Lack Of Dates

March 22, 2016

Don't be too upset with Leigh. My mom DID tell me that only "unattractive" women have to pay. Really. There are some mothers who do condition their children into believing this. And my mom felt it was true. She also thought by making me believe this I'd be forced to date men who only were really into me. Men don't part with their money easily and if they do spend it on you then you're probably important to them. It may sound shallow but it also has a lot of truth in it.

Then she must have told you to only date men with money right? Because otherwise how do you want a humble man to show you you're important to him if he's limited in money. If he has to pick between treating you to a restaurant or making his car payment, which one do you think he should pick?

Leigh has the right to date men that spend money on her, sure but then she should limit herself to date sugar daddies and not struggling middle-lower class workers, right.

March 22, 2016

Then she must have told you to only date men with money right? Because otherwise how do you want a humble man to show you you're important to him if he's limited in money. If he has to pick between treating you to a restaurant or making his car payment, which one do you think he should pick?

Leigh has the right to date men that spend money on her, sure but then she should limit herself to date sugar daddies and not struggling middle-lower class workers, right.

Actually my mom did tell me to only date men with money...she used the old line "you can fall in love with a rich man just as easily as a poor one."

Clearly she didn't know anything about love which was why my dad eventually divorced her.

She also placed too much emphasis on a woman's beauty. She was beautiful herself (a former New York model in fact) and felt that if a woman was beautiful (on the outside) she could snag any man she wanted - a rich man!

Thank goodness I had my dad to whom I was MUCH closer!! It's a wonder they got married at all... as he was much more grounded stressing the importance of education, valuing yourself and loving yourself (from within), and finding a man with whom you are compatible and genuinely in love with (not for his money or what he can provide).

Although if I brought home some unemployed lazy loser (who wasn't making any effort to find a job), he wouldn't be too happy about that either!

Anyhoo...I chose to follow his values instead of my mom's.... which has worked out quite well for me!

But yeah parents can do a real number on you.... IF you allow them to.

Edited March 22, 2016 by katiegrl

March 22, 2016

It's interesting how parenting define us.

I think Leigh was conditioned like you by parents.

I was told by my family that women failing as professionals marry men to get supported. This image haunted me for a while - I mean I build mentally the connection marriage - failure

Now, the thing that I'd hate most in a man in financial terms is if he splurges, regardless on me, himself or whatever. IMO this is a sign of irresponsible behavior and I'd be scared of marriage or other financial merging. I actually even complained a lot about my current BF here, exactly because he is not a good financial planner.

Don't be too upset with Leigh. My mom DID tell me that only "unattractive" women have to pay. Really. There are some mothers who do condition their children into believing this. And my mom felt it was true. She also thought by making me believe this I'd be forced to date men who only were really into me. Men don't part with their money easily and if they do spend it on you then you're probably important to them. It may sound shallow but it also has a lot of truth in it.

March 23, 2016

Don't be too upset with Leigh. My mom DID tell me that only "unattractive" women have to pay. Really. There are some mothers who do condition their children into believing this. And my mom felt it was true. She also thought by making me believe this I'd be forced to date men who only were really into me. Men don't part with their money easily and if they do spend it on you then you're probably important to them. It may sound shallow but it also has a lot of truth in it.

Well I'm telling you now its BS.

If you target guys who want to spend money on you, you are as likely to get someone who just wants a good time with a trophy he can show off to his mates as someone who is into you.

March 23, 2016

I didn't ask?

I've never expressed the desire to go out for breakfast.

Do you think it was somewhat of an extreme reaction to order the cheapest thing on the menu and to not order a drink when you were thirsty?

]I only ever suggested more dinner dates on some weekends.

I've asked this a few times now and you haven't answered. Has he agreed? Are you going to go out on more dates? Has the issue in the opening post been resolved?

I haven't seen plain or average girls get that pampered. Every.

Really? I have.

