Lack Of Dates

March 20, 2016

We had a night out for a `25 quid`

Oh, and taxi home for Mum.

And the right to decent skincare should be in a UN charter somewhere.

My life would not be the same without Hydro cleanse cream. (Whatever that is)

March 20, 2016

No ones upset shes getting herself decent skin care they are kinda ticked shes getting it on their taxes big difference I think shes entitled to treat herself good long as its with in her means and shes not expecting others to foot that bill...

She is working though, right? Part time while attends school full time?

Gov assist to help with food, rent, etc?

That is how it works in the US ....Section 8 for rent, food stamps for food, not skincare.

Not sure how it works in Australia though.

March 20, 2016

My life would not be the same without Hydro cleanse cream. (Whatever that is)

Jojoba oil. Multi purpose. Save your money.

March 20, 2016

She is working though, right? Part time while attends school full time?

Gov assist to help with food, rent, etc?

That is how it works in the US ....Section 8 for rent, food stamps for food, not skincare.

Not sure how it works in Australia though.

I dunno... why am I not seeing what you guys are seeing?

I am usually pretty perceptive about these things!

March 20, 2016

She is working though, right? Part time while attends school full time?

Gov assist to help with food, rent, etc?

That is how it works in the US ....Section 8 for rent, food stamps for food, not skincare.

Not sure how it works in Australia though.

Shes working part time and using what she gets from that to cover the exorbitant things she feels she "needs" shes then taking gov assistance for the basics shes said this herself that's why some are annoyed. Most students I knew worked hard and still they only managed to live modestly often sharing a rented flat and living on take outs or simple foods.

200 date nights & new designer dresses were not part of that equation much less 40$ shampoo and 150 skin care I believe I saw she said she gets 1100 for just the extras a month..shes living like shes already graduated and has a private practice pretty much from the sounds of it..

March 20, 2016

Just the gift giving or all of them?

In any event, fair enough.

More the gift giving, I thought the general ideas sounded a bit new agey, but as with most things there is probably some validity to it.

I still think Leigh would benefit from changing her beliefs that her attractiveness and self worth is tied to what a guy is buying her. I just can't see how that can be in any way healthy.

This guy sounds great for her. Perhaps she would be better wanting what she has, rather than having what she wants.

March 20, 2016

Shes working part time and using what she gets from that to cover the exorbitant things she feels she "needs" shes then taking gov assistance for the basics shes said this herself that's why some are annoyed. Most students I knew worked hard and still they only managed to live modestly often sharing a rented flat and living on take outs or simple foods.

200 date nights & new designer dresses were not part of that equation much less 40$ shampoo and 150 skin care I believe I saw she said she gets 1100 for just the extras a month..shes living like shes already graduated and has a private practice pretty much from the sounds of it..

She doesn't have expensive date nights, or any date nights, expensive or otherwise, which is why she started this thread!

Oh except for one the other night after which she changed her mind and said she'd rather she and her bf stay home!

Missed the post about the *designer* dresses, just read she likes to wear dresses and it would be nice to go out with her bf once in awhile so she could wear them.

And don't blame her for receiving 1100 ....blame the government!

She IS attending school full time and working part time, if that is what the government chooses to give people in her same position, then again how is this her fault?

I dunno, on my way out plus don't have the energy to defend her anymore...so signing off.

Good luck Leigh!

Be happy and peace out!

Edited March 20, 2016 by katiegrl

March 20, 2016

She is working though, right? Part time while attends school full time?

Gov assist to help with food, rent, etc?

That is how it works in the US ....Section 8 for rent, food stamps for food, not skincare.

Not sure how it works in Australia though.

Doesn't work like that in Australia AFAIK - you get cold hard cash. Frankly I think it should - IMO student allowance should function by providing students free accommodation in a hostel, free meals within that hostel, and reclaimable expenditure for textbooks/course-related costs. So if you don't want to live in a hostel or eat cheap food, you can elect to forgo that and pay your own way instead, via your private money or student loans. Giving out cash is far too easily abused.

