Break up - Coping that she's with someone else

[Heartbreak Hotel]

Im really going to pour my heart into this as I'm feeling so down at the moment. I'll make it short as I can.

 

I was with my ex fiancée for 2 years, engaged last June. Everything was going really well until this past January where she pulled the plug on the wedding first. Reasons were like it's too soon, too big which I understood and agreed to put it on hold. 2 weeks later she ended the relationship. She said she was unhappy, I wasn't pulling my weight around the house and she fell out of love. Obviously I was devastated, handled it really well at first because I really didn't expect her to move on so quick...

 

So we had to keep In touch regarding changing bills or getting clothes, it dragged on. She stayed with her best mate for 3 weeks. But then I soon noticed she went hot and cold. When she went into her new shared place she text me on the second night saying she missed me... Missed the friendship, so it wrecked my head.

 

I've always known her gmail password as its my name, and I know it was wrong of me to check her stuff but in fairness to me I actually told her.. Anyway I noticed a co worker had been emailing her a lot, nothing major just work related stuff but my gut was saying there was more there. He's married, been with his wife 8 years married 3. So I thought no way? Turns out they separated early January.

 

So my mind was obsessing over this, so unhealthy I know and I've been torturing myself daily. I then came across something by accident and it's basically messed me up. She used Pinterest on my iPad all the time and it was still logged into her account. And I was looking for inspiration on how to cope with break ups and on the search tab it had things like falling in love, birthday cakes, birthday meals, first date outfit, infatuated, sexual tension, sexy quotes, best I've had, lust and sex. So I blew up, how the hell can I go from getting married this August with someone who I thought was amazing to now knowing all this? So I sent her a long message saying how deceitful she had been because I asked her a week before point blank to her face if she was seeing this particular guy and she said no. Even got angry sometimes and blocked my on what's app which in fairness is a good thing so I can't check her activity. So I was really upset, called her out and said how selfish they both were for doing this. The wife has no idea. I know they're split up but if I was her I'd like to know.

 

Just so people know the time frame, we split up January 23rd and my guess is she hooked up with him around the 26th Feb but obviously been talking to him and flirting a couple of weeks before hand. So that's like what 3 or 4 weeks?

 

No time to heal, no respect shown. Anyway she text me the next day finally admitting she was sleeping with him. Denied that they're In a relationship because she's just got out of one where she was getting married so she doesn't want commitment. Even though I think that's a load of rubbish given the things she's searched on Pinterest.... So yeah she said were sleeping together and the wife doesn't know. I did say to her I was going to tell her and it's ridiculous because out of the 4 of us I'm the only one hurt. She said she still gets upset about me and thinks about me but she's trying to be happy. And I get that of course I do. But 3 weeks? Cmon. I just wish she gave me time. It feels like I meant. Nothing to her and it's clearly not a rebound because she works with him! They're teachers.

 

My mental state is messed up, can't shake the Vision of them two out of my head. Every night I go to bed I think they're together which they are. She couldn't be happier. Whilst I'm ruined and broken. I really don't want to be bitter about this but I was marrying this lady in August. I'm so hurt and yes of course people tell me you've dodged a bullet and it wasn't meant to be, i get that. But it doesn't change how messed up this is.

 

What I want to know or if people can give me any help as I'm desperate is..

 

What was going through her mind?

How can she get over me so quickly? (We actually had a great relationship)

Does she even care about me at all?

Why do I still not hate her, even now?

How am I meant to deal with this, seriously?

 

We're blocked on all social stuff just for the record.

 

I'm trying to keep busy by running but I still come home to an empty apartment.

 

I sent her a letter for closure, even though it's not really but just had to say thanks for teaching me a valuable lesson. I last saw her a couple of weeks ago in the car when she was picking up her wedding dress that she has to sell and she teared up because she knew how much she hurt me and she couldn't tell me the truth. I've got to sell the ring. It's all so messed up.

 

If anyone out there can help me. I'd be grateful.

 

I gave it everything in this relationship and I know I'm a good guy. Which she also says but that were not right for each other.

 

Sorry this is so long, I wouldn't even wish this on my worst enemy. Not that I have one mind.

 

Zak.

