Turning 40 and the new bracket

March 21, 2016

I think that before I became a mother at age 35, I attracted attention from boys and men aged 16-70 years old. Now that I have turned 40, the lower age limit has moved up, and the youngest guys are in their late 20's. But I am not as skinny as I used to be either, so maybe it is not only my age "scaring" them away, but also because I am a little overweight. But I think that wrinkles are more visible after 40 on skinny people and I often think a little overweight people has younger looking faces than skinnier ones.

Isn't there an old saying that after 40 a women has to choose between her face and her body?

Why would only a woman have to choose? And I don't think it's true - just look at Ashley Judd. She may have always been gorgeous, but she's in great shape, and is still beautiful.

March 21, 2016

Yeah, I've seen a woman on an online dating site that admittedly fudged her POF age (late mid/late 30s), when she was actually like late 40s.

She was narcissistic enough to admit this IN her profile to get a younger demographic to contact her.

She was one of those, "I get carded all the time!" braggarts.

I rarely notice women doing this. I have come across a of men doing it - lying about their age, and when the truth comes out, saying they look younger than they are (they don't). Saying they're "young at heart" - well, I can be, too. But that doesn't mean I'll be hooking up with a 60-year-old.

I've always wanted to be involved with someone around my own age.

March 21, 2016

There's no gathering place for these people....you must be your area and you don't get out of your area much?

Tons of them where I live. It's sickening even seeing 20-something women that look just the same. A lot of Mama June types. lol

I don't think it's sickening.

I might look a bit frumpy, because of my health issue that's kept me from exercising, and depression. I'm a little heavier than I was, but I noticed a guy who kept checking me out in a cafe, last week (around my age, or younger).

I have another birthday coming up next month, so when posts turn to insulting women over a certain age, I need to disappear from them. Last night, I saw a man who is almost 50, call a 46-year-old woman "washed up". This was on facebook, where I could see his pictures, and his age, and he is nothing to write home about. I wouldn't look twice at him, unless he had a much better attitude than the one he displayed.

March 21, 2016

Why would only a woman have to choose? And I don't think it's true - just look at Ashley Judd. She may have always been gorgeous, but she's in great shape, and is still beautiful.

Ashley Judd had had a lot of work done. Botox for sure and possibly fillers.

March 21, 2016

when posts turn to insulting women over a certain age, I need to disappear from them. Last night, I saw a man who is almost 50, call a 46-year-old woman "washed up". This was on facebook, where I could see his pictures, and his age, and he is nothing to write home about. I wouldn't look twice at him, unless he had a much better attitude than the one he displayed.

I don’t want to thread jack, but what exactly is “frumpy?” Is isn’t about looks or beauty more about attitude. I grew up in an era where women like my mom would dress up even when going to the grocery store, it was a pride thing. I did not let me daughters go out of the house looking jacked up.

If you wear a tent out to the store, won’t brush your teeth, dated wardrobe, hair, glasses, shoes or even if you CHOOSE to drive around a dirty @$$ trashed car… (not about rich or poor either, you can have a old car and still keep clean and drive with pride) lets just say you CLEARY don’t give a damn that is an issue, yes same goes for fat, hairy, bald lazy dudes. Not an age thing or a men vs woman thing or botox or not thing. Next time any of you go to the store the people who don't give a damn stand out like a sore thumb.

You can be someone not high on the looks scale but if your attitude is cool, you have style, are happy give off a good vibe easily a couple of ticks up on the looker scale.

Back to quote, dudes who senselessly insult women for the hell of it when they themselves are dumb, fat, uneducated do so because they lack self esteem and the last they they want any woman they are with is to discover is she is better than he is and does not need him. Basic mental abuse.

March 21, 2016

My husband and I enjoy watching House of Cards. He definitely appreciates the fit, gorgeous women 40+ on that show! He calls me his "Claire"

March 21, 2016

My husband and I enjoy watching House of Cards. He definitely appreciates the fit, gorgeous women 40+ on that show! He calls me his "Claire"

I know plenty of women in their 40's who are hot and beautiful. I know women in their 50's also hot and beautiful. I can't say I know any women in their 60's who are hot and beautiful but I'm sure there are some.

March 21, 2016

So frumpy 40 year olds hang out at Walmart and in their own living rooms. Got it.

Can we assume that the frumpies dress up for all other occasions? Could the frump be situational and not an inherent quality of some 40 year old women?

I mean, I tend not to dress up when I'm hanging out at home. And no, I don't bother to dress up to go do groceries. Work, outings are another story however.

Here's my theory on the phenomena of everyone thinking they look young. I think that when people comment that others or they themselves look for their age, they're comparing themselves to the idea that 40 somethings are frumpy, have let themselves go, etc etc etc. Since most 40 somethings aren't frumpy and haven't let themselves go, everyone finds 40 somethings look youthful.

