coreydillon Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 Recently met a girl online and we hit it off.. Before we met she asked what I was looking for. I told her I live alone, own a business, nice home, and ideally would like to live with a girl, as opposed to "just dating" .. She told me this fits her perfect, as she is seeking the same..So we met, have a ton in common, great chemistry, and she is very attractive...But here start some inconsistencies.... I asked if she was single she said yes... I told her I was divorced, then she also said she was divorced.. After some more asking it seems some long story I do not understand about how she is still married. Her father passed away, so she moved back to my state to settle the estate.. Her ex husband moved with their child to another state for work.. She said she has not seen her child or him for 5 months.. But, he has a large support network, so the child is better off with him for now.. During our first conversation she also said her husband is "in the process of moving" to the other state. This was a week ago.. So, after out first date she was sending me nude pics... Telling me she wants to go on the pill.. Asking If I would be open to threesomes with any girl I pick, etc.. She then invited my son and I over to meet her mom and make brunch for us on a Sunday.. Right before we were leaving she said her mom was having an attitude, so she brought food to my house for us... The next day she doesn't text much, but asks to talk to me on the phone.. She said she misses her kid, and is not sure what to do.. We talked more, and I also asked her what she wants to do about what we talked about (living together).. She said she loves the idea, but I have to be sure.. She also said maybe she talks to much, doesn't want to invade my space etc... I said lets take it slower, but see each other more...She agrees, and we have plans to see each other the next day..(this is 10 at night) The next morning she calls all excited and says "Change of plans!!! I am going to see my kid" Says she will be gone for a few days, but to make sure I know she wants to be with me.. Now this is either a coincidence, or she had a total change of mind.. I mean she didn't see her ex for 5 months, but the day we will see how well we work out together she is leaving town to see him... She then later sent me a longer text saying "Just want you to know, I know I am not your gf yet or anything, but I love what we are doing.. I will be gone for a few days, and might not respond quickly to your texts as I will be giving my kid attention and i want to avoid problems with my ex..".. I said no problem, have a good time, text me when you are coming back'..She then made another comment about how she cant wait to be back and be in "our bed" So, this was 2 and a half days ago and I heard nothing thus far... It sort of seems like a lie that she was going out of town that day (this just happened over night?), but then she took them time to tell me I should know for sure she is not ghosting me or flaking.. She also told me some story about how she got to see her kid was by just agreeing not to want any of his retirement money... (Also makes no sense) Thoughts? Other than this is "too fast", which I am sure many of you might say..
Larryville Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 ideally would like to live with a girl, as opposed to "just dating" .. Who does or conveys this as a relationship goal right off the bat? She said she has not seen her child or him for 5 months.. Massive red flag #1 child is better off with him Massive Red flag #2 During our first conversation she also said her husband is "in the process of moving" Massive red flag #3 after out first date she was sending me nude pics... Telling me she wants to go on the pill.. Asking If I would be open to threesomes with any girl I pick, etc.. Obligatory Massive red flag #4, as I said in another post today what is it with all these dudes getting nudes? But even with all of that... Recently met a girl online and we hit it off.. ok.... 9
d0nnivain Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 After not having seen her child for 5 months she assumed the child's father was dumping her. When he offered a chance to get back together she ran to him. Ergo, she's not free to date you. Next. Going forward in your dating life, don't tell women you don't know that you want to live together. Tell them you are looking for a serious monogamous relationship with the right woman. 7
ilovemefirst Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 Trust your gut. She sounds like shes still with her " ex husband". I would move on. 1
Author coreydillon Posted March 18, 2016 Author Posted March 18, 2016 Trust your gut. She sounds like shes still with her " ex husband". I would move on.s So basically everything with me is sort of a "back up" plan? Or she just wanted attention? It was so abrupt that she was leaving, and at the same time she clarified she can't wait to come back to "our bed", and I shouldn't think she is flaking.. She is one of those people that seem either totally honest, or everything is a lie, and I wasn't able to tell. I am divorced, so know how it works, and her details are vague and make little sense as well. 1
Karine26 Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 Who does or conveys this as a relationship goal right off the bat? Massive red flag #1 Massive Red flag #2 Massive red flag #3 Obligatory Massive red flag #4, as I said in another post today what is it with all these dudes getting nudes? But even with all of that... ok.... Couldn't have said it better myself. Is it really THAT bad for guys online where someone like this woman is considered dateable? I hope not!! If you have all the qualities that you list in your OP, please don't waste your time wondering about this situation. There is absolutely better for you out there! Good luck! 1
