Kaykaymillz Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 (edited) I'm looking for advice to improve myself/what to do after my most recent relationship failed. I was "seeing" a girl for about 3 months (December to February). I say "seeing" because we weren't officially dating, like I never came out and asked her to be my girlfriend but it was implied that we were exclusive based on how much we spoke and hung out. She lives about an hour and 1/2 away from me, I'm currently in college (20) while she is a senior in high school (18) in my hometown. We had been texting since summer but things didn't get serious until around December when I started seeing her during Christmas break as much as I could. We did lots of couple things together, we made out, I went to her house on many occasions and cuddled with her, I took her out on Valentine's/many dates, overall she seemed very attracted and interested. I brought her as my date on some formal events for my fraternity, put her and I as my profile picture on Facebook to show that I was committed to her. We never had sex but did do some sexual things together. Valentine's Day weekend, I went out with her on Friday on a date (bowling) and she was talking on social media how much fun she was having, we talked and she wanted me to come early Saturday morning to her house because her parents were gonna be at work. I went over to her place to cuddle with her while her parents were at work at around 8am. We cuddled and napped for around 2 hours and When she finally got out of bed, she went to take a shower and after she sat in her bed with me in just her towel (sign to have sex with her or not?). I actually had another chance to have sex with her but didn't pursue it because she was on her period and we were both drunk, instead we did some other sexual acts (this was on my formal event where she stayed in a hotel with me and we went to a formal dance together.) that event happened the week before valetines day. She was very happy on Valentine's Day, I got into her house while she was at work with the help of her dad and left her flowers and chocolate and note to be ready at 6 for dinner. She took a picture of the flowers and put them on social media. She made her dad take a picture of us in our nice clothes before we went to dinner. We had a good dinner. After Valentine's Day we had a little argument via text because she didn't kiss me after dinner (I was pretty sick), I was kinda upset about it but it was more just teasing (she might not have taken it as teasing?)..from that day on she started acting more distant (sending short texts, not being as affectionate as she was prior). So I started playing along the week after Valentine's Day by waiting to text her back and sending short messages too. We didn't text at all on Friday of that week and Saturday I texted her late at night after her dance. She was drunk and was texting me that our relationship "wasn't growing"(I didn't ask her to be official/have sex??), I don't "tell her about myself" (which i understand where she is coming from, sometimes i don't know what to say around girls i like), and "she doesn't want to hurt me." She was upset I didn't text her on Friday at all and I'm fairly certain she was upset because i tweeted at a friend of mine (who happens to be a girl.) I tried to call her but her friends answered and told me she was too drunk to talk, so I should call her back tomorrow when her head is right. So the next day I texted her and said we could talk about what happened in person (I was willing to drive back to where she lives), she said we should talk about it but she napped all day (hungover). At around 6 at night I ask her if we can talk in person or at least on the phone, and she says she already told me what she needed to say and that she cannot call or see me because her grandparents are in town. She texts me that she lost feelings because our relationship "took too long". (sex/title of girlfriend??) She told me that she has fun with me but only sees me as a friend. After a bit of questioning and trying to calm her down, I saw it wasn't working because she kept saying "I can't make feelings i don't have" I got upset with her because she couldn't wait to tell me this in person and texted me instead so I called her immature and didn't text her back after. Afterwards she made some posts on social media seeming like she regrets what she did. Things like "I hope i made the right decision :(" and "I feel like i screw everything up ." I also find it odd (or maybe I'm just looking into it too much) that she still follows me on social media still to this day even though i delete her off everything because i don't want to see what she is doing. I just felt like that was the best approach to help myself move on. Why hasn't she done the same? A week later I apologized for being upset (even though I feel like I have the right to be since she broke up with me through text message) but I told her I cannot accept being just friends with her but I do respect her decision. I told her that maintaining a relationship when we live in separate cities is difficult and there are obstacles (she is going to college in the same city she lives in now, which is also my hometown). She agreed with me but realistically we both knew from the start what we were getting into, we were LD and it was going fine because I could see her every weekend if I wanted to since that was my hometown as well. I also told her that wish her the best for the rest of her senior year and her college life. We haven't texted since (No contact for 3 weeks now) and I don't plan on doing it in the future even though I really really cared about her and still sort of want her back. I just want to know what I did wrong here, why did I lose her, why did she lose feelings for me so quickly (less than a week!!), did she want the title of girlfriend? Brutally honest as possible. Is she the problem, me? Or a combo of both of us? I really want to learn and grow from my mistakes but I need to know what I did wrong (without asking her). Is there anyway I could get her back by apologizing for my mistakes and coming clean about everything? Or will that just push her away farther? I was afraid to ask her to be my girlfriend because I was hurt deep by my last girlfriend and always chickened out. I really really care about her and wish we would have been able to discuss this in person. I just wish i could turn back the clock and do things differently. Edited March 19, 2016 by Kaykaymillz wrong number of weeks 1
Maxtor Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 Lesson learn: if you want something, go get it, dont play games and wait for her to make the move. Lesson 2: find someone who isnt drunk all the time. Dont trust drunk people. Lesson 3: if she doesnt want it, just let it go, and dont start being needy and clingy. 2
SSM3 Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 Lesson 3: if she doesnt want it, just let it go, and dont start being needy and clingy. Couldn't agree more!!! 1
truth_seeker Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 Lesson learn: if you want something, go get it, dont play games and wait for her to make the move. Lesson 2: find someone who isnt drunk all the time. Dont trust drunk people. Lesson 3: if she doesnt want it, just let it go, and dont start being needy and clingy. 1) I've done this and failed miserably. The longer you wait, she gets impatient, angry and will start to dislike you. 2) Nothing good can come from dating a booze bag. 3) This is more of psychological response than anything else. You get rejected, you get the impulse to chase. The person comes back, the impulse fades away. Then there are those whose egos are so bruised by someone rejecting them they have to get even so they can feel they got the upper hand or last word in. It's tough but the adult way to handle this is to ignore the person, block them out, shrug it off, and keep living your life. 2
truth_seeker Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 I want to add that being in serious relationship in HS or College is the worse thing to do. Too many options and urges to sleep with other people. Just about everyone in a relationship was cheating. It was really bad and some people didn't know and were being laughed at behind their backs. My advice is to be casual, and wait for the serious relationship after the school years are over. 1
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