You can pretend like prettier women don't get spoilt more if it makes you feel better about yourself. But I know deep down that lesser attractive women are the ones who tend to split the check and more attractive girls than me that I have met ALL had their bfs pamper them a lot more than mine had.

You're very big on telling us what a kind person you are, so I'm curious why you feel the need to put down "plain" girls, as if they can't do any better than to split the bill? You do it quite often. Does it make you feel better about yourself? I think it seems quite rude to assume that just because a woman wants to split the bill she must be "plain." Maybe a woman wants to split the bill because she isn't a spoilt princess?

I also think your view is totally wrong, frankly. I can assure you that I'm no supermodel, but I get plenty of dinners out, dates, and gifts.

I would love to have my bf automatically get out his wallet when we are on day outings and treat me to anything I wanted that day.

So he doesn't do this? Is this something you can live with, that he isn't going to pull out his wallet and treat you to anything you want?

March 23, 2016

I stayed with him for months because he did seam traditional and as though he'd spoil me. Which held true. Just the date nights were too few and far between. If I felt we were incompatible on that front...I'd have seriously considered my options.

Don't you think this is a pretty terrible reason to be basing your selection of partner on? I mean, if it's part of the whole package and you genuinely love him then okay, but selecting solely or even mainly based on this factor sounds like a recipe for disaster. It's akin to a guy picking women solely based on boob size. If you truly want a partner to share your life with, there are so many other things that are vastly more important to consider.

March 23, 2016

Don't be too upset with Leigh. My mom DID tell me that only "unattractive" women have to pay. Really. There are some mothers who do condition their children into believing this. And my mom felt it was true. She also thought by making me believe this I'd be forced to date men who only were really into me. Men don't part with their money easily and if they do spend it on you then you're probably important to them. It may sound shallow but it also has a lot of truth in it.

I have had MEN TELL ME that only unattractive wonen have to pay their own way because : beauty: dazzles men and makes them want to spoil women even if they aren't emotionally into them.

LOL. Yes. Men have told me.

March 23, 2016

Well I'm telling you now its BS.

If you target guys who want to spend money on you, you are as likely to get someone who just wants a good time with a trophy he can show off to his mates as someone who is into you.

I needed a guy to spoil me and he doesn't view me as a trophey. He thinks I am really attractive and is actually into me for who I am too. And vice Versa.

I need a guy to spoil me cos I am very generous too. When I worked full time I liked to go ALL OUT and pamper my ex I was dating at the time.

I feel uncomfortable having such a generous nature and fir the man to not reciprocate by spoiling me and in the form of dates and traditional romance stuff - so paying for meals and for small things when out with the woman. IF he can afford to!

I am not a person who can earn a lot, as I ONCE did when I worked full time, and just NOT spend it generously on my loved ones. Be it friends family or partners...

SO it makes sense that I see it as off putting when a man who HAS the money, CHOOSES to not reach into his picket and treat his lady to the smoothie and coffee she has when they are out together at the mall.

I AM NOT wanting this type of a man because I am lazy and don't want a career and am not into the idea of ever contributing 50% to the cost of living expenses.

If I had my full time career going I would be paying 50% of our living costs right now and only wanting to be spoilt with the dates, small trips away and coffees and smoothies I get when we are walking around. THAT IS ALL I want to be spoilt with, I DO NOT ever want a man to have to pay for a my clothes food rent and stuff when I work full time.......

And for the record, I declined the offer of a man to oay for my date EVERY time I knew that I was not that into him. I would ALWAYS insist on paying and even tell them that I just wasn't feeling it and was not comfortable letting him still pay.

I had one guy take me out and buy me clothes once ... I was not that into him but he was funny and I loved his company..... Despite knowing how well he treated me and would have treated me had I committed, I told him straight away that I was only after a casual thing with him, and I couldn't accet gifts and free drinks when my heart wasn't in it beyond FWB....

If I was truy a princess with no morals I could have well taken advantage of soooooooooooo many guys. But I dismissed them and did the NORMAL, healthy thing and let them go to spoil the right woman who is into them back.