Author coreydillon Posted March 18, 2016 Author Posted March 18, 2016 Couldn't have said it better myself. Is it really THAT bad for guys online where someone like this woman is considered dateable? I hope not!! If you have all the qualities that you list in your OP, please don't waste your time wondering about this situation. There is absolutely better for you out there! Good luck! I agree.. I am not sure how it is for other guys, but my issue is I have attractive girls come on to me strong, but somewhere down the road either an ex bf or husband resurfaces and it seems they are on the rebound..Or the girls were never truly honest about their availability/status. Part of me rationalized it because I would have no interest in sleeping with my ex wife but i would certainly miss my son.. 1
Satu Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 I looked into my crystal ball, and all I saw was drama and disappointment. 5
Author coreydillon Posted March 18, 2016 Author Posted March 18, 2016 And to be honest i have no idea if she even went to see her kid...She may have just changed her mind.. Don't see your kid for 5 months, then all of a sudden everything changes from 10pm at night until 10am the next morning?? How does that even happen? Then she said she will stay a "couple" days..I guess no real plan with that either.. 1
Toodaloo Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 What a crock of crap. I only read half way and oh my days no no NO! Run and do not look back. This one is trouble for sure and is trying to get you to play the white knight. Who the hell introduces some random guy they hardly know to their mother on date 2? Totally messed up. Run Forest RUN! Satus ball is right... 1
Toodaloo Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 what is it with all these dudes getting nudes? If you want a nude I can send you one... of my thumb... I will even get kinky and paint my nails red for you! Now there is an offer you don't get every day OP - Listen to Larry. Listen to everyone here and do not go near this girl. To be honest I wouldn't even bother "breaking up" just run away and fast... check your wallet is still in your back pocket before you do! 1
PegNosePete Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 This is a whole boat load of drama just waiting to explode all over everyone who is near by. Make sure you're not around when that happens. NEXT. 2
elaine567 Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 The next morning she calls all excited and says "Change of plans!!! I am going to see my kid" Says she will be gone for a few days, but to make sure I know she wants to be with me.. She then later sent me a longer text saying "Just want you to know, I know I am not your gf yet or anything, but I love what we are doing.. I will be gone for a few days, and might not respond quickly to your texts as I will be giving my kid attention and i want to avoid problems with my ex..".. I said no problem, have a good time, text me when you are coming back'..She then made another comment about how she cant wait to be back and be in "our bed" So, this was 2 and a half days ago and I heard nothing thus far... OK, you hardly know the girl she says she will be gone for a few days, you should have pinned her down to how many, a few days could be 2 or 10 or even more, and why did you tell her, to, in essence, not to bother texting you, but to text you when she is coming back... as that landed you in the no mans land you now find yourself in. 1
insert_name Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 I agree.. I am not sure how it is for other guys, but my issue is I have attractive girls come on to me strong, but somewhere down the road either an ex bf or husband resurfaces and it seems they are on the rebound..Or the girls were never truly honest about their availability/status. Part of me rationalized it because I would have no interest in sleeping with my ex wife but i would certainly miss my son.. That is what you get when you online date. The girls will always have someone in the BUGzone (Back Up Guy zone). Sometimes the BUG is someone else, most of the time the BUG will be you. I am not sure how much of her story I believe, I wouldn't be surprised if she had no child at all and it is all some elaborate lie to allow her to manage the plates that she is spinning online at a moments notice. I certainly think that her suddenly 'leaving town' while telling you what you want to hear is her way of 'bookmarking' you while she explores other prospects that she rates higher than you. Going no contact for an extended period of time is not a good sign and indicative of my suspicions, I am afraid to say. If it all falls through she will be back and it will be up to you how to proceed. If you wish to plough on and pick up where she left off I would be asking her some questions about her little trip to try and pick up on any inconsistencies in her story. I reckon you will find more holes than a swiss cheese. If possible, never ask her a question that you don't already know the answer to. As an aside I am seeing so many posts on here lately from guys who are online dating and seem to be conveying to the woman that they are concentrating solely on that woman. The guy then ends up experiencing erratic/inconsistent behaviour from the woman that suggests she is exploring her options because she knows from the guy's behaviour that he is sat at home waiting for her like some dutiful wife. I hate to advocate game playing but as a guy specifically trying to online date you have to play it a bit smarter and ensure that the girl knows that she runs the risk of losing you to keep her 'in line'. Of course, whether the juice is worth the squeeze to stoop to their level is open to debate but it certainly seems that guys online need a strategy to protect themselves from the game playing female multi-dater that is prevalent at the moment - at least going by the common scenarios we see outlined on here.
