Break up due to cheating after 9 years.

[Uselessaccount1111]

Hello this is my first post.it will be a long post.So I was with that girl for 9 years since high school, she was my first at everything and I thought she was the one for me...boy I was so wrong. The last 5 years we were on LOng distance relationship due to university yet every two months we were together and spent 3 months every summer together. I was very loyal.We were very close I knew everything about her and even our parents were so close they were behaving like friends. Deep inside I knew it was an abusive and toxi relationship yet I was in the I will fix everything mentality.She was very jealous, I wasn't going out out of fear because she would go insane, she was stalking my friend through fb, toxic behaviour that I was accepting, I ended up sacrificing my social life in university and lost some friends .she was loving when we were together. And she made me happy .

 

The last year she moved to a new university and her behavior changed, she denied sex (I haven't had sex for like a year or something ) she was cold and she wouldn't let me visit her cause she was busy she even vanished me from her fb (so many red flags yet I was stupid and in love to ignore everything cause she was saying she is having a phase because she is homesick and etc) ,yet she was making plans with me for the future for engagement and moving abroad together to live together finally and work.her parents were like in laws to me like a second family.

She has lots of insecurities and I was trying to fix things up, never told her about her extra weight or about the fact she had no permanent friends yet I was encouraging her going to the gym and going out to make friends.

 

When we both return to our country on xmas I found some skype conversations, asked about it and she went crazy she was crying saying she loves me and she doesn't want to lose me and that she just flirt with him and nothing happened and that she will stop it immetietly and start being nice to me as she use to be.so I visited her at her university 3 weeks later and found out everything she had a double life 14+ months in a relationship with the other guy and he didn't even knew my existence . I was devastated everything I invested and sacrificed came before my eyes. She denied everything saying she respected me. Yet the other guy called me and we talked. After that she was treating to suicide and when she was calmed she confessed saying she was considering telling the other guy to brake up as she was decided to continue with me and that at some point she would tell me about him, if I loved her I would forgive her....

 

The other guy kept contacting me as he wanted to figure things out.he called her names and that he feels like an idiot, and that he will have crazy single life for months and that he will find a new gf.I told him that. If he still loves her he can be with her as she was over for me.he said no way I was fool for a year no more.

After that I returned in my country and I felt like I had to talk to her parents.they didn't know a thing she told them that I misunderstood something and that we will be together again I had to tell everything to her parents as she was still lying to them (seeing her father crying was devastating for me ). Somehow I found out that her parents forced her to come so she tells them face to face. I went at her home and asked to talk to her because I needed answers and couldn't sleep at night . She was so cold , calling me with the first name after 9 years I was always the baby or love ... She said that she was seeing me as a friend since last summer and that she didn't know how to tell me and that she always lied about being on her period. She said she was in love with the other guy because he was jealous of her while I was full trust and she thought I was not chasing her. And it's time for me to start living my life ( she forced me to a whole year of no sex just waiting and know she said that) And she demanded I call the other guy to tell him that what she said about breaking with him was a lie .I asked is she would stay with him and said no, my family will be ashamed if I stay with him. I just left saying to her she is ridiculous. ....I am at home same night and the other guy called me asking for a three way skype call because she was begging for a second chance while she said the opposite like an hour ago..I did . She started the conversation asking again to say that she never told me about breaking up with him. I was so angry and I made her confess that she actually said it but he said she was shocked and didn't know what she was saying. The other guy said so nick(that's never) never lied to me .she said yes he didn't.

 

Some days later . The other guy called and told me he was having fun with her and she feels something and he may forgive her as he never cheated on him with me due to lack of sex, despite the **** she gave me oral and we had sex hike they were together, I don't know what she told him,he even told me their kinky sex details and stuff.i started shouting at him I blocked them on everything went full no contact as I felt that this was keep hurting me.

 

2 weeks later he forgave her and they are together. Guess what she did...after I use no contact she sends a picture of her with the other guy to my cousin so she would tell me they are back again.

That's when revenge woke up inside me, I wanted to make her suffer, first time I hate a human being so much. Yet I talked to my friends and realized that me moving on and doing better without her will be the best revenge. I want to believe that but now she is actually having fun with the other guy and I am the cheated fool being miserable.

