Lack Of Dates

March 20, 2016

^ sounds fair enough. $165K joint income is more than sufficient to afford a comfortable lifestyle for a small Aussie family & even yes, overseas trips. People manage with less & they have mortgage to boot.

Back to topic, have you done anything to encourage him to go out more? Maybe start small?

March 20, 2016

Of course that's plenty of money to live on. But the couple I mentioned are on more than that and they spend it all. On things like $200 meals, expensive jewelery, clothes, overpriced cars that sit idly 99% of the time, luxury hotels, etc.
If they had another 100k they would likely spend all that too.

There is a huge middle ground between living hand to mouth with no non essentials and wracking up credit card debt every month on crap.

Do you think that you are living with "food water and absolutely no non essentials" at the moment?

Your posts are really confusing, if you took this one isolation I would assume you are a financially astute person who can save and isn't wasteful. Then I think back to all the other posts.

Well this is my official plan on how we intend to live comfortably on a budget.

My boss just gave me 3 extta shifts a week. So I'll be on 300 a week rent free with only my food transport and a 200 a mnth phone bill. Without any government help that is kindly offered to students. ..

I've lived very decently on 300 a week before.

My bf will have about 200 a week left for non essentials.

We are both currently saving.

He's on 55 to 60k a year. I'll be on 300 ish a week so... about 20K a year?

Together there is absolutely no reason for us to ever be broke unless we are irresponsible.

His 55 to 60k isn't enough for domestic travel, fancy dinners or expensive jewellery or presents. It is enough to live well with enough food, money to take our dog to the local pet mart to give him a good dog wash, and to on SPECIAL OCCASIONS, treat each other to nice birthday gifts and the like...

So we have just recently discussed our plans.... We feel that we can splurge on birthdays, xmas and anniversaries and valentines day on decent gifts. But that's it.

My friend who is also spoilt has a bf on 100k and she works part time. They are on over 100k joint. So he treats her to trips interstate about 3 times a year, he spends 500 to 800 for her birthdays and Christmas every year. And he gets her smaller anniversary and valentine's day gifts.......

He manages to save plenty of his 100k despite spending 10K a year on breakfasts out, weekly dinner dates and taking his gf on trips multiple times a year.

In my experience, 100k is the mark where, so long as you live modestly ( not a high mortgage or rental) and don't drive a really nice car, you can splurge a little weekly and still save. Without kids.

March 20, 2016

So I've totally nixed the idea of dates....

It was lovely of him to want to take me out and he's been very sweet and giving but it's just not feasible. ....

I have told him not do to it again.

We agreed to leave the spoiling to special occasions and to spoil each other daily with love and non money stuff.

Him driving me to college is spoiling. Takes 20 mons each way.

He spoils me with quality time.

He puts me firsts and shows my parents and friends that he is committed.

He tells me how lovely he thinks I am both inside and out.

He will buy my champagne when he gets home from work on a Friday. He just automatically gets me my stuff. ..

He even treated me to 80 dollar champagne 2 or 3 months ago! Just because.

So it is sort of my job to curb his spending if we want a comfortable future.

But I wouldn't have him any other way--- the fact the guy WANTS TO spoil me in such ways matters.

I like the type of man that will treat you to small trips and pays for the lot. So while I like generous men and am into being spoilt, this thread has made me want to throw out the frivolous stuff like expensive shampoo etc. ...... and no more dresses or things outside of my bday or Christmas from him...

Even when he gets a pay rise ( truckers typically move up to about 75 to 100K with experience) we need to learn to live on one inome if we want a child. Having a child apparently feels like it does for 2 people to live on the one income.

If we both manage these college years, we may be fine at budgeting with kids... if we live qell on his meagre 55 to 60K and my 20K a year, that will be where we will stay with a child ( we will be earning twice as much post college and post child but spending one incomes worth on the kid)

March 20, 2016

^ sounds fair enough. $165K joint income is more than sufficient to afford a comfortable lifestyle for a small Aussie family & even yes, overseas trips. People manage with less & they have mortgage to boot.

