dleodnjs Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 so i met this girl a month ago. we had sex on first date. really cool girl. after 2nd date, i started to text her often and treated her more like my gf. and from that point, she started to take a distance . and i asked her about this and she sent me this message. Hey misc... Yes I got scared actually I have to be honest.. I'm not a relationship girl.. I don't want to get too close because I have a hard time... Trusting people and myself with people I get too close with .. I'm sorry I dragged you into things and I don't want you to be angry.. It wasn't my intention at all.. I'd like to be your friend too.. If you're okay with that .. I'd want to see your town.. And you.. But I can't do something serious.. i'm not ready.. I wish I was but I'm not there in my life.. my friend also fainted three times last friday .. I have been very worried of her lately.. Sorry for ignoring you on that friday.. You're too good for me you do know that right? I hope you've had a good start in the university and that you're doing well and next day she texted me she's having hard time so she wants to see me. so i met her yesterday and had good time. but after we had sex, she clearly said to me that she doesn't want a relationship but just to be a friend with me. does this mean she's not into me in serious way? 1
Scarlett.O'hara Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 That is exactly what it means. If you are looking for a genuine girlfriend you are wasting your time with her. 6
ff12343 Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 "I don't want a relationship with you" is what she means. She wants you as just a FWB until who she wants a relationship with comes along. Take it or leave it. Don't get feelings or it's your funeral. 8
Satu Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 Don't build up any romantic expectations lest you be bitterly disappointed. 3
oldshirt Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 "I don't want a relationship with you" is what she means. She wants you as just a FWB until who she wants a relationship with comes along. Take it or leave it. Don't get feelings or it's your funeral. This ^^^^ She's a party girl and she's just not into you. Take her at her word. She's not joking. The only thing that is a bit of a fib is when she says she's not ready for a relationship. That means she doesn't want a relationship with YOU. Don't take it hard if she's in a relationship with someone else in a matter of days/weeks/months. Your at least getting into bed with her so it's not like it's a true friendzoning. It's probably just a matter of time before she cuts off the sex as well since you are getting clingy and whiney. This has probably ran it's course. Be glad you at least got some poon out of the deal. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 so i met this girl a month ago. we had sex on first date. really cool girl. after 2nd date, i started to text her often and treated her more like my gf. and from that point, she started to take a distance . and i asked her about this and she sent me this message. Hey misc... Yes I got scared actually I have to be honest.. I'm not a relationship girl.. I don't want to get too close because I have a hard time... Trusting people and myself with people I get too close with .. I'm sorry I dragged you into things and I don't want you to be angry.. It wasn't my intention at all.. I'd like to be your friend too.. If you're okay with that .. I'd want to see your town.. And you.. But I can't do something serious.. i'm not ready.. I wish I was but I'm not there in my life.. my friend also fainted three times last friday .. I have been very worried of her lately.. Sorry for ignoring you on that friday.. You're too good for me you do know that right? I hope you've had a good start in the university and that you're doing well and next day she texted me she's having hard time so she wants to see me. so i met her yesterday and had good time. but after we had sex, she clearly said to me that she doesn't want a relationship but just to be a friend with me. does this mean she's not into me in serious way? Yes, that's exactly what it means. Unless you're looking for just a FWB-situation, don't bother meeting up with her again. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 She told you straight out she's not a relationship girl. Seems pretty straight forward to me. Also, one lesson you can take away from this is not to get so serious instantly. You have to let someone actually develop feelings for you, and you can't force it by latching yourself onto the person. She was obviously attracted enough to have sex on the first date. But then by your own admission, you started treating her like a GF by the second date. Since she didn't have time to get invested in you, you coming on so strong, so quickly, scared her off. 2
loveiswar101 Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 This is exactly what has just happened to me my friend. Red flag fed flag. Don't do what I did and hung around thinking she would change her mind. She won't !!! When she's down she will contact you for comfort, maybe FWB. But sooner or later, more likely sooner she will find someone she enjoys being with more, it won't be you and boom your history. You would of invested way to much in her and get hurt. Having it just happen to I'm strong on this, please walk away NOW. Long run you will benefit.
