HotAndCold Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 (edited) We're both in our early 20's, me being a little older. Shes got a daughter that is 3 years old and has an okay relationship with the father, who is married with someone else already. She just recently, a month or two ago, got out of a relationship with some guy she was seeing for 6 or 7 months where she'd confide some issues with me that they'd have, and I'd give my perspective and advice. As for myself, I had been casually seeing the same girl for over a year. We tried dating but I saw a side of her I didn't like and stopped the relationship, but we continued messing around for a while. She still had deep feelings for me, but I didn't. I ended up breaking whatever we had going on about two weeks ago. My last serious relationship ended about 3 years ago and I told myself I wasn't going to get into another one for a while, but I'm starting to feel like it might be to time to give things another try. We work in a small store together and have been for a handful of months now and only see eachother at work, which at the moment is one or two days of the week. Whenever we work together, there's always been some kind of flirtiness going on. She'd catch me staring at her while she's doing something and she'd stare back and we'd both just laugh and smile and look away. We both tease eachother a lot about stuff, we just enjoy being around eachother during work. Sometimes she would come in for an hour or so when she isn't working just to talk. I've also stopped by during her shifts to do the same. We've had eachothers phone numbers for a while and always texted casually, but when I started breaking off this thing with that girl I mentioned earlier (and her thing was over with as well) - I feel like her interest level started going through the roof. For about a week, we were texting constantly after work. Talking for hours into the middle of the night. Work started getting more flirty too. She started asking for massages, and of course I'm down for that! Neck massages turned to back massages, turned to lower back, turned to leg and thigh massages - over the course of a few days. If she was walking in front of me sometimes she would stop so I'd press up against her. The texts also got much flirtier. She would send kissy faces and other stuff. When I'd ask her in a playful way if she enjoyed when i was touching her X or giving her Y massage, she wouldn't directly come out and say yes, but would always be like 'Maybe..." - that kind of attitude. Like she is being coy, or doesn't want to admit it. Anyways one night we were working alone and we had been talking about how I wanted her to stay a little later with me after we closed so I didn't need to worry about customers coming into the store. In our texts it was a bit obvious that I was probably going to make a move on her that night. She'd say things like "we can't do anything at work" and "it's dangerous" etc etc - but when she walked in the back I grabbed her from behind and leaned against her and just started pulling her hips into me and kissing her neck for five minutes. She was pushing her hips back into me, so I know it couldn't have just been a one sided thing here. It's been a couple days since that happened. We've worked once together for a few hours, but we weren't alone, but it feels like something is a little different. At least with the rampant texts. They stopped going through the night, which is fine, it just felt odd to change since that night. I know she had some drama she had to handle with one of her best friends so I'm chalking it up to that but I've truly been a little nervous and I'm not sure why. I do like this girl, at least what I know of her so far. Oddly enough, the thought of dating someone with a child has always been a big 'NO' for me, but with this girl I feel as if I'd be willing to set that aside because she has so many other checkmarks in what I'm looking for. I suppose me getting older also means that this thing isn't as scary as it seems either. What do you guys think? I feel like I should give it more time and see how things play out before I ask her out. Maybe see if she's still into the massages and flirting. I'm just worried about a few things: 1. We work directly with one another a day or two out of the week, sometimes more depending on the schedule so that would create an interesting dynamic based on how ANY of this plays out and 2. I feel like I'm developing some feels here and don't want to jump the gun, but I know we both just kinda got out of some stuff. 3. Maybe she knows how much I'm into her and she's just enjoying it and is playing along. She did tell me the other day (happened before the kissing incident) about how one guy/customer in particular that came into work was so sexy that he could've just asked her out on the spot and she would have gone with him. (I feel like if she was somewhat interested in me you wouldn't be telling me that, at least it feels a little confusing to hear. On the other hand she's single so..) Edited March 20, 2016 by HotAndCold
bu2002 Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 You are both clearly interested in each other. I'm assuming both of you are over your past relationships and ready to move forward. Ask her out already. On a real date. Not a let's hang out some time, or come over and watch a movie. She's a woman, she wants to be romanced a little bit. Have a place/time in mind. Either way, you'll know where you stand based on her answer. If she balks, then the flirting at work can stop.