March 21, 2016

Please don't think you can be mistaken in your 40s for someone in their 20s, no-one can. The reason young guys are interested is that they fantasise about older women. Don't let any man fool you or sweet talk you with fake compliments like that, you won't be doing yourself favours.

Yes this. It's got nothing to do with wrinkles or texture of the skin. A woman in her 40's looks like a woman in her 40's because the basic ratio of fat has changed, something that no-one can hide. You probably look like an attractive 40yr old. And a lot of the time, people will tell you that they thought you were in your 20's as flattery. It should not be taken literally.

I work with 18-50yr olds. I look good for 43, I don't look like a 20 or a 30yr old. I attract younger men because they like the bone structure to my face coupled with supple, clear skin and a great physique. They don't for an instant think I am 20 something. :roll eyes:

Not picking on you specifically but I often hear 40 somethings exclaim oh! I look so young for my age, like I am 20. I instantly think, denial. Followed up by....no you look like a 40yr old who's taken care of herself. The reason why 40yr olds in our parents generation looked so old back then, was because they used to fry themselves in the sun for decades. We know better now.

Edited March 21, 2016 by Buddhist

March 21, 2016

I still don't understand why I get carded so much if I don't look like I am under 25. I mean to all of those that really believe it must be some mysterious reason other than the fact, the people asking actually is in doubt whether you are over or under 25, how many times have you been carded after you passed 40?

I guess that it is many year since the average 40 year old last time was carded. The reason for me believing this is because almost all of my friends stopped showing ID after they passed like 23, but I had to show ID to get into clubs when I was 18, 21, 25, 28, 31, 33. After I turned 37 it happens they let me in without me showing ID.

March 21, 2016

There is an old saying, but it's a silly one.

Ladies, I'm here to tell you that you don't have to choose. You can be healthy and vibrant and youthful, even with a few wrinkles!

This. I have 15% body fat though hard work and good habits. My face is very defined but my skin is still smooth and lovely. I don't look gaunt or old, I just look fit and healthy. I have the expected smile lines around my eyes. Who cares really?

March 21, 2016

The reason why 40yr olds in our parents generation looked so old back then, was because they used to fry themselves in the sun for decades. We know better now.

When I look at the photos now, my mother looked so young at 45! I thought she looked old because she had outdated hair and clothes, but really she was very young looking. My boyfriend (now husband) told me she was hot, and I didn't believe him. He was right!

March 21, 2016

I still don't understand why I get carded so much if I don't look like I am under 25. I mean to all of those that really believe it must be some mysterious reason other than the fact, the people asking actually is in doubt whether you are over or under 25, how many times have you been carded after you passed 40?

I guess that it is many year since the average 40 year old last time was carded. The reason for me believing this is because almost all of my friends stopped showing ID after they passed like 23, but I had to show ID to get into clubs when I was 18, 21, 25, 28, 31, 33. After I turned 37 it happens they let me in without me showing ID.

I don't know where you live, but around here, many establishments just card everyone. And others card if it looks like you may be under 30, just to be safe.

I think I look every one of my 40 some years, but people seem shocked when I say I have a teenager. They question me, thinking they heard me wrong when I tell her age. I can't really explain it, because it sure isn't because my skin is ageless! But I do have a small physique and long, flowing hair, and I think people just don't look that closely and expect 40 to look "different' somehow.

March 21, 2016

I don't know where you live, but around here, many establishments just card everyone. And others card if it looks like you may be under 30, just to be safe.

I think I look every one of my 40 some years, but people seem shocked when I say I have a teenager. They question me, thinking they heard me wrong when I tell her age. I can't really explain it, because it sure isn't because my skin is ageless! But I do have a small physique and long, flowing hair, and I think people just don't look that closely and expect 40 to look "different' somehow.

So what you are telling me is that you are carded when you go out as well?

March 21, 2016

So what you are telling me is that you are carded when you go out as well?

Sometimes! I usually buy my hooch at the grocery store and drink at home, and they know me there. But if I have a new clerk, yes, I still get carded.

March 21, 2016

I don't know where you live, but around here, many establishments just card everyone. And others card if it looks like you may be under 30, just to be safe.

I think I look every one of my 40 some years, but people seem shocked when I say I have a teenager. They question me, thinking they heard me wrong when I tell her age. I can't really explain it, because it sure isn't because my skin is ageless! But I do have a small physique and long, flowing hair, and I think people just don't look that closely and expect 40 to look "different' somehow.

I'm slim and always have been with long blonde hair. Wear very contemporary clothes, etc. I think it's the overall impression one makes. I don't look 25 though unfortunately

March 21, 2016

I still don't understand why I get carded so much if I don't look like I am under 25. I mean to all of those that really believe it must be some mysterious reason other than the fact, the people asking actually is in doubt whether you are over or under 25, how many times have you been carded after you passed 40?

I guess that it is many year since the average 40 year old last time was carded. The reason for me believing this is because almost all of my friends stopped showing ID after they passed like 23, but I had to show ID to get into clubs when I was 18, 21, 25, 28, 31, 33. After I turned 37 it happens they let me in without me showing ID.

