Lack Of Dates

[elaine567]

(Leigh).. want's a man who has more money than this guy has...it's obvious.

Agreed

1000%

[Kamille]

I think you would be a happier, more secure person if you weren't so accepting of the fact that you are shallow and materialistic.

 

For instance, you wouldn't have started this thread. You wouldn't have suddenly wondered if you're getting spoiled enough.

 

All this time could have been spent in blissful serenity, enjoying the other things you like about your relationship: the fact you make each other laugh, understand each other, enjoy each other's company.

 

And Leigh, this man is standing by your side. He wants a relationship with you. Enjoy that. In spite of the fact you say "loads of men want a relationship with you", your thread history reveals that yes, loads of men want to date you, but that a relationship was much harder for you to find. Don't take it for granted.

[Summer3]

I think you would be a happier, more secure person if you weren't so accepting of the fact that you are shallow and materialistic.

 

For instance, you wouldn't have started this thread. You wouldn't have suddenly wondered if you're getting spoiled enough.

 

All this time could have been spent in blissful serenity, enjoying the other things you like about your relationship: the fact you make each other laugh, understand each other, enjoy each other's company.

 

And Leigh, this man is standing by your side. He wants a relationship with you. Enjoy that. In spite of the fact you say "loads of men want a relationship with you", your thread history reveals that yes, loads of men want to date you, but that a relationship was much harder for you to find. Don't take it for granted.

 

I agree 100%.

 

Leigh, don't mess this up. I can see down the road he splits and starts seeing someone else and you make a bunch of threads trying to get him back.

[Jabron1]

In any case, I don't think Leigh is a bad person who needs to be yelled at. She want's a man who has more money than this guy has...it's obvious.

 

I wouldn't call her a 'bad' person, and have a moralistic view. I would say 'opportunistic', and have a realist view - much like yours.

 

Her life decisions are her own, and not for anyone to tell her off or whatever.

 

She might find someone who has more money

 

High value men don't bend over backwards for a woman, just because she's 'skinny and pretty'. 'Skinny and pretty' is par for the course.

 

Unless she dates down and finds a pushover with money.

 

Or, like hoards of women in their 30's she will end up alone.

 

This is a strong possibility.

 

this man is standing by your side. He wants a relationship with you. Enjoy that.

 

In spite of the fact you say "loads of men want a relationship with you", your thread history reveals that yes, loads of men want to date you, but that a relationship was much harder for you to find. Don't take it for granted.

 

OP, please don't confuse men wanting to get laid, with men wanting a long term relationship.

 

I suggest that you consider which of these you place more value on.

[thefooloftheyear]

OP may have to learn quick about how men operate, or wind up just another 40 something with limited options, wondering where she went wrong...

 

Jeez....The crap some guys put up with.......The thing is as they get older, they wise up...They no longer are lead by their balls and the stupid gigantic quest to get in a woman's pants..They'll still want a mate and still want to get laid, but the dog and pony show? Nah....

 

For an average schmuck, the "wine and dine" and jumping through hoops and spending more than he can, is a road to nowhere...For some of these women, it will never be enough....Heck, there are 50+ year olds that think they can get a divorced guy that's been killing himself his whole life, may be writing child support checks, to treat them like a Princess with all the trappings....Ugh...

 

If you like the guy and he gives you the attention, love and support you need, stop pressuring him into being an ATM....It will wear him out....Trust me...

 

TFY

[No_Go]

Ohhh so he's NOT paying rent for you ... He intends/says he'll do so in the future Just an advice: don't believe it before you see it. It is easy for him to say it while he lives comfortably in your parents property.... Not sure who of you is the golddigger here.

 

Hey Elswyth,

 

You're actually correct regard my student allowance.

 

As soon as he and I sign our new lease, I won't get government help; I'll depend on me 200 a week I earn.

 

So you are actually right in your assessment.

 

We are in between houses atm and crashing at my parents until we find a dog friendly place within our budget. Shouldn't take long..we aint fusy with houses.

 

So once I updated my details once he and I move, it's my work and his income that'll support me.

[clia]

I'll ask again.

 

Has your boyfriend agreed to take you out on more dates? (And I'm not referring to $200 dinners...just dates.). Wasn't that the entire point of the thread?

 

I don't understand why you keep telling us about all the other guys you've dated who want to spoil you and how you need a guy who wants to spoil you...when the only guy who is pertinent is your boyfriend, who isn't spoiling you to your liking. Do you feel you've resolved that issue? Is he going to be less of a homebody?

[Summer3]

Ohhh so he's NOT paying rent for you ... He intends/says he'll do so in the future Just an advice: don't believe it before you see it. It is easy for him to say it while he lives comfortably in your parents property.... Not sure who of you is the golddigger here.

 

LOL!

