hippychick3 Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 At this point, during a texting convo (if he initiates one...I wouldn't start one), I would playfully ask him why he hasn't kissed you yet. And then wait for an answer. 1
sunshine2 Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 This is how my last relationship started. He didn't touch me at all during dates, no kissing, no hand holding, nothing. I think it was date 5 that I finally asked him what he was looking for in a relationship, if he liked affection. I was getting concerned that he was just looking for a friend. He said he was looking for friendship, then a relationship if all went well and that he like to hug and kiss. Well he finally kissed me at the end of that date and I was happy... BUT, he turned out NOT be a affectionate person what so ever. In the year we dated he maybe held my hand 5 times. He would hug and kiss me hello and goodbye, nothing much in between. He would sit far from me when we watched movies most the time. He was disconnected when we had sex, if you could call it that, and it was awful! It was the most disconnected and unemotional relationship I had ever been in and I never want to feel that again. I was full of anxiety and stress. I stayed hoping it would get better. He was a nice man, treated me well in all other aspects, but it ever did. I couldn't take it any longer and broke up with him about a month ago. All this to say, be careful. If he is already showing little to no affection, he may be emotionally unavailable or just not an affectionate person. But time will tell, just don't stay if its not what you want, its not worth your time. 1
Author abby_tx Posted April 9, 2016 Author Posted April 9, 2016 I mean, it comes down to what you want. If you're still attracted to him and are okay with feeling him out a bit longer, go for it. I admit, at this point, I'd be losing interest. I went out with a guy once. We dated for a good six weeks, the attraction was apparently there, and he kept asking me out, but he never made a move to kiss me, or even touch me or hold hands. By the time he finally did, any spark I felt was gone. But that's just me; only you can decide what the right choice is for your situation. What was his reasoning? If a relationship doesn't get physical (and I don't even mean sex necessarily) relatively soon, they fall into friend territory for me.
Author abby_tx Posted April 9, 2016 Author Posted April 9, 2016 This is how my last relationship started. He didn't touch me at all during dates, no kissing, no hand holding, nothing. I think it was date 5 that I finally asked him what he was looking for in a relationship, if he liked affection. I was getting concerned that he was just looking for a friend. He said he was looking for friendship, then a relationship if all went well and that he like to hug and kiss. Well he finally kissed me at the end of that date and I was happy... BUT, he turned out NOT be a affectionate person what so ever. In the year we dated he maybe held my hand 5 times. He would hug and kiss me hello and goodbye, nothing much in between. He would sit far from me when we watched movies most the time. He was disconnected when we had sex, if you could call it that, and it was awful! It was the most disconnected and unemotional relationship I had ever been in and I never want to feel that again. I was full of anxiety and stress. I stayed hoping it would get better. He was a nice man, treated me well in all other aspects, but it ever did. I couldn't take it any longer and broke up with him about a month ago. All this to say, be careful. If he is already showing little to no affection, he may be emotionally unavailable or just not an affectionate person. But time will tell, just don't stay if its not what you want, its not worth your time. Ugh. I could not deal with that. I want a guy to be all over me. I am not sure what category he falls into yet, but I feel like it may be similar to your ex. I will still give him a chance. I'm not sure when I'll pull the plug, but sadly see it happening unless by some miracle he changes. Originally, I was SO insanely attracted to him. He's athletic and tall, the opposite of all my dad-bod exes. But the timidness is backfiring and the attraction is being lost.
Jabron1 Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 guys are damned if they do, damned if they don't. Yes. So is that all it's about? 'making a move'? Yes. A move towards what? Sex? Is that all it's about? Yes. Perhaps, just perhaps, because he's a 30 something, he's been influenced through the 80s and 90s by a feminist cultural agenda which has perpetually instructed him not to value women on their sexual worth, and to take their time in getting to know their character and humanity. Perhaps, just perhaps, he's showing you the ultimate respect. Don't get me started. Feminism is just a sh*t-test. Seems like a lot of the problems in the dating section of this site stem from guys not taking charge and making moves. I imagine this is something that is only going to get worse as men become more and more feminised. This guy fancies you, but doesn't dare make a move. That's all it is. He doesn't 'respect' sh*t. He's just confused and scared. I want a guy to be all over me. I don't think that's going to happen.
sunshine2 Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 Ugh. I could not deal with that. I want a guy to be all over me. I am not sure what category he falls into yet, but I feel like it may be similar to your ex. I will still give him a chance. I'm not sure when I'll pull the plug, but sadly see it happening unless by some miracle he changes. Originally, I was SO insanely attracted to him. He's athletic and tall, the opposite of all my dad-bod exes. But the timidness is backfiring and the attraction is being lost. Yes, I kept trying to keep the relationship going even though he was so unaffectionate. I wish I cut it off way earlier and saved the heart break of getting to know his family, kids and grandkids. His mom would hug me, say she loved me and she was glad I was in the family. I got more from her then him. LOL He was a big man, so not physically in shape at all, but he had a fun attitude. But intimacy, sex and affection was way wrong and he has issues. I give people way to many chances and boy did I learn my lesson this time. But again, you are newly dating, so just listen to your intuition. He may just be shy and will change once he gets to know you.
Jabron1 Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 It's his problem, not yours. He is who he is, and I doubt you're going to change him. So, your options are to take it or leave it. 2
katiegrl Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 (edited) abby, agree with Jabron, if you want/need a guy to be all over you, this guy isn't it. There is another thread running called "Why Won't This Guy Kiss Me." You should read it, the woman who started that thread has been dealing with this for an entire month. He is who he is.... you have had three dates. I called what would happen back on page one.... but you said you'd give it one more date (your third) to see if he became more aggressive. You had your third date, and he hasn't, same ole same ole.... Why waste more time? He is not going to miraculously wake up one morning and be who you want or need him to be. He is not for you, and there is nothing wrong with that. Plus by accepting more dates, you are misleading him which I personally thing is wrong. Edited April 9, 2016 by katiegrl 1
Jabron1 Posted April 9, 2016 Posted April 9, 2016 I called what would happen back on page one.... but you said you'd give it one more date (your third) to see if he became more aggressive. You had your third date, and he hasn't, same ole same ole.... Giving someone three dates is fair, in my opinion. But that's enough to gauge someone. There has to be a limit. Now you can walk with no regrets. 2
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