Back to topic, have you done anything to encourage him to go out more? Maybe start small?

I was way too hard on the poor guy.

I was unreasonable. We had a big fight over it.

I have sinced apologized. He felt really bad about not taking me on dates very often and he booked a fancy restaurant for Friday night.

He said he enjoyed it and does want to take me out but also doesn't enjoy it enough to warrant 200 bucks.

We also want to start saving.

He listens when I have concerns. It's really nice that he tried to remedy the situation but in retrospect, he is actually right in not taking me out.

March 20, 2016

Trouble is that when one looks at how much people earn, that is a very superficial way of assessing "wealth".

As Joseb says some on very good money have nothing to show for it, they are one month's salary away from penury and debt.

Others have poorly paid jobs but have "old money" or have been very clever with their money and are actually very wealthy.

Many look at "professionals" and think they must be earning a fortune to have the lifestyle they do.

Yes, some are on good money, but inheritances and old money are behind a lot of them, so they have no mortgages, or are living off Daddy or Mummy's or Grandpapa's property portfolio or they have made clever investments and their wage is just pocket money.

For instance, even getting into medical school is very difficult if you do not have a privileged upbringing in the UK.

March 20, 2016

The things that matter most to us are getting to spend the weekends drinking some wines and beer together while watching movies and talking. ...

But isn't that the point of the whole thread? That you're not happy with just doing that? What's a DVD cost over there? $10? Some posh wine and beers, maybe $50? But then you complained that he spent $200 on dinner and it was rubbish.

Aside from the alcohol... the only non essentials I EVER intend to splurge on are: decent skincare, botox when I start getting forehead lines ( 300 a pop and I'd use it twice a year) and yeah thats it. And occasional dates out no more than once a month and not to super fancy places.

I'm not sure why you have an issue with your looks, I always thought you looked great. Does he have an issue with your looks? Would he want you to change?

I don't think we'll have an issue on that budget. .....

OK, clear it up for us Leigh, how much of the $165k will be going on food and bills and how much for fripperies?

We plan on the one kid really. Prob no more..... but aren't decided on even having children as of yet as the relationship is too new and we have no idea where our lives will take us by the time I graduate.

8 months and you're talking kids? Does he share the same vision of the future as yourself or is this your ideal?

March 20, 2016

It's nice to see that Leigh took in all the feedback, which can be hard to take sometimes, and has taken the advice to heart.

I think it can be hard to admit publicly that you were wrong about something.

Also, the understanding that came that a lot of those small luxuries can subtract from the big picture. Some people never understand that.

March 20, 2016

I was way too hard on the poor guy.

I was unreasonable. We had a big fight over it.

I have sinced apologized. He felt really bad about not taking me on dates very often and he booked a fancy restaurant for Friday night.

He said he enjoyed it and does want to take me out but also doesn't enjoy it enough to warrant 200 bucks.

We also want to start saving.

He listens when I have concerns. It's really nice that he tried to remedy the situation but in retrospect, he is actually right in not taking me out.

That's positive. He's really trying to please you and you have some insight into your behavior. Nice.

March 20, 2016

I continue to be amazed that there is apparently no middle ground between a $200 dinner out and no date at all.

But anyway, now I'm even more confused.

He bought take away pizzas and the like for the first while. It wasn't until I flew to South America ( I took a semester off last year to work full time in a career related field as a podiatry assistant) and saved fod

So last semester you were working full time and not in school? Did you contribute equally to the rent and household expenses during that time?

And for that matter, aren't you just recently come off summer break? All this talk about being a full time student and not being able to work...I honestly find it really strange that you already took a semester off. Didn't you just start the program last year? When do you expect to complete your degree?

Edited March 20, 2016 by clia

March 20, 2016

My bf and I both know that fancy dinners out aren't a given even for professionals, once you have kids for instance. ...