March 23, 2016

Don't you think this is a pretty terrible reason to be basing your selection of partner on? I mean, if it's part of the whole package and you genuinely love him then okay, but selecting solely or even mainly based on this factor sounds like a recipe for disaster. It's akin to a guy picking women solely based on boob size. If you truly want a partner to share your life with, there are so many other things that are vastly more important to consider.

I didn't ONLY select him for that reason???????

I said that if he was a tight wadd like 2 od my exes were, I would have prob had to have words with himn about it, because I was otherwise hooked on him and I wouldn't have wanted to part ways with hi since we had such a special connection.

I am GLAD he turned out to be traditional and love spoiling me. But that is not at all what I was thinking about when we first crossed paths..

If getting spoilt was onthe forefront of my mind I WOULD HAVE LONG been in a relationship and prob married by now to one of the rich guys who were into me. But them spoiling me alone without me actually being into them lead to me breraking it off ASAP, I didn't even hang onto those men for even ONE DAY LONGER than it took me to realise that I just was not into them....

So no. The first thought I have is: is there a spark and the crazy chemstry I am after? If yes, I see if we have a connection. If we click and feel that " there is just something about them" type of connection, THEN I assess our elvels of compatibility. Getting spoilt ties in with compatability and I only ever ooked to that a month or so after I met my current.

March 23, 2016

Do you think it was somewhat of an extreme reaction to order the cheapest thing on the menu and to not order a drink when you were thirsty?

I've asked this a few times now and you haven't answered. Has he agreed? Are you going to go out on more dates? Has the issue in the opening post been resolved?

Really? I have.

You're very big on telling us what a kind person you are, so I'm curious why you feel the need to put down "plain" girls, as if they can't do any better than to split the bill? You do it quite often. Does it make you feel better about yourself? I think it seems quite rude to assume that just because a woman wants to split the bill she must be "plain." Maybe a woman wants to split the bill because she isn't a spoilt princess?

I also think your view is totally wrong, frankly. I can assure you that I'm no supermodel, but I get plenty of dinners out, dates, and gifts.

So he doesn't do this? Is this something you can live with, that he isn't going to pull out his wallet and treat you to anything you want?

I do not think anyone has to be plain. It is a mindset. It is the clothes you wear and how you present yourself.

I am plain to a lot of men yet I am really proud oy my curvy body type and have a lot of vitality within me and my love for fashion and the fact I am sooooo happy and in such a great mood each day simply from wearing lovely dresses and accessories shows and men love it. I am sure if I wore plain clothes, didn't do my hair and was meh about my looks I would be literally invisible and plain Jane as they come.... with great boobs and a a nice smile of course:lmao:

I am saying that women who are plain, do not try and... learn how to enjoy personal grooming and playing up their good features and just the women who do NOTHING to come accross as feminine and attractive, usually do not havet he men my friends and I have lining up to date us/ splurge on us.

March 23, 2016

lol it is funny how you think that a woman is a spoilt princess when she doesn't want to split the bill....

So when a woman doesn't like to split the bill on dates but she works full time and suports herself 50/50 in the relationship, she is a spoilt princess for wanting the MAN to be the one to treat her to dates?

So having the one thing that she prefers a MAN to pay for makes her spoilt when things are otherwise equal?

OK then.....

March 23, 2016

lol it is funny how you think that a woman is a spoilt princess when she doesn't want to split the bill....

So when a woman doesn't like to split the bill on dates but she works full time and suports herself 50/50 in the relationship, she is a spoilt princess for wanting the MAN to be the one to treat her to dates?

So having the one thing that she prefers a MAN to pay for makes her spoilt when things are otherwise equal?

OK then.....

But you think a woman is unattractive or plain if she does not insist on the man paying 100%. Why is your generalization fair, but others are not?

March 23, 2016

I have had MEN TELL ME that only unattractive wonen have to pay their own way because : beauty: dazzles men and makes them want to spoil women even if they aren't emotionally into them.

LOL. Yes. Men have told me.

