kendahke Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Thanks for the replies. Her daughter just turned four, and it appears that the dad is totally out of the picture. I think she's really looking for someone to settle down with soon, while I just want to hang out, go on fun dates, and just let it happen if there's a connection. But I guess were not compatible. Like I was talking about a concert I went to, and she said she basically never has time to do anything, and can't stay up late because she has to get up early every morning... Yeah--this is a lifestyle issue and you're right, you two are not compatible. She's no longer in that space--she may be in 14 years when her daughter goes off to college.
kendahke Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 I also don't understand putting your kids photo up on an online dating site. That's too intimate in my opinion. Save the pics for the guy you end up dating maybe. This turns me off faster than anything else. I can't stand guys who put pictures of their kids in their dating profile. Facebook--that's fine; that's what it's for, but not a dating site. I mean, generally speaking, by a certain age, most people have children and it does have areas on the profile that you can check to say you have children. To me, that tells me "I'm not really serious, I'm going to keep you at bay, I'm not a reliable person to date", so why even bother with them?
bu2002 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Thanks for the replies. Her daughter just turned four, and it appears that the dad is totally out of the picture. I think she's really looking for someone to settle down with soon, while I just want to hang out, go on fun dates, and just let it happen if there's a connection. But I guess were not compatible. Like I was talking about a concert I went to, and she said she basically never has time to do anything, and can't stay up late because she has to get up early every morning... Yep. The most unfortunate thing to me are the dads that aren't involved. They just cut a check for child support. One of my best friends is a female, with 2 kids, each from a different dad, and neither dad lives in the city and isn't involved at all. Just mails the check every month. I think your "concert" conversation isn't surprising. They expend so much much energy just trying to keep up, they don't have time to keep up with other interests/current events/etc. My friend has to make sure both kids get home each day, go to all events and it's just draining. So moral of the story, I wouldn't necessarly just give up never dating a single mom, because they're amazing in their own right because of what they have to do on a day to day basis, but evaluate each situation on it's own and see if it's something you can be compatible.
Larryville Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 My biggest pet peeve on dating sites is people who make the profile all about their kids. You want to date them, not their kid. Big deal... why depending on age this is an issue. If someone under 30 let’s say never married gets pregnant and was not planned kids dad is a bum not involved the woman has no career trajectory… I either seem to find the ones who just want fun (date several men) or the ones who talk about marriage in their first or second message. They just don't have time to socialize and are about as stressed out as a person can be And yet again this is why I will never date a woman with kids. They just aren't worth it. If the woman concentrated on her career FIRST, or got married early, was married for some time, or planned to have kids later… These are the women who have pics with their kids on OLD sites, talks about them in profiles, will be a significant priority to them, the “helicopter” types as kids go off to college. have older teen children or young adult children maybe in college and still treat them like little kids, still cooks for them, cleans their rooms if living with them... I've seen it all. If a dude does not mind permanently being on the relationship back burner then go ahead and date older single/divorced moms. The other things guys don’t get (I can personally attest) I dated a single mom, really was into her, she was very proactive about having the right man in her daughter’s life. (daughter was 12 when we met) There was typical teenage angst with mom, her daughter and I became real close and I communicated well with her she opened up to me mainly because I was not “trying” to be another dad. Mom was the one who had the issue because she could not figure out how to connect with daughter. Needless to say she faded relationship lost, she actually said "was jealous of your dynamic." I was like WTF!? I did everything I was asked. The other thing if you do connect with kid(s) you lose both. Honestly I miss the daughter as much as the mom, great young kid with lots of potential. Why frankly I would NEVER recommend any dude dating a single mom or if you do you better damn well be prepared to deal with a lot of mental, emotional, financial stuff that as this person says…. And yet again this is why I will never date a woman with kids. They just aren't worth it.
truth_seeker Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 I met this 26 year old woman on Tinder. I usually don't date single moms, but I thought she looked cute and I liked what she wrote about herself so I gave it a shot. Why not, it's just dating. We went on one date but the thing is she basically confirmed every personal reason I had in the past about not wanting to date single moms. She talked about how she barely has time for herself, and whenever she does have some time off, she spends it with her daughter. (So this date was probably really an exception) Also everything she says is so serious. About what she's looking for, that she misses a man in her life, planning a future with someone, etc* It all pretty much sounded like "instant family" to me, skipping the whole fun dating phase, so it was a huge turn off. Several times I tried to make it more about her, her hobbies, or some lighter topics, but she kept bringing up her kid and what she wants in life. During all this I was thinking about how it would probably never be possible to do anything fun with her, besides dinner. So I highly doubt it will go anywhere. This isn't how most single moms who are dating act right? I just wanted to have some fun, get to know her over time, and see if there's a connection. It seemed like she wanted to skip all of that. She's higly educated so it's not like she's looking for someone to pay her bills Single Moms are looking for a Daddy replacement. They will tell you it's not the case but that's the truth.