 

I don't always read all the posts. He's living for free at her parents place.

 

OMG

 

LOL. Whatever. I don't feel bad for this guy anymore he's getting free rent.

[clia]

LOL!

 

I don't always read all the posts. He's living for free at her parents place.

 

OMG

 

LOL. Whatever. I don't feel bad for this guy anymore he's getting free rent.

 

She said above that he's paying 350 a week in rent. So I guess he's paying that to her parents? I don't know. It all makes little sense.

[scorpiogirl]

She said above that he's paying 350 a week in rent. So I guess he's paying that to her parents? I don't know. It all makes little sense.

 

The stories in her threads change from day to night in a single topic.

He's paying rent, they live for free.

He pays tuition, he doesn't pay.

Spoiled, not spoiled.

He knows she's shallow, he doesnt think she's shallow.

 

No thread is ever just a page or two long. Nobody can keep up.

[strawberryshortstack]

Ah Midwest, I don't think you'll know your true worth if you pay your way. Unless you can't get a date if you don't.

When I was a student and worked two part-time jobs, I couldn't afford the movies, so I guess I am having flashbacks to when I couldn't get someone to splurge on a movie ticket, let alone dinner. I guess I'm totes jealous, like Shystrawberry up there

 

And I still have to buy my own clothes. The moment I got my first part time position I stopped receiving money from my family for clothes, toiletries and books. I also refused when they tried to get me something expensive, and in fact I contributed up the household whatever I could. I also paid for all my schooling without government assistance.

 

I would never think of moving into my parents' house with a boyfriend to save my money at their expense.

I just bought my mother a brand new stove and oven. More than that, I'm buying her a house hopefully soon.

 

If I compare what I've done financially, and you don't do financially, then I pick me. I've never had a man but me a dress, pay my rent, pay for travel. Not because they don't offer but because I refuse. So for me to complain about a lack of dates, when this guy is carrying the load already, would be unthinkable.

 

I am "inherently disgusted" by someone who would expect and accept this situation. Your poor boyfriend. You don't take his needs into account because you're "shallow and need to be spoiled".

 

And before you throw your podiatry studies into the mix, I'm a qualified barrister.

 

Yeah, I'm going to have to do a better job of hiding my jealousy.

 

But since my relationship will clearly never be as awesome and amazing as Leigh's, I guess I'll just have to suffer with my pitiful relationship based on love, respect, and trust instead of material things.

[strawberryshortstack]

Why do people honestly believe that a slim 30 year old woman who has a decent enough education and a nice smile, would have issues finding men that wanna date me?

 

Crazy.

 

Women my age have options. At least I always have in my mid 20s and beyond.

 

Are you trying to convince us, or yourself?

 

Decent women of all ages have options. I'm 42 and often have multiple men pursuing me - my last roommate couldn't keep up with all of them. And guess what? I'm not slim, I'm a little on the heavy side - but it's my personality and character that attracts so many men - good quality men - highly educated, good character, good personalities, who treat me, and others, with respect.

 

You won't always be so slim and attractive (it's a fact of life, your metabolism slows as you age), so you'd be best served by developing your personality and character now so that you'll still have those options when you're my age.

[okc85]

Leigh, you haven't changed.

 

Look, if you want rich men, then date rich men. You're never going to accept this man, are you? Just own who you are. Only meet dudes from Okcupid with big jobs. Don't waste time with people who make modest incomes. Save both of you the headache.

[katiegrl]

The stories in her threads change from day to night in a single topic.

.

 

Not to get down on Leigh, cuz I personally think her heart is in the right place, but the reason her stories change ...is because Leigh herself changes, from day to night or even within the same day.

 

She said she has been diagnosed with Aspergers, and I also recall her saying bi-polar as well, which would explain the erratic behavior and changing *stories.*

 

Also, I and others know her history, and that her love language is *gifting.*

 

This means she associates a man *spoiling" her as meaning he loves her. She is not a golddigger ...she just wants to feel loved, as we all do!

 

My love language is *quality time* which means I associate a man loving me with how much time he puts towards me and the RL.

 

Does this make me an attention whore? Hardly. It's how I personally feel loved.

 

Another love language is touch, and some people need to be touched all the time, lots of PDA, otherwise *they* don't feel loved!

 

We all need what we need to feel loved, so I think it is a bit unfair to negatively judge Leigh for needing what SHE needs.

 

She has also stated numerous times on this thread and others how generous and giving SHE is with the men she dates.

 

But for some reason, that goes ignored, while the harsh criticisms toward her continue.

 

Leigh has a heart of gold, not a malicious bone in her body.

 

Issues, yes, to which she has acknowledgd but being a materialistic golddigger is not one of them!

