Lack Of Dates

[Miss Peach]

You know one lady I dated we spent the day re-landscaping her backyard, in between BBQ’ed, made cool drinks, weather was perfect, nice day… if you give a damn about the person you are with absolutely does not matter what you do with them.

 

This is so true. BF tells me he would see me to read the phone book together if that's what I wanted.

[Leigh 87]

So without two full time incomes I get that it is tough, and he spoils me often enough but it bothers me that on weekends, he will spend a lot on beer, ciders and champagne for me and 20 dollars gambling

 

Here is the reality of living on a budget. If you want something special than you need to plan for it.

 

I would tell him to stop the 'spoiling' and instead to put that money in a jar for a weekly date with you. Same thing with the champagne and cider, cut half of this and save the money for a date.

 

You got to pick what you want, you can't have it all.

 

Yes I can.

 

I am dating him because he has aspirations and goals. He is not satisfied or content living a life on a tight budget.

 

We both aspire for a much better quality of life. Hence why I am at uni and he is working his way up thr ranks at his new job.

 

Trust me . I couldn't be with a man who was content with a tight [budget] with no luxuries.

 

So once I graduate and he is on more than hus currently meagre 55 to 60 K ish income, we will lead a very comfortable life and I will truly have it all.

Edited March 17, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Leigh 87]

You seem to have a very strict definition of what defines a date. Given your financial situation it's not surprising that he can't afford many dates.

 

 

For me I'd consider a lot of things a date with my wife that might not cost a lot of money. A picnic, a movie, bowling or pool, pub for wings night, going to an athletic center...

 

 

I don't think many people go out on fancy dates, all the time in a relationship. I think you're assuming too much about other people's relationships.

 

I don't need fsncy dates.....

 

I need a reason to put on a damned dress and feel spoit.

 

Can be flipping McDonald's for all I care.

 

And long term money is important. I want a man who is driven and hard working enough to afford to treat his partner to date nights once a fortnight.

 

I ditched many rich men in the name of finding true love. But I still need a man to aspire to a comfortable life. Doesn't have to be right away but he has to want to aim for it.

[htx]

honestly dude, the worst influence in your life right now is that friend of yours you're constantly comparing yourself to.

 

 

truth is, you'll never be satisfied with the level of "spoiling" by any man you meet. it'll always have to be bigger and better, or you'll be disappointed.

 

 

it must be exhausting to be you, much less date you.

[Kamille]

Yes I can.

 

I am dating him because he has aspirations and goals. He is not satisfied or content living a life on a tight budget.

 

We both aspire for a much better quality of life. Hence why I am at uni and he is working his way up thr ranks at his new job.

 

Trust me . I couldn't be with a man who was content with a tight [budget] with no luxuries.

 

So once I graduate and he is on more than hus currently meagre 55 to 60 K ish income, we will lead a very comfortable life and I will truly have it all.

 

The average yearly salary in Australia was just below 60 000 in 2015. How is it that this seems meagre to you, especially since, by your own reports, you both live rent free?

 

What kind of dates/quality of life do you want that you two can't afford with your part time job, his good income and having no mortgage or rent to pay?

Edited March 17, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Leigh 87]

Just to clarify.

 

I am studying at college to ve a podiatrist.

 

I do NOT want him to be the breadwinner. I want to earn my own decent wage and continue to rent and groceries and basic costs of living equally in commensurate to our incomes.

 

If earn more I'd pay more for the basic costs of living.

 

I am not a gold digger. I just prefer men who have the INNATE desire ro spoil me. I am very traditional and subscribe to the man paying for dates and like.

 

But I also give as much as I get. I DO NOT BELIEVE IT SHOULD BE A ONE WAY STREET.

 

I absolutely believe a woman should be will to give as much as she gets.

 

I just just so happen to be generous myself wirh men and prefer men who are also VERY generous and enjoy spoiling their women.

 

Not goinf out on dates bugs me. I feel cheap andundesirable. But it is irrational cos I know he adores me and it is simply his preference.

[Leigh 87]

So the consensus seems to be to make a compromise.

 

I don't need weekly dates.... nor do I need expensive ones. Although I am the kind of girl who, if a man is on a high income, I could not be attracted to him if he HAD loads of cash yet didn't feel the urge to spoil a gal. Not just any girl, a loving partner of course.

 

So the main thing is that he is generous and enjoys spoiling me and would do fancy dinners if he could AFFORD it.

 

He cannot afford it so I would be very pleased with once a fortnight date nights.

