Break up - Coping that she's with someone else

[Beautifultoknow]

Wow I'm really sorry that happened to you. I'm no expert like most of the people on here seem to be, and I honestly don't understand why someone would give up a good person instead of working through things. It is better that she broke it off instead of keeping you believing the relationship was great and having her cheat behind your back after the vows. I'm guessing she is young as well, and isn't ready to get married. She had to have liked the idea of marrying you as you were engaged but ultimately she couldn't commit or give to you what you deserve. I'm sorry that she disappointed you so greatly, and although this probably doesn't help, there isn't much you can do besides move on the best you can. It's on her for giving up a good guy, she will have to live with that. You did your best.

[JDam]

First off, thank you for sharing that with me. I think it's fair to say life is sometimes cruel. He actually sounds a bit nasty almost, just by what you're saying. It's really difficult when you have a great relationship and the ending not only ruins it but it almost overpowers the whole thing? That's how I feel anyway. So today do you feel completely normal in terms of you being happy. Did you ever meet anyone or are you happy on your own? I think that's my next challenge. To be OK on my own and learn to be happy again. My thoughts are strange because today is a sunny day outside and I just think god they must be having a great time, whether it be a walk or whatever and it kills me inside. Having to deal with the fact she's moved on so quickly is the hardest part. I wish I could get more answers but I'm not going to get them.

 

You are welcome, hope you are feeling at least a little bit better?

 

Yes, he is nasty I think. You know, after a year I can see clearly there was a lot of red flags. It all taught me so much. For example next time I will pay a lot more attention to how a guy treats and talks about other people. He talked really badly about his ex and he broke up with her, she didnt do anything to him. Said she sucked in bed, had mental issues etc. Back in the day it did not bother me (to be honest it actually made me feel good, Im embarassed to admit...). If a guy trash talks his ex in front of me next time it will be a huge red flag. Because once he doesnt "need" her anymore, he can be really cruel. Same happened to me. Karma probably got me. And that is how he talked about people too. And after the BU about me as well. Next time I will really look at how a guy treats other people, who are his friends etc. Because that shows the true personality.

 

About "overpowering the whole thing" I know exactly what you are talking about. You once felt so close and all of a sudden it is all history and they threw it away in a heartbreat. It sucks Makes you feel like the time together means nothing to them. And the only thing you can think about is the negative stuff, not the good memories. It sucks too. I think that it can just happen to any of us (falling out of love), it is not their "responsibility". They dont have the duty to stay in a relationship they dont like (and if they did it would suck for both sides anyway) BUT they are fully responsible for their behavior and BU/post BU proceedings. I was at fault for loving him very much, that is the only thing. I never did anything to him to be treated like that. I dont blame him for falling out of love but I am angry at him for being really disrespectful to me post BU. It was just unnecessary and it is the source of all the negative emotions and the fact that I dont remember the good stuff, just the BU and how he behaved after that. It is a shame. Makes me regret the 2 years unfortunately.

 

Well, no, Im still single. I had a date in October but it did not work out. Im constantly meeting younger guys and I came to the conclusion that I really need a guy who is older than me. I dont want to date another guy in his early 20s after this experience I know all people are different but this is what I think today. And yes, I found a lot of new hobbies, friends etc. It helped so much. So after a year I think I can honestly say that Im happy on my own

 

I found it interesting he got back in touch with you in the fall because I don't think she will get in touch with me. August 7th is going to be weird as that was our wedding date. I'm not sure if I'll reach out to her then, don't see the point really. Then there's June 10th even earlier when I popped the question. So there's lots of things emotionally I'll have to get through. We did break up amicably at first but because she lied and made it a lot worse for me, it's ended unpleasant. It was a week ago today when I had the phone call with her when she told me she's sleeping with this guy. So we don't hate each other although I still don't know why I'm not furious or angry with her. I think I'm too soft. She's like in time, in like a year we will be friends but honestly I'm not sure how that works. The only thing I can see is maybe wishing her happy birthday and Christmas but that's it.

 

I think most ex partners get back in touch at some point. But I dont think it is what you should hold on to I wish he never got in touch. If they do the only reason should be "I made a mistake, lets reconcile". Other than that is just breadcrumbs that must be ignored if you want to heal. It is just them being selfish and feeling guilty. Well, it is their problem, we dont need to feel even worse just for the sake of their well being. We as dumpees must be selfish too right now.

 

The fact she told you she is sleeping with another guy is just super cruel. Why did she tell you that??? To rub it into your face? That is just not nice.

 

All I can say is go completely NC. I know it is hard. For me the hardest thing was not trying to get any info. I did not want to text him or call him, I did not have the temptation. I did keep checking his profile, asked other people about him etc. It is not NC. And it is really unhealthy. But I think people have to realize it themselves, you cant force anyone to apply NC if they are still not ready to let go. I know it is so hard ( Im keeping you in my thoughts and hope you will get better soon!!! I know you will get through this.

[rbrt1986]

I know it's been said before, but this is exactly why you keep no contact. You don't want to know what she's up to after you. You don't want to know who she's seeing. You don't want to know if she's happy, or sad, or just doesn't give a damn. NO CONTACT.

[Heartbreak Hotel]

I know it's been said before, but this is exactly why you keep no contact. You don't want to know what she's up to after you. You don't want to know who she's seeing. You don't want to know if she's happy, or sad, or just doesn't give a damn. NO CONTACT.

 

I agree, the issue was that I knew she was seeing this guy and she lied to my face.. then we had the phone call because I told her I had proof. It doesn't matter anyway, like you said NC.

[Heartbreak Hotel]

You are welcome, hope you are feeling at least a little bit better?