Author HotAndCold Posted March 21, 2016 Author Posted March 21, 2016 Anybody else think that's my card?
smackie9 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 You won't know anything until you ask her out on a proper date. Later after a few dates then you can determine where this can go.
smackie9 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 BTW your long post tells me you are a procrastinator/over analyzer. You are over thinking and it's killing your confidence......if you want action, you need to take action, even if you are taking a risk....no risk, no change, no change you lose. 2
Author HotAndCold Posted March 21, 2016 Author Posted March 21, 2016 (edited) BTW your long post tells me you are a procrastinator/over analyzer. You are over thinking and it's killing your confidence......if you want action, you need to take action, even if you are taking a risk....no risk, no change, no change you lose. You're right, I'm definitely a bit of a procrastinator. I think I went a little too far that night at work considering we've never been out together and she's slightly pulling back so things don't totally get out of hand. There was a customer today she said she wanted to take because he had nice eyes. I wonder if she's trying to make me a little jealous. I don't really get jealous, I just take that as disinterest in me. I guess we'll see. Anyways, we're working together, alone tomorrow and I'm going to ask her out for dinner sometime. Our schedules are really crap right now but if she is receptive I think we can figure something out. Edited March 21, 2016 by HotAndCold
Author HotAndCold Posted March 22, 2016 Author Posted March 22, 2016 I asked her out tonight and she seemed okay about it. Like myself, she was just kind of curious as to when the hell we would be able to do it because are schedules are always conflicting at night for at least another month. Her behaviors definitely changed around me though. She isn't flirting with me as much anymore. No more kissy faces in the texts, which the frequency has also gone down. I think I ****ed up that one night at work, maybe I came on too strongly or sent the wrong message. It's just a bit perplexing because I feel like she was responding to it. I know she has a bunch of guys chasing her right now, so I wanted to make sure she knew I was interested in something more than just some hook up at work stuff by asking her out to dinner. She always talks about how she isn't that kind of girl and has a child and wants to find someone and settle down. I don't know though, some of the texts we were exchanging definitely through me for a loop. These were all various days before that night. Me: but then you could lean over the chair her: theres a window you cant have sex with me at work! me:Theres a backroom! her: im gonna have to watch out with you -- me: nah i didnt even put it in your butt her: youll never put it in my butt me: i didnt even put it in your mouth her: u wish you did though -- me: I need a stress relief (after dealing with old girl issues) her: you could have been with me but like I said youd rather deal with other issues instead (continued) her:you could be laying with me and giving me a massage but instead your dealing with this -- her: im going in the shower me: ill make sure no one comes in after me her: how u gonna do that me: dont worry about it babe her: HotAndCold! kissyface -- Her: messing around at work is dangerous Me: we dont have to do anything crazy and the backroom is safe her: lol we'll see -- Her: be on your best behavior this weekend we have X working with us me: :\ thats no fun Her: It'll still be fun, like you said theres a backroom its not like she'll follow us --
Author HotAndCold Posted March 23, 2016 Author Posted March 23, 2016 This may have been a mistake on my part, but I was actually getting a bit of anxiety from this situation. I asked her about her behavior change and that she's been acting a bit differently recently than from 3-4 weeks ago. How there was heavy flirting at one point and now not really anymore. She didn't respond to my text though. I suspected as much, but I feel better that I got it off my chest.
Miss Peach Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 Judging from your texts it seems like a lot of sexual tension and flirting. To me this reads hookup; not serious guy. I say stuff like this to my BF but it's been months into relationship; not before the first date. I do think you're over analyzing this. If you start asking those types of questions (especially early on) it would give me the impression you were insecure which would be a huge turn off to me. If it happened early on I would probably dump you over it.