Edited March 19, 2016 by katiegrl

[okc85]

I didn't know she has asperger's. And bipolar. I guess when we're online we tend to forget that we're all 'real people' here and have our issues, etc.

[No_Go]

Actually after reading this post, I agree me and others have been way too negative, not taking into account Leigh's issues that she has openly discussed (which is brave and admirable).

 

The love language theory... It probably has some truth in it. I think my BF is a quality time-type, because he almost measures my affection towards him depending on whether we spend the evenings together or not (haha, since we cohabitate, I mean in the same room, sometimes I just prefer to go and work on something by myself and he thinks I'm avoiding him ). I'm a touch person, although I don't like PDA, if we e.g. watch tv on the couch, I feel isolated if we don't have physical contact. Btw at least for myself I think this 'love language' stems from childhood - holding hands would be the way my parents / grandparents would use to calm me down when scared.

 

In Leigh's case 'gifting' also comes from the way how her parents raised her I think. It is imprinted behavior.

 

Her guy seems committed, only time will tell are they 'the one' to each other..

 

Not to get down on Leigh, cuz I personally think her heart is in the right place, but the reason her stories change ...is because Leigh herself changes, from day to night or even within the same day.

 

She said she has been diagnosed with Aspergers, and I also recall her saying bi-polar as well, which would explain the erratic behavior and changing *stories.*

 

Also, I and others know her history, and that her love language is *gifting.*

 

This means she associates a man *spoiling" her as meaning he loves her. She is not a golddigger ...she just wants to feel loved, as we all do!

 

My love language is *quality time* which means I associate a man loving me with how much time he puts towards me and the RL.

 

Does this make me an attention whore? Hardly. It's how I personally feel loved.

 

Another love language is touch, and some people need to be touched all the time, lots of PDA, otherwise *they* don't feel loved!

 

We all need what we need to feel loved, so I think it is a bit unfair to negatively judge Leigh for needing what SHE needs.

 

She has also stated numerous times on this thread and others how generous and giving SHE is with the men she dates.

 

But for some reason, that goes ignored, while the harsh criticisms toward her continue.

 

Leigh has a heart of gold, not a malicious bone in her body.

 

Issues, yes, to which she has acknowledgd but being a materialistic golddigger is not one of them!

[Summer3]

Leigh, you haven't changed.

 

Look, if you want rich men, then date rich men. You're never going to accept this man, are you? Just own who you are. Only meet dudes from Okcupid with big jobs. Don't waste time with people who make modest incomes. Save both of you the headache.

 

I don't think Leigh realizes the actual competition for very wealthy good looking men who are under 50. She will competing with all the "sugar girls" we hear about. Wealthy men can be very strange. She might want to stick with this guy and start cutting coupons IMHO.

[SandraTempleton]

Do you ever treat your boyfriend to dates out Leigh? Or have you considered taking him out to do something that he would enjoy (ie not just "spoiling" you)? IMHO, part of being in a relationship is doing stuff with your partner that you don't necessarily want to do but you do it in spite of that as it makes your partner happy. Probably why a lot of people spend the holidays with their inlaws

[Blanco]

Do you ever treat your boyfriend to dates out Leigh? Or have you considered taking him out to do something that he would enjoy (ie not just "spoiling" you)? IMHO, part of being in a relationship is doing stuff with your partner that you don't necessarily want to do but you do it in spite of that as it makes your partner happy. Probably why a lot of people spend the holidays with their inlaws

 

She all but stopped short of saying that guys who don't always pay for the date make her want to put on a chastity belt. I don't think she's acknowledged the numerous comments about dates not needing to be costly (or not free), which makes it seem like she's not actually that interested in what a date should be about: spending time with someone.

[Leigh 87]

I don't think Leigh realizes the actual competition for very wealthy good looking men who are under 50. She will competing with all the "sugar girls" we hear about. Wealthy men can be very strange. She might want to stick with this guy and start cutting coupons IMHO.

 

 

 

I have had men with good jobs want to date me.

 

Some even cried when I dumped them because they were really into me and as an empathetic person, I became close to them forthe month that we dated.

 

I have been stalked for 4 years by a rich army guy my age.

 

He periodically makes new Facebook pages and uses his mates phone numbers just to get in contact. ......

 

He quite literally BEGGED me to let him be my sugar daddy.

 

I won't go into how we met but it was years ago.

 

Lol if I wanted a RELATIONSHIP with a rich guy I have had numerous opportunities..........

[joseb]

Ok, let's for a minute assume that this gifting love language is a thing (personally it sounds like the female equivalent of hard core pua / mgtow)

 

This guy gives her gifts. All the time.

But it's not enough. She wants the fancy resturant too

Then she goes to that and isn't impressed either.

 

I just feel this poor guy is never going to be enough.

