And You Let Her Go...

[rbrt1986]

I lost my pretty girl.

 

I'll be just fine.

 

This isn't my first heartbreak. Not by a long shot. I have to say, it's the easiest I've ever gone through. She didn't treat me very good. I left her once, came back, only to realize it will always be the same. Secrets, lies, blow ups and breakups. People don't change.

 

We were coworkers, once. When I met her she had a bf. Red flag, right off the bat. She flirted with me, kissed me, and dated me all while she was still with him. The feeling always lingered in the back of my mind: if she can do it to him, she can do it to me.

 

She felt up a coworker right in front of me one day. I think that's the day i lost all my trust for her. Considering how we met, and the rubbing some guy's back at work, I never trusted her again.

 

She was always very flirtatious. She loved male attention, and had this bubbly personality that encouraged every man to flirt, and to feel like she was attracted to them.

 

She left her ex to be with me, but never really left him alone. I'd catch her talking to him behind my back, saying lovey-dovey stuff and being emotionally intimate. This was a constant trend throughout the relationship.

 

I left her for it. Caught her calling him by old pet names, arranging to see him, and sleeping with his sweatshirt. I'd had enough. I left and never looked back.

 

I honestly intended to never see her again. I understand how not having any contact with an ex helps the process and I moved on. I saw a few other girls, even got into another relationship, but as time moved on I missed her.

 

Until one day, I didn't. I had moved on. I was free. I no longer felt a longing pain in my heart for her. Shortly after, of course, she came into my work.

 

To this day she insists she didn't come to see me. I've never seen her go into the restaurant where I worked to eat before or since. A little white lie, but one she adamantly defends. She does that a lot, lying.

 

After she saw me at work I saw her walking. I could tell she was depressed. She slumps her shoulders forward and kind of shuffles when she's sad. I'd imagine she'd gotten back together with her ex, or a new guy, and was happy. She was sad. She was lonely. She needed me.

 

While we were apart her ex had put her on some sort of probation. 6 months of casual sex with no commitment and he would take her back if she didn't see anyone else.

 

She saw someone else.

 

This real dweeb of a dude from the video store. The loser used to hit on her when we'd go in there together as a couple. I guess when we broke up she ran to him for comfort.

 

She told her ex and I that he was just a friend. They were more than friends.

 

So when I came back, she was essentially seeing three other dudes, including me, and not telling any of us about it. Her ex found out about me. She was hysterical. She was throwing up, sobbing, she cut herself. She admitted to me she was also seeing the loser from the video store. This really infuriated me, as she had sworn up and down they were just friends and nothing had ever happened between them. We'd had fights about him where we yelled at each other and she'd called me controlling and paranoid, and after it all it turns out I was right.

 

I stayed. She said she'd never talk to video store guy again, and she'd keep contact with her ex minimal.

 

She talked to video store guy again.

 

I got extremely angry and made a bad mistake. I said she was "ho-ing around" and she left me. I shouldn't have done that. She left me for about a week and we got back together.

 

After that, though, all the magic was gone. I didn't feel the same way about her. I loved her, but I wasn't "in love" with her. I couldn't trust her. She'd lied about so much. She lied about a guy's number she got, she said he was an old man. He wasn't. She had a tinder profile while we were together. She was serially unfaithful.

 

I could never relax, I was always stressed. When I went to work, when she went to work, whenever we were apart or she picked up her phone I felt anxious and worried. I started to snap at her over the dumbest little things. It was falling apart.

 

We talked about it and she said she wanted to work through it. She said she'd put up with my grumpiness until I had regained my trust in her.

 

Then a few days ago she quit all her classes without telling me, quit her job without telling me, packed her things without me knowing, and said she was going home, across the country, to visit her family. She said she'd be back, but I didn't believe her. I still don't. She has lied so much in the past, and was so secretive and sneaky about the whole thing, I didn't believe her. She even locked her phone so I wouldn't discover her discussing the move with her friends and family.

 

I told her we were done. She'd betrayed my trust for the last time. She begged and pleaded for me not to go. That hurt so bad. It took all of my strength to not take her back. Her mother, who hates me and is always trying to break us up, flew in over night and took her away. She turned her against me, like I knew she would. And now she's gone.

 

My princess is gone.

 

I know I put a lot of negative stuff in here, but there were good times. She's not a bad person, just dishonest and secretive. She had to be, I think, to live under her controlling and overbearing mother.

 

I'm going to miss her. I'm going to miss her smile, her laugh, her innocence, her sweetness. I'm going to miss the crossword puzzles we used to do in bed together. We were reading a book to each other that we never finished. I threw it out. I'm going to miss the card games, the lotto tickets, the cuddles, the hugs, the kisses. I'm going to miss the trips to the grocery store and our lunches at our favorite places. I'm going to miss the extra ranch cups and the cuddle-itis.

 

But the whole time we were together I knew she didn't love me as much as she loved her ex. That really ****** me off because he never loved her like I did. He didn't want to be around her every minute of the day. He even told her she wasn't pretty.

 

She's gorgeous. To me, she's the most beautiful girl in the world.

 

But, I have to let her go. It won't be easy, but it's the right thing to do. I'm only getting older. I need to find a wife. I need to have a family.

 

I need to move on.

 

I hope nothing but the best for her. I hope she finds a man who she really loves, and I hope he loves her back. I hope things go well for her and her family, because they can be very dysfunctional and unhappy. I hope that changes. If I could give my life so that she might never again feel sad and lonely, and feel only joy forever, I would.

 

But I can't.

 

So I'll move on bravely. I'll suck it up. I'll drink and do drugs and hook up with hotties. I hope she doesn't contact me, it's gonna be so hard to stick to my guns.

 

It's all gonna be OK.

Edited March 20, 2016 by rbrt1986

[Doublegold]

Great song. There are still Video Stores in business? Shocker.

 

She isn't worth your time. It appears she will never be satisfied with one person--seems to require a lot of attention.

 

Focus on finding the right one for you--you can't see the future by looking/living in/with the past.

 

Happiness is there for the taking and the making.....Take Care!

[sandylee1]

You sound fairly young ... this girl will continue cheating on every guy until she gets help. There are girls who are faithful and won't put your health or emotions through hell.

 

Put it down to experience and realise that a girl flirting with you when she has a BF is trouble with a capital T.

[mightycpa]

She's not a bad person, just dishonest and secretive.

I love that quote.

[rbrt1986]

Great song.

 

It really is one of my all time favorites. If you handle it in a dignified manner, there's real beauty in heartbreak.

 

There are still Video Stores in business? Shocker.

 

Small, crappy town.

 

She isn't worth your time. It appears she will never be satisfied with one person--seems to require a lot of attention.

 

She DOES require a lot of attention.

 

Focus on finding the right one for you--you can't see the future by looking/living in/with the past.

 

This I know. I already have a date lined up! Might seem soon to some, but that's how I cope. On to the next one.

 

Happiness is there for the taking and the making.....Take Care!

 

Thank you!

 

You sound fairly young ... this girl will continue cheating on every guy until she gets help. There are girls who are faithful and won't put your health or emotions through hell.

 

Put it down to experience and realise that a girl flirting with you when she has a BF is trouble with a capital T.

 

I'm actually 29, she's 22. Probably part of the problem.

 

I tried to get her help, tried to get her into counseling. We didn't have enough money and when we did get a chance to go, I don't think she was honest about her problems. I wish that had worked, not so much for me but for her.

 

I know there are more faithful and honest girls out there. I'm already feeling quite a bit better. I've been taking time to be with my family and exercise, and I feel free and ready to move forward with my life.