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I don't understand her

Ok.ok2000

By Ok.ok2000
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Ok.ok2000 New Member

Ok.ok2000

Posted
Posted

I think I should probably start with a bit of backstory. I found a girl I really liked on POF and we hit it off straight away, lovely person with a great personality and I may be biased but I think she's gorgeous. We live about 70miles away from each other. I first found her at the end of August and though we've often discussed meeting up, things have gone wrong (both of us have been at fault), and it's not really happened.

 

Last week we agreed that we'd finally meet up this Sunday (tomorrow). So on Thursday I asked her if she was still ok with it and she said she was. I left her a message at night thinking it would be sweet if she knew how excited I was but something I said really ate away at her. I said she's too good for me. She took it as me saying "You think you're better than me". Yesterday she was really quiet so I asked what was going on. She said that I didn't even want to meet up with her (it couldn't be further from the truth, I was really excited to meet her) - she was sour about it all day, then last night she went out drinking with her friend. I tried to make amends with her but she passive-aggressively fobbed me off with "Ok" "whatever" "you'll just do what you want anyway, you never listen to me". I told her how much I care about her and went to sleep. This morning I messaged her to ask how she was and she said she was really hungover, I wished her better and then asked "You're not gonna be too ill for tomorrow are you?" and somehow, almost unbelievably, she took that as me saying "I'm looking for a way out of meeting you - I hope you'll still be ill". So she's spent half the day ignoring me, and the other half telling me I never cared about her and that she thinks I don't want to meet her. This evening I asked what she wanted and she said she wants her space.

 

So now I'm left in the lurch. Looks like we're not going on that date tomorrow even though I was pretty excited about it. It's all a little convenient that she's done this the day before I was supposed to meet her. It feels to me like she's the one who doesn't want to meet, but if I say that to her it will only make things worse. I want to message her and make things right but all my attempts so far have made her dig in her heels - and she's made it clear that she wants space. I just don't know how much space to give her. For example, one time I went 1 day without speaking to her (yeah, just a day) and she was upset that I didn't message her even if it was something small to let her know I was thinking of her.

 

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only guy who's dealt with something like this, I don't know if it's a temporary thing or a sign of something bigger - but I don't wanna throw the last 6 months away as if it was nothing. If anyone can give me advice on what my next step should be I'd greatly appreciate it.

  • Like 1
Satu Established Member

Satu

Posted
Posted

I think you should "throw the last 6 months away as if it was nothing."

  • Like 6
xpaperxcutx Established Member

xpaperxcutx

Posted
Posted

She sounds like a mental case.

 

Make other plans.

 

I've in that position where i met a guy and he disappeared after the 3rd date. So yeah dont waste your time with timewasters.

  • Like 2
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

Sorry but if you are experiencing her attitude problem and you haven't even met yet....that should speak volumes to you. Plus it has take you 6 months to finally meet? The struggle with never end. You invested poorly.

 

IMO you are right, she IS the one who doesn't want to meet. She is passive/aggressively misleading you. And yes there are many guys who go through this...they are all on here posting threads, and the results are not good. I recommend you write this off, learn from it and move on.

  • Like 3
Maxtor Established Member

Maxtor

Posted
Posted
I think I should probably start with a bit of backstory. I found a girl I really liked on POF and we hit it off straight away, lovely person with a great personality and I may be biased but I think she's gorgeous. We live about 70miles away from each other. I first found her at the end of August and though we've often discussed meeting up, things have gone wrong (both of us have been at fault), and it's not really happened.

