up, there is a long natural grieving/mourning process. It sounds like this was your first heart-break, which is also the hardest one, and the longest one to recover from usually. On top, 7 years in a relationship with someone is a very long and significant amount of time in your life. It's hard to jump right out of a break-up like that. And finally on top of everything else, being an introvert makes it super hard, because, unlike the bubbly extroverts you don't find it easy to find new distraction quickly to speed up the healing process. What I'm saying is be patient with yourself. What you're going through is very natural. You will need time to heal before you can and should think about finding other women to be in a relationship with. What you need is time now to focus on YOURSELF first and healthy enjoyable distractions that you usually enjoy. If you tell yourself that you have to go out there to 'find' people, you will feel even more defeated right now, because you are already battling some level of depression as a result of the break-up. So, what are the things/activities that you do enjoy--even if they are solo activities? For example: many people are into hiking or cycling or running, all of which are solo activities, but they provide a great emotionally healthy and therapeutic outlet. FYI, I'm a an introvert myself (actually, more appropriately a super hermit and quiet happy to so most of the times). So, I have some idea about the difficulties you are talking about. I think at the minute, in fact even long term I don't think I'll be looking to get with anyone else. I it's cliche and 'everyone' says that, but I think it would be pretty hard for me to get into another relationship after this one. Nice to meet a fellow introvert lol As you touched on the biking etc, I've always been into my fitness in one way or another, and after everything that happened I signed up the Gym which I now go to 6 days a week for at least an hour after work, so that gives me something to focus on and gets me out for a bit, and I'm enjoying that at the minute. As I said in previous responses though sadly I don't live in the greatest of areas. There is no cinema or shopping scene here, no great parks or anything of the like, in fact apart from the new super Gym that's been built, we have very little here. Supermarket etc. A big factor though with the relationship as well was, that I was starting to go out a lot with my ex to places, restaurants, cinema, even just long walks around the town where she is living at the moment. I was happy to do anything really, travel etc as long as she was there, sadly before and now I'm very reluctant to do anything by myself travel wise etc.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Well how did you end up getting your last girlfriend?
Author Steven1 Posted March 21, 2016 Author Posted March 21, 2016 Well how did you end up getting your last girlfriend? We started speaking online as it was long distance to start with before I went to meet her and it went on from there.
Toodaloo Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 Dance lessons. Seriously. You start off feeling like a berk but when you get better at it and all the ladies want to dance with you... Salsa is massive in the UK. They organise weekends away and all sorts. Google a local group and join. 1
Author Steven1 Posted March 27, 2016 Author Posted March 27, 2016 Hey guys, I really don't know where to start with this.. recently my 7 year relationship came to an end, she was my first serious girlfriend, first girlfriend even, and likewise I was her first serious boyfriend. It was long distance to start before she moved to the UK to go to Uni, that's when it went wrong about 2 months ago. We went NC for about 8 weeks and she texted me saying she felt more like friends and she was eventually in the near future going to do something with someone "just because", very hard for me to take. The problem is that since she was my first girlfriend and it lasted for as long as it did, we went through a lot together, much more than some couples. We both struggled with depression in the past and had to overcome a lot of issues early on in the relationship. I had complete trust in her and I know for a fact that that is a level of trust I will never have in a relationship again (she also said the same thing). I don't know where to start though. With her being at Uni she is often out clubbing and surrounded by guys and friends etc, where as I work 45-50 hours a week. I used to go and see my ex at every other weekend etc or long weekends (3/4/5 days at a time) etc and she would come here. I've never been great socially, I get on with everyone, but I've never had any advances from women and I've never approached any in that way, I think I feel as though I invested so much into my relationship with my ex that I just really can't start again as the level of commitment we had and future plans etc, we just clicked together in every way. I said in a previous post I live in an area where it's not the greatest for going out etc and the people aren't exactly great either. The town where my ex is going to Uni etc I loved but feel that there are two many memories there for me to go etc. I just really don't know where to start with this again (dating) if I will ever be ready to start again. I think deep down I know that I will always have something in my heart for my ex that will never be replaced, and I think that that will always be there in any future relationship. Ofcorse a part of me is still hoping that even in 1/2 years down the line we may end up back with each other as the break up was somewhat of a clean one, she feels she needs to come out of this long term relationship and experience other things with people as this (our relationship) is all she knows.
GTR King Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 How long you been single for? How old are you? Id say wait about a year or so before you start dating again. You need time to heal and enjoy yourself with your friends etc.. Why did you 2 break up?? once your completely over your ex you can then start dating again (How ever long it takes) 1
Toodaloo Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 I asked this question last year. I was given sound advice. I was told when you no longer worry that you may not be ready that is when you are ready. Good luck OP. Give yourself time. 2
thecrucible Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 Hi Steven, You can trust again. It will just take time. Don't put any pressure on yourself to feel ready at any particular point, just take your time. 1
Recommended Posts