d0nnivain Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 When I was younger (< 24) I wasn't a relationship girl either. I immediately dumped the 1st guy who called me his GF because the label freaked me out. She likes you well enough but she is not ready to trust. If you want to stick around & earn her trust but go at her pace you may eventually get her to trust you. You can't put labels on what you are doing. You have to back off & not expect her to do GF things (don't shove your family down her throat; don't expect to be introduced to hers; daily contact is a big no no) but if you let her warm up to you & through your actions, mainly sticking around, she may grow to trust you over a time (think at least a year) 3
okc85 Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 I don't think she's ready for something serious. You need to believe her. I think you should keep dating others. Unlike the others here, I don't think she's just flat out 'not into you.' You came on a bit strong. That would be fine for some girls, but it wasn't fine for a girl like her. Regardless, you want different things. So I'd just chalk it up to a life experience. Don't talk to her, maybe she'll contact you, maybe she won't. You're still young, you'll meet someone who wants what you want. 1
okc85 Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 When I was younger (< 24) I wasn't a relationship girl either. I immediately dumped the 1st guy who called me his GF because the label freaked me out. She likes you well enough but she is not ready to trust. If you want to stick around & earn her trust but go at her pace you may eventually get her to trust you. You can't put labels on what you are doing. You have to back off & not expect her to do GF things (don't shove your family down her throat; don't expect to be introduced to hers; daily contact is a big no no) but if you let her warm up to you & through your actions, mainly sticking around, she may grow to trust you over a time (think at least a year) Interesting, so you liked the guy, but the label just scared you too much?
stillafool Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 When I was younger (< 24) I wasn't a relationship girl either. I immediately dumped the 1st guy who called me his GF because the label freaked me out. She likes you well enough but she is not ready to trust. If you want to stick around & earn her trust but go at her pace you may eventually get her to trust you. You can't put labels on what you are doing. You have to back off & not expect her to do GF things (don't shove your family down her throat; don't expect to be introduced to hers; daily contact is a big no no) but if you let her warm up to you & through your actions, mainly sticking around, she may grow to trust you over a time (think at least a year) When I was younger I was also not a relationship girl (<22) because I didn't want to be tied down to one person. I didn't have trust issues I just wanted to date and not be commited to one guy. People in back then would look at me as if I had a third eye.
Saracena Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 Hey misc... Yes I got scared actually I have to be honest.. I'm not a relationship girl.. I don't want to get too close because I have a hard time... Trusting people and myself with people I get too close with .. I'm sorry I dragged you into things and I don't want you to be angry.. It wasn't my intention at all.. I'd like to be your friend too.. If you're okay with that .. I'd want to see your town.. And you.. But I can't do something serious.. i'm not ready.. I wish I was but I'm not there in my life.. ? How old is she? Coming from someone who's been in exactly this place with someone I was very attracted to and liked, I'd take this at face value. It was no reflection on the guy at all. It was all going to fast and I wanted to slow things down. However, I am surprised she slept with you on the second occasion, I wouldn't have but perhaps my resolve (personality) is stronger. I'd like to know how her last relationship(s) ended as I'd bet it has a lot to do with how she feels now.
smackie9 Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 Accepting friendship is an open door for her to use you as her emotional tampon.....don't be that guy, you deserve much better. You have so much to give, give it to the right person not the wrong person.....she not the one for you. 2
truth_seeker Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 "I don't want a relationship with you" is what she means. She wants you as just a FWB until who she wants a relationship with comes along. Take it or leave it. Don't get feelings or it's your funeral. And the winner of this thread for best post goes to... ^^^^ 100% correct with your post. Talk about a death sentence catching feelings for someone who is using you. If OP likes the sex part, and is happy with just that, then he is golden However it is clear he has feelings and this will be his downfall. OP be strong and may the force be with you.
Popsicle Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 How much time are you willing to wait? People like this will have you waiting that's for sure. And the payoff in the end may or may not be there (although they will lead you to believe that it will certainly be there in the end, if you stick around for X number of years). That is the carrot. Anyways, it depends on how much time you are willing to blow playing the game. Is the game enjoyable enough for you that you can spend a year or three or more running on the hamster wheel? Maybe it is. The game alone is enjoyable for many people, hence why they play along. It's up to you to decide that. Or, maybe you don't want to wait anymore. Maybe you are more primed and ready for real love and sex right now than the people who willing to wait around. You have to decide if you are that person instead too. If you are, then dump her, move on and don't look back.
