Popsicle Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 I say give it a shot. Sometimes opposites attract.
Author abby_tx Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 So what happened? Our first date was good. We were both a bit nervous, so it had some awkward parts but I don't think we're as different as I origianlly thought. He asked me out on a second date via text but it's not happening for another week because of his schedule and the fact that we live about 40 miles apart. We've been texting several times a day since the date though and he seems interested in me. The wait has made me REALLY want to kiss him.
Author abby_tx Posted April 3, 2016 Author Posted April 3, 2016 This is the same guy from my thread "do we have enough in common..." which is linked at the end if anyone cares. We had our second date yesterday. The first half, we went for a physical activity. There was this row of four chairs between the courts to rest on. Each time I sat down first, he'd go for a chair two down from me. It gave the date the feel of a business outing. He made it hard to flirt. Next we saw Deadpool. I thought the movie would be a good follow up. We'd be forced to sit close. Maybe our date would finally take a more romantic turn. Nope. He didn't reach over to hold my hand. I've had some guys kinda sit close so our bodies lightly brush up next to each other. Not even that. It felt like seeing a movie with my brother. I started the date with butterflies and sexual chemistry, wanting his kiss/touch/etc. but toward the end of the movie I felt checked out. I hugged him goodbye at our cars. I have no idea if he is into me. If he is, he's doing a terrible job of showing it. Would you give a guy like this a second chance? If it's just nerves, how long am I going to wait for a 30-something to be a man and take charge? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/574194-do-we-have-enough-common-me-bother-date
Author abby_tx Posted April 3, 2016 Author Posted April 3, 2016 I forgot to mention this guy is a former military guy with a physically demanding job now. I thought he'd be way more confident and take charge than he is. I'm used to dating computer nerds and yet they never had any problem making a move.
d0nnivain Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 Just because he's assertive at work, doesn't mean that skill set translates into his personal life. If he asks for a 3rd date, that is a pretty big clue. Next time he sits far away say something teasing / flirtatious to dare him to come closer. 2
Author abby_tx Posted April 3, 2016 Author Posted April 3, 2016 Just because he's assertive at work, doesn't mean that skill set translates into his personal life. If he asks for a 3rd date, that is a pretty big clue. Next time he sits far away say something teasing / flirtatious to dare him to come closer. I guess you're right. I just have to be patient and see if that happens. No text yet. I probably should have asked that he made it home okay since his drive was twice as long.
katiegrl Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 This is the same guy from my thread "do we have enough in common..." which is linked at the end if anyone cares. We had our second date yesterday. The first half, we went for a physical activity. There was this row of four chairs between the courts to rest on. Each time I sat down first, he'd go for a chair two down from me. It gave the date the feel of a business outing. He made it hard to flirt. Next we saw Deadpool. I thought the movie would be a good follow up. We'd be forced to sit close. Maybe our date would finally take a more romantic turn. Nope. He didn't reach over to hold my hand. I've had some guys kinda sit close so our bodies lightly brush up next to each other. Not even that. It felt like seeing a movie with my brother. I started the date with butterflies and sexual chemistry, wanting his kiss/touch/etc. but toward the end of the movie I felt checked out. I hugged him goodbye at our cars. I have no idea if he is into me. If he is, he's doing a terrible job of showing it. Would you give a guy like this a second chance? If it's just nerves, how long am I going to wait for a 30-something to be a man and take charge? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/574194-do-we-have-enough-common-me-bother-date Instead of worrying about he feels about you, how do YOU feel about him? You said by the end, you had checked out. Yeah, I would have checked out too, he's doing nothing to indicate he is into you at all! Hell he can't even sit next to you when given the choice. No I would not go out with him again, I would be completely turned off. That said, if you are still interested, then why not send him a text thanking him for the date? Why wait for him? It takes two after all, and I think you should send a text thanking him for the date, assuming you are still interested. Show some enthusiasm and perhaps he will too! It takes two, he may think you are boring as well. Just saying.
Author abby_tx Posted April 3, 2016 Author Posted April 3, 2016 Yeah, I would have checked out too, he's doing nothing to indicate he is into you at all! Hell he can't even sit next to you when given the choice. No I would not go out with him again, I would be completely turned off. These are the reasons why I have not been forward myself. I just need the green light.
katiegrl Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 (edited) These are the reasons why I have not been forward myself. I just need the green light. Do you like him? Are you attracted to him? If so, why? I mean you are unsure if you have anything in common, and now you said you have checked out. So what about him appeals to you so much? Do you find him to be a challenge or something? I don't get it. He is not the last man on the face of the earth, surely there will be others. Just curious. Edited April 3, 2016 by katiegrl
Author abby_tx Posted April 3, 2016 Author Posted April 3, 2016 Do you like him? Are you attracted to him? If so, why? He's really funny over text. We go back and forth really easily and I love his sense of humor. He's witty. He's adventurous. He also seems to have really good values. But in person he's so quiet and serious. He reminds me of a cop who just pulled me over for a speeding ticket with their serious trying not to smile face. I was extremely attracted to his personality before meeting. I was also attracted to him on our first date, but I notice his meek personality is making me lose attraction. A good third date with him taking charge would make me more attracted. A bad third date with more of the same and I'm sure it'll disappear.
katiegrl Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 He's really funny over text. We go back and forth really easily and I love his sense of humor. He's witty. He's adventurous. He also seems to have really good values. But in person he's so quiet and serious. He reminds me of a cop who just pulled me over for a speeding ticket with their serious trying not to smile face. I was extremely attracted to his personality before meeting. I was also attracted to him on our first date, but I notice his meek personality is making me lose attraction. A good third date with him taking charge would make me more attracted. A bad third date with more of the same and I'm sure it'll disappear. Okay fair enough. You know some men have two different personalities though, right? His *text* personality and his *real life* personality. I have met men like that too. They pull you in with their charming and gregarious texts, then when you meet in person, they are total duhs. But good luck! I doubt the third date will be much different but there is always hope I guess.
