Anoniem Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 (edited) Hi, I keep offending my girlfriend with things I say. I don't mean to, but sometimes it just happens. She is then hurt by those things and says it's fine because that's part of life, but I don't want to be the person she loves and then for that reason takes the offenses. I have tried and tried, but I can't seem to avoid unintentionally hurting her. I don't know what to do, I love her to death, but that is the same reason I feel so horrible everytime I hurt her... Am I even the right person for her if I can't stop hurting her? This is really tearing me up inside... Edited March 19, 2016 by Shetisec
d0nnivain Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 Think before you speak. It will serve you well in many aspects of your life. 2
JustGettingBy Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 If she's the only person you offend, you might not be right for each other. If you offend everyone and are only using her as an example, you're likely just saying offensive things. Either way, its best you take a sec before you say anything controversial. 1
mikeylo Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 Sometimes love is not enough to keep a relationship going. Give yourself some motivation to not push her so far to the point that even though it's hard , she chooses to move on. It will be a decision made by you , for her. You might be the one who ends up hurting more once she decides to break up for good. treat her good else someone else will. And do it when you have her not once she is gone and you make promises. 1
Saracena Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 Hi, I keep offending my girlfriend with things I say. I don't mean to, but sometimes it just happens. She is then hurt by those things and says it's fine because that's part of life, but I don't want to be the person she loves and then for that reason takes the offenses. I have tried and tried, but I can't seem to avoid unintentionally hurting her. I don't know what to do, I love her to death, but that is the same reason I feel so horrible everytime I hurt her... Am I even the right person for her if I can't stop hurting her? This is really tearing me up inside... What sort of things exactly offend her? Some examples and context would help. How is she with others, ie friends? It's possible you've someone unusually sensitive on your hands? I've a friend like that!
smackie9 Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 The problem lies with her not you. I doubt you are a bad person, I believe she is overly sensitive. Possibly she is a drama queen that thrives on making a big deal out of nothing to control you. This could be a case of her manipulating you for attention....but the wrong kind of attention. But we cannot determine anything unless you give us accurate accounts of what was said, and how she claims why it was so hurtful.
Mccoy321 Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 Hi, I keep offending my girlfriend with things I say. I don't mean to, but sometimes it just happens. She is then hurt by those things and says it's fine because that's part of life, but I don't want to be the person she loves and then for that reason takes the offenses. I have tried and tried, but I can't seem to avoid unintentionally hurting her. I don't know what to do, I love her to death, but that is the same reason I feel so horrible everytime I hurt her... Am I even the right person for her if I can't stop hurting her? This is really tearing me up inside... In what way? Do you say derogatory things about her like calling her fat or stupid? Or do you say things that offend her sensibilities, like telling racist or sexist jokes?
normal person Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 It depends on what you say. If you have malicious intent, then yeah, that's bad. If you say what you perceive to be truthful things with the intent of making corrections, progress, etc, then it's all a matter of if she can deal with it or not. Personally, I'm a very direct, blunt person. I don't see any sense in telling people lies when the truth will always come out inevitably. It gets me in trouble in person and it gets me in trouble here. Lots of people just don't deal well with harsh truths. If you're like me, sometimes you have to dial it back a bit to maintain the peace. But if she can't handle hearing the truth at all, you just might not be right for each other. It's very dependent on what you're saying that's offending her so much though, you'll have to elaborate.
Author Anoniem Posted March 19, 2016 Author Posted March 19, 2016 (edited) In what way? Do you say derogatory things about her like calling her fat or stupid? Or do you say things that offend her sensibilities, like telling racist or sexist jokes? For example, yesterday, we were talking, and out of the blue she says: let's make kids. Now before we were dating, she always said she never wanted kids, so naturally I ask het whether she is serious, and she says: "why, are you gonna run away?". To which I reply: " no, I just wanna know whether you mean it, because I kinda like the idea". She responded with: "you just ask because you're not sure, well let me reassure you, I didn't mean it". Now I know her good enough to know she was pissed about what I said, but I wonder, was it wrong for me to ask like that? Edited March 19, 2016 by Shetisec
d0nnivain Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 For example, yesterday, we were talking, and out of the blue she says: let's make kids. Now before we were dating, she always said she never wanted kids, so naturally I ask het whether she is serious, and she says: "why, are you gonna run away?". To which I reply: " no, I just wanna know whether you mean it, because I kinda like the idea". She responded with: "you just ask because you're not sure, well let me reassure you, I didn't mean it". Now I know her good enough to know she was pissed about what I said, but I wonder, was it wrong for me to ask like that? It was incredibly wrong for her to so cavalierly change her mind about an issue as important as procreation then throw it back on you because you had the temerity to question her sincerity. You are not the problem here. She is unstable at best. 1
basil67 Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 Eep! The problem is her - not you. Given the history between you, asking is she's serious was a perfectly reasonable response. As was your clarifying response. And then to find out that she was joking about the whole thing!! Aargh I bet if you called her out for joking about such things, she'd make you the bad guy for that too. Am I right?
