lakerman34 Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 So, I've been seeing this 27 year old single mother. We met thru Tinder, had 2 AWESOME first dates. Both dates ended up back at my house, making out, cuddling the first, sleeping together the 2nd (no sex or anything sexual, for that matter). We have been pretty communicative, I told her that I want to date her properly, and from my experience, sex too quickly always ends up in failure. She really appreciated this. We had a 3rd date scheduled for tonight. Last night, she told me she didn't think she was going to make it, said it was because of the weather (it was pretty rainy, she has to drive 45 minutes to where I'm located, BUT she's moving much closer very soon). At about 3PM, I check the weather forecast. It's pretty clear, I tell her this. She says, "it's still pretty ugly by me" (maybe true, maybe not). Then I tell her we should revisit in a couple of hours. At 6PM, I text her, she says she's "not feeling like going out tonight." We chit-chatted very briefly, then I ask her to just come over, we won't have to go out. Just have a pizza/movie night in. No response. I'm not sure how to react to this. I'm trying to act coolly (I'm not much of a "blow your phone up" type of guy), but considering how well the first 2 dates went (2nd one went from 8PM-4:30AM, then overnight), I'm just extremely disappointed. Thoughts? 1
NinjaX Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Usually when a woman backs out of a date and gives you the "maybe", it's best to just call it off all together, then ask her out on a separate time. By poking in a 2nd then a 3rd time like you did, it can come across as needing. The woman feels like she is losing her freedom to walk away and naturally backs off more. 4
xpaperxcutx Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Could it be because every date seems to end up back at your house? If you want to date her properly you would've rescheduled her, that in itself would've reassured her you wanted to date her; not treat her like a booty call. 1
Satu Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 snip *she says she's "not feeling like going out tonight." We chit-chatted very briefly, then I ask her to just come over, we won't have to go out. Just have a pizza/movie night in. No response. Thoughts? *She didn't feel like going out, so she didn't. 1
Author lakerman34 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 Could it be because every date seems to end up back at your house? If you want to date her properly you would've rescheduled her, that in itself would've reassured her you wanted to date her; not treat her like a booty call. Doubt it. Both times she was subtly dropping hints. 2nd time it was extremely late and she wasn't comfortable driving home. She actually texted me later in the week saying we should "cuddle more."
Author lakerman34 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 snip *She didn't feel like going out, so she didn't. I understand that, but the way she went about it was so....rejection-y. 1) No plan to reschedule 2) Making excuses instead of being forward
loveiswar101 Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 It was probably the weather originally then she just got in the mood not to go out. Checking weather, asking to come over etc you pushed it. Don't do what I did and push spending time together it needs to be mutual. Give it a few days, if hear from her be casual and calm and ask when she's free next, if don't here anything reach out with when are free next. Either way you're knoiw if she's still interested or not.
NinjaX Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 I understand that, but the way she went about it was so....rejection-y. 1) No plan to reschedule 2) Making excuses instead of being forward That's what women do. That moment of rejection made you emotionally weak, so you chased her immediately. Women can sense that and get turned off.
Author lakerman34 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 That's what women do. That moment of rejection made you emotionally weak, so you chased her immediately. Women can sense that and get turned off. You make it sound that all those hours invested are just going to be tossed out in a span of 5 minutes of supposed weakness.
NinjaX Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 You make it sound that all those hours invested are just going to be tossed out in a span of 5 minutes of supposed weakness. I didn't say that. I'm just suggesting that your behaviours can be a turn-off and it is wise to consider stopping those behaviours in the future before you chase her out of your life. You make it sound like 2 dates and sex is a huge investment for her. The fact that she turned you down this time shows you her true level of investment.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 That's what women do. That moment of rejection made you emotionally weak, so you chased her immediately. Women can sense that and get turned off. I am a woman so I can speak for some women who enjoy being chased. But if a woman isn't in the mood, don't push it.
Author lakerman34 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 I didn't say that. I'm just suggesting that your behaviours can be a turn-off and it is wise to consider stopping those behaviours in the future before you chase her out of your life. You make it sound like 2 dates and sex is a huge investment for her. The fact that she turned you down this time shows you her true level of investment. I didn't mean to come off as cross. Sorry. Nah, sex is more of an investment for MEEEEE. Maybe for her as well, but I'm the one that brought up taking it slow, and she told me she liked the idea.
NinjaX Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 I am a woman so I can speak for some women who enjoy being chased. But if a woman isn't in the mood, don't push it. Yes I agree. To clarify, it's not smart to chase immediately after she turns you down. Overall, women do want to be chased at the right times.
stillafool Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Why didn't you offer to come visit her so she didn't have to drive?