Author abby_tx Posted April 3, 2016 Author Posted April 3, 2016 guys can't win. if he tried touching or kissing he'd be accused of being too sexual and just wamting to use you for sex No, this is the second date. A kiss or a touch would be expected. It's weirder not to do these things after several weeks of talking and two dates.
Gaeta Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 I think the man is trying to remain respectful and make a good impression on you by not making a move on your 2nd date. I personally would appreciate that, there's plenty of time for kissing and hand holding on date 3-4-5 and on. Give him a 3rd date and when you stand side by side hold his hand!! That is your green lite to HIM. You need a green light but men need one too ! Boyfriend and I went to the movies on our 2nd date. While waiting in line I discretely put my hand in his for a moment. I got a smile..........and a kiss after the movie. He needed that green light from me. 1
losangelena Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 He sounds nervous. My ex was so formal and stiff on our first couple of dates. No touching either until we'd finally gotten some ice cream and were sitting on a park bench. He turned into a puddle literally before my eyes—sweaty brow and hands as he was gearing up for that first kiss. He was visibly relieved when I didn't turn him down. I agree with Gaeta. Men need a green light. Not all of them are going to just go for it. 3
Author abby_tx Posted April 3, 2016 Author Posted April 3, 2016 He sounds nervous. My ex was so formal and stiff on our first couple of dates. No touching either until we'd finally gotten some ice cream and were sitting on a park bench. He turned into a puddle literally before my eyes—sweaty brow and hands as he was gearing up for that first kiss. He was visibly relieved when I didn't turn him down. I agree with Gaeta. Men need a green light. Not all of them are going to just go for it. Once you guys finally kissed, did he turn a corner and seem more soft on dates?
losangelena Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 Once you guys finally kissed, did he turn a corner and seem more soft on dates? Absolutely.
katiegrl Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 (edited) I agree men need a green light, but to intentionally choose to sit two seats away from her while taking a rest from their tennis game? Who does that? And why? Was this even a date? abby said it felt like a business outing. I'm sorry, I just find that very odd. Hope you guys are right though! Edited April 3, 2016 by katiegrl 1
losangelena Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 Ehn, had they been playing tennis? Maybe he felt sweaty and gross, maybe he was afraid he smelled bad. Either way, I wouldn't disqualify potential interest on this point alone. It's a second date, some people need time to warm up. 2
katiegrl Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 Ehn, had they been playing tennis? Maybe he felt sweaty and gross, maybe he was afraid he smelled bad. Either way, I wouldn't disqualify potential interest on this point alone. It's a second date, some people need time to warm up. Fair enough. abby keep us posted. I hope he calls for that third date!!
Author abby_tx Posted April 4, 2016 Author Posted April 4, 2016 Well, he asked me out for a third date. Kinda shocked to be honest.
The_Dork_Lard Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 So is that all it's about? 'making a move'? A move towards what? Sex? Is that all it's about? Perhaps, just perhaps, because he's a 30 something, he's been influenced through the 80s and 90s by a feminist cultural agenda which has perpetually instructed him not to value women on their sexual worth, and to take their time in getting to know their character and humanity. Perhaps, just perhaps, he's showing you the ultimate respect.
Versacehottie Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 hmmmm, just trying to be the devil's advocate (actually, angel's jeez some ppl can be soooo pessimistic!): could it be possible that he actually really likes you and doesn't want you to think he is just trying to use you physically so he goes out of his way to show you he's a "good guy". By some of the thought processes going on by women, guys are damned if they do, damned if they don't. He also probably cares more if he really likes you so is more nervous about messing it up. Where is donnivan when you need her? She said her husband took several dates to kiss her. The real point is: do you like him (as has been mentioned)? If you are going to give him a chance because you find something compelling there (ie good banter), then really give him a chance rather than second guessing everything. And doesn't hurt to make the first move physically--why not SEE if there really is chemistry there? You don't have to go for full-on kiss, but you can be more touchy with him. He's evaluating you too. A girl that makes him feel comfortable and good about himself is a good thing. If you are just going on the dates because he asks and you feel like you should because there may be a bf somewhere in there, well then no wonder--that is not the best of reasons to keep saying yes to going out. Ball is in your court. What do you think of him? 1
Author abby_tx Posted April 8, 2016 Author Posted April 8, 2016 So we went on a third date, but I just don't know if it's something I should continue. We had actually discussed via text how we both wanted to kiss eachother on our second date but couldn't read one another, so we didn't. On our third date he made me dinner at his place. He was nice, but it all felt very stiff. He didn't flirt. Had we not talked via text about kissing, I'd have assumed he wasn't attracted. Finally it was time for me to leave and he still hasn't made a move. I snuck a kiss on my way out. It was nice, but really quick and not passionate. He keeps asking me on dates and via text seems very into me, but the romantic aspect is just not there. I don't get him.
deadparrot Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 I mean, it comes down to what you want. If you're still attracted to him and are okay with feeling him out a bit longer, go for it. I admit, at this point, I'd be losing interest. I went out with a guy once. We dated for a good six weeks, the attraction was apparently there, and he kept asking me out, but he never made a move to kiss me, or even touch me or hold hands. By the time he finally did, any spark I felt was gone. But that's just me; only you can decide what the right choice is for your situation. 2
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