Lack Of Dates

[todreaminblue]

But then nobody will see her dress

 

i thought that she just wanted to wear the dress herself because she enjoyed wearing them and he enjoys seeing her wearing them rather than to be for everybody else.........deb

[AliOop]

I've been reading through these pages and WOW - Leigh, I don't want to be mean, but good God, get a grip.

First, you don't NEED to be spoiled, you WANT to be spoiled. Frankly, as a woman myself I find your attitude horrible. You're an adult - spoil yourself if it's so important to you. Meanwhile, he supports you through college and does all those other things and IT'S NOT ENOUGH because you're here wanting more.

More will never be enough for you. God almighty.

[Blanco]

I think you need to be clearer with yourself on what you actually want. Because it seems you have no idea. He is eventually going to tire of trying to figure out what the heck actually pleases you.

 

I am shocked that someone who places an exceptionally high value on physical appearance and material goods feels chronic unease rather than contentment.

[Ferret]

First, you don't NEED to be spoiled, you WANT to be spoiled. Frankly, as a woman myself I find your attitude horrible. You're an adult - spoil yourself if it's so important to you. .

 

 

I agree with this! I dont know but it always felt great to be able to buy my own extra "luxuries" I wanted and in the end to me anyways they meant more cause I earned them on my own..

[Leigh 87]

The need to be a bit spoilt and pampered is a legitimate criteria for some women....

 

Many men aren't into men who split the check.

 

Many women do need a partner who spoils them.

 

It's just a personal preference. It doesn't make us bad partners and it does not mean we don't also enjoy spoiling our partners back.

 

We all jave preferences. Being spoilt as opposed to dating a man who rarely or never spoils me and prefers to split the bill, isn't something that would make me happy in a relationship.

 

It isn't an issue. I've found plenty of generous men who enjoyed to spoil me.

[SammySammy]

This thread is very confusing.

 

Leigh, you first stated you want to be spoiled and that you want more dates.

You apparently got exactly that.

Now you don't want that.

 

I think you need to be clearer with yourself on what you actually want. Because it seems you have no idea. He is eventually going to tire of trying to figure out what the heck actually pleases you.

 

So true.

 

I'm very attracted to these princess types also. I love a woman that's well put together. Something about an on point woman excites me.

 

The truth of the matter is they want it all. The hair, nails, clothes, shoes, accessories ... jewelry. Then she wants the social life to go with it. The vacations. The house, cars ....

 

The problem is you've got to provide all of that. A steady stream of it in an entertaining and exciting manner.

 

It gets to be exhausting and very tiresome. Not to mention expensive.

 

Which is why I don't want to be married again. Or even in a serious relationship. Because I know what I like, but I've been there, done that. Over it already.

 

At some point, a man just wants to sit on his couch and watch the football game.

[Ferret]

The need to be a bit spoilt and pampered is a legitimate criteria for some women....

 

Many men aren't into men who split the check.

 

Many women do need a partner who spoils them.

 

It's just a personal preference. It doesn't make us bad partners and it does not mean we don't also enjoy spoiling our partners back.

 

We all jave preferences. Being spoilt as opposed to dating a man who rarely or never spoils me and prefers to split the bill, isn't something that would make me happy in a relationship.

 

It isn't an issue. I've found plenty of generous men who enjoyed to spoil me.

So from what im gathering the guy in question doesn't want the same things you do? or cant provide as much as you want? I don't see what the issue is if you two are not comparable and hes not able to provide you the life you seam to need then cut him lose..and find some one more compatible with your lifestyle wants..

[AliOop]

"It isn't an issue. I've found plenty of generous men who enjoyed to spoil me."

 

 

Except that it is. He spoils you and here you are, complaining that it's not good enough.

[Leigh 87]

I agree with this! I dont know but it always felt great to be able to buy my own extra "luxuries" I wanted and in the end to me anyways they meant more cause I earned them on my own..

 

I also enjoy to buy my own luxuries.

 

I also don't see any fault in needinga generous man who actually is into spoiling woman.

 

It's no different to men who prefer slim women. Sure, being shallow limits your options but you can't help whatyou're into.

 

I am personally not into men who split the bill and don't feel the need to spoil their women. That's my prerogative. I've never had issues with finding men who enjoyed pampering me. I just chose to not enter into a relationship because I didn't have deep enough feelings for them and obviously true love is more important than having a high pay check ( I need to be spoilt but I don't need them to be rich).