PegNosePete Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 it certainly seems that guys online need a strategy to protect themselves from the game playing female multi-dater that is prevalent at the moment It's very simple. If someone plays games, don't ever talk to them again. You don't need a "strategy" to "protect" against game playing. You just choose not to play them. It takes 2 to play games. 2
insert_name Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 It's very simple. If someone plays games, don't ever talk to them again. You don't need a "strategy" to "protect" against game playing. You just choose not to play them. It takes 2 to play games. I totally agree, but sometimes circumstances make it very hard to walk away at the drop of a hat. It takes time before you are able to view the situation objectively. I was treated like a fool by a girl for a few months because she was so close to the girl of my dreams...except she was a massive head**** who loved hot and cold and push and pull games. Because I hadn't met anyone that came close to her effect on me in nearly 2 years of online dating I was determined to make it work. It took a while to come to my senses and appreciate that as much as I wanted her, to her I would never be more than a plaything. 1
PegNosePete Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 I think it's usually quite evident that someone is a game-player or drama llama within 2 or 3 dates. Walking away after 2 or 3 dates shouldn't be an issue. If you're already emotionally invested by then, or choose to ignore the signs and proceed anyway, then you kind of have no-one to blame but yourself... 4
Author coreydillon Posted March 18, 2016 Author Posted March 18, 2016 That is what you get when you online date. The girls will always have someone in the BUGzone (Back Up Guy zone). Sometimes the BUG is someone else, most of the time the BUG will be you. I am not sure how much of her story I believe, I wouldn't be surprised if she had no child at all and it is all some elaborate lie to allow her to manage the plates that she is spinning online at a moments notice. I certainly think that her suddenly 'leaving town' while telling you what you want to hear is her way of 'bookmarking' you while she explores other prospects that she rates higher than you. Going no contact for an extended period of time is not a good sign and indicative of my suspicions, I am afraid to say. If it all falls through she will be back and it will be up to you how to proceed. If you wish to plough on and pick up where she left off I would be asking her some questions about her little trip to try and pick up on any inconsistencies in her story. I reckon you will find more holes than a swiss cheese. If possible, never ask her a question that you don't already know the answer to. As an aside I am seeing so many posts on here lately from guys who are online dating and seem to be conveying to the woman that they are concentrating solely on that woman. The guy then ends up experiencing erratic/inconsistent behaviour from the woman that suggests she is exploring her options because she knows from the guy's behaviour that he is sat at home waiting for her like some dutiful wife. I hate to advocate game playing but as a guy specifically trying to online date you have to play it a bit smarter and ensure that the girl knows that she runs the risk of losing you to keep her 'in line'. Of course, whether the juice is worth the squeeze to stoop to their level is open to debate but it certainly seems that guys online need a strategy to protect themselves from the game playing female multi-dater that is prevalent at the moment - at least going by the common scenarios we see outlined on here. Well I am monogamous. So when a girl you are sleeping with says she is, and it is important to her, it is tough to then be the game player and then be aloof and pretend like you are sleeping with other girls. I also didn't want to come off as clingy or needy by asking s ton of questions. . She said she would go for a "couple" days, so to me that is 2 or 3. It has been 3 now. If I don't hear from her for weeks I wouldn't trust her again and would have my answer. I guess I had sympathy as I was in a position where I didn't see my son for two months when my ex took him out of the country. Sleeping with her was low on my list of priorities and one day I just booked a flight to take off. At the same time I can't tell if she is telling the truth or it is my lack of trust in women that is making it all seem like lies 1
Author coreydillon Posted March 18, 2016 Author Posted March 18, 2016 On one hand it makes sense. She wanted to go see her kids before she starts her new job and she has time now. On the other hand the timing is suspicious as at 10 pm she was going to start staying with me the next day on a trial basis, and then by 10 am she was going to see her kid she didn't see for 5 months. We talked about how we hate slow texters before, so she was either really cool by telling me ahead, or it is a perfect cover for being with another guy. 1
elaine567 Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 Well I am monogamous. So when a girl you are sleeping with says she is, and it is important to her, it is tough to then be the game player and then be aloof and pretend like you are sleeping with other girls. Exactly, and if you did, any woman who wants a relationship and who had any common sense, would dump you forthwith anyway. 1
Mrin Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 I'm just saying dude but that has red flags and creepy written all over it. Even if she's not still will her ex, and this is all taken at face value - the lady is an unmade bed. Life's too short man. 1
Author coreydillon Posted March 18, 2016 Author Posted March 18, 2016 The odd part to me is how hard she tried through words and actions. Told me she is going on the pill for me. Told me I can bring home another girl too. (Her suggestion). Told me she loves I am a dad. Wants to pay half my bills. Must have spent 100 on food she brought over for one day, and also left stuff at my house. Then all of a sudden she has to go out of town and told Me during a one minute convo over the phone. 1
PegNosePete Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 ^ That lot doesn't tell you she's trying hard through words and actions. It tells you she's one chicken short of a bargain bucket. 3
veggirl Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 And you let YOUR son meet some crazy girl you've been on 1 date with?! You both sound insane. 2
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