 

Yes, he is nasty I think. You know, after a year I can see clearly there was a lot of red flags. It all taught me so much. For example next time I will pay a lot more attention to how a guy treats and talks about other people. He talked really badly about his ex and he broke up with her, she didnt do anything to him. Said she sucked in bed, had mental issues etc. Back in the day it did not bother me (to be honest it actually made me feel good, Im embarassed to admit...). If a guy trash talks his ex in front of me next time it will be a huge red flag. Because once he doesnt "need" her anymore, he can be really cruel. Same happened to me. Karma probably got me. And that is how he talked about people too. And after the BU about me as well. Next time I will really look at how a guy treats other people, who are his friends etc. Because that shows the true personality.

 

About "overpowering the whole thing" I know exactly what you are talking about. You once felt so close and all of a sudden it is all history and they threw it away in a heartbreat. It sucks Makes you feel like the time together means nothing to them. And the only thing you can think about is the negative stuff, not the good memories. It sucks too. I think that it can just happen to any of us (falling out of love), it is not their "responsibility". They dont have the duty to stay in a relationship they dont like (and if they did it would suck for both sides anyway) BUT they are fully responsible for their behavior and BU/post BU proceedings. I was at fault for loving him very much, that is the only thing. I never did anything to him to be treated like that. I dont blame him for falling out of love but I am angry at him for being really disrespectful to me post BU. It was just unnecessary and it is the source of all the negative emotions and the fact that I dont remember the good stuff, just the BU and how he behaved after that. It is a shame. Makes me regret the 2 years unfortunately.

 

Well, no, Im still single. I had a date in October but it did not work out. Im constantly meeting younger guys and I came to the conclusion that I really need a guy who is older than me. I dont want to date another guy in his early 20s after this experience I know all people are different but this is what I think today. And yes, I found a lot of new hobbies, friends etc. It helped so much. So after a year I think I can honestly say that Im happy on my own

 

 

 

I think most ex partners get back in touch at some point. But I dont think it is what you should hold on to I wish he never got in touch. If they do the only reason should be "I made a mistake, lets reconcile". Other than that is just breadcrumbs that must be ignored if you want to heal. It is just them being selfish and feeling guilty. Well, it is their problem, we dont need to feel even worse just for the sake of their well being. We as dumpees must be selfish too right now.

 

The fact she told you she is sleeping with another guy is just super cruel. Why did she tell you that??? To rub it into your face? That is just not nice.

 

All I can say is go completely NC. I know it is hard. For me the hardest thing was not trying to get any info. I did not want to text him or call him, I did not have the temptation. I did keep checking his profile, asked other people about him etc. It is not NC. And it is really unhealthy. But I think people have to realize it themselves, you cant force anyone to apply NC if they are still not ready to let go. I know it is so hard ( Im keeping you in my thoughts and hope you will get better soon!!! I know you will get through this.

 

Hey, thank you again for replying to me, to be honest I don't feel that much better. I just have issues dealing with the fact that they are all lovey dovey and probably in love and yet its been 7-8 weeks since we actually split up. Think she's been sleeping with this guy for like 3 weeks or so now, so it's really hard taking that in, knowing what they're doing.

 

In regards to how she told me, basically I had her gmail password as it was my surname and I saw that they exchanged a few work related emails but something didn't seem right, he seemed keen on the emails. I told her that I went into her account because I felt bad about it as I had no right to do that but she went cold and as you do, you explore and obsess over what's going on (just being honest). Anyway my gut was telling me that they were together in some capacity and it turns out, a tv package we used to use has registered devices and a new device was registered to his address. I knew his address because in the past I went there on once occasion for like a get together with all her staff at work. So I kept my eye on it, and it tells you when it's activated, and they were together a lot, so first of all I was crushed, then again I haven't done myself any favours looking at this stuff but I just had to know for my own sake as I asked her about three times at this point is there someone else, and she gets mad and defensive saying NO. So then I met with her for the last time because she had to get the last bits from mine and picking up her wedding dress.. so I asked her to her face and again she said NO and that I was way off. and then of course in my previous post, I came across pinterest on my I pad already in her account because she used it all the time when we lived together and in the searches it was like 'falling in love' first date outfit, sex, infatuated, sexual tension, lust, drake best I ever had quote' so as you can imagine I pretty much crumbled and died inside. Seriously I was marrying this girl in august and already she's in this place with this guy? she swears nothing happened when we were together but I told her I wasn't sure what to believe anymore. He split up with his still wife early January, so he's getting a divorce I assume. I kinda threatened to tell the wife as I was that hurt/upset but now that I think about it, all i'll do is hurt her but a part of me thinks why should these two get away with it? and then she says it's not a relationship its just sex but it obviously is a relationship given the things she searched for on pinterest.

 

My head is messed up, trying to deal with this is hard, she literally couldn't be happier by the looks of it whilst I'm in bits. I thought I knew this person so it's very sad. I still care and love her and it baffles me to why I do.

 

I won't be holding onto her getting in touch, she's in a different place now, totally distracted, I'm the last of her thoughts probably, NC is the best option but I think my temptation is over now. I just don't want to become bitter but sometimes with the way it's all landed I can't help it. I'm a good guy and I cared for her so much and now she's gone, and I compare myself to this guy thinking he's amazing.

 

I totally agree you should date guys around your ages, I'm 26 and I can't really see myself dating someone who is 24 and under. Your ex sounds a bit odd, especially talking bad about his exes, just no respect whatsoever ey? Even now knowing what my ex has done to me ill still say she's a nice person and it just wasn't meant to be, of course the way she's gone about the post break up is hideous but I do want her to be happy deep down and if it's not with me then so be it. I really don't like the guy but then I don't know the whole story and never will. I just hope I don't see him in any way because id have to have words with him.

 

so yeah that's what I'm trying to deal with..right now is about survival for me.

 

I'm going to be single for a while, I tried dating sites but i'm not ready and it wouldn't be fair to the lady. I just need to work on myself, this is going to be the hardest thing now, because I am rock bottom and I need to pick myself up.

 

Do you go out much? with an open mind to meeting someone? I think it's hard to meet someone these days.

 

thanks again for talking to me.