 

Again-- I don't force men to date me. If they aren't into spoiling women they are welcome to go and date a women who doesn't need the guy to pay on dates.

 

My method works fine for me thanks. I've never been short of options. I don't need ro resort to dating outside of something that means a lot to me.

 

You will obviously be better suited to women who don't need the man to pay on dates and who don't need to be spoilt.

 

Each to their own.

[Blanco]

obviously true love is more important than having a high pay check ( I need to be spoilt but I don't need them to be rich).

 

Doesn't seem like it. Unless you're saying you don't truly love this guy, because him falling short on your expectations of him are directly related to his finances.

 

I guess it's cool that you know your preferences, but that doesn't necessarily make them healthy or ideal for a truly happy, healthy romantic relationship.

[Blanco]

By the way, is college cheap in Australia? Because I know many people here in the States who are tens of thousands of dollars in debt due to student loans. I'm sure, had they had someone paying for their education, they wouldn't have dreamed of thinking, "But yeah, they aren't taking me out to nice restaurants, too. This is a problem."

[Ferret]

I also enjoy to buy my own luxuries.

 

I also don't see any fault in needinga generous man who actually is into spoiling woman.

 

It's no different to men who prefer slim women. Sure, being shallow limits your options but you can't help whatyou're into.

 

I am personally not into men who split the bill and don't feel the need to spoil their women. That's my prerogative. I've never had issues with finding men who enjoyed pampering me. I just chose to not enter into a relationship because I didn't have deep enough feelings for them and obviously true love is more important than having a high pay check ( I need to be spoilt but I don't need them to be rich).

 

Again-- I don't force men to date me. If they aren't into spoiling women they are welcome to go and date a women who doesn't need the guy to pay on dates.

 

My method works fine for me thanks. I've never been short of options. I don't need ro resort to dating outside of something that means a lot to me.

 

You will obviously be better suited to women who don't need the man to pay on dates and who don't need to be spoilt.

 

Each to their own.

 

Um actually im a female in a stable happy relationship I bring my half into our relationship and we work together to make each other happy he doesn't spoil me per say and that's fine to me his time and love are really all I need.

 

I get it you are shallow and you think you need materialistic things and that's fine but those kind of things will never truly bring you happiness they are a filler for other empty spots in your soul sad but true..why do those materialistic things "mean so much to you"? really sit there and think about that..

 

Honestly im not trying to insult or attack you just help you see..if you truly loved this man he wouldn't "need" to spoil you he wouldn't need to do anything except be there with you.

 

Ive stuck by my Bf in good times and bad when he had a good amount of cash and when he was flat broke and there wasn't that much of a difference long as we had our basics covered we can work on everything else together...

[Leigh 87]

So true.

 

I'm very attracted to these princess types also. I love a woman that's well put together. Something about an on point woman excites me.

 

The truth of the matter is they want it all. The hair, nails, clothes, shoes, accessories ... jewelry. Then she wants the social life to go with it. The vacations. The house, cars ....

 

The problem is you've got to provide all of that. A steady stream of it in an entertaining and exciting manner.

 

It gets to be exhausting and very tiresome. Not to mention expensive.

 

Which is why I don't want to be married again. Or even in a serious relationship. Because I know what I like, but I've been there, done that. Over it already.

 

At some point, a man just wants to sit on his couch and watch the football game.

 

 

But I want a good career of my own. I want to continue equally to rent and groceries. I'm not a poor damsel i distress.

 

I also love spoiling my bf.

 

ALL I personally need is for a man to have the innate desire to treat to the woman imon dates, the day trips they take together and small trips away.

 

But on international trips, when it comes to my dresses and clothes and cosmetics and the really expensive stuff like a house or family car or furniture-- you bet I willget my own clothes and cosmetics the vast majority of the time and chip in for overseas travel.

 

If I earnt more if contribute a greater ratio than him.

 

It is ONLY the small things that I find petty and unattractive when men don't pay. Weekends away, the day at the mall, djnneqnd movies. ........

 

That hardly makes me a gold digger lol.

[clia]

I also enjoy to buy my own luxuries.

 

I also don't see any fault in needinga generous man who actually is into spoiling woman.

 

It's no different to men who prefer slim women. Sure, being shallow limits your options but you can't help whatyou're into.