You're still not getting it. Men and women choose whether or not they want to pay. Attractiveness does not play into it. It is a bit disturbing that you think men are such simple creatures who lose all higher function when they see a beautiful woman.

March 23, 2016

But you think a woman is unattractive or plain if she does not insist on the man paying 100%. Why is your generalization fair, but others are not?

I never said all women who are into paying their own way are not attractive.

Plenty of hot women enjoy paying their own way.

But attractive women get men who want to treat them to dates a whole lot more than plain or average girls...

Heck, when I got my braces off and got a nice figure, I straight away had men wanting to wine and dine me; sure some of them probably only wanted sex, but I am certain that a few of them were genuinely into me too. And wanted to discover who I was to begin with because I was slim and suddenly had nice teeth as opposed to the braces ladden chubby teen and early 20s Leigh 87.

March 23, 2016

Then she must have told you to only date men with money right? Because otherwise how do you want a humble man to show you you're important to him if he's limited in money. If he has to pick between treating you to a restaurant or making his car payment, which one do you think he should pick?

Leigh has the right to date men that spend money on her, sure but then she should limit herself to date sugar daddies and not struggling middle-lower class workers, right.

Of course my mothers dream was that I'd marry a wealthy doctor and that she'd come live with us and have her own mother-in-law suite. LOL. However, none of my serious boyfriends had money. So when we went to the movies or to a diner they paid. As long as my mom knew they paid my way she didn't care where I went. This weeding out process did, in fact, bring me nice boyfriends and a great husband.

March 23, 2016

Well I'm telling you now its BS.

If you target guys who want to spend money on you, you are as likely to get someone who just wants a good time with a trophy he can show off to his mates as someone who is into you.

No. That wasn't my experience. My boyfriends were kind. Sure, they were proud to "show me off" but most of the time I wore sweats and no makeup...lol...

March 23, 2016

You're still not getting it. Men and women choose whether or not they want to pay. Attractiveness does not play into it. It is a bit disturbing that you think men are such simple creatures who lose all higher function when they see a beautiful woman.

They do.

A lot of men do go " love crazy" over women they are wildly attracted to.

My friends bf admitted that he didn't have any drive to spoil his ex while he wants his current gf to be a pampered princes. She doesn't ask for it of course she is humble and very down to earth. And I've had men admit that attractive women make them want to take them out to impress them EVEN if they are just FWB... Where as women who are plain and don't go to any effort and simply wear their hair in a ponytail and wear no make up, do not make these men want to treat them to dates. ....

My life became so much better once I became slim and got my braces off!

Can someone please explain then why ALL the beautiful women I have ever known get taken out and treated to dates where as all the women who aren't very pretty ( don't bother going to any effort and wear no make up) NEVER get treated to dates?

My evidence is anecdotal. It isn't scientific lol it is only based on my own observation. I've known ONE woman who prefers paying her way and is very stubborn about it actually. I've only ever seen pretty girls get treated to dates. I've only ever seen non pretty girls have to split the bill.

Attractive women seem to cast more of a spell. What can I say.

My own bf finds me attractive and pays for dates.

There is a good reason women spend big on make up and cosmetics. They get treated better when they make themsleves look more attractive.

March 23, 2016

I have had MEN TELL ME that only unattractive wonen have to pay their own way because : beauty: dazzles men and makes them want to spoil women even if they aren't emotionally into them.

LOL. Yes. Men have told me.

I believe you.

If you follow a persons time and money you'll find what's important to them.

March 23, 2016

Of course my mothers dream was that I'd marry a wealthy doctor and that she'd come live with us and have her own mother-in-law suite. LOL. However, none of my serious boyfriends had money. So when we went to the movies or to a diner they paid. As long as my mom knew they paid my way she didn't care where I went. This weeding out process did, in fact, bring me nice boyfriends and a great husband.

My mother is the same.....

Sure she has lamented at my luck at getting rich men who are into me yet who I am just not crazy about. She too has worked hard all her life and would have loved to have been fortunate enough to have hsr daughter marry into money.

