Tried dating a single mom...

March 20, 2016

I met this 26 year old woman on Tinder. I usually don't date single moms, but I thought she looked cute and I liked what she wrote about herself so I gave it a shot. Why not, it's just dating.

We went on one date but the thing is she basically confirmed every personal reason I had in the past about not wanting to date single moms. She talked about how she barely has time for herself, and whenever she does have some time off, she spends it with her daughter. (So this date was probably really an exception)

Also everything she says is so serious. About what she's looking for, that she misses a man in her life, planning a future with someone, etc* It all pretty much sounded like "instant family" to me, skipping the whole fun dating phase, so it was a huge turn off.

Several times I tried to make it more about her, her hobbies, or some lighter topics, but she kept bringing up her kid and what she wants in life. During all this I was thinking about how it would probably never be possible to do anything fun with her, besides dinner. So I highly doubt it will go anywhere.

This isn't how most single moms who are dating act right? I just wanted to have some fun, get to know her over time, and see if there's a connection. It seemed like she wanted to skip all of that. She's higly educated so it's not like she's looking for someone to pay her bills

March 20, 2016

My biggest pet peeve on dating sites is people who make the profile all about their kids. You want to date them, not their kid.

I have my first date with a single dad and this post has made me nervous. I've never dated someone with kids.

March 20, 2016

I either seem to find the ones who just want fun (date several men) or the ones who talk about marriage in their first or second message.

March 20, 2016

Several times I tried to make it more about her, her hobbies, or some lighter topics, but she kept bringing up her kid and what she wants in life. During all this I was thinking about how it would probably never be possible to do anything fun with her, besides dinner. So I highly doubt it will go anywhere.

This isn't how most single moms who are dating act right? I just wanted to have some fun, get to know her over time, and see if there's a connection. It seemed like she wanted to skip all of that. She's highly educated so it's not like she's looking for someone to pay her bills

Parenting and addressing the dependency of a little human is pretty serious business and one way of looking at this is, absent the compatibility aspect, if her actions match her words, that's a pretty good score for a 26yo.

Regarding compatibility, if your life and style are more free ranging and spontaneous, then such a serious person would be a poor match IMO. You're at different places in life.

Are all single mothers like that? IME, having dated plenty in my 15-20 years of being single, and having relationships with three, it varies. Some had their kids always with them, meaning in the forefront regardless of interactions; others parented when parenting and focused on adult interactions and play when in that milieu and the kids were in the background. There was, IME, a wide range of behaviors, IMO to be expected since women are individuals.

What kind of interest did she show in you? First dates are, IME, kind of like fun interviews. However, if both parties aren't equally in it for the get to know, then it can be a bust. It depends on the individuals.

March 20, 2016

I met this 26 year old woman on Tinder. I usually don't date single moms, but I thought she looked cute and I liked what she wrote about herself so I gave it a shot. Why not, it's just dating.

We went on one date but the thing is she basically confirmed every personal reason I had in the past about not wanting to date single moms. She talked about how she barely has time for herself, and whenever she does have some time off, she spends it with her daughter. (So this date was probably really an exception)

*** I'm a single mother of one myself. My ex husband gets our daughter two days a week so I generally use those days to date. I don't often get out on the weekends without her because honestly I don't want too. Weekends are my favorite for enjoying some quality time with my daughter. If I found a man worthy enough I'm sure he could squeeze a few weekends out of me too lol. Obviously I don't speak for all sngle moms in my views though. This hasn't dissuaded men from dating me thus far so I guess it's nit a dealbreaker for most men I've dated***

Also everything she says is so serious. About what she's looking for, that she misses a man in her life, planning a future with someone, etc* It all pretty much sounded like "instant family" to me, skipping the whole fun dating phase, so it was a huge turn off.

***I understand as we get older we get a more clear picture of what we want out of life. I certainty bring up my deal breakers sooner than later but it seems shes laying it all out there on the first? date? In her defense I think lots of people are looking for what she wants, nothing I read insinuated instant family though. Just her getting across what shes looking for. Although if that subject dominated the date as well as her seriousness then I velieve your above thoughts would have more merit.****

Several times I tried to make it more about her, her hobbies, or some lighter topics, but she kept bringing up her kid and what she wants in life. During all this I was thinking about how it would probably never be possible to do anything fun with her, besides dinner. So I highly doubt it will go anywhere.