Leigh has said that she will truthfully declare her de facto partner's income soon, though, which will likely render her ineligible for any allowance. So hopefully she follows through on her words.

And don't blame her for receiving 1100 ....blame the government!

You have got to be kidding me. Plenty of loopholes exist in laws that allow unethical behaviour. While the govt should certainly fix those, that doesn't give everyone carte blanche to abuse them. You can choose not to claim, and you can choose to be honest.

Edited March 20, 2016 by Elswyth

March 20, 2016

She doesn't have expensive date nights, or any date nights, expensive or otherwise, which is why she started this thread!

Oh except for one the other night after which she changed her mind and said she'd rather she and her bf stay home!

Missed the post about the *designer* dresses, just read she likes to wear dresses and it would be nice to go out with her bf once in awhile so she could wear them.

And don't blame her for receiving 1100 ....blame the government!

She IS attending school full time and working part time, if that is what the government chooses to give people in her same position, then again how is this her fault?

I dunno, on my way out plus don't have the energy to defend her anymore.

Good luck Leigh!

Be happy and peace out!

You maybe missed the bit where we pointed out that as she is in a defacto relationship supported by her bf she is not entitled to that money. And yeah she had a bunch of expensive dresses he bought sitting in a closet aparently.

As an Australian taxpayer and also a hater of our ever increasing consumerism culture, I'm probably more annoyed by all this than I should be. I'm trying to let it go though

March 20, 2016

Doesn't work like that in Australia AFAIK - you get cold hard cash. Frankly I think it should - IMO student allowance should function by providing students free accommodation in a hostel, free meals within that hostel, and reclaimable expenditure for textbooks/course-related costs. So if you don't want to live in a hostel or eat cheap food, you can elect to forgo that and pay your own way instead, via your private money or student loans. Giving out cash is far too easily abused.

Leigh has said that she will truthfully declare her de facto partner's income soon, though, which will likely render her ineligible for any allowance. So hopefully she follows through on her words.

You have got to be kidding me. Plenty of loopholes exist in laws that allow unethical behaviour. While the govt should certainly fix those, that doesn't give everyone carte blanche to abuse them. You can choose not to claim, and you can choose to be honest.

Well...if she isn't being honest and intentionally defrauding the government to receive more money, then hell yeah that is wrong, and a whole n'other issue altogether!

G'night all!

March 20, 2016

She doesn't have expensive date nights, or any date nights, expensive or otherwise, which is why she started this thread!

Oh except for one the other night after which she changed her mind and said she'd rather she and her bf stay home!

Missed the post about the *designer* dresses, just read she likes to wear dresses and it would be nice to go out with her bf once in awhile so she could wear them.

And don't blame her for receiving 1100 ....blame the government!

She IS attending school full time and working part time, if that is what the government chooses to give people in her same position, then again how is this her fault?

I dunno, on my way out plus don't have the energy to defend her anymore...so signing off.

Good luck Leigh!

Be happy and peace out!

He took her out for a 200 dinner date I some how doubt that's the 1st date of its kind the issue wasn't he was never taking her out it was hes not taking her out enough and spending enough on those dates IE hes "not spoiling her enough"

I also asked her repeatedly if free or low cost dates would work she never responded to that so yea it is about expensive date nights. Im fairly sure shes stated hes bought her designer dresses some wheres as well tho im not going to dig thu the thread for that as im in the middle of making dinner also...lol

Why on earth would I blame the government for some ones own actions? in that mind set should I blame the gun if I decide to go out and shoot a place up? I mean after all it was the guns fault it was there and available right? im totally not to blame for any of the negative effects and I shouldn't expect anyone to be upset at me for my actions? what a bunch of malarkey if I ever herd it.. you dont have to "defend" the op no ones attacking her personally that ive seen..

March 20, 2016

You maybe missed the bit where we pointed out that as she is in a defacto relationship supported by her bf she is not entitled to that money. And yeah she had a bunch of expensive dresses he bought sitting in a closet aparently.