We know we can't have it all.

We just have to pick what's important.

I am slowly dropped my frivolous habits. Meeting him has made me want to start saving my money and enjoy life but consider how much happier am I really with loads of beauty treatments? I now only get eye brow waxing once every 2 months for instance. And good mascara 3 times a year.

I have no doubt that we will live comfortably providing we don't indulge too often in dates, clothes and beauty stuff. And live within our means.

There are a lot of ways professional earners go wrong. I mean, my friends bf spends 10K a year apparently on breakfasts out. He can afford it and still manages to save and take his gf for trips multiple times a year...... but when they want kids and a mortgage he'll obviously have to cut back.

Where as my bf and I are not used to regular trips and daily breakfasts and weekly dates like that couple and so we will be more easily able to live within a reasonable budget if kids come along. Where as couples whoare used to a decedent lifestyle will find it harder to cut back.

Being a college student is a position thing. It is teaching me to live within my means. I would be happy to stay like this when I work as a podiatrist. . But will get better skincare. That's about it.

I think the trick is, to live as though you are poor or low income and save the rest rather than living the highlife. That way, you have plenty of savings and can occasionally have a lpt of fun.

March 20, 2016

But isn't that the point of the whole thread? That you're not happy with just doing that? What's a DVD cost over there? $10? Some posh wine and beers, maybe $50? But then you complained that he spent $200 on dinner and it was rubbish.

I'm not sure why you have an issue with your looks, I always thought you looked great. Does he have an issue with your looks? Would he want you to change?

OK, clear it up for us Leigh, how much of the $165k will be going on food and bills and how much for fripperies?

8 months and you're talking kids? Does he share the same vision of the future as yourself or is this your ideal?

Thanks so much for the compliment. Most people here don't even believe that I am considered attractive in real life. I am comfortable with the aging process on my figure, couldn't care less about middle age spread and getting fatter. But I would like to get botox in mid 30s and beyond. My bf is my biggest fan and is absolutely enamoured with my looks. He is wonderful. Like all lovely men, he tells me I look best when I wake up. I want to sort of look younger for my age for me. Not him.

And we both were not much into the idea of kids. We never considered it. However, since meeting, we both developed maternal/ paternal urges.

And we intend to live much the same as we live now once I work full time and he is on a better wage by that stage.. I will admit that I'll rush out and get great skincare on my first paycheck. And organic food. That's about it.

So... organic food and better skin care would be the difference. And I'd want to sponsor a child in Africa. 30 a month feeds and educates them.

March 20, 2016

I continue to be amazed that there is apparently no middle ground between a $200 dinner out and no date at all.

But anyway, now I'm even more confused.

So last semester you were working full time and not in school? Did you contribute equally to the rent and household expenses during that time?

And for that matter, aren't you just recently come off summer break? All this talk about being a full time student and not being able to work...I honestly find it really strange that you already took a semester off. Didn't you just start the program last year? When do you expect to complete your degree?

I'm a year behind now due to 6 mnths I had off.

I got a part time job at a podiatry place selling shoes. To mostly podiatry patients.

They offered me full time work with the promise of a job as their in store podiatrist after I graduated.

The store closed. I was made redundant.

I made a mad decision in defering my studies. Anyway. You live and learn.

I wasn't able to juggle full time work and studies so I deferred the studies.

I did try the full time work and study route. It wasn't feasible cos the course doesn't have night classes and I am not adept at night roles available.

I paid my parents 75 a week for health insurance and rent when I was working full time.....

3 days a week is ideal for me in terms of allocating enough time for studying.

March 20, 2016

I thought you only worked at that place for a couple months, and wasn't it before you even started your degree program?

You started your degree one year ago and are already a year behind? So you've made no progress toward your degree in the past year? Do you have any credits?

I'm just really confused because you constantly talk about being a full time student but you really aren't and none of it adds up.

March 20, 2016

I thought you only worked at that place for a couple months, and wasn't it before you even started your degree program?