[Heartbreak Hotel]

she text me tonight about bills so I sent her like a farewell sort of text. I'll share it with you guys..

 

so I said

 

for what it's worth I didn't tell the wife, I'm not getting involved. I cant be bothered anymore. I'm really upset with the speed you've done this and the fact you lied. It really tells me that when we were together at the end you two must of been talking closely. I don't want to get into it but the timing is hideous and it feels like I didn't mean anything to you and that you didn't value our relationship or respect me at all to move on into another relationship so quickly. I do wish you both well and I know how happy you are right now and deep down I want you to be happy. I hate the way this has ended but you have to be in my shoes to understand the hell I'm in. You're in a completely different place now and you two are an item and I'm going to let you go. I miss you incredibly as a mate but I cant possibly love you knowing how this has ended. I really wish you told me the truth and gave me time but I don't want to be bitter I want you both to be happy with each other. June 10th (proposed) and august 7th (was meant to be our wedding) will haunt me and I'm going to try my best to think that we actually had a good relationship but right now it's all overpowered with this hideous ending. I don't think you'll ever understand how I'm feeling or what ive been through or going through. There's nothing else to say, I'm just going to leave you both alone because I don't want to get in the way of your happiness together x

 

 

 

right here's her reply

 

 

 

I will just be honest with you and this is the last time I'm ever going to speak about it with you. yes its quick but inside I didn't feel loved for a very long time. It may not have shown on the outside but inside it was horrible. You can say the timing was hideous but for me, its been a long time since I felt that someone actually wanted me. I'm not saying this to hurt you, it's the truth. You can't argue with me because that's the way I felt. We had a good relationship at different points but we both wanted different things from it. The tenth will always be of happiness and the seventh will be bitter sweet, I will remember our friendship and the times we had together. I will put my details on the form and transfer you half the money, then you will just owe me another 100. I would appreciate it in the next 2 months as I don't think that is unreasonable.

 

 

 

the difference in the two texts, I honestly cant believe knowing how hard it was for me to write my text and be a bigger person for then to get that response... reduced me to tears.

 

can anyone explain why on earth she wrote such a ****ty text. No Idea what she meant regarding wanting different things.

 

I haven't responded and I don't think I will, I'll only be trying to defend myself and theres no point is there??

 

I'm blown away not in a good way. I'm devastated.

 

anyone please help

[Heartbreak Hotel]

I just think it's horrible how once again she blamed me. I gave it my all in the relationship, was I perfect every single day? no and like she said, she showed on the outside everything was fine. So upset.

[OregonGuy]

I don't think you should respond, man. She seems like she's in a place now where she's high on life, and anything you say is just going to justify her decision more in her mind. I am so sorry because I know the feeling.

[JDam]

Hey, thank you again for replying to me, to be honest I don't feel that much better. I just have issues dealing with the fact that they are all lovey dovey and probably in love and yet its been 7-8 weeks since we actually split up. Think she's been sleeping with this guy for like 3 weeks or so now, so it's really hard taking that in, knowing what they're doing.

 

In regards to how she told me, basically I had her gmail password as it was my surname and I saw that they exchanged a few work related emails but something didn't seem right, he seemed keen on the emails. I told her that I went into her account because I felt bad about it as I had no right to do that but she went cold and as you do, you explore and obsess over what's going on (just being honest). Anyway my gut was telling me that they were together in some capacity and it turns out, a tv package we used to use has registered devices and a new device was registered to his address. I knew his address because in the past I went there on once occasion for like a get together with all her staff at work. So I kept my eye on it, and it tells you when it's activated, and they were together a lot, so first of all I was crushed, then again I haven't done myself any favours looking at this stuff but I just had to know for my own sake as I asked her about three times at this point is there someone else, and she gets mad and defensive saying NO. So then I met with her for the last time because she had to get the last bits from mine and picking up her wedding dress.. so I asked her to her face and again she said NO and that I was way off. and then of course in my previous post, I came across pinterest on my I pad already in her account because she used it all the time when we lived together and in the searches it was like 'falling in love' first date outfit, sex, infatuated, sexual tension, lust, drake best I ever had quote' so as you can imagine I pretty much crumbled and died inside. Seriously I was marrying this girl in august and already she's in this place with this guy? she swears nothing happened when we were together but I told her I wasn't sure what to believe anymore. He split up with his still wife early January, so he's getting a divorce I assume. I kinda threatened to tell the wife as I was that hurt/upset but now that I think about it, all i'll do is hurt her but a part of me thinks why should these two get away with it? and then she says it's not a relationship its just sex but it obviously is a relationship given the things she searched for on pinterest.

 

My head is messed up, trying to deal with this is hard, she literally couldn't be happier by the looks of it whilst I'm in bits. I thought I knew this person so it's very sad. I still care and love her and it baffles me to why I do.

 

I won't be holding onto her getting in touch, she's in a different place now, totally distracted, I'm the last of her thoughts probably, NC is the best option but I think my temptation is over now. I just don't want to become bitter but sometimes with the way it's all landed I can't help it. I'm a good guy and I cared for her so much and now she's gone, and I compare myself to this guy thinking he's amazing.

 

I totally agree you should date guys around your ages, I'm 26 and I can't really see myself dating someone who is 24 and under. Your ex sounds a bit odd, especially talking bad about his exes, just no respect whatsoever ey? Even now knowing what my ex has done to me ill still say she's a nice person and it just wasn't meant to be, of course the way she's gone about the post break up is hideous but I do want her to be happy deep down and if it's not with me then so be it. I really don't like the guy but then I don't know the whole story and never will. I just hope I don't see him in any way because id have to have words with him.

 

so yeah that's what I'm trying to deal with..right now is about survival for me.

 

I'm going to be single for a while, I tried dating sites but i'm not ready and it wouldn't be fair to the lady. I just need to work on myself, this is going to be the hardest thing now, because I am rock bottom and I need to pick myself up.