Edited March 19, 2016 by Heartbreak Hotel

[smackie9]

I'm so sorry Zak, I agree this is so unfair, and like anyone with a broken heart, you want to make sense of it. She is not telling you everything in order to protect you. The reality of it, this has been going on with them for sometime, not sexually but emotionally. Affairs in the workplace happens all the time. I have been with my company for over 25 and have seen my fair share.

 

I will tell you this, no one wakes up one morning and says "I'm going to have an affair and destroy my relationship". I guarantee you this didn't happen over night. Infatuation is like a drug addiction. Your way of thinking changes, you become selfish, you have tunnel vision, you tell lies, tell yourself lies, etc. Getting stimulated through conversing is where it starts....it seems harmless at first, you will call it a friendship, and then it starts to snowball....before you know it your obsessed/ addicted and it becomes out of control. The feelings are so intense, you will stop at nothing to have it. This is why she dropped the engagement, this has nothing to do with you. Sure she gave you all these excuses, placed the blame on you to hide the truth...it was all lies, she is a bloody coward. She cried out of guilt, and hates the person she has become BUT like addiction, you are willing to sacrifice everything to have it, chase it.

 

I'm not by any means justifying her behavior, I'm trying to help you make sense of this behavior, and this one is very common. The thing is, what they have is infatuation not love. There is a strong chance, usually happens around an anniversary/birthday/Christmas, he is going to go back to his wife. It doesn't always end well.

 

Losing a relationship is like dealing with a death, you are grieving your loss. The five stages of grieving, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Keeping busy is key, but also talk it out with someone close, or a family member. The quicker you let this anger go, the quicker you will get rid of his horrible hurt. Best of luck to you and may you find happiness soon.

[Heartbreak Hotel]

I'm so sorry Zak, I agree this is so unfair, and like anyone with a broken heart, you want to make sense of it. She is not telling you everything in order to protect you. The reality of it, this has been going on with them for sometime, not sexually but emotionally. Affairs in the workplace happens all the time. I have been with my company for over 25 and have seen my fair share.

 

I will tell you this, no one wakes up one morning and says "I'm going to have an affair and destroy my relationship". I guarantee you this didn't happen over night. Infatuation is like a drug addiction. Your way of thinking changes, you become selfish, you have tunnel vision, you tell lies, tell yourself lies, etc. Getting stimulated through conversing is where it starts....it seems harmless at first, you will call it a friendship, and then it starts to snowball....before you know it your obsessed/ addicted and it becomes out of control. The feelings are so intense, you will stop at nothing to have it. This is why she dropped the engagement, this has nothing to do with you. Sure she gave you all these excuses, placed the blame on you to hide the truth...it was all lies, she is a bloody coward. She cried out of guilt, and hates the person she has become BUT like addiction, you are willing to sacrifice everything to have it, chase it.

 

I'm not by any means justifying her behavior, I'm trying to help you make sense of this behavior, and this one is very common. The thing is, what they have is infatuation not love. There is a strong chance, usually happens around an anniversary/birthday/Christmas, he is going to go back to his wife. It doesn't always end well.

 

Losing a relationship is like dealing with a death, you are grieving your loss. The five stages of grieving, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Keeping busy is key, but also talk it out with someone close, or a family member. The quicker you let this anger go, the quicker you will get rid of his horrible hurt. Best of luck to you and may you find happiness soon.

 

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me.

 

It's quite difficult taking in that she and this guy were emotionally involved before the split, i do agree that is the likelihood no doubt. She denies that and says how could she find the time to do that. But with her lying to me, it wouldn't surprise me.

 

Funnily enough I did call her a coward last week and she said she was but thank you for explaining what infatuated means. Makes me sick to my stomach to here. I guess she can do whatever she wants now as its none of my business. I just really don't like the way this has ended.

 

Should I tell the wife? If I were her I'd want to know, of course she will be hurt and that's why I'm hesitant. But then I just think why should they get away with it? Then that makes me a little bitter, which makes me sad.

 

I can't see him going back to his wife to be honest, apparently they mutually split and there keeping this new whatever it is hush hush. She did say if any of her work colleagues ask about him she's open about it. So I can't see him going back to her. He probably think he's got an upgrade as my ex is pretty. He's 31 she's 26 same as me. No kids were involved.

 

It does feel like a death but I know she's not far away from me. I constantly compare myself to this guy and in my head I just think they're having the best sex ever.. Couldn't be happier, I have no idea why I'm punishing myself.