You started your degree one year ago and are already a year behind? So you've made no progress toward your degree in the past year? Do you have any credits?

I'm just really confused because you constantly talk about being a full time student but you really aren't and none of it adds up.

I find the whole thing a little confusing myself. There are so many twists and turns and lots of words explaining things in different ways. It's hard to know what to make of all of this.

I think Leigh is just struggling to figure it all out.

March 20, 2016

I find the whole thing a little confusing myself. There are so many twists and turns and lots of words explaining things in different ways. It's hard to know what to make of all of this.

I think Leigh is just struggling to figure it all out.

Completely agree, which is further proof of her mental issues, which she has fully acknowledged on this thread and others.

Anyone who has been reading Leigh's posts and threads for awhile can attest to her changing moods, emotions, and as a result her changing and often confusing postings.

Her thoughts and emotions are usually very scattered, all over the place which explains her inability to articulate herself in a way that makes sense.

Aspergers and other disorders do not = lack of intelligence as another poster alluded to earlier.

In fact, to the contrary, those with Aspergers and other types of autism are extremely intelligent, able to work, attend school; however, they lack the ability to form, express and articulate thoughts in a coherent manner, often frustrating those who become involved with them.

Edited March 20, 2016 by katiegrl

March 20, 2016

This whole thread makes me want to go out and get a whole new wardrobe.

Will your girlfriend pay for it? I hope so, you deserve to be spoilt!

March 20, 2016

Will your girlfriend pay for it? I hope so, you deserve to be spoilt!

His daughters are coming to work for me for two months. That should help.

He can go thru my wardrobe while he's here. I support Haydina!

March 20, 2016

I think the trick is, to live as though you are poor or low income and save the rest rather than living the highlife. That way, you have plenty of savings and can occasionally have a lot of fun.

Wow, that argument you two had seems to have made a big impression!

That's what I so and splurge on travel, as it's my thing.

Also like that you plan to give to charity.

March 20, 2016

My parents had only me and two full time incomes.

They had a large sized house and mediocre cars that worked well and weren't old.

We ALWAYS had disposable income? And my mother was a teacher and my dad an area manager for a phone company.

Guess what? When when my dad fell ill and was unable to work, we still had a disposable income on my mother's income alone. She did go to live overseas in order to afford to support an ill and incapacitated husband and child.

So on her 130K a year income teaching English overseas, she afforded me: the best private school in the state, piano lessons and a few overseas trips for me... to America and Asia.....

My partner and I will be on about 130k joint to begin with however, the average salaries for people in his industry are 75K and podiatrist typically earn at least 90K.

So yeah, if one of us fell ill it would be tough and like my own mum, we would have to make huge personal sacrifices. But two working adults on above average wages? We would be just fine....

We don't want kids if we find that we will literally only be able to afford food shelter clean water and absolutely NO non essentials for years. We would rather be childless and explore altruistic endeavors with our bigger child free income....

We have the same outlook on kids and finances. We are both quite sure that two full time working adults tend to be able to have a small family and get by with more than the bare minimum.

Oh. And we aren't purchasing a mortgage. I am an only child and my parents are giving me their house when and if we start a family. My dad is very ill and my mum and I have already decided that she'll be living with me when dad likely goes earlier than her ( he could be gone anytime and was not supposed to live past 50).

So with all that in mind, mum wants one of those large and stylish granny flats out the back of a small property. . That is our plan. I am her only child and our family also has done this- built a large granny flat ( that's just as nice as a small house) and had their elderly parents living in it in the yard of the main small house.

I won't be won't be taking out a mortgage. And my partner nor I need the best car or the most expensive designer stuff. We just want the basics with quality skincare, perhaps some dental work as we age and the odd overseas trip or domestic travel.........

I don't intend to live hand to mouth without non essentials. That is for people who flip burgers. Not degree holders in fields that pay comfortable enough living wages.