 

Do you go out much? with an open mind to meeting someone? I think it's hard to meet someone these days.

 

thanks again for talking to me.

Oh you are welcome. I just remember what it feels like to go through this, I know that any words of comfort help a lot and make a difference. Im so sorry you are not getting better But you will!!! We just need to have patience and hope and everything will hopefully get better. Not now, maybe after some time but everything is gonna be alright again

 

There are no words to express how horrible your situation was/is. I mean, it must feel like being hit by a ton of bricks. I dont blame you for wanting to know more, I would do the same. People will tell you "stop looking at it" etc. but I know it is super hard. And what you are describing, the search history on pinterest and all that... oh my Im really sorry I understand you looked for answers. I did the same, I knew it was over and I kept looking at his instagram etc. Of course I saw things that just made me feel like ****. Like after about 2 months (post BU) he met this girl and they probably had sex at his friends party. An ex of his best friend would tell me: he obviously had sex with this girl because my friend (who was there) told me the girl walked out of the room in blanket next morning. He was in the room with her. Then I would look at his instagram and he would post pictures of books and say stuff like "girls are like books, if you love them there is nothing you can do" bla blah I admit I was really compulsive with the stalking, like I would analyze whose pictures he likes etc. It was really sick, but I just longed for answers. Karma probably got him because this girl went to COMPLETELY ignore him. So he went back to this other girl whose pictures he would always like (like she could post just anything, even a picture of a white wall and he would still like it and comment on everything). I suspect this girl was part of the reason he broke up with me, I feel it in my guts. He would post some really ambiguous comments under her pictures... like "so the color of your bathrobe matches the pink color of your dogs tongue? Nice." I was like duhhh who is this?? Is this the same person I dated? How can he be so sleazy?? Anyway no luck with this girl either...

 

Are you going to tell the wife of the guy? I dont know what I would do in this situation. I would feel bad for her

 

You sound like an awesome guy. I will be honest with myself here. Compared to you Im pretty bitter about the whole thing. It is really good that you are still able to talk nicely about her. As for myself it will take me a lot of time before Im able to feel totally indifferent. If anyone asks me about him I dont think I will have anything nice to say. So I will just be silent. Im being honest with myself here. I admire you for being able to pull this off after everything you saw

 

Yes, I do go out a lot. I have a lot of friends, Im really passionate about stuff I like, I work out a lot too, it helps so much. After a year I think I can say Im open about meeting someone new but it is just hard because most guys my age are getting married and having kids. I dont know a lot of guys my age who are single. But maybe this is just me being negative and pessimistic haha It is always about luck and being at the right time/place. I hope this day will come for both of us as well as other people on this forum who are going through the same experience.

[drewbee30]

I had a nasty breakup at the age of 24. She cheated on me and was doing drugs behind my back. Took her 7 years to finally contact me to say how much she dreams of me and how life would've been different if she hadn't hurt me. Talk about karma huh? Anyways I did write her back saying she didn't deserve the right to know the specifics of what I was doing in my life, but I was alive and well. Haven't heard from her since.

[JDam]

she text me tonight about bills so I sent her like a farewell sort of text. I'll share it with you guys..

 

so I said

 

for what it's worth I didn't tell the wife, I'm not getting involved. I cant be bothered anymore. I'm really upset with the speed you've done this and the fact you lied. It really tells me that when we were together at the end you two must of been talking closely. I don't want to get into it but the timing is hideous and it feels like I didn't mean anything to you and that you didn't value our relationship or respect me at all to move on into another relationship so quickly. I do wish you both well and I know how happy you are right now and deep down I want you to be happy. I hate the way this has ended but you have to be in my shoes to understand the hell I'm in. You're in a completely different place now and you two are an item and I'm going to let you go. I miss you incredibly as a mate but I cant possibly love you knowing how this has ended. I really wish you told me the truth and gave me time but I don't want to be bitter I want you both to be happy with each other. June 10th (proposed) and august 7th (was meant to be our wedding) will haunt me and I'm going to try my best to think that we actually had a good relationship but right now it's all overpowered with this hideous ending. I don't think you'll ever understand how I'm feeling or what ive been through or going through. There's nothing else to say, I'm just going to leave you both alone because I don't want to get in the way of your happiness together x

 

 

 

right here's her reply

 

 

 

I will just be honest with you and this is the last time I'm ever going to speak about it with you. yes its quick but inside I didn't feel loved for a very long time. It may not have shown on the outside but inside it was horrible. You can say the timing was hideous but for me, its been a long time since I felt that someone actually wanted me. I'm not saying this to hurt you, it's the truth. You can't argue with me because that's the way I felt. We had a good relationship at different points but we both wanted different things from it. The tenth will always be of happiness and the seventh will be bitter sweet, I will remember our friendship and the times we had together. I will put my details on the form and transfer you half the money, then you will just owe me another 100. I would appreciate it in the next 2 months as I don't think that is unreasonable.

 

 

 

the difference in the two texts, I honestly cant believe knowing how hard it was for me to write my text and be a bigger person for then to get that response... reduced me to tears.

 

can anyone explain why on earth she wrote such a ****ty text. No Idea what she meant regarding wanting different things.

 

I haven't responded and I don't think I will, I'll only be trying to defend myself and theres no point is there??

 

I'm blown away not in a good way. I'm devastated.

 

anyone please help

 

DONT RESPOND TO HER AGAIN!!!! You really wrote the first text pretty well, showed her you are the bigger person here. Her last text to you... this is crazy because it reminds of SO MUCH of what my ex texted to me last time. His first sentence was also "I will be honest with you here..." blah blah She seems really cold and distant, like she has no empathy. It is really cruel.