 

The problem is with the equating of gifts to your self worth and attractiveness. If she can realise that that is the core of her insecurities, them maybe she can work to overcome this mindset.

[Leigh 87]

My bf and I lived together once in Sydney where he paid 200 a week eent for us both pluz most of my food and then we moved elsewhere to a more desirable area near to m6 uni for 350 a week.

 

We got kicked out cos they didn't like our animals. Apparently they don't like animals who malt and my cat left a TINY palm sized scratch in the wallpaper ( which we were would have fixed).

 

So cos it is near impossible to find a new accommodation with pets within the ONE WEEK we had alloted for us to get out...... my parents took us in.

 

 

He INSISTS on paying rent! Not 350 but he pays then rent. They actually tried to not accept rent cos they want us to save for the bond when we get z new place.

 

And so we have no choice but to reside here until we can find a new house.

[ChickiePops]

I swear, people like you are probably jealous that some women are able to land kind boyfriends who spoil them.

 

I had loads of guys wanting a relationship with me who actually all delighted in treating ms to the dates and who offeredto take careof the rent and bills during college when I made it known that I was due to go backsoon. I didn't like them enough romantically so I chose ro end things anyway.

 

I guess my friend and I are just very very lucky that we can find men who don't force us to work full time during uni and instead, PREFER to make our lives easier.

 

You mentioned you had a well of guy who gives you slippers for Christmas and bdays and splits the check despite his good income? My two female friends don't personally date tight men. It doesn't make us less kind or loyal to our partners.

 

We all have different preferences.

 

You're not being forced to date me. Nor was my bf. Despitehaving options in women, he picked me because I make him happy and he enjoys/ prefers spoiling me to splitting the check.

 

My outlook is very common. Then again, just as many women aren't into being taken out and spoilt either. There is no wrong or right way to go about our personal relationships.

 

Accusing someone of being jealous of you shows that you don't have an intelligent or worthwhile response to what they're saying. Weak.

 

And no, I'm not jealous of you either.

 

Your outlook is not as common as you think. I live in Los Angeles, one of the most shallow places in the world, and I do see a lot of women like you..they're called gold diggers. But even here there are far more non-shallow women than gold diggers.

[katiegrl]

Ok, let's for a minute assume that this gifting love language is a thing (personally it sounds like the female equivalent of hard core pua / mgtow)

 

This guy gives her gifts. All the time.

But it's not enough. She wants the fancy resturant too

Then she goes to that and isn't impressed either.

 

I just feel this poor guy is never going to be enough.

 

The problem is with the equating of gifts to your self worth and attractiveness. If she can realise that that is the core of her insecurities, them maybe she can work to overcome this mindset.

 

Love language isn't a *thing* ... let alone a purely female thing akin to MGTOW...how condescending and insulting.

 

Google it for chrissakes.

 

The concept was adopted in 1995 by a male, Gary Chapman, who researched and wrote the book, which became a best seller, and to this day has helped literally millions of couples successfully navigate their relationships. There are now seminars and workshops all over the world promoting his work.

 

Perhaps you should read about it, understand it, before you start criticizing it and assigning meaning to it that is not only unture, bit just doesn't exist.

Edited March 19, 2016 by katiegrl

[Leigh 87]

Do you ever treat your boyfriend to dates out Leigh? Or have you considered taking him out to do something that he would enjoy (ie not just "spoiling" you)? IMHO, part of being in a relationship is doing stuff with your partner that you don't necessarily want to do but you do it in spite of that as it makes your partner happy. Probably why a lot of people spend the holidays with their inlaws

 

 

 

I don't want ro go on dates at all if I have to pay. I prefer it to be the mans thing.

 

HoweverI DO SPOIL the men I date!

 

I don't enjoy head jobs and in 10 my month relationship with my ex he didn't get even ONE darn head job.

 

My current bf is lovely. So yes I do things that I don't feel like to make him feel good head jobs, massages ( I am very weak in the arms and hate exerting effort physically), I watch movies he likes and I don't.

 

I tickle his back for hours a night he is addicted to back tickles.

 

I don't have much money but one month after meeting, it was hus bday. I took him out to Gold Class, the luxury movie theatre in Aus. Spent 2 days wage from my meagre paid job to do it. It was no worries I loved taking him.

 

So I do what I can.

 

I lined up free furniture from the swap pr sell websites when we moved out.....spent hours a day looking for people who wanted to offload furniture.

 

I bought some shabby chic style furniture too from a reasonably priced upcycle and DIY website on Facebook. ... I made the place look wonderfuo which he really appreciated anx spent all my work money making oir place look great.

 

Now it is all in storage and he pays the 250 per month storage fee, some rent and when we move he will be paying the lady who has been housing our dog.

 

I am getting him a massage next week after I am paid. From my job.

 

I try.