As an Australian taxpayer and also a hater of our ever increasing consumerism culture, I'm probably more annoyed by all this than I should be. I'm trying to let it go though

Yeah I did miss that ...wow, Leigh what are you thinking girl! That's fraud!

I also noticed you said you'd take your avatar down to protect your bf's privacy ....but haven't.

What's up with that?

Hmmmm...perhaps everyone is right after all.

March 20, 2016

Yeah I did miss that ...wow, Leigh what are you thinking girl! That's fraud!

I also noticed you said you'd take your avatar down to protect your bf's privacy ....but haven't.

What's up with that?

Hmmmm...perhaps everyone is right after all.

In her defence, she might not have realised it wasn't allowed. And we are a nation that pushes the envelope a bit....there isn't quite the same dread of the ATO that you guys have for the IRS!!

She has said she won't be claiming going forward...

Leigh, I would suggest you take down the avatar though if you are concerned for your bf's privacy.

March 20, 2016

Ferret, did not know (till now) she was misrepresenting her income .... now that I do that does make a huge difference!

Although hoping it's like joseb said, she didn't realize she was supposed to declare de facto info

Anyhoo, missed those posts, my bad!

But yeah imo she *is* being very much attacked on this thread .

What would you call it? (rhetorical question).

Edited March 20, 2016 by katiegrl

March 20, 2016

Ferret, did not know (till now) she was misrepresenting her income .... now that I do that does make a huge difference!

Missed those posts, my bad!

But yeah she *is* being very much attacked on this thread .

What would you call it? (rhetorical question).

Honestly? I would call it people responding her her own actions I would call it taking personal responsibility for ones actions and how those actions can change others views of you..

I know for me its also feeling frustrated that this other wise intelligent seaming women is choosing to hide behind a illness when she seams better then that. Ide bet its also frustration for the BF in the situation and maybe the fact his info is being pasted all over this forum..

I would call it a few things but blatant meaningless personal attacks is def not one of them..

March 20, 2016

My bf wasn't supporting me entirely we only just met wtf. ..

I was working part time and studying. I stayed at his a lot and he didn't ask me to pay rent. Only a rwal tight wadd would ask a girl that stays over a lot of the time to contribute rent when she is a part time working student and he works full tie.

Now it's been 8 or so months, it's time for me to rely on him and part time work rather than the government. Again, ALMOST ALL students are in aus study allowance and work part time.

But initially, why was it is responsibility to support his new gf? I wasn't about to go to the government and cut stop my study support system just cos I started dating a new guy who I happened to stay over with all the time????

When we move out of my parents in a few weeks once we find a dog friendly home to rent, we both recognize that I no longer will beed the study allowance that most students get.

Study allowance isn't enough to live on. It is designed to help students live the most basic lifestyle ALONGSIDE their part time job....

You need a part time job or to live at home during college along with student allowance.

March 20, 2016

But initially, why was it is responsibility to support his new gf? I wasn't about to go to the government and cut stop my study support system just cos I started dating a new guy who I happened to stay over with all the time????

AFAIK the defining factor of a de facto R is 'living together' - unless otherwise stated, the length of the R is irrelevant. Some laws (e.g. separation and immigration laws) do require a minimum duration, but if it just says 'partner' I don't think it does.

You can (and should, IMO) absolutely date a new person without it being counted as a de facto R - just don't live together. Generally people wait more than a couple of months before moving in together, so newness is not usually an issue. But if you want to live together with him paying the rent, then you have to follow what the law says. I know you were unaware of it before, but now you are aware so I hope you do the right thing (as you said you will).

March 20, 2016

And he has not got me super expensive dresses?

He has treated me to a few nice things but nothing ridiculous.

He has gotten me like. .... 1 Cue brand high waisted skirt for 120 .... two 50 dollars dresses at Christmas and a 70 dollar bag. A 500 dollar Pandora bracelet and necklace for Xmas. ... a 60 dollar dress from valentine's day ( it was on special from 150)

Fancy dinners: twice in 8 months.

