Experience...or lack thereof

[Gloria25]

Look, I see a lot of threads where guys are saying women want someone who has experience and since they lack it they are stuck

 

IMO, it's not the lack of experience, it's "why" you have it and how you conduct yourself because you don't have it.

 

Lemme explain,

 

Some jobs I've applied for are say you don't need experience...BUT, they put you through like literally 100 questions where they ask you things like, 'Where you on the Honor Roll in high school?', 'Did you write a journal on your own that was published?', 'Did you ever teach yourself a new skill?'......

 

In other words, while you do not need to have experience for the job, they are looking for you to have demonstrated the "potential" to learn and work for them based on your personality, abilities, etc.

 

So, back to relationships....

 

Of the guys that I've dealt with who lacked experience, some you'd never know cuz it's how they "presented" themselves. They didn't cower, they didn't run and hide, they didn't slouch, they didn't get nervous/stutter/etc....And, they were open to learning....

 

Then, there's other guys - who are timid, get scared, etc. Like recently on OLD, a guy that I initiated contact with gave me his tel, but he was like 'Oh I think you're out of my league, but I'll give you my tel anyways.' Did I give him a call? NO. Why? Because of his self-defeatest attitude. He already told me upfront that he doesn't think he's worthy of my time, so why am I gonna bother with a guy who shot himself in the foot?

 

So, guys, it's not your lack of experience that turns off women it's that we've dealt with so many guys who their lack of experience is associated with a self-defeatest attitude so we got to the point where we don't wanna give you a chance anymore. I've tried over the years with guys who lacked experience. But, you can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. If a person (man or woman) doesn't think they're worthy, you can try working with them, teaching them new things, and they aren't gonna pick up on it...cuz, they doesn't feel good about themselves.

 

Like my neighbor...his "Pre-emptive Rejection" of me because he made up in his mind that I wouldn't be interested him in the long run is another self-defeatest attitude and that's more unattractive than the lack of experience. Cuz, on top of you lacking experience, you're telling a woman upfront that you're too scared to do anything about it either. So, when you walk you slouch. You hold your head down, you're pitiful and women pick up on that and they diss you and move on to a guy who has swagger.

 

There's a saying out there like "fake it till you make it". In other words, you put up your armour. You stand tall. You may not know a darn thing, but no one would know that cuz how you present yourself. I've given many of briefings where after the briefing I swear I was horrible and people are walking up to me and complimenting me. Why/how? Cuz the way I conducted myself, no one would ever know that I was sweating under the collar.

 

So, if you're a guy who can't land dates, didn't get a lot of schooling from your parents and/or environment on how to date, are a 30 year old virgin, or something else that's holding you back from dating...it's not your lack of experience that's gonna hold you back - it's your "attitude" that's gonna hold you back. Cuz women are very flexible and accommodating - but we can't work with someone who doesn't believe in themselves.

 

P.S. Look at Mark Wahlberg, Tom Cruise...they're not tall, not super handsome. But what do they got? Confidence. They got attitude and swagger that makes them attractive. They take care of their body. They don't sit around counting how many things they got going wrong for them (i.e. looks, height). They get out there and make themselves into "something". It boils down to "attitude" people.

Edited March 20, 2016 by Gloria25

[TX-SC]

Not all women ate flexible and accomodating. But I get your point. Having some degree of self confidence means a lot, for both men and women. I would imagine though that being inexperienced could lead a person to have confidence issues. In our world today, much emphasis is put on sleeping around and some women (and men) may assume there is something wrong with you if you are a 30 year old virgin. Men have self esteem issues just like women do. In some cases it's worse. Men often fantasize about virgins, but women are more interested in someone with experience to know what buttons to push (excuse the pun).

[carhill]

It boils down to what particular humans perceive as attractive and, well, there are billions of humans so billions of particular perspectives on attractiveness.

 

I get the idea regarding the job analogy but jobs are more predicated upon intellect, sure with some 'like' in there, where romance is predicated more on emotion and other intangibles. IME, there is no formula for perfection. Sure some guys get closer to perfection than others and, looking back, the commonality was they started young and got enough right when all the hormones started surging that they developed their 'history' early and success bred success and wives and children and mistresses and divorces and more marriages and more children and etc, etc.

 

What I've noted in animals, heh right now because it's mating season, is that the female can be combative but if the male approaches just right, and grips her just right, she falls into mating mode. The males who get it wrong, well, they just get the teeth or the claws or whatever else can bloody them up. If they don't learn, their genes die with them and those of the male who learned get passed on to the next generation, furthering the species.

 

All the 'fake it till you make it' stuff is wonderful but unless one gets the grip right, it ain't happening. Beat my head against that wall for many years. Of course, as is normal, young guys who struggle dismiss an older guy who's been there. Heh, that's what I did as a young buck myself. Had all the answers. Except the grip

[kztar]

Guys without experience in my book = never again. Did it once and It's cost me the biggest heartache so no thank you. Go learn about relationships before you get involved in one with me.

[Gloria25]

All the 'fake it till you make it' stuff is wonderful but unless one gets the grip right, it ain't happening.

 

When I said "fake it till you make it", I didn't mean pretending to be what you aren't.

 

I'll use the example of the guy who gave me his tel. For him "faking it" would have him not telling me that he thinks that I'm out of his league. Even "if" he had doubts about whether or not he was in my league, he should have kept those thoughts to himself. I mean, he mustered up enough courage to respond and even provide me his tel. He should have continued "faking it" to see how it goes. If after we met/dated I it didn't work out, ok, well at least he gave it a try instead of self-defeating himself.

 

But, by him upfront telling me he had doubts about himself, I didn't wanna even give him a chance. So next time, even if you have doubts, "fake it" until you "make it".