slingchilders Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 (edited) We are both around 30. And known each other for about 3 months. I've been out of serious relationship for 7 months before meeting her, and she was out of relationship for about 3-4 months. I have met this girl through online dating. Right off the start (first date) there's been great chemistry, making out, etc. We've been chatting and talking almost every day. Seeing each other very frequently. This went on for a month. Then I went to delete my online dating profile and saw that she was active there pretty frequently, I said to her I deleted my account, since it was her that insisted we should be exclusive (5-6th week of knowing her). She said she was using this dating app out of curiosity, fair enough, she said she didn't chat with anyone, nor wanted to meet anyone. And if that's the case I said it's ok at this stage, as long as she doesn't meet them. Everything went fine. Until one day she herself admitted she started to chat with a guy. She was sorry. I asked what she was talking about with this guy, and the next day she showed me the conversation - she was flirting with him and arranged a date. I told her to get lost, since that's a big bad red flag. The next week she paid me a visit literally almost every day, with gifts and lots of affection, saying how sorry she was. I said ok, make up your mind, and let me know, if you want to be with me, with your profile down. What alarmed me was that she said that she would delete the account a few days after the conversation (why?). I thought that was just her way of being stubborn and not wanting to be controlled. Fair enough. She did in fact block the account on said day. Later I noticed she was cold, and approached me less often, less calls or facebook. I said what's up, because I pick up on clues like that. Then she said she isn't sure anymore (2 weeks from professing she wants to give it a try) and needs time for herself. I checked up and her profile was online again. Asked her about it, and she said she went there to see if I was online (my account has been long since deleted) and she blocked it again, which was a lie, because she blocked it again only after that conversation. And that was today. I'm pretty fed up of her being undecisive, but I still feel a lot for that girl and don't want to scare her away. But I feel like she's playing me. What should I do? If I gave her another ultimatum, she would probably again do the same thing, string me along for a while, and return to her undecisivness when I'm reassured. I really don't want to break up with her, and I'm out of ideas. I feel a bit hurt, being left literally everyweek not knowing what we are standing on, and feeling insecure about the whole thing. It's quite stressful Edited March 17, 2016 by slingchilders 1
PegNosePete Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 She said she was using this dating app out of curiosity Rubbish. Nobody uses a dating app "out of curiosity". The only reason anyone ever uses a dating app is to meet other people. I'm pretty fed up of her being undecisive, but I still feel a lot for that girl and don't want to scare her away. But I feel like she's playing me. What should I do? She is not undecisive. She simply isn't that into you. She is keeping you around as a backup plan in case she can't find a better option. Never settle for being anyone's plan B! Scare her away? She isn't even there. She is already away. Not scared away, but she chose to walk away. You should tell her you're not interested in having a relationship with someone who plays such stupid immature games, and then never speak to her again. I really don't want to break up with her Well, sometimes I don't want to get out of bed in the morning, clean my car, or pay my taxes. But I do those things because they are necessary for my happiness in the long term. If you don't break up with her you will be stuck in this situation for ever, or rather, until she finds someone she likes more or who is more gullible and dumps you unceremoniously. Cut the cord now, it will be less painful in the long run. 5
smudge21 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Pete's spot on once again. You have to turn things around: you truly feel something for this girl, so would you do any of the sh*t she's done to you? Would you run the risk of doing any of that? If the answer is no, then why do you allow her to do it... and by allow her I mean for every moment you are keeping her in your life you are simply saying "yeah, that's fine, I understand, it's okay, I'll always be here for you, so carry on as you are!". I know how hard it is to walk away from someone when you develop feelings for them (I'm struggling every day at the moment) but what is the alternative - to live a lie, live in hope? If someone wants to be with someone, they will be, it's as simple as that. She's done things that you would never do to her and these things are clearly against that whole idea of being in a trusting secure loving relationship. Walk away, tell her why and go. If she wants you back (I'm sure she'll come running) then she'll truly need to prove it now (no idea how considering her attitude thus far). Re-open your dating profile and wait for a reaction. Pete's right that if you don't walk away now it will hurt more later on, trust me on that one - I'm there now because I didn't walk away earlier. 2
LostOnes05 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 The other posters are right. What would you tell a friend in the same situation?? Probably to get the heck out of there. She is playing with you until she finds someone else. Break up with her and let it be done, or else you'll be back on here writing a thread about how you're hurt and you saw it coming but thought it would get better...it won't. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 As the old saying goes... Never make someone a priority when they only make you an option. 1
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