 

You really deserve better. After everything you saw you were still able to write such a nice text. As I said in my previous post hats off to you because I wasnt able to do that, in my last text to my ex I told him how badly he treated me and that I do know he trash talked me and that we cant be friends if he doesnt understand I just cant act like nothing happened and now he is accusing me of wanting to reconcile simply because I said it was nice to talk to him and whether he got home safely... I said "dont ever contact me ever again and forger about me for good". I would never be able to say "I will cherish the memories, it just want meant to be, hope you are happy" etc. Im not like that. Sometimes I wish I was different but thats the way I am and how Im feeling about it.

 

I admire you for being able to still be nice to her.

 

Now, please block her number, facebook, email and other forms of communication. I think that if she has any conscience she will feel bad about it after some time... when/if she reaches out really dont respond to her. I would have serious trust issues after everything she did to you... after dropping the bomb unexpectedly... I dont think it would ever be the same again, I would never trust her again.

 

Please take care of yourself, surround yourself with friends/family and I hope you will heal very soon

[Heartbreak Hotel]

I don't think you should respond, man. She seems like she's in a place now where she's high on life, and anything you say is just going to justify her decision more in her mind. I am so sorry because I know the feeling.

 

I won't be responding, thanks. And yeah it's pretty clear how happy she is to be that cold and say them things. Couldn't of sent a nicer text to her. I'm sorry you've been through it. I'm just speechless to be honest. If she doesn't think she's a bitch there, then she never will.

[Satu]

There is no better option open to you than this:

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

Any other course of action will just bring you more unhappiness.

 

 

Take care.

[Heartbreak Hotel]

DONT RESPOND TO HER AGAIN!!!! You really wrote the first text pretty well, showed her you are the bigger person here. Her last text to you... this is crazy because it reminds of SO MUCH of what my ex texted to me last time. His first sentence was also "I will be honest with you here..." blah blah She seems really cold and distant, like she has no empathy. It is really cruel.

 

You really deserve better. After everything you saw you were still able to write such a nice text. As I said in my previous post hats off to you because I wasnt able to do that, in my last text to my ex I told him how badly he treated me and that I do know he trash talked me and that we cant be friends if he doesnt understand I just cant act like nothing happened and now he is accusing me of wanting to reconcile simply because I said it was nice to talk to him and whether he got home safely... I said "dont ever contact me ever again and forger about me for good". I would never be able to say "I will cherish the memories, it just want meant to be, hope you are happy" etc. Im not like that. Sometimes I wish I was different but thats the way I am and how Im feeling about it.

 

I admire you for being able to still be nice to her.

 

Now, please block her number, facebook, email and other forms of communication. I think that if she has any conscience she will feel bad about it after some time... when/if she reaches out really dont respond to her. I would have serious trust issues after everything she did to you... after dropping the bomb unexpectedly... I dont think it would ever be the same again, I would never trust her again.

 

Please take care of yourself, surround yourself with friends/family and I hope you will heal very soon

 

Sadly I won't be telling the wife, I want to but ultimately I don't want to hurt her. She will find out soon enough, not that her horrible husband most likely felt feelings for my ex while he was with her but that months go by and he moves on and it's all fine... Do I sound bitter...? Sadly it does because they will look all innocent where in reality it's all be sneaky. Not many people know about them and probably won't till he's divorced or whatever.

 

I won't be responding to the text, there's no urge for me to do it. It took everything and more to write that text out. I thought be the better person, wish her well and let her go but she just had to end it all on a cold note.. I really didn't expect that. Clearly she's in a great place to be saying things like that. That's not the girl I know sadly. I'm sure he's influenced her a lot. There's no need to look at anything of hers now, she's made it clear that they're pretty much in love, and that she feels loved so I know the score. It's hard to stomach but I kinda knew it was like that anyway.

 

Even now I'm going to rise above it and just focus on letting her go rather than call her names. I am pretty angry to be honest because I just feel that was totally unnecessary. God that guy must be buzzing right now. Knowing she's said that to me. I guess you could also say that she is being truthful and maybe I have to learn a lesson but it takes two. She could have worded it so much better and to say she felt it on the inside is ridiculous because she fooled everyone. Even on new year it was like 'we're getting married this year' with excitement. So she was a good actress I'll give her that much.

 

Right now I just hope I don't hear from her again, feel like not giving her the money at all... I will of course but that's how much she's annoyed me.

 

I honestly don't know what I've done to deserve this or why she's felt the need once again to blame me for her actions..

 

I have been trying to keep busy, hopefully every day is a step towards getting stronger. I do have some good friends and a small but great family. It's a pity you don't live in the uk, could of just talked about our experiences haha. I assuming you live in the states because the other day you said 'fall' whereas I'd just say winter. I'm just guessing anyway.

 

Sorry to keep being emotional. I just hope the worst has passed, I keep saying it has and then something else happens.

[Lifeissomething]

You were dealt an extremely bad hand by this girl, there's no way around it. I'm sorry you're going through what you are.

 

Do NC, for your benefit. Get out, and do things that pass time. Stop all forms of contact or communication immediately.

 

Things are horrible right now, but you now know how mean and callous she is. You know where she is, now you must move forward.

 

This stings mate, no doubt about it. But from what you have told us, this was her choice, she rocked the boat, not you. Try not to search for "what if's" and alternative hypotheticals, because it will just lead to more questions. As a person you sound like a great individual, and keep believing that.

 

Your story was hard to read, and her response was awful--ex's have a tendency to do that, deal stingers at the worst of times.

 

Thank god you didn't marry her, I know it's hard to read that, but you dodged a bullet.

Edited March 22, 2016 by Lifeissomething

[Heartbreak Hotel]

You were dealt an extremely bad hand by this girl, there's no way around it. I'm sorry you're going through what you are.

 

Do NC, for your benefit. Get out, and do things that pass time. Stop all forms of contact or communication immediately.

 

Things are horrible right now, but you now know how mean and callous she is. You know where she is, now you must move forward.

 

This stings mate, no doubt about it. But from what you have told us, this was her choice, she rocked the boat, not you. Try not to search for "what if's" and alternative hypotheticals, because it will just lead to more questions. As a person you sound like a great individual, and keep believing that.