****Yeah parents are allowed to have a life outside of parenting. I manage to disc golf, play guitar, go fishing, build dog beds and more all while keepibg up with my motherly duties. It's really startibg to sound like this mom either has next to no time in her scheule for anything but work and her child. Maybeshe should consider dating when she has a healthier balance of things? at this point I'm starting to think your suspicious are correct. Is the childa father in the picture?****

This isn't how most single moms who are dating act right? I just wanted to have some fun, get to know her over time, and see if there's a connection. It seemed like she wanted to skip all of that. She's higly educated so it's not like she's looking for someone to pay her bills

****Again I can't speak for all single moms but no I do not act like that. On a first date I want to laugh and have fun. Interesting conversation plus good company and chemistry make for a good first date to me. There is nothing to be serious about on a first date in my opinion. If some guy I went on a date with kept steering the conversation to being lonely and missing life with someone else and planning a future etc, I would get an impression that he just wants to settle down asap and who its with is less important that when. ****

March 20, 2016

My biggest pet peeve on dating sites is people who make the profile all about their kids. You want to date them, not their kid.

I have my first date with a single dad and this post has made me nervous. I've never dated someone with kids.

In her profile she actually wrote that she wasn't looking for a dad for her daughter, but a partner for herself. She also only had one picture with her kid, so I was surprised she brought up the subject of being a mom all the time

March 20, 2016

Parenting and addressing the dependency of a little human is pretty serious business and one way of looking at this is, absent the compatibility aspect, if her actions match her words, that's a pretty good score for a 26yo.

Regarding compatibility, if your life and style are more free ranging and spontaneous, then such a serious person would be a poor match IMO. You're at different places in life.

What kind of interest did she show in you? First dates are, IME, kind of like fun interviews. However, if both parties aren't equally in it for the get to know, then it can be a bust. It depends on the individuals.

She wanted to know about my education, what I studied , current job, etc. Like I said, it was pretty much all business. I can be serious, but I expect a first date to be way more casual

March 20, 2016

My biggest pet peeve on dating sites is people who make the profile all about their kids. You want to date them, not their kid.

I have my first date with a single dad and this post has made me nervous. I've never dated someone with kids.

yeah, so often I've been seeing on dating sites the mother taking selfies with her and her child. And it's included in just about every other photo.

March 20, 2016

****Again I can't speak for all single moms but no I do not act like that. On a first date I want to laugh and have fun. Interesting conversation plus good company and chemistry make for a good first date to me. There is nothing to be serious about on a first date in my opinion. If some guy I went on a date with kept steering the conversation to being lonely and missing life with someone else and planning a future etc, I would get an impression that he just wants to settle down asap and who its with is less important that when. ****

Good to know not all single moms are immediately that serious. I thought it might be me (or her), but I just wanted to go on a fun date... not a compability check for a possible future together

Edited March 20, 2016 by Erik30

March 20, 2016

You're at different places in your life. You didn't state your age, but I would imagine you're around 26'ish? If so, I can imagine why you're not thrilled with the prospect of an insta-family. If you were 36, then i'm guessing you might have a different viewpoint, especially if close friends and family members of yours are at similar places in their life.

There's nothing wrong with her point of view, and nothing wrong with your point of view. It just doesn't appear to be compatibile.

Are all single moms like that? Not necessarily. A lot depends on if the father of the child lives in the same city, has custody every other weekend, and what other help she has to watch her kids. If the father of the child has custody every other weekend, and she has "help" in the form of grandparents/siblings to babysit when she does have the kids, it's a lot easier for her to go out with girlfriends/dating partners. My hunch is she very little of that, and thus, she "barely has time for herself"

Me personally, I'm open to dating a single mom, but the elements above need to exist. Some guys don't want the father in the picture. I'm the opposite. I would want their dad heavily involved, seeing them every other weekend, going to sporting events, plays, or other activities their kids are involved in. That love and support those kids feel will make them happy, thus make your partner comfortable and feel less of a burden.

March 20, 2016

And yet again this is why I will never date a woman with kids. They just aren't worth it.

March 20, 2016

She wanted to know about my education, what I studied , current job, etc. Like I said, it was pretty much all business. I can be serious, but I expect a first date to be way more casual

Fair assessment. I went on a lot of first dates and it was a decided minority, almost to the point of 'I can't remember one', that went like that, rather they were more activity oriented or where we discussed our passions in life, personal experiences, joked around, etc.

I haven't been on a date in a long time since getting divorced but I remember taking the lady out to a sushi place for lunch and we mostly discussed food as she liked to cook and I had been to Japan and enjoy their cuisine, as well as travel and doing house projects since she was in the middle of a remodel at her place. I think she mentioned she had a son and that he was an adult but that was it.

IMO, if you have plenty of childless women in your dating pool, focus on that demographic. Sure, you might miss out on a good partner but making choices which reflect your personal style is healthy for you and any choice will have positives and negatives and how they balance is up to you.