Larryville Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Single Moms are looking for a Daddy replacement. They will tell you it's not the case but that's the truth. Why their might be some women who would argue, this is absolutely the case. Anyone who knows the effort it takes to raise kids, the money and time are NOT on OLD sites, especially if their kids are teens. You don’t have time to date any dude. Activities, sports, homework, playdates, school commitments anyone who says they can do all of this AND work and date is insane. Also frankly any woman who would claim this I would not be dating them anyway, not for just being a single mom but you SHOULD put your kids first over any man anyway. 1
amaysngrace Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Single Moms are looking for a Daddy replacement. They will tell you it's not the case but that's the truth. Yea and sometimes they just want to get laid.
LivingDeadGrl Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Single Moms are looking for a Daddy replacement. They will tell you it's not the case but that's the truth. LOL. I suppose that means single Dads are looking for a mommy replacement then? I am a single Mom and I don't really bring up my child unless she is asked about. They are not dating my child, they are not her father, they have nothing to do with her. I do not post pics of my kid online, and I definitely do not introduce her to anyone I am not serious about. I would expect not to meet anyone's kids right away either. When you first start dating someone it should be fun and exciting. Of course you discuss what you're looking for etc, but to be honest she sounds like a downer. First date's should be fun and light... It doesn't sound like you should even consider dating a single Mom. Kids should always come first before any man, and if they don't it's a huge red flag. Obviously you have a problem with a woman not having all the freedom in the world, you won't find this in a single Mom.
truth_seeker Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Yea and sometimes they just want to get laid. I went on a date with a single mom. At the end of the date she wanted to jump my bones in her car. So, yea, there are those who want sex... but, after that experience, non-stop talk about her kid, finding their own place as they lived with her parents... everything was adding up to her wanting to find a guy to take care of them and her using sex as a weapon to get what she wanted!
truth_seeker Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 LOL. I suppose that means single Dads are looking for a mommy replacement then? I would think so. Who wants to raise a kid alone? You need that other person to balance it out. If I'm the single father of a girl, I would want a female presence in her life at all times. I am a single Mom and I don't really bring up my child unless she is asked about. They are not dating my child, they are not her father, they have nothing to do with her. I do not post pics of my kid online, and I definitely do not introduce her to anyone I am not serious about. I would expect not to meet anyone's kids right away either. When you first start dating someone it should be fun and exciting. Of course you discuss what you're looking for etc, but to be honest she sounds like a downer. First date's should be fun and light... It doesn't sound like you should even consider dating a single Mom. Kids should always come first before any man, and if they don't it's a huge red flag. Obviously you have a problem with a woman not having all the freedom in the world, you won't find this in a single Mom. It seems you took my post a bit too personal. It's not that I have a problem, it's the problems she brings to the table. 1
mammasita Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 (edited) Single Moms are looking for a Daddy replacement. They will tell you it's not the case but that's the truth. GTFOH with that BS. Have you ever been a single mom? Ok then. Maybe some young immature trash is looking for someone to raise her kids, but no, lets not generalize. Edited March 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
truth_seeker Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 GTFOH with that BS. Have you ever been a single mom? Ok then. Maybe a young immature hoe bag is looking for someone to raise her kids, but no, lets not generalize. Daddy replacement doesn't necessarily mean raising her kids... it can mean providing some financial stability. She is short for money for groceries, so the single mom works the guy by using sex to get him to give her money for groceries. Common, you know this goes on. Lets not play the denial card here.