 

Your story was hard to read, and her response was awful--ex's have a tendency to do that, deal stingers at the worst of times.

 

Thank god you didn't marry her, I know it's hard to read that, but you dodged a bullet.

 

Thanks for your reply man, I agree with everything you said. Obviously I guess I did dodge a bullet. Very difficult to say that because I do care about her a lot. My friend was saying she's trying to justify what she's done and saying she didn't feel loved is valid but also a an easy get out? It did sting me. It was a bit weird to receive that kind of text with that coldness and tone. Just tells me he's the only important thing in her life now. Just wish she stops texting me about bills but sadly they do need to be sorted, think it's over now though.

[keiji]

People will tell all sorts of lies to justify their "getaway". Just don't try to refute her. Time, karma, the universe or whatever will put everything in its right place, including her. Don't rush it. My ex-wife cheated on me with a co-worker and when people knew about it, she denied it and told everyone that I had been sleeping with a friend of mine for months before the breakup (false). She said I despised her culturally (false). She said I didn't want to have sex with her (false). The list is endless... I fell in the trap of talking to everyone in our circles to prove her a liar and I only came across as a bitter person and turned her into a saint. As months went by, the truth came to light, of course, and many people had to apologize. Just let her go and talk s***t. Life will take care of that. As my mum says, "lies have short legs".

Edited March 22, 2016 by keiji

[Lifeissomething]

Thanks for your reply man, I agree with everything you said. Obviously I guess I did dodge a bullet. Very difficult to say that because I do care about her a lot. My friend was saying she's trying to justify what she's done and saying she didn't feel loved is valid but also a an easy get out? It did sting me. It was a bit weird to receive that kind of text with that coldness and tone. Just tells me he's the only important thing in her life now. Just wish she stops texting me about bills but sadly they do need to be sorted, think it's over now though.

 

Anytime my man.

As Keiji stated, don't look too much into her cold text (although you will, which is normal we've all been there), as people will say anything to justify their leaving.

 

 

He remarks about not being loved etc...sounds like she's grasping at whatever justification for her actions while adding some stingers in as well. She sounds very immature, and hopefully this is separate/distant from her teaching abilities--no wonder why newer generations are so stupid.

 

She's not a good person. Stop being nice about it, she screwed you over, she doesn't deserve your well wishes and warm thoughts, only you do.

 

Hate her, deplore her, and over time you will learn how lucky you are that you didn't put a ring on it and have her pull this **** while married, because she absolutely would have.

 

I know it's horrible to think about, but do you want your marriage to be an everlasting union, or just another 60%+ stat of divorce? You were headed for the latter my friend, not the former.

 

**** her.

[Heartbreak Hotel]

People will tell all sorts of lies to justify their "getaway". Just don't try to refute her. Time, karma, the universe or whatever will put everything in its right place, including her. Don't rush it. My ex-wife cheated on me with a co-worker and when people knew about it, she denied it and told everyone that I had been sleeping with a friend of mine for months before the breakup (false). She said I despised her culturally (false). She said I didn't want to have sex with her (false). The list is endless... I fell in the trap of talking to everyone in our circles to prove her a liar and I only came across as a bitter person and turned her into a saint. As months went by, the truth came to light, of course, and many people had to apologize. Just let her go and talk s***t. Life will take care of that. As my mum says, "lies have short legs".

 

I here you man, can you tell me though why is she the one that's angry? and cold? like I don't understand, she seems really pissed off and that doesn't really make sense to me, I thought she'd be feeling guilty or upset, honestly can't work it out.

[Heartbreak Hotel]

Anytime my man.

As Keiji stated, don't look too much into her cold text (although you will, which is normal we've all been there), as people will say anything to justify their leaving.

 

 

He remarks about not being loved etc...sounds like she's grasping at whatever justification for her actions while adding some stingers in as well. She sounds very immature, and hopefully this is separate/distant from her teaching abilities--no wonder why newer generations are so stupid.

 

She's not a good person. Stop being nice about it, she screwed you over, she doesn't deserve your well wishes and warm thoughts, only you do.

 

Hate her, deplore her, and over time you will learn how lucky you are that you didn't put a ring on it and have her pull this **** while married, because she absolutely would have.

 

I know it's horrible to think about, but do you want your marriage to be an everlasting union, or just another 60%+ stat of divorce? You were headed for the latter my friend, not the former.

 

**** her.

 

I was really angry last night and today I felt a lot better because it was closure, not the closure I wanted. The only thing I would of asked for yesterday was for her to text back saying, thanks for wishing us well take care and all would of been fine but no. Do you have any idea why she's so pissed off, like why she's angry? because I thought she'd be feeling a little guilty, I mean of course she's delighted with her decision and she's made up with this new guy, but I don't understand why she is so cruel and why she's so angry. It's like she's convinced she's totally innocent and has done nothing wrong. Look moving on with someone else, no problem for me, it's the way she went about it was the problem, the lies, the timing and then just being plain horrible on texts when it's clear i'm just cut up because I was marrying her one minute and now she's gone. Crazy...

[Lifeissomething]

I was really angry last night and today I felt a lot better because it was closure, not the closure I wanted. The only thing I would of asked for yesterday was for her to text back saying, thanks for wishing us well take care and all would of been fine but no. Do you have any idea why she's so pissed off, like why she's angry? because I thought she'd be feeling a little guilty, I mean of course she's delighted with her decision and she's made up with this new guy, but I don't understand why she is so cruel and why she's so angry. It's like she's convinced she's totally innocent and has done nothing wrong. Look moving on with someone else, no problem for me, it's the way she went about it was the problem, the lies, the timing and then just being plain horrible on texts when it's clear i'm just cut up because I was marrying her one minute and now she's gone. Crazy...

 

Some people are just horribly selfish and not good. Based on what you have told us in this situation, your ex is acting like so.