March 20, 2016

Good to know not all single moms are immediately that serious. I thought it might be me (or her), but I just wanted to go on a fun date... not a compability check for a possible future together

I have kids and my bf barely knows they exist. kidding. Really, my dating life and my children are mostly separate. They are together enough to know that they like each other but they are not around on dates and sleepovers. The ages of the kids are important.....younger ones require more hands on.

Bolded, it kind of sounds like this woman is thinking about more than just a fun date. She seems serious (which is reasonable) and not very much about a good time outside certain qualifications.

Maybe you should skip this one. Have you put in your profile that you are not interested in a serious relationship? Do you have somewhere that you are a 'good time skippy,' or whatever OLD people say?

March 20, 2016

I met this 26 year old woman on Tinder. I usually don't date single moms, but I thought she looked cute and I liked what she wrote about herself so I gave it a shot. Why not, it's just dating.

We went on one date but the thing is she basically confirmed every personal reason I had in the past about not wanting to date single moms. She talked about how she barely has time for herself, and whenever she does have some time off, she spends it with her daughter. (So this date was probably really an exception)

Also everything she says is so serious. About what she's looking for, that she misses a man in her life, planning a future with someone, etc* It all pretty much sounded like "instant family" to me, skipping the whole fun dating phase, so it was a huge turn off.

Several times I tried to make it more about her, her hobbies, or some lighter topics, but she kept bringing up her kid and what she wants in life. During all this I was thinking about how it would probably never be possible to do anything fun with her, besides dinner. So I highly doubt it will go anywhere.

This isn't how most single moms who are dating act right? I just wanted to have some fun, get to know her over time, and see if there's a connection. It seemed like she wanted to skip all of that. She's higly educated so it's not like she's looking for someone to pay her bills

Hate to say it, but yeah this is pretty much what you're going to run into. Some--NOT ALL--women make their children their whole life.

She can probably do a dinner every now and then, but taking off to go hang out doing whatever? No--that's probably not going to happen because of babysitting/custody weekends, etc., things like that. Which is probably why she speaks in terms of "insta-family".

If you're cool with seeing her for dinner occasionally, then just do that, keep things casual and don't commit. Nothing's worse than being committed to someone who isn't of the mind to make you a priority in the foreseeable future. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be a priority to someone with whom you wish to enter into a committed relationship.

Stick to women who don't have children or don't have young children underfoot.

March 20, 2016

yeah, so often I've been seeing on dating sites the mother taking selfies with her and her child. And it's included in just about every other photo.

I also don't understand putting your kids photo up on an online dating site. That's too intimate in my opinion. Save the pics for the guy you end up dating maybe.

March 20, 2016

I would say most of the single moms will be like that. They just don't have time to socialize and are about as stressed out as a person can be, so they may not be able to be just fun. But of course, not all. I have a married friend who was always social and fun even when she had her son, but that's because she was just the most social person I've ever known and wasn't about to give it up.

A man is not usually going to be the priority of a single woman who has kids. If he is, she's probably not being the best mom and may not be the best person. I think you should ask questions up front and find out if the person has a babysitter and still likes to go out and have fun without the kids. You can usually kind of tell anyway by their facebook page. If it's all about the kids, they're probably all about the kids. If it's more about them and barely mentions the kids, they may be more apt to make room for a man and hire a babysitter. But you must remember, no matter babysitter or not, eventually, their goal is to pull you into their family and give you some responsibilities and have you share the load to some extent. If that doesn't sound fun to you, don't date mothers.

March 20, 2016

I also don't understand putting your kids photo up on an online dating site. That's too intimate in my opinion. Save the pics for the guy you end up dating maybe.

I agree with this

OP not all single mothers are the same each parent is different and so are their situations and how they act as well.

As a parent any parent single or not it can be hard not to talk about your kids because that's usually your main focus.

id say she made an oops talking too much about her child on a date and now you feel pressured about the big future picture and it's much too early to worry about that see this is where I think single mothers go wrong when they speak too in depth about the future and can scare men off when it's too early.

A lot of men also make the mistake in thinking every single mom needs a mans help, or saving, or that their something wrong with us to be single (it's most cases the guy was a bum and we've had to take on full responsibility)

We did it before alone without you why do men think they're special in that as soon as we meet you we need you lol I think a lot of guys forget that we have cared for our children years before their arrival and get silly thoughts in that we're gonna make them fathers and force responsibility the reality is if the kids not a baby and much older that roll will prob never come into play, I've never had any of my bfs take on my parental duties nor would I want them too as they usually have zero parenting experience.

It's a bad stereotype mothers have I dislike it it's hard for us to get dates when men instantly think we want them to save us but usually the mothers with a good head on their shoulders don't want a new stranger anywhere near our children till the time is right.

I always say get to know her FIRST and worry less about her kids if she's a parent of any good you wouldn't even meet her kids anytime soon.