Your parents likely sacrificed more than you'll ever know to ensure that you had what you wanted.

March 21, 2016

Completely agree, which is further proof of her mental issues, which she has fully acknowledged on this thread and others.

Anyone who has been reading Leigh's posts and threads for awhile can attest to her changing moods, emotions, and as a result her changing and often confusing postings.

Her thoughts and emotions are usually very scattered, all over the place which explains her inability to articulate herself in a way that makes sense.

Aspergers and other disorders do not = lack of intelligence as another poster alluded to earlier.

In fact, to the contrary, those with Aspergers and other types of autism are extremely intelligent, able to work, attend school; however, they lack the ability to form, express and articulate thoughts in a coherent manner, often frustrating those who become involved with them.

Here is a list of just a few of the people who ether had Asperger

or were thought to have had it just a hand full there are many more..

Charles Monroe Schulz

Thomas Jefferson

Dan Aykroyd

Thomas Edison

Woody Allen

Mark Twain

William Henry Gates III KBE

Albert Einstein

Tim Burton

Bob Dylan

Im not saying she doesn't have a illness im saying its wrong to make the illness the automatic excuse for everything in a persons life cause it doesn't serve them at all the OPs posts are coherent when she sticks to what shes saying its when she starts changing the story's to suit what others are saying things get confusing.

Example now all of a sudden shes had a "change of heart"

and no longer wants the exorbitant things she was saying she "needed" just a page away that's not a mental illness that's back pedaling is she sincere? I truly hope so at least on some level for her own

good but we will never know.

I have had a look back in her history and it seams this kinda thing

happens more often then not with the OP and alot of the times others come to her side and pat her on

on the head and say there there you just cant help this cause of your mental illness...and guess what

im just not going to do that cause ive experienced mental illness as well and it doesn't always have to mean the person is doomed to making continuous poor life choices over and over...

You can choose to live with a mental illness or let it define you I think the OP lets it define her more often then not and there is

no lack of others all be it with good intentions ready to confirm that for her..again I think from reading her posts when she sticks to her

beliefs she is better then that and it dose make sense..its clear the base of what she thinks and wants shes made it clear time and again in this thread and others...

So please just cause my views might be different to your own when it comes to mental illnesses dont discount them ive seen people with them succeed in life it can happen is it harder for us? of course so..but I refuse to degrade a person with it and let it "define them" as a person..

I feel for the Op and I think she could be a good person it seams she might be confused as to whats really important in life? Or maybe shes not and that's really what is important to her all the material things and that's fine. But one then has to realize when you make those kind of strong statements one opens them selves up to possible ridicule that's just life add in the BF and the taking from the system on the sly and it makes for a boiler that's what happened she spoke the truth and it upset people that's life.

March 21, 2016

Supporting you is more than generous.

If a guy was putting me through college, I would do whatever I could to cut costs for him... And not going out is a great way to cut costs.

March 21, 2016

What's my mental illnesses got to do with this?

I know plenty of normal students who think that working full time to support their studies is totally unreasonable. The vast majority of people in Australia support students in working only part time thanks to Aus Study allowance.

It is totally insane that you are attributing mental illness and laziness to my belief that full time students should get a supplement that enables them to live with just part time work.

And plenty of non mentally ill chicks have a penchant for men that spoil them.

Like Clia says, there is a huge middle ground between 200 dollar dinners and living paycheck to paycheck.

I actually felt uneasy about the 200 dollar fancy dinner. I didn't enjoy it enough to warrant blowing a very average wage on such a thing.

I've since talked to my bf. I explained that, while I do favour and very much appreciate him paying the bill for dates and that type of thing, I DO NOT want him to frivolously spend on me just cos he adores me.

I have a conscience. I love him more than life itself, and actually feel rotten at the notion of him spending so much on me that he goes bankruptcy. It sickens me. That's callously taking advantage of his kind and generous nature.

I said that I need a guy with the INTENT and natural INCLINATION to spoil! PROVIDING HE HAS THE MEANS.

