DON'T go back unless THEY'RE sure!!

[nellbell86]

Haven't posted on here for a while! But thought I'd share my latest crazy update for anyone struggling with NC or their ex kinda hanging around.

 

Anyone who knows me knows my story of how my break up pretty much drove me insane, and all the crazy things I did, all the contact I made, and pretty much how I f***ed the whole thing up!

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/brea...ow-wrong-he-me

 

Well come New Years, we hadn't spoken for a little while, I knew his cousin was getting married on NYE, so I sent him a text (mistake #1!) something like "Hey M, hope **** wedding goes well today, and happy new year. I hope with the start of a new year, we can put this mess behind us and move forward. I hope your 2016 is amazing." He replied the next day, and we chatted for a bit about the wedding, how we both were, it was actually a nice, amicable conversation which I was surprised with. Then I made mistake #2, and said "It's been great talking again, would be nice to see you in person sometime". He replied 4 hours later, saying.... "I dont know if I can see you, I know if I do I'm just gonna want to put my **** in your mouth". WELL!!!! I was absolutely gobsmacked to say the least, I was angry he'd say that, excited he still felt like that about me, it was confusing and I didn't know how to react. The following day was an entire day of texting, arguing, being nice, flirting, arguing again, it went all over the place, finally ending with him coming to my house later that night (mistake #3!). We had the most incredible sex and I was on Cloud 9 thinking HOLY **** this is it, we're gonna get back together, it's finally happening!!

 

Oh boy was I wrong.... What followed has been the most confusing, anxious, horrible 2 months out of this entire ordeal! His yo-yo emotions, great one minute then freezing me out for days the next, coming over, sleeping together, feeding me all the 'breadcrumbs' about thinking 'positively' about us being together but just needing 'more time'. I was constantly on eggshells, if I ever brought up even a hint of emotion or questioning what was happening, he'd go silent. Literally mid conversation if we were texting, even if it was a great continuous conversation, as soon as I'd mention that, BAM no more responses from him. It was exhausting! Finally I've had enough, I know what I want and what I'm worth, and there's no way in hell I wanna go back to feeling how I did when we first split, and I knew that's where I was heading if this continued.

 

So 5 days ago, I said to him "Clearly we are just not ready to be in each others lives right now. We both agree we feel strongly for each other, I know what I want, but you don't seem to, and that's hurting us right now. I think the best thing for us is to have some space, I really hope you can clear your mind, and someday we can talk again and settle things in a positive way, however it may go. You know I'm here for you if you need me, but this is best right now. Take care xx"

 

Since then there has been no contact, and although its tough, its needed. Sorry my story is so long, I guess my ppoint in sharing it is to say PLEASE don't let them back in, don't break NC, for any reason other than if they make it CLEAR AS DAY that you're getting back together, or if you are completely over it and can handle being friends. This relapse has put me back so far and confused things so much more, I wish I hadn't given in! I know I can never be friends with him, I love him far too much, so for me, unless the day comes that we reconcile, it will be NC forever.

 

Please learn from my mistakes and DON'T fall for the breadcrumbs!!

Edited March 19, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Blanco]

Lifehack: A guy tells you he wants to put his d*ck in your mouth after not talking to you for months probably doesn't have designs for anything resembling a serious relationship.

 

You brought all of this on yourself. The guy is a 21-year-old dude who's just enjoying a responsibility-free young life where his biggest concerns are where he's going to score his next dime bag and when he's gonna get laid.

 

And you still haven't really learned from this, because your final text to him all but says that you'll be waiting for him if he decides to resurface. Never mind that what you've gone through with him in recent months would only repeat itself.

[loveiswar101]

Since then there has been no contact, and although its tough, its needed.

 

It is tough, very tough, one of the hardest things I've gone through twice after two long relationships. The small get together I have had with a lady lately is really just a bump in the road. I will get over it, with NC.

 

YOU need to be strong, as reading he will break when he wants something ie the sex. Or you will break in desperation when alone. BUT you must not break, write here as soon as you fell the need. Phone a friend. Just stay away from him! Go NC, block him, move on.

 

Your world will be better and you will grow from this.

