SBO Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 I'm 23. I've been in 3 relationships, all LTR (3 years, 1 year, 4 years). I'm currently in a relationship (4 years). I regret jumping from one LTR to another. Quite often, I have the urge to get out there and have sex with other people. I don't know why I have these feelings but I do and I'm somewhat ashamed of them. I fantasize about sex with other men, but not just any sex. GOOD sex. If I could see the future and know the sex wouldn't be great, I wouldn't want to do it. I just want hot, steamy, longer than 5 minute sex. Am I crazy? A bad person? I keep reading stories about people who have or had great sex experiences and I'm like "where are mine?".
Shining One Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 It doesn't sound like anything is wrong with you. You want to have good sex and you're not getting it currently. Have you tried working on this with your current partner?
Author SBO Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 It doesn't sound like anything is wrong with you. You want to have good sex and you're not getting it currently. Have you tried working on this with your current partner? Yes, he won't put in the effort. The sex lasts a minute or two, 5 if I'm lucky. And once he's done he's no longer interested in me. He has had a lot of sexual partners (30+), I've had 3. It's like he's burnt out. He couldn't have always sucked and had that many partners.
Shining One Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Yes, he won't put in the effort. The sex lasts a minute or two, 5 if I'm lucky. And once he's done he's no longer interested in me.You need to determine if this is a deal-breaker for you and then act accordingly.He couldn't have always sucked and had that many partners.Actually, it's kind of easy to suck and have a bunch of partners. You only have to convince them to sleep with you once. It's not like your abilities are tested before you get into bed.
joseb Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 So you have been with this guy for 4 years and the sex lasts 5 minutes tops? How did it get to this point, surely you would have spoken about it after 4 weeks, or 4 months tops..and he just replied what? I don't care, I'm not going to try? What about if you two have sex several times in quick succession...does it still last so little time?
Author SBO Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 So you have been with this guy for 4 years and the sex lasts 5 minutes tops? How did it get to this point, surely you would have spoken about it after 4 weeks, or 4 months tops..and he just replied what? I don't care, I'm not going to try? What about if you two have sex several times in quick succession...does it still last so little time? The last couple times we had sex it was in and out 3-5 times and he was done. He'll lay in bed and read on his phone for 15 minutes after (at most) then he's gone. We didn't have sex until.... 2 years into the relationship. I thought it would be better to wait. By then I was in love with him. He knows I'm not happy about the sex, but doesn't try to change it. Do you mean he finishes and go again? He can't or won't go again. Once he finishes he says he's not in the mood anymore and too sensitive. You need to determine if this is a deal-breaker for you and then act accordingly.Actually, it's kind of easy to suck and have a bunch of partners. You only have to convince them to sleep with you once. It's not like your abilities are tested before you get into bed. Won't that make me look bad? Dumping a LTR over sex? He only ever slept with girls he knew. Though I don't know if there was ever repeat customers.
joseb Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Don't worry about if it will make you look bad. It's a perfectly valid reason. You are not compatible sexually. And he is making absolutely no effort to change. It sounds like you are deeply unsatisfied. This is why I strongly disagree with waiting a long time to have sex. By then you may have fallen for each other. Better to find out sooner about sexual compatibility. Do you really mean you two have never had sex even twice in one night? Just FYI, that's not really normal, especially early in a sexual relationship. The last girl I was seeing got pissed off if we "only" did it 3 times. Sure he may not be ready immediately, but 15 or 30 minutes should be enough recharge time... 1
Author SBO Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 Don't worry about if it will make you look bad. It's a perfectly valid reason. You are not compatible sexually. And he is making absolutely no effort to change. It sounds like you are deeply unsatisfied. This is why I strongly disagree with waiting a long time to have sex. By then you may have fallen for each other. Better to find out sooner about sexual compatibility. Do you really mean you two have never had sex even twice in one night? Just FYI, that's not really normal, especially early in a sexual relationship. The last girl I was seeing got pissed off if we "only" did it 3 times. Sure he may not be ready immediately, but 15 or 30 minutes should be enough recharge time... I regret waiting so long. I'd rather have sex right away and just know. We've never, ever had sex twice in one night (or in one day). He says he's too sensitive after for a couple hours AND his sex drive is gone for at least a day.
joseb Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 I regret waiting so long. I'd rather have sex right away and just know. We've never, ever had sex twice in one night (or in one day). He says he's too sensitive after for a couple hours AND his sex drive is gone for at least a day. I could see him being too sensitive if you two had been banging for an hour, but a minute or two where he just about puts it in? I dunno, sounds like he might have some kinda issue then ...
