Nivy Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Recently I read something interesting. It's now about how to get back our ex but how to heal ourselves with our own thoughts. I am sure many of you have heard about the book "The Secret" or you may have even watched the documentary. No I won't talk about its contents or how its helping or not helping, I'd talk about one thing that really made me think. How often do we think of our ex?? Yes the time period varies from day 1 of break up to 1 year but consciously or unconsciously, we all submerge our minds into thinking about them. And in my case, I am only thinking about everything bad. I always think how he left me so rudely? Whether he is seeing anyone else or not? How easily did he move on? Stuff like this. I am sure many of you do the same. Now, all of these are negative thoughts. Thoughts like this only make us sad. I get very depressed every time I think about how he had blocked me everywhere and I have no means of contacting him. I feel sad how every time I return home and I don't have him to talk to. But friends, how long will we let these bad thoughts ruin our days??? How long? Even we need to be happy. WE DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. And in order to be happy we need to think everything positive. But my problem lies in........I am not able to quickly shift my thought from him to something else. I know this way I am only hurting myself but it feels like I am in a vicious circle of missing him and not getting him back. I am currently on my week 1 of NC. Yes everyday is hard and every day its a challenge for me. But yes in the end, we need to be happy. How are you dealing with all of this? How are you handling your NC? Any success till now? Are you able to channelize your thoughts? Any reply is appreciated!
RandomTraveller Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Recently I read something interesting. It's now about how to get back our ex but how to heal ourselves with our own thoughts. I am sure many of you have heard about the book "The Secret" or you may have even watched the documentary. No I won't talk about its contents or how its helping or not helping, I'd talk about one thing that really made me think. How often do we think of our ex?? Yes the time period varies from day 1 of break up to 1 year but consciously or unconsciously, we all submerge our minds into thinking about them. And in my case, I am only thinking about everything bad. I always think how he left me so rudely? Whether he is seeing anyone else or not? How easily did he move on? Stuff like this. I am sure many of you do the same. Now, all of these are negative thoughts. Thoughts like this only make us sad. I get very depressed every time I think about how he had blocked me everywhere and I have no means of contacting him. I feel sad how every time I return home and I don't have him to talk to. But friends, how long will we let these bad thoughts ruin our days??? How long? Even we need to be happy. WE DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. And in order to be happy we need to think everything positive. But my problem lies in........I am not able to quickly shift my thought from him to something else. I know this way I am only hurting myself but it feels like I am in a vicious circle of missing him and not getting him back. I am currently on my week 1 of NC. Yes everyday is hard and every day its a challenge for me. But yes in the end, we need to be happy. How are you dealing with all of this? How are you handling your NC? Any success till now? Are you able to channelize your thoughts? Any reply is appreciated! It's all normal. I experienced a very harsh breakup too. Felt like I was stabbed in the back by my favorite person until that moment. I had obsessive thinking about her until week 10 after breakup in my specific case. Broke up on Dec 15, I still have to fully recover but I'm doing pretty good right now. I had one pro by my side: I knew she was not the right person to me. And everyday I became a little more aware of that. What helped me: Reading the book: Getting Past Your Breakup of Susan J Elliot (helped me a lot!)Find a solid reason to no contact him: my first reason was "Even if I want her back, if I contact her now I will only make things worst and lose her even more. I need that she miss me a little bit b4 getting in touch with her again"my second reason was: "I deserve better girls than her. Would contanct her really make me feel better? Is she really the solution here?"the third reason: "She treated me like ****. I don't deserve to be treated like that. I don't want people in my life that think that they can treat me like **** and return to me like nothing happened. I give respect and I WANT respect from others around me"And so on. Your reason to not get in touch can change with time. It worked gr8 to me. She tried to break contact many times and everytime I won by simply not answering to her stupid texts. I felt the urge many times, even during these days but I will never break contact. Understand that is all physiological: imagine you have a huge cut on your chest open and bleeding. Of course it hurts. It would be actually stupid NOT thinking about it and pretend that it's not there. Give it time to heal. If you gonna read that book you will read: "Grief as the healing feeling" if you have to cry, cry, if you feel sad don't avoid it. Embrace the pain and go on that road. If you try your best to avoid pain right now it will come back again in other forms in future. So don't ignore it. Remember that every day is a step towards recovery even if you still cryConsider that right now, even if you logical part is by your side your emotional part will do everything to make you give up. That book will also tell you that now you need to focus on you and your life. Focus on become something better focus on improving everything you can. Not for him, for you. Also, I really believe that good RS does exists. I still think that even very good RS can come to an end. But a good healty RS will never ever end up extremely badly. So this was not good because he treated you in a very immature way. Is useless to go back to him right now. He's the same guy who left you, it's literally impossible that he's already a new person. And you are the same person who has been left. Maybe in future you 2 can come back together. But I think that in a couple this can only happen if one or better yet both have developed new personalities and improved their behavior or life in a way to be much more compatible This is what I learned by reading stories in here + many books + a little bit of google and of course my experience
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