[nellbell86]

Lifehack: A guy tells you he wants to put his d*ck in your mouth after not talking to you for months probably doesn't have designs for anything resembling a serious relationship.

 

You brought all of this on yourself. The guy is a 21-year-old dude who's just enjoying a responsibility-free young life where his biggest concerns are where he's going to score his next dime bag and when he's gonna get laid.

 

And you still haven't really learned from this, because your final text to him all but says that you'll be waiting for him if he decides to resurface. Never mind that what you've gone through with him in recent months would only repeat itself.

 

 

Hey I'm not making excuses here just sharing what I went through to maybe help others, I know I probably brought it on myself by going back again, never said I didn't! I'm the first to admit I'm a very sexual person haha so him saying what he did to me, well he knew very well that would get him in, as weak as that makes me sound :/ that's definitely a connection we always had and I couldn't get enough of, so yep, I fell for it, and gave him the 2/3am booty calls naively thinking it'd miraculously bring him back. Shame on me!

 

Hmm I can't say I agree with the last comment, I think I've learnt greatly from this. I certainly wouldn't make this mistake again, yes I wanted to wish him well, and leave the door open for amicably talking in the future, I hate leaving things unsettled, but as far as a relationship or anything of that manner is concerned, I don't think i gave the impression that I'm 'waiting' for him anymore. Guess we all interpret things differently though, one reason I hate to talk about these kinds if things through text cos it can get misread!

[nellbell86]

It is tough, very tough, one of the hardest things I've gone through twice after two long relationships. The small get together I have had with a lady lately is really just a bump in the road. I will get over it, with NC.

 

YOU need to be strong, as reading he will break when he wants something ie the sex. Or you will break in desperation when alone. BUT you must not break, write here as soon as you fell the need. Phone a friend. Just stay away from him! Go NC, block him, move on.

 

Your world will be better and you will grow from this.

 

Thankyou, yep I am sure I'll get a late night text again eventually, but I am doing all I can now to build up my strength so when/if that comes, I will be strong enough to say no! I've started writing in a journal every night and for some reason that's really helped me, I get this satisfaction from being able to lie down in bed at night and write "Got through Day .... go me!" at the top of each day haha I write down everything I have felt during the day, if I've wanted to talk to him, what I would say, etc. It really does help getting it out in some way. Had a bit of an emotional setback cos I saw his best friend out last night and we had a big chat about the situation, so today I'm feeling a bit flat about it and ALMOST text him, but I didn't! And now it's 4pm, I've gotta get dinner cooking, bath my son, etc and go to bed and I will have gotten through anotherday and be proud of myself for making it

[Mittens]

Oh gawd, this brings back painful memories....I did the same with a guy who dumped me. I was still madly in love with him, and when he 'came back' after 2 weeks I was on Cloud 9. Sadly, like you've found out, all he wanted was the sex.

 

But you are far more sensible than I was. I let the whole pathetic situation drag on for 3 YEARS...the final event that made me come to my senses was when he done his usual 'booty call' thing where he'd call me up at about 4pm on a Saturday, we'd spend the evening together out drinking, and end up spending the night together. This was after a period where we'd fallen out and had no contact for about 6 months. He was telling me when he'd had a stressful situation during that time, and blithely told me - exactly like he'd tell a male friend - that he went out one night, got drunk and slept with one of his oldest female friends. I must have looked shocked/angry/annoyed because he then said 'well it would have been you but we weren't talking at the time!'

 

It was like the scales finally fell from my eyes. I realized that I was nothing special to him, that if it wasn't me, it would literally be the first girl who would have him. He didn't have any love left me for me, and because I'd been a moron for 3 years, no respect either. I went total no contact again, let myself heal and 6 months later I met and started dating my now fiance.

 

That was all nearly 7 years ago. It was another 3 years before I let him add me back to social media, I've only actually seen him once since and he was with his new girlfriend. He's barely an acquaintance now, and we never text or talk to each other in real life. I don't wish him ill, but I don't really care about him or his life anymore. I'm always going to be disappointed in myself, in that I let myself be used in such a way.