But it's a preference. We all want to win lotto.

Mum is happy at me dating poor or average wage earners providing they pay my way for dates.

My parents are generous and despise tight @sses.........

March 23, 2016

My mother is the same.....

Sure she has lamented at my luck at getting rich men who are into me yet who I am just not crazy about. She too has worked hard all her life and would have loved to have been fortunate enough to have hsr daughter marry into money.

But it's a preference. We all want to win lotto.

Mum is happy at me dating poor or average wage earners providing they pay my way for dates.

My parents are generous and despise tight @sses.........

Lots of girls were raised like us. None of my friends paid for dates either and got taken on vacations and were bought jewelry for their birthdays.

But I'm a lot older than you. I'm 47, so this was typical of dating in the 90's. I have no idea what it's like now.

March 23, 2016

My parents are generous and despise tight @sses.........

Wouldn't someone who wants to pay 0% on dates be a tight @ss by definition?

March 23, 2016

I never said all women who are into paying their own way are not attractive.

Plenty of hot women enjoy paying their own way.

But attractive women get men who want to treat them to dates a whole lot more than plain or average girls...

Heck, when I got my braces off and got a nice figure, I straight away had men wanting to wine and dine me; sure some of them probably only wanted sex, but I am certain that a few of them were genuinely into me too. And wanted to discover who I was to begin with because I was slim and suddenly had nice teeth as opposed to the braces ladden chubby teen and early 20s Leigh 87.

See, I'd be impressed by anyone who wanted to wine and dine chubby Leigh. Meaning, they weren't dating your figure, they would have been dating *you*. Or did their reaction have anything to do with how you felt about yourself, after your transformation?

March 23, 2016

Actually my mom did tell me to only date men with money...she used the old line "you can fall in love with a rich man just as easily as a poor one."

Clearly she didn't know anything about love which was why my dad eventually divorced her.

She also placed too much emphasis on a woman's beauty. She was beautiful herself (a former New York model in fact) and felt that if a woman was beautiful (on the outside) she could snag any man she wanted - a rich man!

Thank goodness I had my dad to whom I was MUCH closer!! It's a wonder they got married at all... as he was much more grounded stressing the importance of education, valuing yourself and loving yourself (from within), and finding a man with whom you are compatible and genuinely in love with (not for his money or what he can provide).

Although if I brought home some unemployed lazy loser (who wasn't making any effort to find a job), he wouldn't be too happy about that either!

Anyhoo...I chose to follow his values instead of my mom's.... which has worked out quite well for me!

But yeah parents can do a real number on you.... IF you allow them to.

“They f*ck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were f*cked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don't have any kids yourself.”

― Philip Larkin

March 23, 2016

You can pretend like prettier women don't get spoilt more if it makes you feel better about yourself. But I know deep down that lesser attractive women are the ones who tend to split the check and more attractive girls than me that I have met ALL had their bfs pamper them a lot more than mine had

While I agree that beautiful women have it easier and men are more keen on spending money to impress them, but it's a complete bs to claim that unattractive girls are the ones who split bills.

This is a bit ridiculous for me to boast about, but just to make a point - I look good and I'm a professional singer/pianist (believe me, that adds me many extra points), but I split checks. I always insist to pay my share. My current bf doesn't pamper me at all with material gifts or dates (he is a poor student besides). I don't need to be spoiled, cause I feel so damn good being completely imdependent.

This is an answer to your ridiculous claim about the check split and NOT critisism on your views and life choices. It's your bussiness if you want to get pampared but don't make statements that are just wrong. Pretty women can split check, "plain" women can be loved and spoiled af etc etc.

March 23, 2016

I have had MEN TELL ME that only unattractive wonen have to pay their own way because : beauty: dazzles men and makes them want to spoil women even if they aren't emotionally into them.

LOL. Yes. Men have told me.

You're so delluded, omg... Have it ever crossed your mind that some women WANT to pay their own way? Mind blown!

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