LivingDeadGrl Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 I would think so. Who wants to raise a kid alone? You need that other person to balance it out. If I'm the single father of a girl, I would want a female presence in her life at all times. It seems you took my post a bit too personal. It's not that I have a problem, it's the problems she brings to the table. Sorry, the second part of my post was directed at the OP, not you. Should have quoted it. Definitely not personal... It's the internet
mammasita Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Daddy replacement doesn't necessarily mean raising her kids... it can mean providing some financial stability. She is short for money for groceries, so the single mom works the guy by using sex to get him to give her money for groceries. Common, you know this goes on. Lets not play the denial card here. Again, you're generalizing. Not every single mother needs someone else for financial stability. How do I know this? Because I have been one, I am one. I don't need a man for money or to be a daddy to my kid because I make more than them all. I just need his sex parts. 2
amaysngrace Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 She is short for money for groceries, so the single mom works the guy by using sex to get him to give her money for groceries. Common, you know this goes on. Lets not play the denial card here. I wish I had known that I could have made money on the deal. Silly me just slept with him because he was awesome in bed. 1
truth_seeker Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Sorry, the second part of my post was directed at the OP, not you. Should have quoted it. Definitely not personal... It's the internet no worries. 1
truth_seeker Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 I wish I had known that I could have made money on the deal. Silly me just slept with him because he was awesome in bed. So you're using the man for sex only? There is no relationship? If there is a relationship, eventually he will assume the role of father figure to your child.
truth_seeker Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Again, you're generalizing. Not every single mother needs someone else for financial stability. How do I know this? Because I have been one, I am one. I don't need a man for money or to be a daddy to my kid because I make more than them all. I just need his sex parts. I have to ask where is the father? Why is he absent? You need the man for his sex parts. Good for you. Why are you in a place where there is no father around and you date guys who don't make the money you make? Maybe you need to make smarter choices when it comes to men?
Larryville Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Again, you're generalizing. Not every single mother needs someone else for financial stability. (Most unplanned moms do) How do I know this? Because I have been one, I am one. I don't need a man for money or to be a daddy to my kid because I make more than them all. I just need his sex parts. Then why don’t rich or at least well off women just hire Gigolos, especially if they have the cash, would it not be easier than jacking with OLD and introducing your kids to a bunch of deadbeat dudes?
William Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Let's move things back to the thread starter's personal situation and away from more general debate. Thanks!
Versacehottie Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 Thanks for the replies. Her daughter just turned four, and it appears that the dad is totally out of the picture. I think she's really looking for someone to settle down with soon, while I just want to hang out, go on fun dates, and just let it happen if there's a connection. But I guess were not compatible. Like I was talking about a concert I went to, and she said she basically never has time to do anything, and can't stay up late because she has to get up early every morning... Well, it may be true that these are the realities of her life but to be pessimistic about a lot of things on a date is a turn-off. That's what I'm saying, she's a bad dater; doesn't know how to create a spark or market herself. I wouldn't apply it to all single mom. For example, lots of people are not crazy about their jobs or bosses but to tell the "reality" of that or focus on it on a first date is just dumb and not smart dating strategy. On a date, especially those first few, if you talk about things negatively, the other person is likely to transfer that negative talk to their impression of "you", which is why it's not good. This has less to do with her parental status and more to do with the fact that she took your questions or the conversation too seriously and failed to generate a spark or be flirty and show the good sides of herself. Dating fail. In reality, as busy as they are, lots of moms are well-rounded people with warm and fun personalities--if she had showed you that on the date (as ANY good dater would have), I doubt we would be having this thread.
Deidre Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 (edited) I've never dated single dads for the same reasons. I heard from a few friends the same things you speak about, OP...and it's not a bad thing, really. It's just a single mom/dad is in an entirely different place than someone who is single with no kids. Edited March 22, 2016 by Deidre 1
Omei Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 (edited) Single Moms are looking for a Daddy replacement. They will tell you it's not the case but that's the truth. No it's really not Only a crazy woman would try to make her children who has grown and lived without a father suddenly try to call a stranger daddy. It's like this my daughter is nine yes? She reads she writes she can prepare her own food she's at an age of independence, her whole life it's always been me and her she knows there is no daddyin the picture do you realize how weird for my child it would be if I had a man come in and take on a father roll do you think my child would accept that or even view him as such ? Us single mothers have provided for our children on our own so why would we need a man suddenly? We dont. Some of us don't even collect child support I do not my daughters father turned out to be such a deadbeat there's nothing to collect I do it all on my own. If I ever get into a serious relationship my daughter would call that man by his first name. There comes a point in a child's life where a father roll just can no longer be filled you know, by them mentally.....so this stereotype every single mothers are seeking financial support is silly and what about single fathers out there why do they not have this