 

The thing is..... I don't feel it would be worth anything. Cos I have to ask him for it. I'd rather a guy that WANTS to take me out. Where is the meaning if he simply doesn't want to take me out and treat me to dates?

[Els]

So if you are okay with going out to McDs why don't you tell him you'd like to go out more, even if it's to mcds, and you can buy less stuff at the mall instead? I am sure that you could get quite a few mcds outings if you cut down on the purchase of just one dress a month. (Also, FWIW in Sydney there are lots of great hole in the wall Asian places that serve amazing food for the same prude as mcds, if you are adventurous enough to try them).

 

Asking him does not mean that he doesn't want it. If you want to get anywhere with relationships you need to be able to communicate honestly. People can't read your mind.

Edited March 17, 2016 by Elswyth

[Kamille]

I think this thread is getting confusing.

 

Leigh: you want to do something other than "drinking and watching movies" at home this weekend. I hear you. I would not want to spend all my weekends at home drinking and watching movies.

 

So set it up! Go out. Do something. Find a reason to wear a dress.

 

But none of that requires anything expensive.

 

It's easy to wear a summer dress and go picnic in a park. Or go to an art opening.

 

For most people, going out on a date is about spending time together doing something outside of their regular routine. The amount of money spent is of very little concern.

 

Why are you obsessing this much about your boyfriend's earning power when, in reality, he already earns a decent income for Australia?

[Leigh 87]

He has masisve social anxiety.

 

His ex friends put spy cams in his home and filmed him masturbating and leaked it live on u tube.

 

So he moved states a year ago to get away from the constant taunts and bullying of the local community who all got access to hisonline exploits.

 

As a result he has PTSD and doesn't like being in crowds or public too much.

 

So I think it is good for him to get out and about... the cute couple days we spent and dinner dates he LOVED. So jt was great to see that he CAN love public outings.

 

He just really really enjoys the sanctuary of our home and life together and finds it hard to wsnt for more. He is so happy with me just. ... being me and doing nothing but talking and cuddle and sex all weekend.

[clia]

It's a pretty big compatibility issue if you want to go out and he wants to sit home. If it's already bothering you now after six (?) months together, how do you think you are going to feel two, five, ten years from now when you want to go out to eat and he would rather order a pizza?

[Summer3]

I think this thread is getting confusing.

 

Leigh: you want to do something other than "drinking and watching movies" at home this weekend. I hear you. I would not want to spend all my weekends at home drinking and watching movies.

 

So set it up! Go out. Do something. Find a reason to wear a dress.

 

But none of that requires anything expensive.

 

It's easy to wear a summer dress and go picnic in a park. Or go to an art opening.

 

For most people, going out on a date is about spending time together doing something outside of their regular routine. The amount of money spent is of very little concern.

 

Why are you obsessing this much about your boyfriend's earning power when, in reality, he already earns a decent income for Australia?

 

Kamille makes perfect sense. I have a feeling that you are jealous of your friend. She is being taken out the way you want to be taken out and you feel you're being "ripped off" on the dating scene.

 

I do understand that feeling. I had a friend that bragged a bit about all the stuff her boyfriend (now husband) did for her.

 

First thing you need to do is to accept you're jealous and move on from there.

[joseb]

This issue you speak of is actually very easy to solve, if that is the issue.

 

Tell him you have more than enough clothes in your wardrobes to last for the forseable future and that you don't want any more.

 

If some of these superfluous items are new with tags, consider returning them and using the money to take you boyfriend out on a date of your choice.

 

Same thing with other unnecessary gifts that just sit unused.

 

Consider dropping the friend who uses her boyfriend to finance her lifestyle and then compares him to yours. I don't know where you find people like that, I'm in Australia too and luckily I don't know anyone like that.

 

Stop saying how meagre your boyfriend's salary is, as others pointed out its average in Australia. Other people have rent and kids to pay for.

 

With the money you save go on your extra dates. Have fun!

 

Try to broaden your horizons by doing things that don't involve money like hiking, exploring a new part of the city, etc rather than spending time in shopping malls.

 

Last thing, you keep going on about needing a guy to spoil you. You know that makes you spoilt, right? Not a nice characteristic. Think about that some.

[Summer3]

He has masisve social anxiety.

 

His ex friends put spy cams in his home and filmed him masturbating and leaked it live on u tube.

 

 

...OK...now this thread is just getting weird. I'm not sure what to say about this new info.

[Leigh 87]

60K is ***** all when he supports a uni student.

 

I over reacted

 

What he is doing for me is amazing...