A month and a half in he splurged on a 1000 hotel suit as a surprise.

We have been together about 8 months.

We typically chill at home, which I enjoy but was feeling the need to get out more for dates.

March 20, 2016

And he has not got me super expensive dresses?

He has treated me to a few nice things but nothing ridiculous.

He has gotten me like. .... 1 Cue brand high waisted skirt for 120 .... two 50 dollars dresses at Christmas and a 70 dollar bag. A 500 dollar Pandora bracelet and necklace for Xmas. ... a 60 dollar dress from valentine's day ( it was on special from 150)

Fancy dinners: twice in 8 months.

A month and a half in he splurged on a 1000 hotel suit as a surprise.

We have been together about 8 months.

We typically chill at home, which I enjoy but was feeling the need to get out more for dates.

You know what my BF got me for Christmas? a 100 cell phone and a pair of slippers I love both dearly it was what I needed and what he could afford.

Our most expensive date to date was going on a movie night out maybe 50 bucks if lucky.

That to me is a normal amount wait no maybe a bit more of "spoiling" so im sorry but these things you are going on about are indeed luxuries..maybe not ridiculous but frivolous and if that's what your use to and expect in a man ok that's your thing but its not the norm I would think maybe im wrong?

March 20, 2016

I am personally aiming for the sort of lifestyle where both me and a partner earn 70 to 100k each per year.

100 dollar birthday and Christmas gifts simply isn't the type of lifestyle I aspire to.

Nor do I expect to live in a nice house in a nice area; I expect the average house in an average neighborhood. I don't expect yearly overseas trips or all designer clothes; although 1 or 2 designer hand bags would be on the cards.

I aspire to live comfortably and to be able to splash out on my partner and for him to do the same.

I am not a woman who wants a life with my partner that entails cheap gifts a man that doesn't spoil me. I am not content with the simple life devoid of any luxuries.

So it makes sense that I seek out a partner who aspires to that type of lifestyle.

Wanting a nice xmas ans bday gift doesn't mean I need 1000s of dollars spent either. ... I want my men to be generous in commensurate to their income. ..... my bf is in an average income so I was very delighted with his 500 dollar xmas gift. I was thrilled and felt like a million dollars. Because gifting is my love language. So I picked that kind of a guy.

I did stress in my OP that I was very content and felt lucky that my bf spoils me. It was me wanting to be taken on more dates, not expensive ones either.

March 20, 2016

Study allowance isn't enough to live on. It is designed to help students live the most basic lifestyle ALONGSIDE their part time job....

And what some of us have tried to explain to you, to no avail, is that $40 shampoo/conditioner, $50 mascara, brow waxing, and regular date nights, etc are not part of "the most basic lifestyle". These are luxuries that you should be finding more inexpensive alternatives to UNTIL you have either graduated and found a full-time job in your chosen field, or decided that a part-time job just isn't enough to fund the lifestyle you require. If you still need to go out on dates with your bf, then you need to look up ultra cheap or FREE activities. Don't leave all the responsibility with him; this is YOUR relationship too.

March 20, 2016

I am personally aiming for the sort of lifestyle where both me and a partner earn 70 to 100k each per year.

100 dollar birthday and Christmas gifts simply isn't the type of lifestyle I aspire to.

Nor do I expect to live in a nice house in a nice area; I expect the average house in an average neighborhood. I don't expect yearly overseas trips or all designer clothes; although 1 or 2 designer hand bags would be on the cards.

I aspire to live comfortably and to be able to splash out on my partner and for him to do the same.

I am not a woman who wants a life with my partner that entails cheap gifts a man that doesn't spoil me. I am not content with the simple life devoid of any luxuries.

So it makes sense that I seek out a partner who aspires to that type of lifestyle.

Wanting a nice xmas ans bday gift doesn't mean I need 1000s of dollars spent either. ... I want my men to be generous in commensurate to their income. ..... my bf is in an average income so I was very delighted with his 500 dollar xmas gift. I was thrilled and felt like a million dollars. Because gifting is my love language. So I picked that kind of a guy.