 

I'm sure you have found yourself asking "how can she/he do that?" or how can "someone be so inconsiderate?" from a plethora of situations. From small situations to the guy holding up traffic so he can get his coffee, to the prick who rips off others for his/her benefit. People are nasty in all walks of life, and relationships are no different. No it always because they're troubled, had horrible parents, a rough childhood, etc....some people are just ****ty people, and don't deserve any other explanation.

 

At some point in life all people will most likely disappoint you. Sadly, your ex is falling into this category. As I got older I realized this (people will disappoint). It's important to know that people change, the person you knew at one specific point in your life (we'll call that A) and another part of your life (we'll call that B), are different. Sure the same person, name, etc...but think A when you guys were in the honeymoon phase, now let's take B in January, or even now. Is this the same girl you knew? Nope. You probably wouldn't propose right now (but you did last year and felt confident doing so), you probably never forsaw her acting this way (just like a lot of people don't see their ex's dumping them, when they in fact do). It's hard, because we always try to remember A over B, when B is really an accurate reflection of reality. People change, sometimes for better sometimes for worst, but they do change, and sometimes it's completely out of your control. Now you may not be telling us some important details, but presuming you haven't skimmed over anything, this is out of your control.

 

She's a nasty person for being angry, that's left for you. Let her be nasty, this is about you and only you now. A lot of people don't take 'being wrong' lightly. She's a coward a and probably knows it, and doesn't like this reminder or negative reflection of self (it's easier to blame than to be wrong) and is letting some aggression out. Regardless, even if she wasn't angry and was sweet, it wouldn't change the situation. You say it would have made you feel better, but that's a lie, you would have been all over the map questioning if she still loves you, she must love you, look how sweet she was! Sometimes by being mean/angry, they do us a huge favor in helping us recover. It would be a lot worst if she was still sleeping with him, but trying to appease her guilt and tell you over and over again that she's sorry, that she's wrong, and take you on a rollercoaster. The text was not a fun read, but again, she kind of did you a favor (in a callous way).

 

I know it sucks man. But hang in there. It's over. You're at rock bottom now, only way it up my friend!

Edited April 10, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[Ifeelok]

Hey man, Im sorry on what happened to you. I went through the same thing almost a year ago. we were together for 5 years and out of the blue dumps me.

 

tells me she needs to find herself and a bunch of other lies, come to find out a month later shes in a relationship with her coworker (supervisor). Of course i felt bad, I felt used, like I didnt mean anything. I was always faithful, never cheated or lied.

 

4 months after the break up she calls me late at night to tell me that she didnt leave me for him, that it "just happened". blamed everything on me, that i was the problem, that I was the reason she left. we are not perfect, no one is but she couldnt tell me the truth after so many years together so of course i was full of anger.

 

i did the best thing I could think of and that was block her and her family and friends from social media, delete her number and work on myself. 8 months later in 50 lbs slimmer, im more active, im happy for once being alone.

 

Yes, i still miss her like crazy but I try and let it know bother me, I focus on myself and becoming a better me and I know you can do the same. I was always thought that was goes around comes around. Just be positive about life, be selfish for a bit and focus on you.

 

When people say it takes time, trust me it does. Months from now you will be a better and stronger person, as for our exes all we can do is wish them the best. If we ever have the satisfaction of having them come back and beg us to take them back there and then we have the option to move on or give it another shot.

[Heartbreak Hotel]

Some people are just horribly selfish and not good. Based on what you have told us in this situation, your ex is acting like so.

 

I'm sure you have found yourself asking "how can she/he do that?" or how can "someone be so inconsiderate?" from a plethora of situations. From small situations to the guy holding up traffic so he can get his coffee, to the prick who rips off others for his/her benefit. People are nasty in all walks of life, and relationships are no different. No it always because they're troubled, had horrible parents, a rough childhood, etc....some people are just ****ty people, and don't deserve any other explanation.

 

At some point in life all people will most likely disappoint you. Sadly, your ex is falling into this category. As I got older I realized this (people will disappoint). It's important to know that people change, the person you knew at one specific point in your life (we'll call that A) and another part of your life (we'll call that B), are different. Sure the same person, name, etc...but think A when you guys were in the honeymoon phase, now let's take B in January, or even now. Is this the same girl you knew? Nope. You probably wouldn't propose right now (but you did last year and felt confident doing so), you probably never forsaw her acting this way (just like a lot of people don't see their ex's dumping them, when they in fact do). It's hard, because we always try to remember A over B, when B is really an accurate reflection of reality. People change, sometimes for better sometimes for worst, but they do change, and sometimes it's completely out of your control. Now you may not be telling us some important details, but presuming you haven't skimmed over anything, this is out of your control.

 

She's a nasty person for being angry, that's left for you. Let her be nasty, this is about you and only you now. A lot of people don't take 'being wrong' lightly. She's a coward a and probably knows it, and doesn't like this reminder or negative reflection of self (it's easier to blame than to be wrong) and is letting some aggression out. Regardless, even if she wasn't angry and was sweet, it wouldn't change the situation. You say it would have made you feel better, but that's a lie, you would have been all over the map questioning if she still loves you, she must love you, look how sweet she was! Sometimes by being mean/angry, they do us a huge favor in helping us recover. It would be a lot worst if she was still sleeping with him, but trying to appease her guilt and tell you over and over again that she's sorry, that she's wrong, and take you on a rollercoaster. The text was not a fun read, but again, she kind of did you a favor (in a callous way).

 

I know it sucks man. But hang in there. It's over. You're at rock bottom now, only way it up my friend!