 

I am pathetic because there's some weird part of me that still cares for her, loves her and wants to be friends in the long run with her. I think that shows how bad I am mentally, I send her the odd text saying how I feel but now it's got to the point where she won't reply and I know why, and to be honest I should just stop because she's with him now. Her mind is totally off me. If there's a hell in definitely there, I honestly thought I was going to marry her.

 

Life is so cruel, thank you again for responding, really appreciate it.

 

Zak.

[Limitless159]

Sorry for your loss. I recently went through same situation we were together for 7 years. I was devastated. Her family was like my family so I lost her and them also. They all loved me and still wanted too stay close but that doesn't really work. It has been a year now and she got knocked up by the co worker. She tells me over christmas holidays. She's 5 months along. Ive done lots of reading and after talking too lots of people Ive learned that MANY times its the co worker or the boss. Very high chance the affair or new interest happens at work. At the end of the day my satisfaction lies in the fact that he works a dead end job and her quality of life has dropped way off. Her new life doesn't come close too her old one. Its been a rude awakening for her. People always think the grass will be greener on the other side. Stay positive and work hard. Hopefully you can put yourself in a position where you can be better off without her. Now that winter is over and weather is getting nicer I can honestly say that I'm having a lot more fun now then i would have been with her. Im 31 years old and getting back into all the fun hobbies I had when i was a kid. Dirt bikes, Harley, all the stuff she hated and said was too dangerous. Best of luck too you.

[Heartbreak Hotel]

Sorry for your loss. I recently went through same situation we were together for 7 years. I was devastated. Her family was like my family so I lost her and them also. They all loved me and still wanted too stay close but that doesn't really work. It has been a year now and she got knocked up by the co worker. She tells me over christmas holidays. She's 5 months along. Ive done lots of reading and after talking too lots of people Ive learned that MANY times its the co worker or the boss. Very high chance the affair or new interest happens at work. At the end of the day my satisfaction lies in the fact that he works a dead end job and her quality of life has dropped way off. Her new life doesn't come close too her old one. Its been a rude awakening for her. People always think the grass will be greener on the other side. Stay positive and work hard. Hopefully you can put yourself in a position where you can be better off without her. Now that winter is over and weather is getting nicer I can honestly say that I'm having a lot more fun now then i would have been with her. Im 31 years old and getting back into all the fun hobbies I had when i was a kid. Dirt bikes, Harley, all the stuff she hated and said was too dangerous. Best of luck too you.

 

Thanks for sharing your story, we have similarities regarding families. They loved me too. Nearly all of them have removed me on Facebook, sure won't be long till the rest do. Sadly they both have great jobs but stressful, she came home every night with a lot of work still to do. I actually predicted she'd get pregnant this year as he's 31, that's still young but I guess if he wants kids then time is ticking?

 

I'm just finding it hard to accept it at the moment, it's all happened so quickly. I agree with the hobbies, I'm just trying to keep busy. I just want to feel better because this right now is hideous.

[Satu]

In the long run you'll be ok.

 

In fact, you'll be better than ok; you'll be happy and enjoying life again.

 

In the meantime, you should concentrate solely on yourself, and your own health and wellbeing.

 

 

Are you eating healthily?

 

Are you drinking enough water?

 

Are you exercising?

 

Are you spending time with other people, family and friends?

 

Are you getting out of the house enough?

 

Are you avoiding drugs and alcohol?

 

Are you doing fun stuff, just for enjoyment?

 

Are you keeping up with your responsibilities?

 

 

These are the things you need to do before you do anything else.

 

 

Take care.

[Heartbreak Hotel]

In the long run you'll be ok.

 

In fact, you'll be better than ok; you'll be happy and enjoying life again.

 

In the meantime, you should concentrate solely on yourself, and your own health and wellbeing.

 

 

Are you eating healthily?

 

Are you drinking enough water?

 

Are you exercising?

 

Are you spending time with other people, family and friends?

 

Are you getting out of the house enough?

 

Are you avoiding drugs and alcohol?

 

Are you doing fun stuff, just for enjoyment?

 

Are you keeping up with your responsibilities?

 

 

These are the things you need to do before you do anything else.

 

 

Take care.

