CTRL C Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 I'll try to make it quick. I've been seeing this really nice guy since about Christmas. We are 3.5 hours apart so our dates are kind of scattered, most of our (daily) communication is occasional texts through the day, and a nightly phone call. We are not "official" but while we haven't discussed exclusivity, neither of us are seeing other people anyways. It's been a casual "let's see what happens" thing, and while conversation can be a little lukewarm occasionally due to distance and not seeing each other much, when we are together it's pretty awesome. I've met his parents and he apparently talks to his friends about me because they want to meet me. We are both late 20s and both employed professionals in similar fields. Anyways... I have a dilemma. I'm a "do nice things for people I like" type of person. He's been having a bad week, and I have a free weekend where I could go up on Saturday and drive back Sunday, so I thought I could visit, cook a few meals, help him out with his new puppy, and generally let him take the load off. Yes, I have an open invitation to visit. And we haven't seen each other in a few weeks so I thought this would be a good chance. I mentioned coming up for the weekend, but he's on call and gave several reasons why it would be boring, he'd be stuck in the house, etc. Didn't say "don't come" but didn't say OK either. Now, I'm also a "spell it out for me" type lol. I can't read whether he DOESN'T want me to visit, or was being polite, or was just making sure I didn't expect a night out on the town from him. I don't expect anyone to read his mind, but any insight is welcome. Should I as the not-girlfriend take the previous open invitation, or assume that was a hint to stay home?
preraph Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 I would err on the side of caution and just assume he needs some alone time after a stressful week. If it turns out to be more sinister than that, that will become apparent soon anyway because he'd have to rescind his free pass he gave you. Don't try to think you know more what's best for him. I have a girl friend who recently gave in to being this guy's girlfriend (they are in their 60s). They were FWB some years ago, more or less, and remained friends. Now between girlfriends, he put the pressure on to really be her bf. She has always resisted but for some reason gave in. Now he does things like you are wanting to do. She tells him she doesn't want to see him both nights of the weekend and is tired from work, has chores to do, and he ignores her and under the auspices of "helping" her, brings over takeout and insists on sleeping over and "pampering" her. She's spineless and lets him manipulate her like that but then gripes to me about it. Don't be that person. Let him have his space here and see what happens next week. Not everyone likes attention when they're under stress.
Author CTRL C Posted March 18, 2016 Author Posted March 18, 2016 I kinda figured that'd be the best option. I suppose it's also partly doing something nice, part me looking for a reason to see him since we've not seen each other in... 4 weeks? Which has purely been a schedule issue but it is a little frustrating, to be seeing someone without actually "seeing" them in so long.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 I kinda figured that'd be the best option. I suppose it's also partly doing something nice, part me looking for a reason to see him since we've not seen each other in... 4 weeks? Which has purely been a schedule issue but it is a little frustrating, to be seeing someone without actually "seeing" them in so long. Let him come to you. if he's not making plans to actually "see" you, then he's only wasting your time. 2
Author CTRL C Posted March 18, 2016 Author Posted March 18, 2016 Let him come to you. if he's not making plans to actually "see" you, then he's only wasting your time. I know, but that rule goes two ways. He has made efforts and come to see me several times, and I've visited once before, but like I said it's been purely schedule conflicts on both sides the past few weeks.
Miss Peach Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 Let him come to you. if he's not making plans to actually "see" you, then he's only wasting your time. My experience with men, if they are into you they will make plans with you. When this stopped it was always a good sign to realize it wasn't going to be anything serious. If he was he would be telling you why and what he was doing to fix it so you don't get frustrated to find another guy. Plus, most guys I've men (unless they professed to prefer open or poly relationships) tried to lock me down from seeing other guys by 3 months.
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