Now I'm wishing that I'd bought some alcohol, over the years. I never do, so I've never been carded. I won't try tonight - I doubt that anyone would ask for my I.D. now.

March 21, 2016

Sometimes! I usually buy my hooch at the grocery store and drink at home, and they know me there. But if I have a new clerk, yes, I still get carded.

They don't card everyone over here. In the wine store, I almost never see it at all. Yet still they use to ask for my ID there sometimes. But I know they don't ask everyone.

March 21, 2016

I still don't understand why I get carded so much if I don't look like I am under 25. I mean to all of those that really believe it must be some mysterious reason other than the fact, the people asking actually is in doubt whether you are over or under 25, how many times have you been carded after you passed 40?

I guess that it is many year since the average 40 year old last time was carded. The reason for me believing this is because almost all of my friends stopped showing ID after they passed like 23, but I had to show ID to get into clubs when I was 18, 21, 25, 28, 31, 33. After I turned 37 it happens they let me in without me showing ID.

I work in an alcohol serving job. I card anyone who does not look 50. Why? Cover my arse. Some teens can look early 20's. And everyone else well they can just show me their ID because it makes my job easier. It's usually a dead giveaway though when they order wine rather than spirits.

March 21, 2016

But I do have a small physique and long, flowing hair, and I think people just don't look that closely and expect 40 to look "different' somehow.

This is it. Many women cut their hair short once they are over 30 and hairdressers have a lot to answer for telling women over 40 to start wearing unflattering pixie cuts in ridiculous colours. I've noticed it's a real trend in my country that only 20 somethings tend to have very long hair, 30 somethings might still wear it shoulder length but tend to go for a bob and over 40's start wearing butch pixie cuts that only seem to accentuate every wrinkle in their face and don't even get me started on why anyone thinks an unnatural shade of purple is a great hair colour. :roll eyes:

I have waist length hair in my natural hair colour. It's unusual for someone in my age group to rock that look. But it doesn't make me look 20, it just makes me stand out as a different 40yr old. Also I do think that a small stature does tend to make others psychologically attribute child-like qualities to you that's entirely apart from your appearance. Possibly in your case you just don't project 'mum' to grown up children for whatever reason. Younger people tend to forget that our generation typically had kids well before the age the current gen are even moving out of home. Gen x-ers didn't all wait until over 30 to have a family the way Gen Y do.

March 21, 2016

I work in an alcohol serving job. I card anyone who does not look 50. Why? Cover my arse. Some teens can look early 20's. And everyone else well they can just show me their ID because it makes my job easier. It's usually a dead giveaway though when they order wine rather than spirits.

Oh I see. It's not the way it works here. They actually only card people that look younger than 25. the age limit is 18 over here, but they ask people they think are under 25.

March 21, 2016

This is it. Many women cut their hair short once they are over 30 and hairdressers have a lot to answer for telling women over 40 to start wearing unflattering pixie cuts in ridiculous colours. I've noticed it's a real trend in my country that only 20 somethings tend to have very long hair, 30 somethings might still wear it shoulder length but tend to go for a bob and over 40's start wearing butch pixie cuts that only seem to accentuate every wrinkle in their face and don't even get me started on why anyone thinks an unnatural shade of purple is a great hair colour. :roll eyes:

I have waist length hair in my natural hair colour. It's unusual for someone in my age group to rock that look. But it doesn't make me look 20, it just makes me stand out as a different 40yr old. Also I do think that a small stature does tend to make others psychologically attribute child-like qualities to you that's entirely apart from your appearance. Possibly in your case you just don't project 'mum' to grown up children for whatever reason. Younger people tend to forget that our generation typically had kids well before the age the current gen are even moving out of home. Gen x-ers didn't all wait until over 30 to have a family the way Gen Y do.

I have long hair (past my shoulders, almost halfway down my back), although it never seems to grow past a certain point, anymore. That might have to do with the shampoo I was using (trying to correct that now).

March 21, 2016

I have long hair (past my shoulders, almost halfway down my back), although it never seems to grow past a certain point, anymore. That might have to do with the shampoo I was using (trying to correct that now).

I wear mine at terminal length too. It used to sit about hipbone length but recently it's shedding when it hits waist-length. Oh well....I do what I can but some things just have to be accepted. Camellia oil is fantastic on the ends though, keeps them glossy and smooth.

March 21, 2016

Possibly in your case you just don't project 'mum' to grown up children for whatever reason.

Sadly, I think I don't! And I have no doubt I sometimes get judged negatively for that by other moms. Oh, wells!

March 21, 2016

I wear mine at terminal length too. It used to sit about hipbone length but recently it's shedding when it hits waist-length. Oh well....I do what I can but some things just have to be accepted. Camellia oil is fantastic on the ends though, keeps them glossy and smooth.

I'll try to remember that

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Turning 40 and the new bracket

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