 

I'd say out of that list I was exercising, and spending time with family. Haven't had a drink or do drugs and haven't done much of the rest you mentioned. That's how bad it's hit me. So I have quite a way to go to get better still. Thanks for your post.

[OregonGuy]

 

I will tell you this, no one wakes up one morning and says "I'm going to have an affair and destroy my relationship". I guarantee you this didn't happen over night. Infatuation is like a drug addiction. Your way of thinking changes, you become selfish, you have tunnel vision, you tell lies, tell yourself lies, etc. Getting stimulated through conversing is where it starts....it seems harmless at first, you will call it a friendship, and then it starts to snowball....before you know it your obsessed/ addicted and it becomes out of control. The feelings are so intense, you will stop at nothing to have it. This is why she dropped the engagement, this has nothing to do with you. Sure she gave you all these excuses, placed the blame on you to hide the truth...it was all lies, she is a bloody coward. She cried out of guilt, and hates the person she has become BUT like addiction, you are willing to sacrifice everything to have it, chase it.

 

 

 

As you said, generally these type of things are infatuation and not love. Would you venture to say these generally don't work out well, and can lead to someone coming back? If the person they left you for is not as good of a match?

[sbk24]

Hi, I'm sorry that this has happened and believe me from past experience your emotions will be all over the place and will be for a while but I assure you things do get better.

 

Love is a strange thing right? Being heart broken is a real thing and will hurt like hell. The best advice I can give you is don't make rash decisions; which you are most likely to do when your emotions are all over. Do not contact her unless it is necessary.

 

Like others have said NC is the best as ignorance is a bliss. Really do try keep yourself busy. Took me a good few months to get out the house and start seeing friends and family again. You have to think to yourself that you shouldn't be treated second best and that you fell in love once you can do it again. Sometimes lust just gets in the way and seems to be a natural behaviour for a lot of people.

 

Believe me, in 6 months time you will feel different to what you do now. You will also realise who your true friends are as they will be there for you. Your friendships will go stronger.

[Heartbreak Hotel]

Hi, I'm sorry that this has happened and believe me from past experience your emotions will be all over the place and will be for a while but I assure you things do get better.

 

Love is a strange thing right? Being heart broken is a real thing and will hurt like hell. The best advice I can give you is don't make rash decisions; which you are most likely to do when your emotions are all over. Do not contact her unless it is necessary.

 

Like others have said NC is the best as ignorance is a bliss. Really do try keep yourself busy. Took me a good few months to get out the house and start seeing friends and family again. You have to think to yourself that you shouldn't be treated second best and that you fell in love once you can do it again. Sometimes lust just gets in the way and seems to be a natural behaviour for a lot of people.

 

Believe me, in 6 months time you will feel different to what you do now. You will also realise who your true friends are as they will be there for you. Your friendships will go stronger.

 

Don't think NC matters anymore, I won't contact her of course but I just mean I doubt we will speak again now. Her life is with him and not me anymore. I've no doubt I'll get better, I just can't quite believe what's happened, how it's happened and how quick. It amazes me she can just move on into another relationship just like that. Don't see it as a rebound because they work together. Do you think I should inform the wife? I'm not sure what to do with that really. I just don't want her to feel stupid not knowing about this..

[mightycpa]

Don't think NC matters anymore, I won't contact her of course but I just mean I doubt we will speak again now. Her life is with him and not me anymore. I've no doubt I'll get better, I just can't quite believe what's happened, how it's happened and how quick. It amazes me she can just move on into another relationship just like that. Don't see it as a rebound because they work together. Do you think I should inform the wife? I'm not sure what to do with that really. I just don't want her to feel stupid not knowing about this..

Just let everybody's lives unfold as if you aren't part of their life.... which you aren't. That's your best move.

[sbk24]

No I don't think you should inform the wife as to be honest that is their problem not yours. It is a shock and I bet you are thinking did you actually mean anything to her? But yes you did and she is probably young and is in the honey moon period of her new relationship.

[Heartbreak Hotel]

Just let everybody's lives unfold as if you aren't part of their life.... which you aren't. That's your best move.

 

Yeah I agree, just have to find a way to accept it. It's just been so brutal, she's gone about it all wrong, the issues I have our that she's lied to me and the timing of it. I've dealt with break ups before but this is so much different because our life was planned.