Author dleodnjs Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 How old is she? Coming from someone who's been in exactly this place with someone I was very attracted to and liked, I'd take this at face value. It was no reflection on the guy at all. It was all going to fast and I wanted to slow things down. However, I am surprised she slept with you on the second occasion, I wouldn't have but perhaps my resolve (personality) is stronger. I'd like to know how her last relationship(s) ended as I'd bet it has a lot to do with how she feels now. She's 23. And so am I . She's foreigner visiting my country for 3 months actually . But she told me she'll stay longer about a year , cause she doesn't like her country and has family issues . so I don't think she's lying about not being ready for relationship. I didn't ask her relationship history so far cause i'm afraid i'm gonna freak her out again by that. I'll update on here if i ask her next time.
ff12343 Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 (edited) She's 23. I don't think she's lying about not being ready for relationship. Keep us posted. Good luck. Edited March 20, 2016 by ff12343
Emilia Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 She's 23. And so am I . She's foreigner visiting my country for 3 months actually . But she told me she'll stay longer about a year , cause she doesn't like her country and has family issues . so I don't think she's lying about not being ready for relationship. I didn't ask her relationship history so far cause i'm afraid i'm gonna freak her out again by that. I'll update on here if i ask her next time. I think the others have been harsh on you a bit, the 'not into you' response is the standard one on LS. Saves thinking. She sounds like she has emotional problems. I'm having a fair amount of family issues too and definitely not ready for a relationship. I have to sort my mind and re-evaluate. Have been changing my interpersonal relationships etc My point is, often when a person says this, they know something is very wrong they need to fix. She clearly likes you BUT she knows she can't give you what you need. Believe me, that won't change. You will get pulled in deeper and will get burned. If she can't meet your needs, you'll have to walk. 1
elaine567 Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 (edited) so i met this girl a month ago. we had sex on first date. really cool girl. after 2nd date, i started to text her often and treated her more like my gf. and from that point, she started to take a distance . and i asked her about this and she sent me this message. "Hey misc... Yes I got scared actually I have to be honest.. I'm not a relationship girl.. I don't want to get too close because I have a hard time... Trusting people and myself with people I get too close with .. I'm sorry I dragged you into things and I don't want you to be angry.. It wasn't my intention at all.. I'd like to be your friend too.. If you're okay with that .. I'd want to see your town.. And you.. But I can't do something serious.. i'm not ready.. I wish I was but I'm not there in my life.. my friend also fainted three times last friday .. I have been very worried of her lately.. Sorry for ignoring you on that friday.. You're too good for me you do know that right? I hope you've had a good start in the university and that you're doing well " and next day she texted me she's having hard time so she wants to see me. so i met her yesterday and had good time. but after we had sex, she clearly said to me that she doesn't want a relationship but just to be a friend with me. does this mean she's not into me in serious way? If you want a serious relationship then she is not the girl for you. She has made it perfectly clear here. Sometimes a woman may hem and haw, and may change her mind concerning getting into a serious relationship, but here she has spelled it out in capitals, so it is IMO a waste of your time to hang about being her "friend" in the hope for something more. YOU may be with her as her "friend" through thick and thin, a shoulder to cry on, sorting out all her personal issues to find once she is better and her situation improves she will then start dating other people... Be careful. Edited March 20, 2016 by elaine567 typing error - sgoulder 1
KatZee Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 "I'm not a relationship type of girl." "I don't trust people." "I don't do anything serious." "You're too good for me." When someone tells you who they are, believe them. 4
truth_seeker Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 the 'not into you' response is the standard one on LS. Saves thinking. Good point. 1
Author dleodnjs Posted March 30, 2016 Author Posted March 30, 2016 Keep us posted. Good luck. so next week after she sent that message, she asked me meeting up. and we hung out and she said she has to go home. but i culcated her to sleep with me . and we slept again. Also she made it clear again 'doesn't want smth serious' and I'll go to Baseball Game this weekend with her and friends. reason i got so attatched to her is she was so into me at first. she brought me to her place and even asked me to meet her uncle visiting my country with her . so i couldn't understand why she suddenly got cold and acted kind of needy after that. so what do u guys think ? should i keep see her or not?
Emilia Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 so next week after she sent that message, she asked me meeting up. and we hung out and she said she has to go home. but i culcated her to sleep with me . and we slept again. Also she made it clear again 'doesn't want smth serious' and I'll go to Baseball Game this weekend with her and friends. reason i got so attatched to her is she was so into me at first. she brought me to her place and even asked me to meet her uncle visiting my country with her . so i couldn't understand why she suddenly got cold and acted kind of needy after that. so what do u guys think ? should i keep see her or not? Blowing hot and cold by people that can't do relationships is very common. She sounds unstable. For your best interest you should walk, it won't get better.
fawnlawn Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 It means she's not into you in a serious way and doesn't want a relationship. Though I don't think I've ever known of anyone to have sex on the first date who did want to get serious so...
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