 

I'm going to be brutal, like I wish someone had been with me at the time. He doesn't love you. He probably only likes you enough to want to put his cock in your mouth. He's a 21 year old man who would talk to any woman who would suck him off. You aren't special to him at all. Act as if he is dead and go and find a man who wants to be with YOU.

[nellbell86]

Oh gawd, this brings back painful memories....I did the same with a guy who dumped me. I was still madly in love with him, and when he 'came back' after 2 weeks I was on Cloud 9. Sadly, like you've found out, all he wanted was the sex.

 

But you are far more sensible than I was. I let the whole pathetic situation drag on for 3 YEARS...the final event that made me come to my senses was when he done his usual 'booty call' thing where he'd call me up at about 4pm on a Saturday, we'd spend the evening together out drinking, and end up spending the night together. This was after a period where we'd fallen out and had no contact for about 6 months. He was telling me when he'd had a stressful situation during that time, and blithely told me - exactly like he'd tell a male friend - that he went out one night, got drunk and slept with one of his oldest female friends. I must have looked shocked/angry/annoyed because he then said 'well it would have been you but we weren't talking at the time!'

 

It was like the scales finally fell from my eyes. I realized that I was nothing special to him, that if it wasn't me, it would literally be the first girl who would have him. He didn't have any love left me for me, and because I'd been a moron for 3 years, no respect either. I went total no contact again, let myself heal and 6 months later I met and started dating my now fiance.

 

That was all nearly 7 years ago. It was another 3 years before I let him add me back to social media, I've only actually seen him once since and he was with his new girlfriend. He's barely an acquaintance now, and we never text or talk to each other in real life. I don't wish him ill, but I don't really care about him or his life anymore. I'm always going to be disappointed in myself, in that I let myself be used in such a way.

 

I'm going to be brutal, like I wish someone had been with me at the time. He doesn't love you. He probably only likes you enough to want to put his cock in your mouth. He's a 21 year old man who would talk to any woman who would suck him off. You aren't special to him at all. Act as if he is dead and go and find a man who wants to be with YOU.

 

Oh wow Mittens I'm so sorry you were stuck in that for 3 years! 2 months and I felt like I was going crazy, my self-esteem was dropping again, and my anxiety was through the roof! I do think if I hadn't have ever brought up 'relationship-y' (as he put it!) stuff at all, he would've been more than happy to keep it going, and like a fool I probably would've gone along with it for longer :/

 

It's funny I had a 'clarifying' moment like you did that made me realise what was really going on and helped in my decision to stop. We hadn't spoken for a few days (his routine, talk/flirt-sex-silent treatment-casual chat repeat) and then we were texting talking about the Deadpool movie, ask him what his plans were for the day etc and he mentions going to his mates place for a 'sesh' that night (BIG stoner) I said fair enough was hoping to see ya again soon, then his reply was "Oh, well I'll see how I feel after the sesh, if I'm horny I'll pop around". Well that sentence just proved what I was to him, while I'd been naively thinking I could be more again. How silly I was!!

 

On to Day 6 of NC, might not seem like much but it is for me, so I'm proud to be here!

[Simon Phoenix]

Thankyou, yep I am sure I'll get a late night text again eventually, but I am doing all I can now to build up my strength so when/if that comes, I will be strong enough to say no! I've started writing in a journal every night and for some reason that's really helped me, I get this satisfaction from being able to lie down in bed at night and write "Got through Day .... go me!" at the top of each day haha I write down everything I have felt during the day, if I've wanted to talk to him, what I would say, etc. It really does help getting it out in some way. Had a bit of an emotional setback cos I saw his best friend out last night and we had a big chat about the situation, so today I'm feeling a bit flat about it and ALMOST text him, but I didn't! And now it's 4pm, I've gotta get dinner cooking, bath my son, etc and go to bed and I will have gotten through anotherday and be proud of myself for making it[/quOTE]

 

Why don't you just block him then? You can't get a text from him if it's blocked. I mean, I have to agree with Blanco here -- this whole thing was completely self-inflicted and you are keeping yourself in position to go through another streak of this. I don't think this story is done quite yet -- I think you're going to get yourself involved again.