wzak Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 Girlfriend and I broke up after 7 months of long distance after meeting her senior of college. She is working in central america and I am on the east coast, waiting to graduate from college. Her dream has always been to work in latin america for about a year to 2 years. After she met me, she still had to go after her plan, but she knew she wanted to come live with me in new york city, where I have a job lined up after graduation. We are probably therefore about a year to a year and half from being together. The distance is just really, really difficult, and she has gotten distant (I think I have too, but in reaction to her). I don't think we've lost any love. The passion and everything was there the last time we saw each other, and we are both still jealous of the other. This isn't our first relationship, but I think we are both in love for the first time. She was never a relationship type before meeting me, so I know taking on this long distance adventure after meeting me was a really big commitment move for her, and I know she is happy she has done it. We've talked about our plans to be together long-term, get married, etc. She is really stressed with her new job -- she has to take advantage of this opportunity so she can get a lot out of it and get into a good grad school. I totally understand her, although I acted very obtusely the first week and just wanted to be hurt. I told her if we were done, then we were done forever, and I was pretty mean and pushy. Typical move. However, I do see why breaking up could be for the best. At the same time, I love her with all my heart, and I want to do whatever maximizes our chances of being together long-term. I am a week away from being able to visit her for more than a week, and I wanted to still go through with seeing her so we could see each other, talk through things calmly, and make whatever decision needs to be made. She is just really against it and says it would be too much for her too handle. What suggestions does everyone have? What is the best way to handle this situation? Should we just break up, but still try and stay in touch and check in on each other? I have a month to travel after I graduate at which point I was planning on visiting her and then us traveling throughout Latin America. It would be nice if we could get some space, if she could have some time to get used to her life (she actually switched jobs in the same country about 2 and a half months ago), and then we could try and see where we are in 2 months. Also, can I get some suggestions on what i absolutely should NOT do? I should also add... My knee jerk reaction was NC. To just rip her out of my life and block her on everything. But as time has passed since we broke up (basically a week ago), it just seems kind of stupid to completely discard this when we aren't breaking up because of compatibility or lack of love. My last breakup should have been NC, and I was trying to apply that to this situation. But my last breakup was very different. That was just a dead relationship where the girl rightly didn't see us together long-term because a)incompatibility and b) I was in it because of comfort. I know there are some no contact warriors -- that is, the people who just suggest it as a tool to make the other person miss them. None of that please -- I know she is suffering as much as I am even with contact. But I also know there are people who genuinely advise NC as a way to heal. But is it always for the best?
Author wzak Posted March 18, 2016 Author Posted March 18, 2016 Could this be moved to long distance forum?
Recommended Posts