[Satu]

Yeah I agree, just have to find a way to accept it. It's just been so brutal, she's gone about it all wrong, the issues I have our that she's lied to me and the timing of it. I've dealt with break ups before but this is so much different because our life was planned.

 

 

Care about yourself by not caring about them.

[Heartbreak Hotel]

No I don't think you should inform the wife as to be honest that is their problem not yours. It is a shock and I bet you are thinking did you actually mean anything to her? But yes you did and she is probably young and is in the honey moon period of her new relationship.

 

Thanks for that, I just needed someone to tell me. But don't you think it's horrible that she's unaware and you just know that in 4 months time or whatever they will make it out to everyone that they've found each other. Think I'm one of the few that know what's going on and they will look all innocent. We're Both 26 so I guess we're young and she is in that period but I'm convinced this will last. I do feel like an absolute loser and when I compare myself to him I just think he's better, that's probably normal I don't know. She says she doesn't want to answer to anyone and doesn't want a relationship so she's just 'sleeping' with him but it's more than that given the things I saw on that stupid pinterest app. I'm just broken.

[Heartbreak Hotel]

Care about yourself by not caring about them.

 

Wish it was that simple, for some reason I'm doing this the hard way and blaming myself.

[Satu]

Thanks for that, I just needed someone to tell me. But don't you think it's horrible that she's unaware and you just know that in 4 months time or whatever they will make it out to everyone that they've found each other. Think I'm one of the few that know what's going on and they will look all innocent. We're Both 26 so I guess we're young and she is in that period but I'm convinced this will last. I do feel like an absolute loser and when I compare myself to him I just think he's better, that's probably normal I don't know. She says she doesn't want to answer to anyone and doesn't want a relationship so she's just 'sleeping' with him but it's more than that given the things I saw on that stupid pinterest app. I'm just broken.

 

This is exactly the kind of situation where No Contact can help.

 

 

No Contact can help in two ways:

 

 

1. It protects you from further hurt at the hands of the ex.

 

2. It allows you to work on healing without being distracted by the ex.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

[Heartbreak Hotel]

This is exactly the kind of situation where No Contact can help.

 

 

No Contact can help in two ways:

 

 

1. It protects you from further hurt at the hands of the ex.

 

2. It allows you to work on healing without being distracted by the ex.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

 

Thank you, I'll take that all into account. The only contact I have with her at the moment is I message but I won't hear from her now. All social media is blocked.

 

Do you have any idea or guess why a woman moves on so quickly, I mean she fell out of love with me but if you deeply care for someone like she claimed then surely 3 to 4 weeks is a bit ridiculous? Considering we were getting married in August. And although he separated from him wife, they're still husband and wife. I find it all bizarre and strange.

[Satu]

Thank you, I'll take that all into account. The only contact I have with her at the moment is I message but I won't hear from her now. All social media is blocked.

 

*Do you have any idea or guess why a woman moves on so quickly, I mean she fell out of love with me but if you deeply care for someone like she claimed then surely 3 to 4 weeks is a bit ridiculous? Considering we were getting married in August. And although he separated from him wife, they're still husband and wife. I find it all bizarre and strange.

 

*The process of someone detaching starts long before they speak about it or do anything about it.

[Heartbreak Hotel]

*The process of someone detaching starts long before they speak about it or do anything about it.

 

Painful but thanks.

[mightycpa]

Thank you, I'll take that all into account. The only contact I have with her at the moment is I message but I won't hear from her now. All social media is blocked.

 

Do you have any idea or guess why a woman moves on so quickly, I mean she fell out of love with me but if you deeply care for someone like she claimed then surely 3 to 4 weeks is a bit ridiculous? Considering we were getting married in August. And although he separated from him wife, they're still husband and wife. I find it all bizarre and strange.

No, you've got it all wrong. Clearly, you've never fallen out of love before. It's like a soap bubble. The air doesn't ooze out of it slowly, so that it remains much like it's former self for a while as it goes through it's transition. It pops, changing almost instantaneously.

 

The part that does take a while is coming to grips with the change in your feelings. A lot of people (women and men) fight it for a while, privately so as not to cause any hurt while they're figuring it out, only to eventually surrender to that which cannot be denied. This was happening when she was with you, and you missed it. I'll even bet money that things were really great right before she dropped the bomb on you. She was going to love you forever, or she was the happiest she's ever been or things had been going just blockbuster right before it all went down. It's as if they try so hard to avoid the inevitable, but they just can't keep up the pretense.