Author lakerman34 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 Yes I agree. To clarify, it's not smart to chase immediately after she turns you down. Overall, women do want to be chased at the right times. It's still incredibly frustrating. I'm going back to work next week, and my time is going to be VERY limited. Her flaking isn't THAT huge of a deal this time around, but if it happens again, that could mean a LOT of time moved around for her JUST to flake. We have had some weird moments this week. She told me she was on a date just 2 days after our last date. I asked her why she was telling me this, she had thought I "friend-zoned" her. She told me she really liked me, and something I said (which I thought was trivial) affected her. I apologized, and we agreed to always be forward and very communicative. Anyways....what's my next move? Can I text her as I would regularly (like the other day I Snapped her a photo of my food in response to her doing the same), or should I just remain silent until she texts and act cool? I HATE that these are all games, but apparently, dating is.
Author lakerman34 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 Why didn't you offer to come visit her so she didn't have to drive? She wouldn't have been interested. She lives in Bumblefu**, Louisiana. I live in the city. I know she'd prefer she come here than I go there.
NinjaX Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 My recommendation is as follows: - Don't initiate text - If shes doesn't reach out until say later this week, ask for a date - If she reaches out, ask for a date - If she goes on date, have fun - If maybe/flakes, throw the ball back to her court with "Great, give me a shout when you can make plans and maybe we can plan something then." - Most importantly, don't go mentally all in on this women. Keep your options open.
Author lakerman34 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 My recommendation is as follows: - Don't initiate text - If shes doesn't reach out until say later this week, ask for a date - If she reaches out, ask for a date - If she goes on date, have fun - If maybe/flakes, throw the ball back to her court with "Great, give me a shout when you can make plans and maybe we can plan something then." - Most importantly, don't go mentally all in on this women. Keep your options open. Sounds good! I'm actually I'm dating another woman as well, I just have more invested in this one (I like her more).
Agron1 Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 She's a single mother. You didn't ever say what she did for child care. When a child is involved, there can be a lot of logistics to go anywhere. By the time she gets herself ready, the child packed up and dropped off somewhere, and drives an hour to get there, this can't be done on the spur of the moment. She likely starts to get ready in the early afternoon. Once a certain time is passed, it's just not going to happen. And on top of that, your were bugging her every little while.
Author lakerman34 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 She's a single mother. You didn't ever say what she did for child care. When a child is involved, there can be a lot of logistics to go anywhere. By the time she gets herself ready, the child packed up and dropped off somewhere, and drives an hour to get there, this can't be done on the spur of the moment. She likely starts to get ready in the early afternoon. Once a certain time is passed, it's just not going to happen. And on top of that, your were bugging her every little while. I'm fairly certain Dad has the child tonight.
TXGuy Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Both dates ended up back at my house, making out, cuddling the first, sleeping together the 2nd (no sex or anything sexual, for that matter). We have been pretty communicative, I told her that I want to date her properly, and from my experience, sex too quickly always ends up in failure. She really appreciated this. We had a 3rd date scheduled for tonight. Last night, she told me she didn't think she was going to make it, said it was because of the weather.. Thoughts? She is a single mom on a hook-up site. She just wants some boom-boom. When you told her you wanted to get serious and you are afraid of sex, she gave up on you. 1
Author lakerman34 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 She is a single mom on a hook-up site. She just wants some boom-boom. When you told her you wanted to get serious and you are afraid of sex, she gave up on you. She was the one that didn't want to have sex the first night (I didn't either, but she specifically said she didn't). We went on 2 dates.
Author lakerman34 Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 I decided 'F it, I'm just going to message her." Apologized for pressuring her, sent her a photo of the bball game. She responded with a video clip (she is eating dinner with family), and "no problem. I just didn't feel like driving." That sounds fine, but IDK. To me, it seems as if she liked me, she'd want to come see me. But, then again, we are only on the early phases of dating -- not like we are in a relationship & she doesn't owe me anything.
loveiswar101 Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Buddy do not push her! You will push her away! Why make her come see you, "maybe a when your free next Ill drive out and see you."should be your next text. Getting feeling you want it on a plate here. Two to tango. Give her space, don't text bomber her.
NinjaX Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 I decided 'F it, I'm just going to message her." Apologized for pressuring her, sent her a photo of the bball game. She responded with a video clip (she is eating dinner with family), and "no problem. I just didn't feel like driving." That sounds fine, but IDK. To me, it seems as if she liked me, she'd want to come see me. But, then again, we are only on the early phases of dating -- not like we are in a relationship & she doesn't owe me anything. Just a word of recommendation. As a man, you don't need to apologize for wanting to get together. She wasn't pissed off or anything and just saying sorry is pretty weak. 1
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