I did stress in my OP that I was very content and felt lucky that my bf spoils me. It was me wanting to be taken on more dates, not expensive ones either.

key word: aspire. You aren't there yet, so you should adjust expectations accordingly until you are.

March 20, 2016

AFAIK the defining factor of a de facto R is 'living together' - unless otherwise stated, the length of the R is irrelevant. Some laws (e.g. separation and immigration laws) do require a minimum duration, but if it just says 'partner' I don't think it does.

You can (and should, IMO) absolutely date a new person without it being counted as a de facto R - just don't live together. Generally people wait more than a couple of months before moving in together, so newness is not usually an issue. But if you want to live together with him paying the rent, then you have to follow what the law says. I know you were unaware of it before, but now you are aware so I hope you do the right thing (as you said you will).

And this is why my boyfriend is so generous; when I am only earning about 150 a week, with no student allowance, he has said that he wants to not only pay the rent and for many of my at home meals/ dinners we make together but he WANTS to give me 20 per month for an eyebrow wax.

He wants me to keep the money I work for for myself; for food and coffees at college....

I actually plan on working 3 days a week once I find a job that allows for that. 300 a week js what I am usually used to during college so I'll be aiming to work more to maintain that lifestyle. I'd also chip in a little for rent then.

March 20, 2016

key word: aspire. You aren't there yet, so you should adjust expectations accordingly until you are.

I didn't ask my average earning bf to splurge on an 1000 dollar hotel room.....

Or for him to treat me to those dresses or the bag or the Pandora charms he got me " just because " he felt like it....

.

He is an absolutely lovely guy. Very good to me. But I wouldn't have settled for any less. I knew it would take a while to find a guy as generous as this and also have the chemistry ans personal compatability. I was fully expecting to find it later in life. ...

I was being totally unreasonable with the date night thing. He spoils me as it is for what he has available and I was in the wrong in blowing up at him the other day....

With dates..... I would rather not go at all if the guy doesn't treat me to them. Short of overseas trips which I'd of course go halves in.

It is the premise of a man asking a girl to go halves that... I personally wouldn't enter into a relationship with ( that kind if man). People just get so bent out of shape about my preferences because they assume that I don't want a career or my own money and that I want to be totally dependant on a man.

Atm me and my bf have both decided to save all our money and to go without most non necessities until he progresses at work. I realize that he cannot keep buying me treats even every few months, because we should really me leaving " treats" to bdays xmas znd anniversaries. ....

March 20, 2016

I want my men to be generous in commensurate to their income. ..... my bf is in an average income so I was very delighted with his 500 dollar xmas gift.

Haha... this bit made me chuckle. $500 gifts are sooooo not 'average', Leigh. Especially not for people on a $60k/year income. It would be hypocritical of me to say that it is excessive, as I have received such before, but I really really don't think it should be an expectation, especially when you don't have the money yourself to reciprocate in kind (while NOT on student allowance). Expectations sour the entire beauty of gift-giving IMO.

Also... for future reference, it is generally perceived as tacky to list the dollar value of gifts your partner has bought for you like a receipt. How are you even remembering all of them, does it matter that much???

And this is why my boyfriend is so generous; when I am only earning about 150 a week, with no student allowance, he has said that he wants to not only pay the rent and for many of my at home meals/ dinners we make together but he WANTS to give me 20 per month for an eyebrow wax.

He wants me to keep the money I work for for myself; for food and coffees at college....

I probably differ from some posters in that I think however you and your bf divide your rent/shared expenses is up to the two of you. If that's what works for both of you and he has consented to it, that's fine. As long as you are being honest with everyone involved, including fellow taxpayers. I do think you could be more appreciative for what he does, though.

And have you looked up free/cheap dates so the $220 dinner debacle doesn't have to be repeated? You should go to the beach while there's still some warm weather left!

Edited March 20, 2016 by Elswyth

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