 

I do get a few hundred a week from my weekend job which I use to pay the phone bill. I pay 200 a month for 2 latest smart phones and plans for us both. He pays weekly rent of 350.

 

I get him gifts whenever I can.

 

I am a fool for complaining about dates. Ugh

 

He is so good to me.

 

He obviously loves spoiling me just not to the extent my better looking friend gets spoilt. Her bf is on much better money .... and he takes her on trips 3 times a year and pays for all the flights and hotel rooms even when she works full time. .

 

I just wanted that sort of life. ... I am slim and got braced in my mid 20s so felt that I wanted a taste of the sort of level of treatment my much younger and more attractive mate gets. ..

 

The thing is, I am generous. When I was working in a good job I would walk past homeless folks and give em 500 bucks on a regular basis and employ them to clean my bathrooms.

 

Whenever I had money I have it all away bar spending it on travel which I had plenty of money left over from.

 

I have always dropped everything for my partners even the ungrateful subs of b*tches.

 

I just strongly desire the special treatment from my man. I am a bit of a princess I admit but I truly do give ad much as I get! I am not for everyone... I wouldn't dream of dating a man who split the bill so I realize that I am not for everyone.

[Leigh 87]

This issue you speak of is actually very easy to solve, if that is the issue.

 

Tell him you have more than enough clothes in your wardrobes to last for the forseable future and that you don't want any more.

 

If some of these superfluous items are new with tags, consider returning them and using the money to take you boyfriend out on a date of your choice.

 

Same thing with other unnecessary gifts that just sit unused.

 

Consider dropping the friend who uses her boyfriend to finance her lifestyle and then compares him to yours. I don't know where you find people like that, I'm in Australia too and luckily I don't know anyone like that.

 

Stop saying how meagre your boyfriend's salary is, as others pointed out its average in Australia. Other people have rent and kids to pay for.

 

With the money you save go on your extra dates. Have fun!

 

Try to broaden your horizons by doing things that don't involve money like hiking, exploring a new part of the city, etc rather than spending time in shopping malls.

 

Last thing, you keep going on about needing a guy to spoil you. You know that makes you spoilt, right? Not a nice characteristic. Think about that some.

 

 

 

I like that idea.

 

Of trying new things with him.

 

And I do need to be spoilt. I know it is an unattractive characteristic. But it is who I am and I am not changing it. There are men who are cool with it and men who are not.

 

I am not forcing anyone to have to date me.

 

Did I mentionthat Iactually reciprocate and give back to men and expect to be spoilt in terms of dates but by no means want to live off a man? I intend on doing well for myself without a mans support in that regard.

[Leigh 87]

Kamille makes perfect sense. I have a feeling that you are jealous of your friend. She is being taken out the way you want to be taken out and you feel you're being "ripped off" on the dating scene.

 

I do understand that feeling. I had a friend that bragged a bit about all the stuff her boyfriend (now husband) did for her.

 

First thing you need to do is to accept you're jealous and move on from there.

 

I feel I can have it all too.

 

I don't want her body or her bf.

 

I just want to be taken out and pampered like her. That is the only element of her life I want. Oh and she has graduated already so obviouslyall students in my position cannot waitfor that too!

[Kamille]

He has masisve social anxiety.

 

His ex friends put spy cams in his home and filmed him masturbating and leaked it live on u tube.

 

So he moved states a year ago to get away from the constant taunts and bullying of the local community who all got access to hisonline exploits.

 

As a result he has PTSD and doesn't like being in crowds or public too much.

 

So I think it is good for him to get out and about... the cute couple days we spent and dinner dates he LOVED. So jt was great to see that he CAN love public outings.

 

He just really really enjoys the sanctuary of our home and life together and finds it hard to wsnt for more. He is so happy with me just. ... being me and doing nothing but talking and cuddle and sex all weekend.

 

My head is spinning. How was this information not mentioned in your first post? It's extremely relevant, more relevant than whether or not he can afford to spoil you. It's also more relevant than your theories about the role your level of attractiveness plays in this.

[Haydn]

You want kiddies....?

 

Dates?

 

Spy cams...

 

What?

[truth_seeker]

happy and bugs you?

 

AKA: pain in the a--.

[mcjordan]

I just prefer men who have the INNATE desire ro spoil me. I am very traditional and subscribe to the man paying for dates and like.

 

I'm a well worn charm school graduate. I hate to tell ya, but the above is NOT traditional. It;s just spoiled.

[RecentChange]

I am sorry if I jumped down your throat OP - its just that these highlights from your first post made it sound like you wouldn't be happy to head down to McDonalds - what it wasn't just about getting out of the house, but going somewhere nice, to show off your clothes etc.