 

I am personally not into men who split the bill and don't feel the need to spoil their women. That's my prerogative. I've never had issues with finding men who enjoyed pampering me. I just chose to not enter into a relationship because I didn't have deep enough feelings for them and obviously true love is more important than having a high pay check ( I need to be spoilt but I don't need them to be rich).

 

Again-- I don't force men to date me. If they aren't into spoiling women they are welcome to go and date a women who doesn't need the guy to pay on dates.

 

My method works fine for me thanks. I've never been short of options. I don't need ro resort to dating outside of something that means a lot to me.

 

You will obviously be better suited to women who don't need the man to pay on dates and who don't need to be spoilt.

 

Each to their own.

 

Isn't this entire thread about the fact that your current boyfriend isn't spoiling you enough?

[Larryville]

"It isn't an issue. I've found plenty of generous men who enjoyed to spoil me."

 

I

also enjoy to buy my own luxuries.

 

I also don't see any fault in needing a generous man who actually is into spoiling woman.

 

 

So someone please explain this thread to me, when some folks post stuff here is it simple to get attention? If all is cool with you they why are you here, responding to people you clearly don't need any advice from because all is cool and if your current dude won't spoil you, you can just run out and find another jughead to throw money at your self-esteem.

 

Honestly im not trying to insult or attack you just help you see..if you truly loved this man he wouldn't "need" to spoil you

 

That's just it Ferret, when people like her are not getting the monetary compensation she desperately needs, just start a thread and let the riches of good sound advice be pissed away because since dude won't take you out on dates you are here... making every one of us believe that giving you friendly honest advice would somehow be absorbed into your consciousness. 100 plus posts shows it clearly does not...

 

How do I know? How did all of this start?

 

I am in a happy relationship but there is one tiny issue that bugs me.

 

Despite being an amazing boyfriend and being VERY generous, he just doesn't take me out on dates.

 

But what did she say above?

 

I've found plenty of generous men who enjoyed to spoil me

 

Not good men, but generous men, WTF!?

 

Folks this is NOT about dates or money but simple attention.

[Leigh 87]

Um actually im a female in a stable happy relationship I bring my half into our relationship and we work together to make each other happy he doesn't spoil me per say and that's fine to me his time and love are really all I need.

 

I get it you are shallow and you think you need materialistic things and that's fine but those kind of things will never truly bring you happiness they are a filler for other empty spots in your soul sad but true..why do those materialistic things "mean so much to you"? really sit there and think about that..

 

Honestly im not trying to insult or attack you just help you see..if you truly loved this man he wouldn't "need" to spoil you he wouldn't need to do anything except be there with you.

 

Ive stuck by my Bf in good times and bad when he had a good amount of cash and when he was flat broke and there wasn't that much of a difference long as we had our basics covered we can work on everything else together...

 

 

I do truly love him and I'd stick by him if he lost his job or health.

 

However, as long as he is working full time, I need a man who prefers to spoil a woman.

 

Being spoint is a mentality i am highly attracted to in a man. I also need true romantic love, compatability and friendship and laughter.

 

I am simply not attracted to men who split the check.

 

It is actually hilarious that you assume I am shallow and unhappy and not in love simply because I am into men who love spoiling me.

 

The simple fact is..... many women just aren't attracted to menwho split the check and don't have the desire to spoil their woman.

 

I don't JUST need to be spoilt. I need true love. I have had MANY well off men want relationships with me.

 

I REJECTED so many men on high incomes. Even the cute ones. Because didn't love them.

 

Sure, I love being spoilt but I also need a true love match first and foremost. It just so happens that I'm not sexually attracted to men whoare the types to split the check. I loose all my drive towards them.

 

Ultimately, wanting a guy who genuinely likes to spoil his woman isn't holding me or most other woman back providing we are reasonable; sure, I love a guy to treat me to a dress occasionally but more often than not I believe in buying my own clothes and stuff.

 

It is pretty much only dates out, weekend trips away, a couples massage day and smallish things that I need a guy to WANT to treat me to.

 

I seek out men who share my values.

[Leigh 87]

I

 

 

 

 

So someone please explain this thread to me, when some folks post stuff here is it simple to get attention? If all is cool with you they why are you here, responding to people you clearly don't need any advice from because all is cool and if your current dude won't spoil you, you can just run out and find another jughead to throw money at your self-esteem.

