five2nine Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 (edited) How do you feel less stupid saying I love you and only hearing "thank you" back and being told they're not ready or sure. Hearing they're not ready sounds normal and I can understand that. It has been short but I like to say what I feel. I'm not sure whether to back pedal retract and apologize for being a burden, act like I wasn't phased at all, never say it again unless they did, etc. It did make me cry after later by myself. Not quite sure why... Edited March 19, 2016 by five2nine 1
smackie9 Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 reality check: they are not that into you. If it were me I would dump them because it would be too difficult to properly carry on having a relationship being so invested. It's gonna suck from here on out if you stick with them. It's no different someone saying no to a wedding proposal. Where can you go from there? nowhere, it's over. 1
Emilia Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 Never be ashamed of how you feel and don't apologise for it! 4
Satu Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 No need to feel ashamed because you honestly said what you were feeling. More significant is the fact that he couldn't say it to you. Be very careful not to build up romantic expectations and visions of a beautiful future together. Don't set yourself up for disappointment.
preraph Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 First you have to understand that not everyone lives by your own timeline. You said it's been a short time, so that's not even reasonable to get upset if they don't say it back. It's actually usually healthier to not go all out and "fall in love" right away because the truth is that's just being in love with love. Not saying it's not some kind of love, but until you know someone for a year or two, you haven't seen every aspect of them. Until you've been through a bad time with them, you don't know them yet. Until you've seen them unemployed or with a flat tire, you don't know them yet. Until you see how they handle it when you have a big success while they are still struggling, you don't know them yet. So some people are rational like that and others get carried away emotionally. I rationally know these things, but I still get carried away emotionally, but at least as I get older, I try to learn a little something and some restraint and self-discipline because wearing your heart on your sleeve scares a lot of suitors. It's true she could mean she just isn't in love with you and doesn't think she ever will be. Most people will stop dating you at that point, though. Give her a little time to digest it and then just try to be normal with her. Don't follow up, whatever you do. Just wait and see if she's still there a month from now or not. She may be one of the smart ones who actually waits until someone earns her love and knows someone is of good character and all that sensible stuff. 5
Gershwin Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 Think about it this way, instead of going the easy way by saying ILY back when he knows he's just not quite there yet, he told you the truth. Just like you said ILY when the time was right for you when you felt it, he should get that too. If there's no other issue in the relationship, I'd try to understand.
Versacehottie Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 Never be ashamed of how you feel and don't apologise for it! I would echo that and also add: NEVER admit or characterize yourself as a burden in a relationship! To do that is to minimize yourself and put the other person on an unnecessary pedestal or advantage--primarily, in your case, based on insecurity. This will be the kiss of death to a good relationship. Accept that your partner is there because he/she wants to be. It's ok if you've recognized and gotten to "I love you" before him/her. No need to apologize. Be proud. Be confident. Be unashamed. Actually you should start thinking you did exactly the right thing and that if he/she doesn't get there in a decent amount of time, maybe you won't waste yours on him/her. Good luck. Ps how is it a burden to be in love with someone?! They should be grateful and lucky to have you if it is a balanced relationship. People don't get to i love you or process things exactly the same so give him/her some of leeway but then you should start to question the relationship. Your love is a gift not something to apologize for. Good luck 1
basil67 Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 How long have you been together? If it's only, say, one month - give more time.
MrDuck Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 Why would you back track? If you love them you love them, surely that's irrespective of whether they say it back or not. You shouldn't feel stupid about anything you say if its what you feel. Surely the stupid thing would be to lie or to try and kid yourself otherwise. I don't agree it means its over, that's circumstancal , maybe if you've been together like a year then yeah, but not always. Saying I love you means different things to different people. I told my gf I loved her before she said it back, it wasn't something that phased me.. I did love her, so I thought she should know that, simple. I wasn't telling her in order to hear it back. 1
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