 

another great post, thank you for spending time and talking to me. In terms of details, I've pretty much filled you in. I really didn't do much wrong, the only thing I would mention if I was truly honest was that with the wedding coming up, we were stressed trying to save money constantly and it ruined the fun in our relationship, well that was part of the reason, but we were staying in and doing nothing and it all became stale. I've never been a d ick or anything like that. Sometimes I didn't pick my dish up, that was probably the worst thing I did so I do have a lot to improve. Now I just want to focus on myself, get better firstly and then just try and find my true self again. It's going to kill, especially knowing how happy they are but like you said I don't think it can get any worse now, although I keep saying that and something happens, but I really do think it's finished with. I know she's going to text me at some point about the 100 pound I owe her and I'm in two minds as to whether to give it to her because she's been such a horror. I've paid half of everything in terms of wedding cancelation fees so I've been more than fair i'd say considering I didn't cancel it she did.

 

One thing I can assure you is that never in a million years would I ever take her back, not that she would ever come back. I certainly don't expect that, I would say given this guys track record of being with his wife 8 years married for 3 of them, I think they will last a long time. People keep saying they wont. Thing is my ex is a free spirit kinda girl, she's travelled the world, slept with a lot of guys think it's 25 now. I think that's a lot for a girl, could be wrong. And when she becomes unhappy with something she's out of there, whenever a decision is made she'll stick with it, very stubborn girl. But I didn't ever come on here of the hope that someone will tell me there's a chance to get her back, I couldn't trust her ever again, she's even ruined a potential friendship now and to be honest I don't think I would want to be. I want to leave her to it now and move forward.

 

As for her being angry helps me, it does. Today I felt like I saw her true colours, upsets me to say it and think it but it's true but for the first time I was ok with her being with him and just accepting it and looking forward to the future. I'm pretty happy I've felt like this and I didn't get my anti depressants so maybe there's a chance I can get through this without them.

 

Trying to be positive.

Edited April 10, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[Heartbreak Hotel]

Hey man, Im sorry on what happened to you. I went through the same thing almost a year ago. we were together for 5 years and out of the blue dumps me.

 

tells me she needs to find herself and a bunch of other lies, come to find out a month later shes in a relationship with her coworker (supervisor). Of course i felt bad, I felt used, like I didnt mean anything. I was always faithful, never cheated or lied.

 

4 months after the break up she calls me late at night to tell me that she didnt leave me for him, that it "just happened". blamed everything on me, that i was the problem, that I was the reason she left. we are not perfect, no one is but she couldnt tell me the truth after so many years together so of course i was full of anger.

 

i did the best thing I could think of and that was block her and her family and friends from social media, delete her number and work on myself. 8 months later in 50 lbs slimmer, im more active, im happy for once being alone.

 

Yes, i still miss her like crazy but I try and let it know bother me, I focus on myself and becoming a better me and I know you can do the same. I was always thought that was goes around comes around. Just be positive about life, be selfish for a bit and focus on you.

 

When people say it takes time, trust me it does. Months from now you will be a better and stronger person, as for our exes all we can do is wish them the best. If we ever have the satisfaction of having them come back and beg us to take them back there and then we have the option to move on or give it another shot.

 

Hey man, I'm sorry to hear about your story, especially the similarity with the co worker. I thought your post was really positive but I couldn't help but think you're still a bit hung up on your ex? just that last line of whether to give it another shot or not. I mean I couldn't ever go back with her now personally. However saying you got yourself in great shape is amazing, that's what I'm trying to do, I lost 2 stone because of stress, I was 14stone and I'm now 12, so I need to build back up again. I do think this is going to be a process and a long one, gonna take a while and I'm not interested in rebounds, ive had 3 relationships combining 9 years and I've only slept with 3 girls so I'm not that type. I'm looking forward to the challenge of bettering myself now for me and no one else.

 

She is blocked on everything but she blocked me haha which is great because I really don't want to see a pic of her and him right now, but they are keeping quiet about it because of the wife... that's why I think it's harsh that she's unaware but I'm not getting involved.

 

I found it interesting she was ringing you late at nigh 4 months on, did you not speak for 4 months? because we've had to talk because of bills etc, stupid s hit to be honest and it's dragged on. Do you talk to her now at all? My ex went through a tiny phase 3 weeks on, when she moved into her new place where she text me late at night and then we had a long ass call one night but looking back I just think what was she playing at because at that point she was obviously getting close with the guy so that doesn't make sense at all.

 

Ah life is just not easy. I'm sure I'm going to have crap days ahead but right now I feel ok.

 

thanks for sharing your story.

[Ifeelok]

i would be lying if I told you i wasnt a bit still hung up on her. Because as much as I dont want to I am. I mean 5 years of my life I shared with this women, every single night, its not easy.

 

I used to be that guy that used to just want to hook up with women and on to the next, thats what my brothers told me be young and enjoy life before you get old. I am only 25 but when I met her i was 20 and she changed me.

 

I fell in love with "her" not her looks, didn't care if she was the hottest girl or not. It was something about her that made me feel comfortable to myself, I felt relaxed.

 

we dont speak at all anymore no contact what so ever, i had gone completely NC on her for a while until she rang me up and basically just said all these BS lines to make her self feel good. I forgot to mention she told when we spoke that she would do better than me, have a better job, make more money, be happier without me. That I was holding her back.

 

8 months later I see her around here and there (we live near each other).

and still drives that same little beat up car, still lives at home and still works that part time minimum paying job. So much for doing better than me.

 

You can do it man trust me I did it, its all in your head. You need to convince yourself that you are stronger than her. Every time I want to quit, I scream to myself in my head to remind myself why Im doing it in the first place. To become a better me, it helps me run that extra mile, do that extra rep when lifting weights.

 

I can clearly tell you this, I felt like crap, I wanted to just hide from everyone, I felt as if I had no one. I cried and cried and cried. I honestly lost my self confidence, she took that away from me. She called me fat, said I was out of shape, basically pointed all my flaws.

 

Look man, we have similar situations but at the end of the day myself and everyone that offers you advice can only do that, offer you advice. You must convince yourself that you are stronger than this, that you can overcome pain. You will be a better, happier more confident person after this.

Edited March 22, 2016 by Ifeelok
grammer