 

 

 

That's just it Ferret, when people like her are not getting the monetary compensation she desperately needs, just start a thread and let the riches of good sound advice be pissed away because since dude won't take you out on dates you are here... making every one of us believe that giving you friendly honest advice would somehow be absorbed into your consciousness. 100 plus posts shows it clearly does not...

 

How do I know? How did all of this start?

 

 

 

 

 

But what did she say above?

 

 

 

Not good men, but generous men, WTF!?

 

Folks this is NOT about dates or money but simple attention.

 

 

 

My bf does spoil me.

 

I was getting upset that the ways in which he spoiled me didn't include dates out of the house. It really started to bug me.

 

I wantedto know how to broach the topic with him.

 

We have since resolved the matter. Plus I realized that I don't really like going out on dates enough tp warrant the 200 plus a decent restaurant costs as the food so far just hasn't been worth the money.

 

But by does spoil me and we are happy. It was literally just the lack of dates that were starting to get to me.

[Leigh 87]

Isn't this entire thread about the fact that your current boyfriend isn't spoiling you enough?

 

I wouldn't date him if he didn't NATURALLY have the URGE to spoil me.

 

It was lack of DATES that bugged me........

 

We have sinced resolved the argument I triggered.....

 

He even took me out last night someplace fancy so he obviously felt bad and is an incredible boyfriend for listening to my concerns and immediately trying to remedy them.......

 

Tbh I just needed to get taken out of the house. The dinner was overpriced.

 

It is rare that expensive restaurants are ever worth it I've discovered. .......

 

 

A day at the beach with ice cream would have been preferable.

[SammySammy]

But I want a good career of my own. I want to continue equally to rent and groceries. I'm not a poor damsel i distress.

 

I also love spoiling my bf.

 

ALL I personally need is for a man to have the innate desire to treat to the woman imon dates, the day trips they take together and small trips away.

 

But on international trips, when it comes to my dresses and clothes and cosmetics and the really expensive stuff like a house or family car or furniture-- you bet I willget my own clothes and cosmetics the vast majority of the time and chip in for overseas travel.

 

If I earnt more if contribute a greater ratio than him.

 

It is ONLY the small things that I find petty and unattractive when men don't pay. Weekends away, the day at the mall, djnneqnd movies. ........

 

That hardly makes me a gold digger lol.

 

I know.

 

Trust me. I know you and your type very well.

 

All of my exes are professional women. They all make good salaries. They have more than enough money to buy their own clothes, jewelry, makeup and so forth.

 

However, like you, they only want to "contribute" to those expenses. And, truthfully, the money is not the real issue with me. It's the incessant demand to be entertained and pampered. Has to be bigger and better each time. More, more, more! Nothing is ever enough. That's what is so draining on a man. It gets old real quick.

 

In fairness, I have my ways. I'm polished too. The grooming, clothes, accessories, hobbies ... I have all of that as well. And more. The difference is I provide it all for myself and don't need anyone to do anything for me. I'm not disappointed if someone else doesn't buy me this or take me there. That's the difference.

 

Though you're willing to give and cater to your man, the man is expected to give and cater to the woman. No matter what. That difference in expectations can lower the quality of the relationship.

 

Just my opinion ... having been there many times.

[Ferret]

 

Sure, being shallow limits your options but you can't help whatyou're into.

 

 

It is actually hilarious that you assume I am shallow and unhappy and not in love simply because I am into men who love spoiling me.

 

.

All your words not mine you seam kinda confused or totally conflicted im not to sure what one at this point..

[Cinnamonstix]

It is pretty much only dates out, weekend trips away, a couples massage day and smallish things that I need a guy to WANT to treat me to.

 

All of that really adds up. And the weekend trips and couples massages are things that most people wouldn't expect to receive except on their birthday. I somehow doubt you will be happy with outings to McDonald's, as you've also claimed in this thread.

 

You say you've passed on men with more money for love. Now you have a man who you love, but he doesn't make enough money to shower you in your love language. You either need to find a guy with more money or compromise and learn to speak a new love language.

[Larryville]

Just say, "No," to Takers - An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of heartache.

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/just-listen/201003/just-say-no-takers

 

While I have not been here that long I already realize the importance of sites like these that allow people to share experiences, or heartaches. Even though the OP may not get it, somewhere along the way someone just might learn something and save themselves.