I even found out she was dating some other guy two years ago which she Denies sexual contact while the other guy said the had sex casually .I feel like a fool I wasted 1 or even more years of my life and now I am alone in a an abroad country and I feel that my life was miserable.

I cancelled the summer vacations we planned together after a very hard year for me because she said she couldn't come yet i found she spent a week with the other in a resort near her university.

 

I know there were so many red flags I was in a bad erelationship but I don't know why I never ended it, I mean 1 year no sex at24 is a huge sign . I g

Feel so bad but I know I can fix things . Time never comes back that's the only thing I regret.

 

I don't have dating experience not confidence to talk to a girl.i am so f**d up.

I did everything for her sacrificed my college life so she was happy, I was always there for her and she treated me with a "perfect revenge plan" she was giving me false hopes while she was f*ng him 24/7

 

Now I am at no contact with her yet some ignorant friend informed me she turn her Facebook into a gallery with him. Full photos of them together. At a point it hurt me but I know he is going to find her real face. Now I am fully no contact informed everyone I don't want to know anything about her .

 

I can understand that the other guy gave her what I couldn't due to distance yet we discussed this and she knew that in the near future (less than a year ) we would live together .what I don't understand is why she was playing with me and why she became so aggressive at the end stating I never loved her and I never really understood her needs

 

My questions are why she did that to me what she really wanted?

The other guy is such a fool or he is playing with her ?

I need some advice on how to move on. I hit the gym I found a job etc but deep inside I feel she is still unpunished and happy while I have a long road to go while o don't deserve such a punishment

I need your perspective , I know you may thing I am a strange guy but I am the kind always helpful give everything to others and I was ready to sacrifice

Thank you

Edited March 19, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[stillafool]

.what I don't understand is why she was playing with me and why she became so aggressive at the end stating I never loved her and I never really understood her needs

 

She was shifting blame. That's what cheaters do they find a way to blame you so they don't have to face their disgusting actions.

 

My questions are why she did that to me what she really wanted? She wanted to date and have sex with other guys but still hold on to you. It's called "cake eating".

 

 

The other guy is such a fool or he is playing with her ? Who knows he could just feel like he won at this point. I pretty much guarantee he is looking at her differently than before all of this happened. He probably has lost some respect for her and what she did to you. He may think she would do the same to him. I wouldn't be surprised if he dropped her for someone new.

 

I need some advice on how to move on. I hit the gym I found a job etc but deep inside I feel she is still unpunished and happy while I have a long road to go while o don't deserve such a punishment

I need your perspective , I know you may thing I am a strange guy but I am the kind always helpful give everything to others and I was ready to sacrifice

Thank you

 

Keep doing what you are doing and being the nice person you are. You've got the whole world as your oyster. You are young, in college, probably handsome:) so get out there and make friends. Staying busy and having new experiences is what will help you move on from this. Don't worry about revenge or punishment for your ex; trust me life and karma will do a much better job on her than you could.

[Chi townD]

You want revenge? Then the best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good and adventurous life.

 

See, she's vindictive. She knows you caught her out, but she still feels like she won because she got to hold onto at least one of you. So, now she's trying to demonize you to ease her guilt about what she did to you. Therefore, she's making posts on Facebook and putting pics on there because SHE KNOWS it's going to get back to you. And she going to inquire with people to find out what your reaction was.

 

You want them to say to her, "I have no flipping clue. Because he isn't around. But, he's keeping us posted on his Facebook. Here's a pic of him hiking through the mountains. Here's another pic of him learning to surf in Southern California. Here's another pic of him at a music festival. Here's another one of him completing a mud run. Here's one of him scuba diving. Here's another one of him standing in front of Big Ben. Here's another one of him in front of the Eiffel Tower....."

 

She trying to make you jealous of a guy, you'll make her jealous of your interesting lifestyle that she's no longer a part of. You'll be going out and doing things and seeing new places that she would probably would have LOVED doing. Oh well....HER LOSS!!!!!!

[Uselessaccount1111]

She was shifting blame. That's what cheaters do they find a way to blame you so they don't have to face their disgusting actions.

 

My questions are why she did that to me what she really wanted? She wanted to date and have sex with other guys but still hold on to you. It's called "cake eating".