Peraph is a perfect example of one of those guys who's convinced that single mothers care about nothing else in life but finding someone else to care for their children and that we're all looking for someone to leech onto and that's our agenda but it's just not true at all some of us would truly like to find someone simply to care for US we may be single mothers but would still like someone to care and adore us we don't need you to care for our children we got that covered.

Being a single parent shouldn't put you into a generalization that your a person looking for a handout that's rediculous were all ladies with different desires and personalities and different ways of life also every parent is different too.

Edited March 20, 2016 by Omei

March 20, 2016

I'm a single mom, and I can't speak for all single moms, but the last thing I want to talk about is my kids (or work for that matter). I just want to have fun and fall in love and it be beautiful, but I want an exclusive relationship, not one where we're multi-dating or casually dating. My kids are also older though so they're not the center of my universe anymore.

March 20, 2016

I'm a single mom, and I can't speak for all single moms, but the last thing I want to talk about is my kids (or work for that matter). I just want to have fun and fall in love and it be beautiful, but I want an exclusive relationship, not one where we're multi-dating or casually dating. My kids are also older though so they're not the center of my universe anymore.

I'm the same, OP's date may have been a new mom? New moms can be somewhat annoying lol they never stop talking about it lmao even as a parent to parent conversation sometimes your like in your head "I really don't need to see another pictur....oh there it is hahah yeahhhh how nice cute"

March 20, 2016

As a single mom on the dating scene after my divorce, I did not ever post pictures of my children on dating websites. I always mentioned I had them and that they were my priority. But, I did not talk about them on my dates. I only dated when my kids were with their dad, and I kept my parenting life and my dating life very separate. As much as I love my kids (more than life itself), I am my own person with my own interests and hobbies and personality. There is the mom-me and the hippychick-me. All my dates knew about was the hippychick-me. Only my current boyfriend saw the mom-me and that was after the relationship was already established.

I can't tell you how many men, though, would talk nonstop, ad nauseam about their own children on first dates. Those were not fun dates.

March 21, 2016

Thanks for the replies.

Her daughter just turned four, and it appears that the dad is totally out of the picture.

I think she's really looking for someone to settle down with soon, while I just want to hang out, go on fun dates, and just let it happen if there's a connection.

But I guess were not compatible. Like I was talking about a concert I went to, and she said she basically never has time to do anything, and can't stay up late because she has to get up early every morning...

March 21, 2016

Yeah, it's not going to work. And her kid is four. Talk about time-consuming, chasing a four-year-old around is a full-time job.

March 21, 2016

She wanted to know about my education, what I studied , current job, etc. Like I said, it was pretty much all business. I can be serious, but I expect a first date to be way more casual

Maybe she is just a bad dater? The kind that doesn't know how to act and what to talk about on a first date--in general? Not that it doesn't have to do with her being a single mom as well but she could just be book smart but not so socially smart. Of course, her child is the most important thing in her life. But no matter what the most important thing in one's life is the important thing on a date is too connect and IMO not be uber serious and literal. Women (and men) of all types (single, single parents, sharing custody parents) make this mistake all the time. They are just dull and not so perceptive when it comes to dating. If I were in your shoes, I would just chalk it up to "she is not my type" rather than "all single moms are too serious". That said, which I'm sure you realize, being a parent is a huge responsibility and takes a tremendous amount of time--if you date someone who is a parent in the future just have your eyes open about that. But just because someone is a parent doesn't mean that they are all too serious or not fun. I agree with you though that especially if she said she wasn't looking for a dad for her kids that it was a bit heavy to lay that all on you on the first date. Good luck and hopefully you will find the right person (parent or not) for you to date.

March 21, 2016

Don't date her if you two didn't click but don't blame it on her having a kid. Not everybody's the same.

If you find a woman that you are really into and she has kids it won't bother you because you'll like her enough to take that on.

This one wasn't like that though. It's probably just her personality.

March 21, 2016

Don't date her if you two didn't click but don't blame it on her having a kid. Not everybody's the same.

If you find a woman that you are really into and she has kids it won't bother you because you'll like her enough to take that on.

This one wasn't like that though. It's probably just her personality.

Right on the nail there. I found a woman I really liked, she was a single mom, but I knew if I dated her the children were part of the package. But I like the women so I accepted it.

But then she didn't like me after several months. LOL.

Sign In

Tried dating a single mom...

Recommended Posts

Erik30

abby_tx

coreydillon

carhill

BlametheIrish

Erik30

Erik30

LookAtThisPOst

Erik30

bu2002

deckard11

carhill

Timshel

kendahke

abby_tx

preraph

Omei

Popsicle

Omei

hippychick3

Erik30

preraph

Versacehottie

amaysngrace

loveiswar101

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...