carnelian Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 I cannot seem to forget a married woman I knew from work. We talked every week a bit for about ten years. Nothing happened. I never dated her or did anything romantic. I have strong feelings for her and she knows it. She doesn't know how much I think of her. She likes me but not in the same way and is probably not interested in talking to me. I have not contacted her since we left the job over 2 years ago.No letters or calls. I am not the type to bother anyone who wants to be left alone. It doesn't hurt to send her a short friendly complimentary note through facebook, does it? I wouldn't express love. I am afraid her husband would read it or it would anger her. She is easily angered. The worst she could do is block me on facebook? I am not sure she would respond, but it would get it off my chest. 1
Satu Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 snip it would get it off my chest. Get what off your chest? What would you say? What would you be trying to achieve? 1
smudge21 Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 As someone who has fallen foul of unrequited love before, I can honestly say do not make any contact with this person. The last thing you want is more hope when already you are thinking there's something there when there isn't. She's married. Probably happily. You have let this eat away at you because you've fed those feelings with dreams of the two of you that aren't real, and never will be. Trust me, walk away from this now. Unrequited love is the worse feeling outside of a relationship break up, in fact, in some ways it's worse as you get all the pain and agony, but none of the fun... and you suffer totally and utterly alone. Do you want that? 5
privategal Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 Im sorry Im going to have to go with no. Theres too many possibilities it will go wrong...started innocently...just no. You say she angered easily, its possible this created some drama and tension in your relationship that aligns closely with attraction. Understandable you had a crush and thats normal but best to wish her well and keep it moving please trust me these faux friendships really always turn out badly even if intentions are good. 1
Heatemyheart89 Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 Please don't send the message. I think you need to focus on something achievable, a hobby or another love interest. Best of luck. Unrequited love hurts. 1
whichwayisup Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 I cannot seem to forget a married woman I knew from work. We talked every week a bit for about ten years. Nothing happened. I never dated her or did anything romantic. I have strong feelings for her and she knows it. She doesn't know how much I think of her. She likes me but not in the same way and is probably not interested in talking to me. I have not contacted her since we left the job over 2 years ago.No letters or calls. I am not the type to bother anyone who wants to be left alone. It doesn't hurt to send her a short friendly complimentary note through facebook, does it? I wouldn't express love. I am afraid her husband would read it or it would anger her. She is easily angered. The worst she could do is block me on facebook? I am not sure she would respond, but it would get it off my chest. Don't do it. Don't reach out to her, even more so since you have feelings for her, she's aware of it. She's married and not interested. You say she's easily angered so ask yourself what is the point of reaching out? To feed your feelings because you miss her? NO good can come of this. Try your best to rid of the feelings you have for her and let her go from your heart. 2
Author carnelian Posted March 19, 2016 Author Posted March 19, 2016 Thanks for your replies. I hunched you would react negatively. I obsess about her partly because I knew her for so long and we shared personal life stories and she is a great listener. I never had to repeat myself. Nothing good would come of writing her, except I would compliment her why I like her. And she would wonder, "why is he writing me?" She is a private person. We had fights but she always smiled back, so I knew it was okay. I like her much more than my real relationships and dates, Of course, she does not know that.
Author carnelian Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 Do any of you have creative]solution to this--"leave her alone" is a stock and sensible answer but not the only one. What about a message anonymously sort of, something positive and nice without her knowing it came from me. Like a magazine article or whatever. I have no intention to bother anyone, or do anything strange.
Zahara Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Do any of you have creative]solution to this--"leave her alone" is a stock and sensible answer but not the only one. What about a message anonymously sort of, something positive and nice without her knowing it came from me. Like a magazine article or whatever. I have no intention to bother anyone, or do anything strange. But it is strange. What are you hoping to gain from this? At the end of the day she is married and doesn't feel the same way about you. You send this, then what? You wake up tomorrow, and you're still in the same hole. 1
Frank13 Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 She hasn't called or contacted you in two years since you left the job. Her silence speaks volumes. She isn't interested in maintaining any kind of friendship with you. Let her live her life with her husband in peace. 1
SoulCat Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 You parted ways over 2 years ago, she's not sought contact with you. That should tell you enough. My guess is that she just remembers you as a reasonably nice fella she has worked with in the past and nothing more. Don't contact her over FB, or do something anonymous cause that's pretty creepy/borderline stalker behaviour. Leave her be and live your life. 2
Lobe Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Do any of you have creative solution to this--"leave her alone" is a stock and sensible answer but not the only one. Anything other than leaving a married woman you are pining for alone is indeed strange. I suppose you could embrace your strange obsession and buy a life-sized doll of her... dsdoll.us Otherwise, my advice is to go talk to a counsellor and find out why you're obsessed....
carhill Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 OP, it's OK to not forget someone; part of being healthy is accepting who they are as well. She's apparently married or LTR and, by your opinion, doesn't feel 'the same' about you. That's OK. You'll likely run into plenty of folks like her in life, meaning either people who aren't interested in you 'the same' and/or are otherwise committed and unavailable. Trust me, she's no more nirvana than you are or I am. Just another time-limited human plowing through life. Yeah, when we love them, watch out. I think you'll get a clearer sense of this after having a few folks crushing on you. Yeah, it can be flattering but sometimes annoying too, like a bug buzzing in your ear. When I was married and women were hitting on me, it finally sunk in what was going on all those years with my own unrequited loves. I kinda laughed at myself for being such a dope and took it for what it was, passing. You'll get there. 3
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