Is Her Friends are More Important than Me or our Relationship?? How to Handle This??

[PrinceRevolver]

Hello Everyone i pretty new to the forum so i will keep it quick

 

I've been dating this woman for the last past almost 5 months met her at my cousin graduation which we hit it off great She lives little over 100 miles so its nearly 2hr drive but she plans to move close. We are in a relationship which she brough it up kindly agreed to. Everything has been great so far with a

 

Here's the issue

 

Because She lives decently far it's hard to set up dates it pretty hard plus of work and different things going on in life. We usually go 1-3 weeks seeing each other saying i might see her 2 weeks from now or 3 weeks or that next week. I was setting up a date today and she tells she wants to see me wants to see me May 6-8th i was like that's like 5 weeks from now Wtf. Then she tells me she has it's because of vacations and birthdays of her friends which is because of her friends she said she will be out of town for weekends but says 4th weekend it will be open but she will need stuff to do but won't get it done if i'm with her or she is with me the logical thing in my head would if she is in a relationship with me would be to drop one weekend for me since she sees these girls everyday because they work with her and see's them on the weekends, when she only sees me maybe once or twice a month

 

I'm pretty annoyed right now. I need advise on how to really approach this situation i don't want to sound controlling but she could drop one weekend

 

For more clarification here's the our conversation. after she tells me the date

 

Me:I don't understand the logic behind waiting 6 Weeks to see you i know money you're considering but telling me you want to cuddle and see me is kinda disheartening. im decline find a date in April for that's reasonable. Every 2 to 3 weeks is totally fine with me and enough time me to prepare

HER:I'm also out of town for 3 weekends in April. So it makes it difficult to find a date. I do want to cuddle with you, but since I'll be out of town it makes it hard to find a date soon. The one weekend I have open I need to get stuff done and I don't get that stuff done when your here.

ME : 3 weekends for what?

 

HER: Birthdays and Vacay

 

ME: Birthdays and Vacations? This is nes to me

 

HER:Kristen, Allyssa, Kiley and ann all have April birthdays. And we're going to the beach house for Ann's plus a girls weekend. Then Kristen wants to go to st George for her birthday. So 3 weekends

[basil67]

Yes, her friends are more important to her than seeing you. The only option you have is to decide whether or not this is acceptable to you in a relationship. If not, then it's time to find someone who wants the same type of relationship as you do.

 

If I were in your shoes, I'd move on.

[Steven1]

To be honest there are a few ways to look at this.

 

You and her have only been dating for a very,very short period of time, and I'm probably going to assume she has known these friends longer than she has known you, they could be close friends or her closest friends, you know? She will feel more obligated to do things with them.

 

2 - Long distance (ish) is not for everyone. It takes a lot mentally to be able to handle a long distance relationship. I had to go 2 YEARS without seeing my girlfriend at the time. And if you are finding this hard after 5 months then as blunt as I may sound, I don't think this relationship is for you. Already you aren't happy with the situation, so is it really worth putting yourself and her through it? If not seeing her for 3 weeks or more is hard, what happens if she can't see you for 3 month?

 

You could wait until after her friends birthdays etc and then go and see her obviously, and suggest to her that you try to set up even 2/3 guaranteed days every month to see each other, every 3rd/4th weekend etc. I don't know the whole situation for how busy she is or how busy you are yourself or yours or her commitments etc. But I would suggest you have a real good think about this because if you're finding it hard already after 5 months, it may be best to end things now while it's not to seriously involved.

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

I would move on. Long distance relationships are hard enough, but you're obviously not a priority in her world. I dated my current guy a year long distance. He lived an hour and a half away. We alternated weekends (almost every weekend) to see each other. He would come here one weekend or I would go there. Occasionally, something would come up that we would have to skip a weekend, but those were few and far between. After a year, he relocated jobs and moved down here to be with me.

 

You need to ask yourself how long you're willing to be the 3rd wheel in the relationship with her friends?

[bu2002]

Yes her friends are more important than you right now.

 

There's a compromise to be had in there, but that's not even registering with her. That's concerning. It means the feelings on her side haven't escalated enough. Even if you have to explain to her how you're feeling, it doesn't solve anything if she feels like she has to give up a weekend to see you. I would want my girlfriend to want to see me.

[smackie9]

I think you both have come to an impasse. This distance is too much work, and doesn't work with her buy life. I don't think she finds her friends more important, she just doesn't want this to dictate her life.

 

Seeing someone on occasion is not a relationship you are just dating and this is probably why she isn't making you a priority, so it would be best to move on.

[preraph]

5 months? Honestly, I have had friends for the last 40 years, while men have come and gone. So since you asked, I'm going to say that certainly at 5 months', her friends are probably more important in the long run. No woman in her right mind will let a man try to keep her from seeing friends and/or family. If someone cares about you, they want you to have friends and won't ask you to blow them off to hang with a controlling bf. If you want to stay with a woman, you need to find one you like her, her friends, and her pets and don't want to break up that package.

[LostOnes05]

So people are saying it's a distance thing, the time she's known her friends, etc..not exactly. Even if you were ten minutes away, I'd bet you wouldn't be spending those weekends with her anyway. Four birthday weekends in a row and then a girls getaway??...ok, because hanging out with each other the last 4 weekends wasn't sufficient.

 

You are literally at the bottom of the totem pole and that sucks. Some will say, but she has had these friends longer...ok. So a year from now or 2 years she still leaves you in the rearview mirror because she knew them longer? Can't wait til you're her husband then...you might get a promotion to Wednesdays. Now, if she really wanted to see you she could take one of them out for a lunch/dinner celebration during the week and free up a weekend.

 

I understand that it's important to have friends and have your own life. But there seems to be a lack of compromise on her part. If she can't compromise I'd just say ok and wait for her to reach out to after 4 weeks. During this time I'd prepare for her departure from the relationship and my own. There is a difference between not being able to see someone (deployment, illness, etc.) and straight up not making time for someone. Understand where you stand.