 

This thread makes me appreciate (at least one important quality) even the women where things did not work out. Thanks

[strawberryshortstack]

I do truly love him and I'd stick by him if he lost his job or health.

 

However, as long as he is working full time, I need a man who prefers to spoil a woman.

 

Being spoint is a mentality i am highly attracted to in a man. I also need true romantic love, compatability and friendship and laughter.

 

I am simply not attracted to men who split the check.

 

It is actually hilarious that you assume I am shallow and unhappy and not in love simply because I am into men who love spoiling me.

 

The simple fact is..... many women just aren't attracted to menwho split the check and don't have the desire to spoil their woman.

 

I don't JUST need to be spoilt. I need true love. I have had MANY well off men want relationships with me.

 

I REJECTED so many men on high incomes. Even the cute ones. Because didn't love them.

 

Sure, I love being spoilt but I also need a true love match first and foremost. It just so happens that I'm not sexually attracted to men whoare the types to split the check. I loose all my drive towards them.

 

Ultimately, wanting a guy who genuinely likes to spoil his woman isn't holding me or most other woman back providing we are reasonable; sure, I love a guy to treat me to a dress occasionally but more often than not I believe in buying my own clothes and stuff.

 

It is pretty much only dates out, weekend trips away, a couples massage day and smallish things that I need a guy to WANT to treat me to.

 

I seek out men who share my values.

 

Unfortunately, it seems your current man does NOT share your values. You can either try to unsuccessfully change him (possibly successful but only temporary until he starts to resent you), or free him to find someone with whom he does share values, and then you can find someone who does share your values.

[Els]

 

I am taking my pictures down because I am scared for his identity now. Although my Facebook is is on private as it is. I was just giving context as to qhy he isn't into dates in public.

 

Um, just letting you know that your avatar is still up. If you think you have removed it, might want to check.

 

FTR, I think you could have stopped at saying "he has social anxiety due to something traumatic that happened to him a few years ago, can't elaborate for the sake of his privacy". Or otherwise, if you want to share all the details, don't put your avatar etc up so you and he can't be identified.

 

The $220 dinner is really confusing. Something definitely got lost in translation there, between you and him or between you and us. Either way, when he wanted to take you there, why didn't you suggest that he save the money so both of you could go out on more day outings instead? I also hope you didn't go on and on the way you did here about how it wasn't that great - nothing sucks more than paying $220 for your date to complain about the food and place.

 

I get government money plus my work money.

Also, it really bugs me that someone who is living rent-free, has a closet full of designer dresses, spends $150 on mascara and is enjoying fancy dinners... is still accepting a student allowance(?) from the govt. Just because it is being offered and they aren't strictly enforcing the requirements doesn't mean that you should take advantage of it. Leigh, that is taxpayer money. That is money that comes out of the taxes of people who live in tiny rundown places in suburbs that you wouldn't deign to live in, who can't afford $150 mascara themselves, who have never been to a $220 dinner.

 

It doesn't bug me as much that your bf is supporting you - it's presumably his choice, he has consented, he can stop at any time... so if that's what he wants to do, fine. But taxpayers don't get a choice. Have some conscience and stop claiming allowances that you don't actually need.

[Leigh 87]

Doesn't seem like it. Unless you're saying you don't truly love this guy, because him falling short on your expectations of him are directly related to his finances.

 

I guess it's cool that you know your preferences, but that doesn't necessarily make them healthy or ideal for a truly happy, healthy romantic relationship.

 

 

Wanting to be a bit spoilt rather than disliking it when men split the bill isn't unhealthy.

 

I fundamentally don't like men who split the check or have lack the design to treat and spoil the women. I like them as friends perhaps but not lovers.

 

I am not sexually attracted to men who are petty enough to split the check. I literally don't see them in a sexual or romantic light.

 

But there is a huuuge difference between expecting to be a totally pampered princesses who refuses to work or havea career cos she wants a sugar daddy to fund her life, VERSUS a woman like me who loves to be spoilt but also a wants a career and to buy most of her own clothes and luxuries ( but would like occasionally like to be treated WITHIN HIS BUDGET).

 

I have reasonable standards and don't expect super expensive gifts beyohd the poor guys means.

 

Again- I have actually discarded men who were well off because I didn't have strong enough romantic feelings present.