 

Then add the going on and on that you can't have it all because you are not superficially pretty enough.... And how you have modified (and wish to further surgically modify) your looks - and that these changes should bring you spoiling from a rich man.

 

..... Is that he doesn't take me out on dates. Maybe once every month or two.

 

....yet we stay in without any dates or reasons for me to EVER get dressed up......

 

But all of THIS....

 

.....The thing is, my friend is beautiful; she can hold out for the full package. I am a lot less attractive than her so I figure that I cannot have it all in a man.

 

And lastly: I feel undesirable and unattractive when he doesn't take me on dates - because all the beautiful women I have ever known have ALL been wined and dined and NEVER had to put up with men that didn't WANT to take them out and treat them to dates.

 

You are putting WAY too much of your self worth, happiness etc onto your physical looks. And that somehow men should throw money at you if you look a certain way. BLECH!!

 

But further, how HAPPY is your friend truly to be valued for her physical looks? Does her BF think she is smart as a whip? Funny and capable? His equal in every way? Or is she an arm piece which deserves to be spoiled like a princess?

 

I am a bit jaded perhaps. My sister is drop dead gorgeous. And she has a WONDERFUL husband, nice guy, has quite the trust fund, and she never wants for anything. Travel, jewelry, new houses... all at her finger tips.

 

But you know what causes her real suffering? For the vast majority of her life she has been valued for her LOOKS and not her mind. Always told that she is the pretty one, but not often told she is the smart one, or the capable one (even though she is!).

 

So while you feel that not being wined and dinned, makes you feel unattractive - really think hard about how you would feel if your body was valued above all of the rest you have to offer.

 

If this man loves YOU. Your mind, your heart, and values these things - please, let the superficial money stuff fall by the wayside.

 

Put on a cute dress and go for a day trip. Drive somewhere fun. Look good for your man - and quit worrying about the Jones'

[Leigh 87]

I am sorry if I jumped down your throat OP - its just that these highlights from your first post made it sound like you wouldn't be happy to head down to McDonalds - what it wasn't just about getting out of the house, but going somewhere nice, to show off your clothes etc.

 

Then add the going on and on that you can't have it all because you are not superficially pretty enough.... And how you have modified (and wish to further surgically modify) your looks - and that these changes should bring you spoiling from a rich man.

 

 

 

But all of THIS....

 

 

 

You are putting WAY too much of your self worth, happiness etc onto your physical looks. And that somehow men should throw money at you if you look a certain way. BLECH!!

 

But further, how HAPPY is your friend truly to be valued for her physical looks? Does her BF think she is smart as a whip? Funny and capable? His equal in every way? Or is she an arm piece which deserves to be spoiled like a princess?

 

I am a bit jaded perhaps. My sister is drop dead gorgeous. And she has a WONDERFUL husband, nice guy, has quite the trust fund, and she never wants for anything. Travel, jewelry, new houses... all at her finger tips.

 

But you know what causes her real suffering? For the vast majority of her life she has been valued for her LOOKS and not her mind. Always told that she is the pretty one, but not often told she is the smart one, or the capable one (even though she is!).

 

So while you feel that not being wined and dinned, makes you feel unattractive - really think hard about how you would feel if your body was valued above all of the rest you have to offer.

 

If this man loves YOU. Your mind, your heart, and values these things - please, let the superficial money stuff fall by the wayside.

 

Put on a cute dress and go for a day trip. Drive somewhere fun. Look good for your man - and quit worrying about the Jones'

 

 

My bf thinks I AM gorgeous though. ...

 

He thought I was beautiful from the momenf we met.

 

And I am not plain either. I am attractive. Just not gorgeous to the majority like my friend is.

[Leigh 87]

I'm a well worn charm school graduate. I hate to tell ya, but the above is NOT traditional. It;s just spoiled.

 

Wanting the man to pa for dates when I otherwise believe in paying equal rent and living expenses isn't spoilt by my standards.

 

Wanting him to show love through gifting is a love language. Not an indicator that I am some gold digger.

 

Plenty of women only date men who pay for dates.

 

They aren't necessarily gold diggers.

[RecentChange]

My bf thinks I AM gorgeous though. ...

 

He thought I was beautiful from the momenf we met.

 

And I am not plain either. I am attractive. Just not gorgeous to the majority like my friend is.

 

You are missing my point entirely.

 

It's about valuing yourself on other things besides your looks.

 

It's about not thinking your looks make you ENTITLED to certain things