 

Anyway, once she's accepted that she no longer feels the same, there is nothing left in her mind to stop her from doing whatever it is that she wants to do, and it doesn't matter how you feel about it or how you perceive it. That's just the way it works.

[Heartbreak Hotel]

No, you've got it all wrong. Clearly, you've never fallen out of love before. It's like a soap bubble. The air doesn't ooze out of it slowly, so that it remains much like it's former self for a while as it goes through it's transition. It pops, changing almost instantaneously.

 

The part that does take a while is coming to grips with the change in your feelings. A lot of people (women and men) fight it for a while, privately so as not to cause any hurt while they're figuring it out, only to eventually surrender to that which cannot be denied. This was happening when she was with you, and you missed it. I'll even bet money that things were really great right before she dropped the bomb on you. She was going to love you forever, or she was the happiest she's ever been or things had been going just blockbuster right before it all went down. It's as if they try so hard to avoid the inevitable, but they just can't keep up the pretense.

 

Anyway, once she's accepted that she no longer feels the same, there is nothing left in her mind to stop her from doing whatever it is that she wants to do, and it doesn't matter how you feel about it or how you perceive it. That's just the way it works.

 

That was a great post, thank you. I mean even towards the end it was fine between us, one of our strengths was that we laughed daily and I really do miss her in that way because she was my best friend as well. Maybe it's the habits I miss but I know she's in a totally different place now where the focus and her time is all on him. I'm probably not given a thought anymore. I don't know what to believe because she tells me she gets upset when she thinks about me or the wedding but she wants to be happy. Of course I want her to be happy but deep down I wish she gave me the time to heal. And like you just mentioned she won't care about that and she'll do whatever she wants now.. She's done a lot of damage to me and it looks like she doesn't give a f*** and the person I thought I knew would never of done that to me. It's all so sad, and I'm the only one who's suffering while them two have got it perfect. I still don't get how she says it's not a relationship with him because shes with him all weekend, quote she said 'well I'm just sleeping with him' 'I don't want to answer to anyone' but it's lies lies lies. She also said I've just got out of relationship where I was getting married so I don't want to be put in that position again. Again it doesn't make sense. And the guy.. Well I'll never know. With a lady 8 years married 3 and a month later he's with my ex. Talk about speed.. And I still feel it's horrible that she has no idea even though they mutually split.

 

Maybe I'm wrong to think like this. Like I said in the previous posts, I am quite messed up at the moment.

[JDam]

Im really really sorry this happened to you. I went through the very same thing exactly a year ago, we broke up at the beginning of April. Had the same thoughts as you do - how could he move on so quickly? He was flirty with other girls about 2 weeks after BU, kept posting happy pics on his instagram. His friend kept telling me he is very happy with his decision and is relieved. We also had a 2 year relationship, even though he was 4 years younger (is almost 24 now) he kept talking about marriage and kids. I remember we had a wonderful Christmas. Until about 2-3 weeks before the BU he kept saying how happy he is and Im the one. Even said I love you a few days before the BU. Then out of the blue he changed, and we broke up about 2 weeks after that (he broke up with me over phone).

 

In his own words "something broke inside of him all of a sudden". He described it as sudden change in feelings. He basically fell out of love. This can happen... What I thought was horrible though was that he made me feel terrible because when I said I want him to get out of my life and necer contact me again because I wouldnt bear seeing him with someone else he said Im embarassing myself and acting silly. He went on to blame me for everything, the Bu etc. Said Im moody and Im like Jekkyl and Hide. It was unfair because after a year I can see things clearly. He should have just taken responsibility for his own feelings and not make ME feel horrible about myself because the cause of the BU was obviously him falling out of love - which is the worst scenario for the dumpee if they want to get back together. He reached out to me in fall and we met up in February, it turned out horribly (you can read about it in my older posts). I told him we cant be friends because he jist made a fool of myself for rubbing into my face that I supposedly wanted to reconcile (I didnt). He got angry and even went to my profile to delete his comments under my photos.i was like wow... Talk about doding a bullet when you see how mentally unstable he is.