burnt Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 For example, yesterday, we were talking, and out of the blue she says: let's make kids. Now before we were dating, she always said she never wanted kids, so naturally I ask het whether she is serious, and she says: "why, are you gonna run away?". To which I reply: " no, I just wanna know whether you mean it, because I kinda like the idea". She responded with: "you just ask because you're not sure, well let me reassure you, I didn't mean it". Now I know her good enough to know she was pissed about what I said, but I wonder, was it wrong for me to ask like that? I have tried and tried, but I can't seem to avoid unintentionally hurting her. What you're describing above sounds like you were trying to communicate with her and she was just playing around. And that's an example of you 'accidentally offending her'?? WHY was she pissed about what you said? Do YOU think there was something wrong about what you said? Am I even the right person for her if I can't stop hurting her? If you believed she's getting 'pissed off' because you're asking questions when SHE is sending mixed messages, then perhaps you should be asking whether SHE is the right person for you. The problem is not you hurting or offending her. There seems to be a huge gap in communication between the two of you and your perception of what is considered to be offensive.
bu2002 Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 Hard to get a read on this without understanding what you're saying to her or what types of topics you are discussing. With a partner, you are likely talking about topics you may not speak with others about and/or may be more blunt than you would be with others cause you're more comfortable with her. So just saying what you say doesn't offend others, but does offend her doesn't go far enough.
preraph Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 Sounds like she was testing you to see if you took her seriously the first time she said she didn't want kids. I don't know, maybe you acted like you didn't care one way or the other. Anyway, she shouldn't be baiting you.
ChickiePops Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 For example, yesterday, we were talking, and out of the blue she says: let's make kids. Now before we were dating, she always said she never wanted kids, so naturally I ask het whether she is serious, and she says: "why, are you gonna run away?". To which I reply: " no, I just wanna know whether you mean it, because I kinda like the idea". She responded with: "you just ask because you're not sure, well let me reassure you, I didn't mean it". Now I know her good enough to know she was pissed about what I said, but I wonder, was it wrong for me to ask like that? She sounds like a nut...
kendahke Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Hi, I keep offending my girlfriend with things I say. I don't mean to, but sometimes it just happens. She is then hurt by those things and says it's fine because that's part of life, but I don't want to be the person she loves and then for that reason takes the offenses. I have tried and tried, but I can't seem to avoid unintentionally hurting her. I don't know what to do, I love her to death, but that is the same reason I feel so horrible everytime I hurt her... Am I even the right person for her if I can't stop hurting her? This is really tearing me up inside... But does it bother you enough to raise your awareness when it's in the thought realm to stop it before you inspire and form you mouth to utter those words? Because if your only defense is "this is how I am...", then you're not going to be able to keep any girlfriend for very long.
kendahke Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 For example, yesterday, we were talking, and out of the blue she says: let's make kids. Now before we were dating, she always said she never wanted kids, so naturally I ask het whether she is serious, and she says: "why, are you gonna run away?". To which I reply: " no, I just wanna know whether you mean it, because I kinda like the idea". She responded with: "you just ask because you're not sure, well let me reassure you, I didn't mean it". Now I know her good enough to know she was pissed about what I said, but I wonder, was it wrong for me to ask like that? That's it? The way your initial post sounds, it sounded like you called her fat every time you saw her. I"m not getting why she was pissed or why the conversation even went there, unless she's got issues you're not discussing here. Is there another example of you offending her? This one doesn't make much sense.
joseb Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Yes, this one makes little sense. What other things have you said that offended her?
Recommended Posts