Empire87 Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 I regret waiting so long. I'd rather have sex right away and just know. We've never, ever had sex twice in one night (or in one day). He says he's too sensitive after for a couple hours AND his sex drive is gone for at least a day. Sex is a Hugeeeeeee part of a relationships ability to last. You already know that the person you're with isn't thrilling you and never has in the bedroom. What else is there for you to figure out? Think about what your life would be like if you continued dating this person and it was 5, 10 years down the road. Would you be happy? Or would you feel like you wish you could go back and do things and see other people? You're still young enough to experience everything you're talking about. Don't feel bad because your partner is a good person and you don't want to hurt their feelings. You need to think about what makes you happy and satisfied. Don't waste any more time just because it's comfortable. 1
Tahirthegreat Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Since he isnt willing to work on it, then end the relationship and find someone else to meet your sexual wants. No reason to drag out a relationship that youre not happy in. 1
PogoStick Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Actually, my gf (41 y/o) says most men are bad in bed. I have to say, most women are too! Anyway, nothing wrong with wanting some random sex. Have fun and go bang a bunch of guys. A couple will turn out to be good, and you can keep banging them until you've had your fill.
JourneyLady Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Nah - don't sneak around. Just end it. If he's not willing to satisfy you in bed (or anywhere) (and/or vice versa) he's not a "buyer" and this is a temporary relationship - it will end somehow, some way. If all you want is promiscuous sex and not a relationship, only go out with men who want the same - there are plenty of them! Also men who want a real adult relationship will often take sex with a temp just for the relief... But do think of this... If you get into a friends with benefits relationship, you are cutting off part of your heart and will have to constantly guard it. Once you do that, the result is the same as people who have been badly hurt - then if "Mr Right" comes along and wants a committed relationship, you may not be able to do your best at it. Nothing wrong with fantasy, even in a relationship, but don't feed it while you are still with someone exclusive.
Author SBO Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 We had sex last night and I kid you not, it lasted 20 seconds. As soon as he was done he rolled over and it's like I didn't exist. I can't do that forever.... Even if I talk to him again, is there anything he can do about it?
Guildford Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Tell him that in the future there will be a penalty for finishing that quickly. He must then go down on you until you orgasm.
abby_tx Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 We had sex last night and I kid you not, it lasted 20 seconds. As soon as he was done he rolled over and it's like I didn't exist. I can't do that forever.... Even if I talk to him again, is there anything he can do about it? This is really selfish. You need to have a talk with him ASAP. Then perhaps counseling if the relationship is important to you. If none of this works, yes. Break up with him. Edit: I just realized you're only 23. I thought you were in your mid 30's. Now I am even further on the 'end it' side of things just for your personal growth. Try being single for a while. TRULY single. 1
sickoflove11 Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 I'm sure it will be really hard for you to end it seeing that it has been a LTR. You says you love or loved him at one point so I'm sure that is a reason you don't want to end it! But like the others are saying, you are not compatible sexually and maybe if you explain this to him and that you can't live like that anymore, he could come around later. Maybe not but then you are better off anyways. I'm having the same urges you are to just hook up with other people but I'm not in a relationship. My problems is finding people to hook up with. So I don't think you're wrong to feel that way at all.
AMJ Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 No offense, but your BF sounds horrible. He must have some redeeming qualities that allow you to overlook how completely selfish he is in the bedroom? Because any guy who is worthwhile will want you to enjoy sex as much, if not more, than he does. Especially if he loves you. 1
Shining One Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Because any guy who is worthwhile will want you to enjoy sex as much, if not more, than he does. Especially if he loves you.Unfortunately, the world still has plenty of people holding archaic views. One of those views is that only men are supposed to enjoy sex. OP, you've tried to address it with him and he's shown no interest in meeting your needs. You are well within your rights to end it and you should not feel bad about it. 1
SwordofFlame Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 I seem to recall a poster here once saying men can be trained to be good at sex. Apparently not. OP, just break up with him and don't wait too long to test sexual compatibility with your next guy.
smackie9 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 We had sex last night and I kid you not, it lasted 20 seconds. As soon as he was done he rolled over and it's like I didn't exist. I can't do that forever.... Even if I talk to him again, is there anything he can do about it? Dear, he doesn't care about you or the relationship.....the writing is on the wall when they get lazy and it's just about them getting off. Dump him! And for future reference, don't invest in a relationship with someone that doesn't give you good sex. Hump and dump until you find someone that knows what they are doing. Stop settling. 1
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