smackie9 Posted March 23, 2016 Posted March 23, 2016 (edited) it could also mean she is doing it to amuse herself and for the attention, it may not mean any kind of seriousness at all. Just joking around for an ego boost. In the old days we would call this girl a c*&$ tease. I know someone that spent months chasing after one of these girls when he worked for Aldo. I told him she was an attention getter and that's all he was going to get out of her, but he would have it. He found out the hard way after she found herself a new BF. Edited March 23, 2016 by smackie9 1
Author HotAndCold Posted March 23, 2016 Author Posted March 23, 2016 Judging from your texts it seems like a lot of sexual tension and flirting. To me this reads hookup; not serious guy. I say stuff like this to my BF but it's been months into relationship; not before the first date. I do think you're over analyzing this. If you start asking those types of questions (especially early on) it would give me the impression you were insecure which would be a huge turn off to me. If it happened early on I would probably dump you over it. Yeah it totally seems like hookup stuff. But shes a single mom with a toddler, and shes always preaching about wanting to get married in a few years, and shes says shes not a hookup kind of girl. And im not looking for that either, I think things just started moving really quick. I dont think im insecure, shes just throwing me for a loop. Its as if she got caught up in the moment and then realized 'oh ****, i cant do this with a guy i havent even been on a date with'.
Author HotAndCold Posted March 23, 2016 Author Posted March 23, 2016 it could also mean she is doing it to amuse herself and for the attention, it may not mean any kind of seriousness at all. Just joking around for an ego boost. In the old days we would call this girl a c*&$ tease. I know someone that spent months chasing after one of these girls when he worked for Aldo. I told him she was an attention getter and that's all he was going to get out of her, but he would have it. He found out the hard way after she found herself a new BF. Yeah, i was afraid of that actually.
Author HotAndCold Posted March 23, 2016 Author Posted March 23, 2016 She got back to me about her behavior changing and just said she didnt know and that she just didnt wanna f things up and then we still have to work together. Sounds fair i guess.
Author HotAndCold Posted March 27, 2016 Author Posted March 27, 2016 If this is a case of buyers remorse, I mean we didn't have sex, just a little bit of fooling around. Is there a recovery here? Just time? Shes at work alone tomorrow night and I'm debating on whether or not I should swing by there for a little bit to try and solve a bit of conflict. A final stand if you will. Something like if you really wanna go to dinner like you said, I don't want a maybe, I want a yes or a no and we can set up a day that works and go from there. Or play it from the other angle and ask if shes really concerned about the work thing and me or is that's just an excuse since she didn't mind doing everything else until I made a move on her and then she got scared. Or is having a conversation like that, where someone in my position is trying to figure stuff out, just doomed from the start? I don't want to appear clingy or weak, I just want to get to the bottom of it like an adult. She says she always has to date older men because of her child and I presume basic maturity as well.
Jabron1 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 it could also mean she is doing it to amuse herself and for the attention, it may not mean any kind of seriousness at all. Just joking around for an ego boost. In the old days we would call this girl a c*&$ tease. I know someone that spent months chasing after one of these girls when he worked for Aldo. I told him she was an attention getter and that's all he was going to get out of her, but he would have it. He found out the hard way after she found herself a new BF. Exactly. That's why I tell guys to escalate - to set the pace and move things forward. You really shouldn't fool around with people from work. But, I suppose we all have to find that out the hard way.
ff12343 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 Exactly. That's why I tell guys to escalate - to set the pace and move things forward. You really shouldn't fool around with people from work. But, I suppose we all have to find that out the hard way. Let's hope these lessons are learned. In the end, it's not our funeral.
Jabron1 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 Let's hope these lessons are learned. In the end, it's not our funeral. I think the way things have worked out for him are a blessing in disguise. OP, accept the friendzone (very rare you'll hear me say that ). Don't get stroppy with her, but don't give her any special attention either - no matter how much she tries. Keep things civil and aim for an easy life at work.
Author HotAndCold Posted April 4, 2016 Author Posted April 4, 2016 Just wanted to update this. The past two times we've worked, she was back to being super flirty with me again. I'm not sure what changed. We texted a lot later after work because I'm still confused. At work we're both touching eachother and she's rubbing her hands across my waist and back when she walks past me. She'll grab my hand and slowly let go when she walks away. So I called her out on it and she basically has this mindset that she doesn't want to start something when it might fail in a few months and it ends up being a waste of time, youre either completely with me or youre not. She wants to be with someone and know shes gonna stay with them...which I said is impossible to know. She did say she liked me but just didn't want either of us to **** it up. So why are you acting like this at work with me? She seems torn. I'm not really sure what to say to her about this.
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