stereotype ? Because a mans more likely to work I guess? Well let me tell you when you're a single parent you HAVE to work and you HAVE provide for yourself and child financially unless you plan on living off welfare but then would you date that person anyway? Seriously all single mothers like regular people without children when the time comes to make the relationship serious we just want it 50/50 like everyone else. Sure yes there are single moms out there with kids looking for someone to save them no doubt but surely you can see that on your own by using your noggin when you see she doesn't have a job or anything to do but to generalize all single mothers for that and not even bother to get to know them based on wild theories is a damn shame some of us are powerhouse ladies with lots of multi skills that know exactly how to maintain a relationship and household very well and children and work all at the same time. And some of us have plenty of time, you just cannot go around thinking all single parents are seeking support because it's like 9/10 are already doing it....without you and we're overlooked because of that 1% of parents who are lazy, but the reality is most single parents try harder and have to work harder than a person without a child, they should be admired not feared. Edited March 22, 2016 by Omei
Larryville Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 Originally Posted by truth_seeker Single Moms are looking for a Daddy replacement. They will tell you it's not the case but that's the truth. No it's really not Only a crazy woman would try to make her children who has grown and lived without a father suddenly try to call a stranger daddy. Omei with all due respect, you clearly don’t know what you are talking about, you women who are not like what Truth and many guys describe (I’m talking about typical OLD types) are looking at it from YOUR perspective. Again I can't speak for all single moms but no I do not act like that… If you have a clear sense of what is right and correct for your child it is also likely that you and your friends and family also share your values. I said this in an earlier post, single moms whose primary focus is raising and taking care of their kids and not stressing about needing some dude in their lives ARE NOT ON ONLINE DATING! some of us have plenty of time, you just cannot go around thinking all single parents are seeking support because it's like 9/10 are already doing it....without you and we're overlooked because of that 1% of parents who are lazy, but the reality is most single parents try harder and have to work harder than a person without a child... This is OP again… Also everything she says is so serious. About what she's looking for, that she misses a man in her life, planning a future with someone, etc* It all pretty much sounded like "instant family" to me, skipping the whole fun dating phase, so it was a huge turn off. Several times I tried to make it more about her, her hobbies, or some lighter topics, but she kept bringing up her kid and what she wants in life. During all this I was thinking about how it would probably never be possible to do anything fun with her, besides dinner. So I highly doubt it will go anywhere. This isn't how most single moms who are dating act right? Let me repeat and again this is not an indictment of ALL single moms but I know what I and MANY men have experienced. Here is what is typical on OLD sites: This particular woman who I contacted many years ago on many of the major sites, hot, seemingly educated but her profile pics are all of her in tight dresses, partying with a drink in several pics, in early profiles mentions her 8 year old son a lot, but strategically laying off talking about her kid… her likes… Travel, music, dancing, sports, books, last minute plans, museums, wine tasting, cooking, theater, open mind, non judgmental, craziness, spontaneity, going out (but also staying in), sharing, simplicity, respect, down to earth, honest, good sense of humor, ability to laugh about myself. You should message me if you are: Sexy, smart, fit and fun, and know how to treat a woman. I don’t think that’s too much to ask… This woman likes to feel protected by a strong man that will bring home the meat and make sure she doesn't get eaten by bears;). I am not looking for one night stand. I am looking for a friendship, excitement, fun times, and if something more was to develop, I am open to possibilities. I am very busy with work, attending the University, and taking care of my son, but I will find a time for the right person. Seriously!? While she might not be looking for a daddy NOW that was implied in her earlier posts, so clearly the dudes she met must have burned her ear about not wanting to play daddy. But all of the single moms want to pretend that they can do the mom thing part time and also be in a relationship and do all of this fun stuff and they can’t! This gets me back to what I said, if a woman is serious about raising her kid in a good healthy way there are NOT on dating sites and if they are MOST of the time you run into what OP is up against. Don’t be mad at what us guys have experienced and written about OLD. If you are a woman NOT looking for a daddy replacement, are financially sound, educated, taking care of your business cool I applaud you! You are one of the unicorns who clearly have your $hit together. I've never dated single dads for the same reasons. I heard from a few friends the same things you speak about, OP...and it's not a bad thing, really. It's just a single mom/dad is in an entirely different place than someone who is single with no kids. Exactly! Why anyone would want to venture into that quagmire is beyond me, but hey we all have free will...
Omei Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 (edited) Yeah I do know what I'm talking about I work full time and cared for my child for 10 years so far on my own and guess what I'm on a dating site.....just like a single person without a child could be. We us single parents need love and care too we too would like to find someone to fall in love with, so yes moms who have their stuff together are on dating sites but are often overlooked by this stereotype. You're just adding more generalization by saying only financial seeking mothers would be on the site. It should be really simple if she doesn't have a job okay fine ignore, if she does then don't judge and at least see before you assume, but it's not like that it's just assumed. And I get you're not saying all single moms thank you but most ppl who are dating think that, without a second thought. Edited March 22, 2016 by Omei
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