 

Today, I think I really dodged a bullet. And you did too. The key to your healing is absolute NC. No response to breadcrumbs. No stalking on social media. Most imporantly do not put her on a pedestal. I know you think it wont get better, but I promise it will. You are only 26, Im 27, I think our stories are very similar. It will get better, find something you love, a new hobby or anything, be passionate about it, concentrate on something new. It will be tough at the beginning but I promise it will get better and you will fully heal. I wish you all the best!!

[Heartbreak Hotel]

Im really really sorry this happened to you. I went through the very same thing exactly a year ago, we broke up at the beginning of April. Had the same thoughts as you do - how could he move on so quickly? He was flirty with other girls about 2 weeks after BU, kept posting happy pics on his instagram. His friend kept telling me he is very happy with his decision and is relieved. We also had a 2 year relationship, even though he was 4 years younger (is almost 24 now) he kept talking about marriage and kids. I remember we had a wonderful Christmas. Until about 2-3 weeks before the BU he kept saying how happy he is and Im the one. Even said I love you a few days before the BU. Then out of the blue he changed, and we broke up about 2 weeks after that (he broke up with me over phone).

 

In his own words "something broke inside of him all of a sudden". He described it as sudden change in feelings. He basically fell out of love. This can happen... What I thought was horrible though was that he made me feel terrible because when I said I want him to get out of my life and necer contact me again because I wouldnt bear seeing him with someone else he said Im embarassing myself and acting silly. He went on to blame me for everything, the Bu etc. Said Im moody and Im like Jekkyl and Hide. It was unfair because after a year I can see things clearly. He should have just taken responsibility for his own feelings and not make ME feel horrible about myself because the cause of the BU was obviously him falling out of love - which is the worst scenario for the dumpee if they want to get back together. He reached out to me in fall and we met up in February, it turned out horribly (you can read about it in my older posts). I told him we cant be friends because he jist made a fool of myself for rubbing into my face that I supposedly wanted to reconcile (I didnt). He got angry and even went to my profile to delete his comments under my photos.i was like wow... Talk about doding a bullet when you see how mentally unstable he is.

 

Today, I think I really dodged a bullet. And you did too. The key to your healing is absolute NC. No response to breadcrumbs. No stalking on social media. Most imporantly do not put her on a pedestal. I know you think it wont get better, but I promise it will. You are only 26, Im 27, I think our stories are very similar. It will get better, find something you love, a new hobby or anything, be passionate about it, concentrate on something new. It will be tough at the beginning but I promise it will get better and you will fully heal. I wish you all the best!!

 

First off, thank you for sharing that with me. I think it's fair to say life is sometimes cruel. He actually sounds a bit nasty almost, just by what you're saying. It's really difficult when you have a great relationship and the ending not only ruins it but it almost overpowers the whole thing? That's how I feel anyway. So today do you feel completely normal in terms of you being happy. Did you ever meet anyone or are you happy on your own? I think that's my next challenge. To be OK on my own and learn to be happy again. My thoughts are strange because today is a sunny day outside and I just think god they must be having a great time, whether it be a walk or whatever and it kills me inside. Having to deal with the fact she's moved on so quickly is the hardest part. I wish I could get more answers but I'm not going to get them.

 

I found it interesting he got back in touch with you in the fall because I don't think she will get in touch with me. August 7th is going to be weird as that was our wedding date. I'm not sure if I'll reach out to her then, don't see the point really. Then there's June 10th even earlier when I popped the question. So there's lots of things emotionally I'll have to get through. We did break up amicably at first but because she lied and made it a lot worse for me, it's ended unpleasant. It was a week ago today when I had the phone call with her when she told me she's sleeping with this guy. So we don't hate each other although I still don't know why I'm not furious or angry with her. I think I'm too soft. She's like in time, in like a year we will be friends but honestly I'm not sure how that works. The only thing I can see is maybe wishing her happy birthday and Christmas but that's it.

[Heartbreak Hotel]

after long consideration, i'm going to my doctor tomorrow to get anti depressants, I was on them years ago so I know how they work. My doctor told me to come back in a few weeks if I felt the same (depressed), its been a month and I feel just as bad, I will also look to counselling. I don't want to seem weak, but i'm really struggling. Not having answers and knowing she's with him Is too much to take. I have no idea how I can miss this girl but I do, but I know it's completely over and her life is with him now not me. I just want to talk to her but she has no interest and there's no point. It's just how I feel. I just hope I get better soon. I hate this.