 

Last week we agreed that we'd finally meet up this Sunday (tomorrow). So on Thursday I asked her if she was still ok with it and she said she was. I left her a message at night thinking it would be sweet if she knew how excited I was but something I said really ate away at her. I said she's too good for me. She took it as me saying "You think you're better than me". Yesterday she was really quiet so I asked what was going on. She said that I didn't even want to meet up with her (it couldn't be further from the truth, I was really excited to meet her) - she was sour about it all day, then last night she went out drinking with her friend. I tried to make amends with her but she passive-aggressively fobbed me off with "Ok" "whatever" "you'll just do what you want anyway, you never listen to me". I told her how much I care about her and went to sleep. This morning I messaged her to ask how she was and she said she was really hungover, I wished her better and then asked "You're not gonna be too ill for tomorrow are you?" and somehow, almost unbelievably, she took that as me saying "I'm looking for a way out of meeting you - I hope you'll still be ill". So she's spent half the day ignoring me, and the other half telling me I never cared about her and that she thinks I don't want to meet her. This evening I asked what she wanted and she said she wants her space.

 

So now I'm left in the lurch. Looks like we're not going on that date tomorrow even though I was pretty excited about it. It's all a little convenient that she's done this the day before I was supposed to meet her. It feels to me like she's the one who doesn't want to meet, but if I say that to her it will only make things worse. I want to message her and make things right but all my attempts so far have made her dig in her heels - and she's made it clear that she wants space. I just don't know how much space to give her. For example, one time I went 1 day without speaking to her (yeah, just a day) and she was upset that I didn't message her even if it was something small to let her know I was thinking of her.

 

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only guy who's dealt with something like this, I don't know if it's a temporary thing or a sign of something bigger - but I don't wanna throw the last 6 months away as if it was nothing. If anyone can give me advice on what my next step should be I'd greatly appreciate it.

She is doing a blame-shift. She is the one who doesnt want to meet up, and she is shifting the blame onto you, so she feels ok and you feel terrible. Dont text her ever again. My advice.

  • Like 2
smudge21 Established Member

smudge21

Posted
Posted

She's not just got walls up, she's building new ones and finding excuses to have some in the background ready for later too. She's clearly got issues her and I think you could talk to her, but I'm not sure she would open up in anyway - she's far too defensive for that. It comes across like she has an expectation that you're going to hurt her, so she makes it happen. She's her own worse enemy and sadly sometimes you cannot fix people like that (as they don't see it as their problem, it's everyone elses). Your call on this one, but I don't think this has a happy ending.

  • Like 1
Satu Established Member

Satu

Posted
Posted

Its also not advisable to wait six months to meet someone.

 

The longer you wait, the greater the potential for eventual disappointment.

  • Like 1
Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

Posted
Posted

i dont understand her either :(

  • Like 1
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted

Have you ever heard the term "catfish"?

 

Do you know with 100% certainty she is who she says she is?

 

Have you ever skyped? Ever verified her photos on google pics?

 

I don't think she ever had any intention of meeting you.

 

She liked the attention, hell she could a 200 pound ex sumo wrestler for all you know.

 

And yes this has happened to many many other people.

  • Like 2
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted

And 70 miles away is no excuse for not meeting in six months, and now never.

 

Many people commute that distance to/from work every day!

 

It's about an hour ...big whoop, hardly considered long distance. Not by any stretch.

  • Like 3
LostOnes05 Established Member

LostOnes05

Posted
Posted

Dude, why are you trying to date a woman with the written/verbal comprehension of a neonate? From experience, I can tell you that trying to reason with a person like this is futile. They only hear what they want, you will ALWAYS be wrong, and they will ALWAYS be the victim.

  • Like 1
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
And 70 miles away is no excuse for not meeting in six months, and now never.

 

Many people commute that distance to/from work every day!

 

It's about an hour ...big whoop, hardly considered long distance. Not by any stretch.

Its madness, pure madness!

  • Like 2
ff12343 Established Member

ff12343

Posted
Posted
And 70 miles away is no excuse for not meeting in six months, and now never.

 

Many people commute that distance to/from work every day!

 

It's about an hour ...big whoop, hardly considered long distance. Not by any stretch.

 

Yes I do it on a daily basis.

 

I say never text her again and see how she reacts. And I mean more than just a day. But keep in mind that it's a lost cause. You haven't even met yet and she's causing you stress. How promising is that?

  • Like 1
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