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Posted

My boyfriend of little over 4 months broke up with me 18 days ago. We've had no contact for 18 days. Exactly 2 weeks after we broke up, he liked a photo on Instagram the day after a concert we were supposed to go to together (I got him very good tickets of one of our favorite singers for Valentine's Day, and posted a picture of it). I wouldnt have thought much of him liking a photo on Instagram (after all, it's ONLY social media) but I had posted four photos since our break-up, and this is the one he chose to like (we had even discussed the concert during our break-up), it was his first form of ANY contact at all, and only two days prior I had posted a group shot with one of our two mutual friends in it - I would think if he was trying to extend an olive branch, he would do so with that photo. I keep wondering why he did that. I haven't posted anything since (I dont post a ton - maybe 2x a week max, and didn't feel a need to post something to see his reaction). I'm just wondering others thoughts. I know Instagram is petty, just would love some insight.

 

Background info: The break-up was pretty amicable. It came out of the blue though - he literally said he decided to do it two days before he did (for the first time ever, I had acted a little needy over text because he had been distant when i returned back from a vacation). His reasoning for it was he couldn't see himself falling in love with me despite really liking me.

Posted

Dude, it's social media. He probably just liked the picture. If a simple like is going to get your head in a tizzy, you need to block him. Not to punish him, but to prevent you from doing the mental gymnastics that you are doing right now.

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Posted

I think guys do things like that just to remind us that they still exist. They don't necessarily want us back they just want to make sure we haven't gotten over them too quickly. He may get bored and lonely so he wants to try and get your attention if they haven't found someone new or aren't over the breakup yet.

That might be extreme but it's happened to me in the past. He also could've just liked the picture with no intentions at all.

Try not to read into it too much. It'll just drive you crazy all the little things he might do for attention, so try to ignore them the best you can!

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Posted

Simon Phoenix, I know, I know, I said I am very much aware it's just social media, but it seemed very conscious that THAT was the particular photo he liked. Not the others. The reason I chose not to unfollow him or block him or anything is because I want to give him the illusion I don't care enough to unfollow him or block him (in course in reality, you are right and it would probably be better to block him, but I'm trying to keep things distant but amicable).

 

sickoflove, I think you are right. I think if he wanted to make REAL contact with me (I don't consider social media REAL contact), he'd text me or reach out of course, and I know there is nobody else, no girl etc, I just am trying to figure out maybe if this is like his way of hoping I'm not mad at him or something. (but what a weird way... to do so on our "valentine's day concert photo."). anyway, I know I'll never know. i can't get into his head, and I plan to contiue along without speaking to him. I just wanted to hear others thoughts. thanks for giving me yours.

Posted
Simon Phoenix, I know, I know, I said I am very much aware it's just social media, but it seemed very conscious that THAT was the particular photo he liked. Not the others. The reason I chose not to unfollow him or block him or anything is because I want to give him the illusion I don't care enough to unfollow him or block him (in course in reality, you are right and it would probably be better to block him, but I'm trying to keep things distant but amicable).

 

But you do care -- you started an thread on an Instagram like.

 

You're putting on a false front because of what he might think. It's a much stronger thing to not care what he'd think and do what you need to do to help your recovery process.

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Posted

I know, I addressed obviously that I do? That's why I said illusion? I never said I didn't care, of course I care, I'm still toughing it out, we only broke up a little over two weeks ago. But I don't want him to know that!

 

Thanks for the advice, but I don't plan on blocking him. I think it's drastic. I do plan to continue not speaking to him or reaching out.

Posted
I know, I addressed obviously that I do? That's why I said illusion? I never said I didn't care, of course I care, I'm still toughing it out, we only broke up a little over two weeks ago. But I don't want him to know that!

 

Thanks for the advice, but I don't plan on blocking him. I think it's drastic. I do plan to continue not speaking to him or reaching out.

 

He knows. Trust me. And you don't have to block, but you also don't get points for degree of difficulty in recovery.

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Posted

Really? What do you mean by "he knows"? Now I'm intrigued.

 

And of course, not points, just trying to seem like I don't care at all. I haven't reached out, texted, mentioned him at all to our two mutual friends - except when she called me the day after our break-up and was like "oh my god you sound totally fine." I responded: "Yes, well, I think it will probably be better for both of us in the end."

 

Just trying to play it cool, disinterested, unaffected.

Posted
Really? What do you mean by "he knows"? Now I'm intrigued.

 

And of course, not points, just trying to seem like I don't care at all. I haven't reached out, texted, mentioned him at all to our two mutual friends - except when she called me the day after our break-up and was like "oh my god you sound totally fine." I responded: "Yes, well, I think it will probably be better for both of us in the end."

 

Just trying to play it cool, disinterested, unaffected.

 

When people dump you they realize that you're going to be affected. They assume you are going to be affected -- that's their base expectation. Anything you do or don't do is going to confirm that in their head. You aren't blocking because you want to stay connected and watch what they're doing. They don't think you're being strong, cool or unaffected -- they're more likely to think that you're rummaging through their social media and keeping tabs.

 

And I think putting on false fronts is dumb. You shouldn't be trying to "play" any sort of game. You were broken up with. It hurts. Don't play it off or try to run from it -- eventually that facade is going to crack and it's usually ugly when it does. That doesn't mean you have to openly weep and say "woe is me" but don't lie about it to play a game. It'll just set you back further and just delay your moving forward.

 

Either way, it comes off weaker to try to "play it off" than to own it. You're creating a false illusion -- that's not strength. And most people see through it.

Posted

He liked that photo because it was the least personal option there and wouldn't give you mixed signals by liking it. If he liked a photo of you or with you in it, then you'd be thinking "he's still attracted to me and checking out my page". By liking the concert pic, it's just a simple way of saying "we didn't break up on bad terms, there's no bad blood, no need to pretend that each other doesn't exist".

 

OR it could mean absolutely Nothing and just a split second double click he made without any brain activity. As a guy I can tell you that I've liked some pretty random stuff with absolutely no thought whatsoever on girls I've dated or girls I hooked up with pages and it has 0 behind it.

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