 

 

The other guy is such a fool or he is playing with her ? Who knows he could just feel like he won at this point. I pretty much guarantee he is looking at her differently than before all of this happened. He probably has lost some respect for her and what she did to you. He may think she would do the same to him. I wouldn't be surprised if he dropped her for someone new.

 

 

 

 

 

Keep doing what you are doing and being the nice person you are. You've got the whole world as your oyster. You are young, in college, probably handsome:) so get out there and make friends. Staying busy and having new experiences is what will help you move on from this. Don't worry about revenge or punishment for your ex; trust me life and karma will do a much better job on her than you could.

Thank you for your reply. At the moment I don't feel like I lost something , on the other hand I feel like I won a life free of her drama and lies, yet it's the being cheated feeling that stil haunts me. I will eventually get over it.ive learned a lot. I posted so I can maybe figure out her and her bf reactions .you really helped. I hope this will not bother me for much time .i will focus on me and delete her off of my life

[Uselessaccount1111]

You want revenge? Then the best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good and adventurous life.

 

See, she's vindictive. She knows you caught her out, but she still feels like she won because she got to hold onto at least one of you. So, now she's trying to demonize you to ease her guilt about what she did to you. Therefore, she's making posts on Facebook and putting pics on there because SHE KNOWS it's going to get back to you. And she going to inquire with people to find out what your reaction was.

 

You want them to say to her, "I have no flipping clue. Because he isn't around. But, he's keeping us posted on his Facebook. Here's a pic of him hiking through the mountains. Here's another pic of him learning to surf in Southern California. Here's another pic of him at a music festival. Here's another one of him completing a mud run. Here's one of him scuba diving. Here's another one of him standing in front of Big Ben. Here's another one of him in front of the Eiffel Tower....."

 

She trying to make you jealous of a guy, you'll make her jealous of your interesting lifestyle that she's no longer a part of. You'll be going out and doing things and seeing new places that she would probably would have LOVED doing. Oh well....HER LOSS!!!!!!

I have really thought the whole revenge feeling by discussing it with a lot of friends . I realized that the best way to revenge her is to completely ignore her focus on my improvement and become a successful, adventurous and interesting person that one day she would die to date but she will not be able to.and my motivation is not her, it's me it is time for me to get life in my hands and stop living for others. Don't get me wrong I will remain the same loving person yet I will set some limits. I don't want to get into a posting fight about who lives the most interesting life. I will try to have adventures yet I don't care about her knowing. She will not be in my life anymore and somehow I know that one day she will regret. But your advice is very good I have to step up get off couch and start living.and I can't be jealous of the other guy, being jealous of what ? Of being a partner to a compulsive liar with insecurities? While love was in the middle I chose to ignore her negative side .no it is revealed I can't be bothered anymore . I just try to figure out her motives so I can move on faster and avoid something similar in the future .thank you

[Chi townD]

I have really thought the whole revenge feeling by discussing it with a lot of friends . I realized that the best way to revenge her is to completely ignore her focus on my improvement and become a successful, adventurous and interesting person that one day she would die to date but she will not be able to.and my motivation is not her, it's me it is time for me to get life in my hands and stop living for others. Don't get me wrong I will remain the same loving person yet I will set some limits. I don't want to get into a posting fight about who lives the most interesting life. I will try to have adventures yet I don't care about her knowing. She will not be in my life anymore and somehow I know that one day she will regret. But your advice is very good I have to step up get off couch and start living.and I can't be jealous of the other guy, being jealous of what ? Of being a partner to a compulsive liar with insecurities? While love was in the middle I chose to ignore her negative side .no it is revealed I can't be bothered anymore . I just try to figure out her motives so I can move on faster and avoid something similar in the future .thank you

 

BINGO! You got your head screwed on straight. The reasons why I said what I said is because I'm reminded of a person that was here a long time ago after he was dumped. We worked with him and got him motivated to make some self improvements and we saw him healing quite well.

 

Then, he decided to do what he always dreamed of doing. He went backpacking through Thailand. When he got back, he told us all about his adventures. And the Australian and Canadian girls he met along the way.

 

Well, one of his last posts here he said that he ran into the Ex that left him for someone else. Apparently, she was keeping tabs on him and asked him about his trip. Then, she said to him, "How come it took breaking up with you for you to become so interesting." He said he just didn't have anyone holding him back and he walked of.