I grew up with extremely generous parents and I myself am extremely generous and gifting and splurging on gifts in commensurate to your income ( so a 100 dollar gift is heaps to many people). I cannot and will never date a rich guy that was tight with his money. I need a guy who, when he has the means, does spoil his women ( but again, I would always insist on paying my half of the rent and bills once I worked full time. I don't want to be so spoilt that I cannot even take care of my own bills when I am a professional!)

March 21, 2016

Anwyay, I fell in love with him for everything that he is. Not because of his wallet. Like wtf, I think I'd pick a well off guy if I was mostly after money.

Wanting a man who has the natural urge to spoil a woman doesn't mean I'll unfairly take advantage.

I didn't suggest moving in. I didn't suggest him supporting me during college. I didn't suggest he splurge on the 1000 hotel suit after I'd just been traveling south America without my new bf at the time ( I saved for 5 mnths for that trip from my full time job which I held last year instead of doing second semester at uni).

He has taught me to not be as reckless with my funds. I should have not blown that money on an overseas trip. I should have invested in a small businessI could do through college, or put it aside for my podiatry clinic for years down the track.

With himself hes selfless; he would rather spend his money on me and not himself. I love him and didn't honestly realize that what he had done so far was excessive until people pn jere told me.

I was very upset and even cried. I told him that I felt bad and wished he would please be frugal until he gets up tp 75K a year, and to plz only give ne gifts for special occasions from now on.

He seemed touched that I was so concerned about his well being.

March 21, 2016

What's my mental illnesses got to do with this?

Finally something we can agree on thank you...

Edited March 21, 2016 by Ferret

March 21, 2016

What's my mental illnesses got to do with this?

I know plenty of normal students who think that working full time to support their studies is totally unreasonable. The vast majority of people in Australia support students in working only part time thanks to Aus Study allowance.

It is totally insane that you are attributing mental illness and laziness to my belief that full time students should get a supplement that enables them to live with just part time work.

And plenty of non mentally ill chicks have a penchant for men that spoil them.

Like Clia says, there is a huge middle ground between 200 dollar dinners and living paycheck to paycheck.

I actually felt uneasy about the 200 dollar fancy dinner. I didn't enjoy it enough to warrant blowing a very average wage on such a thing.

I've since talked to my bf. I explained that, while I do favour and very much appreciate him paying the bill for dates and that type of thing, I DO NOT want him to frivolously spend on me just cos he adores me.

I have a conscience. I love him more than life itself, and actually feel rotten at the notion of him spending so much on me that he goes bankruptcy. It sickens me. That's callously taking advantage of his kind and generous nature.

I said that I need a guy with the INTENT and natural INCLINATION to spoil! PROVIDING HE HAS THE MEANS.

I grew up with extremely generous parents and I myself am extremely generous and gifting and splurging on gifts in commensurate to your income ( so a 100 dollar gift is heaps to many people). I cannot and will never date a rich guy that was tight with his money. I need a guy who, when he has the means, does spoil his women ( but again, I would always insist on paying my half of the rent and bills once I worked full time. I don't want to be so spoilt that I cannot even take care of my own bills when I am a professional!)

I agree with this. I also grew up with very generous parents and in my culture men generally treat and spoil their women. It may be different in western culture..

I also like this type of attitude in my friendships. When I go out with my friends I abolutely can't stand bill splitting where everyone counts each cent . One person pays and we take turns but nobody really counts whose turn it is, it all happens naturally. Usually we have to fight over who is allowed to pay Even with my current housemate, we have a deal where we both eat whatever is in the fridge and when we run low on something, whoever notices tops it up.

So if I go on a date with a guy who wants to split the bill, I have to say it's a deal breaker I can already tell that our attitude to money won't be compatible. It's much bigger than spending x amount of $s, it's about the mindset of genoreous vs tight.

I would date a generous poor guy over a tight rich one any day.

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