Miss Peach Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 I love Natalie Lue's quote - "Dating is a discovery phase". Just continue to get to know him. If you want marriage I think it's good that he put it on the table instead of wasting both your time. But practice saying 'we'll see' until the actions match the words. I've run across a lot of guys who say things like that to catch a woman. It's just a line to some guys. You really don't know either way until you spend time together. 1
Larryville Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 When men speak the way Lino does they REALLY need to take a break as women will be able to sniff that "completely fed up with this" attitude a mile off and they will run, which only confounds the whole issue! So why waste your time and effort to make yourself more miserable and down? Too… I’ve been there and I absolutely know I have lost some nice women because when I met them I had that attitude. easily spent your quoted budget each month on "dating". That is NOT including fuel, time, new clothing, make up, hair cuts, nail varnish and manicures... Just the basics of meals, drinks and tickets. I did say in last post… (she has paid for stuff too BTW, makes FAR more than I do too) One took me out to a $150 meal for a birthday, women I've dated generally has never had a problem paying for stuff. I would say the vast majority of women I have dated has made more money than I (I work at a University) I make ok money but have zero debt I live modestly... I know the frustration can come from both sides, but so many people refuse to put themselves in someone else’s shoes. While I am personally cool for the time being I can’t discount dudes feelings and frustration: For the average guy, dating is a continuous course of jumping through hoops, navigating women's game playing and wondering 'Am I good enough?' My OLD experiences have been pretty decent overall but I attribute that to my vetting process but being blunt there are a $#it load of pretty screwed up women who use OLD as a form of entertainment and screw with dudes that leads to this kind of frustration, many just looking for paid dates and do so to just keep from being bored... There are hundreds of threads here attesting to that. (Yes women will say guys are screwed up too….) but you know what just assume all guys are jacked up until proven otherwise (what I hammered into my daughters heads growing up) Sidebar… new clothing, make up, hair cuts, nail varnish and manicures Why would you be doing this is a new relationship or in discovery phase? I would not know your “haircut” is “new” or your dress is new. Women I know who have nails or hair done did this long before they met me. Just sayin’
Toodaloo Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 (edited) Too… I’ve been there and I absolutely know I have lost some nice women because when I met them I had that attitude. I did say in last post… One took me out to a $150 meal for a birthday, women I've dated generally has never had a problem paying for stuff. I would say the vast majority of women I have dated has made more money than I (I work at a University) I make ok money but have zero debt I live modestly... I know the frustration can come from both sides, but so many people refuse to put themselves in someone else’s shoes. While I am personally cool for the time being I can’t discount dudes feelings and frustration: My OLD experiences have been pretty decent overall but I attribute that to my vetting process but being blunt there are a $#it load of pretty screwed up women who use OLD as a form of entertainment and screw with dudes that leads to this kind of frustration, many just looking for paid dates and do so to just keep from being bored... There are hundreds of threads here attesting to that. (Yes women will say guys are screwed up too….) but you know what just assume all guys are jacked up until proven otherwise (what I hammered into my daughters heads growing up) Sidebar… Why would you be doing this is a new relationship or in discovery phase? I would not know your “haircut” is “new” or your dress is new. Women I know who have nails or hair done did this long before they met me. Just sayin’ All of this cuts both ways. And no. Most of the men I went Dutch with or paid for made more than I do... I just refuse to have some stranger pay for me or feel that I am "indebted" to them for the sake of a risotto or a pint of best. Of course "general maintenance" is on going however when you are dating it is vital for women to look at their absolute best ALL the time. You should hear some of the remarks I have had from men. They would shock you. This is AFTER I have got better at filtering and picking and choosing... You have one day when your hair is a bit out of place or you are not looking perfect or perhaps have a cold and oh my days... A chipped nail and you are a slapper, a single zit and clearly you do not look after your skin ever... its exhausting. The lack of reality is just completely... urgh. I don't even know the word for it. The guy who chose to infer things about me still keeps up his practice of reminding me of this via text every 5-10 days despite getting no reaction or response from myself... This is not unusual behaviour from men with OLD. When my friends and family hear what some of the men have said or the way some of them have acted they are nothing short of horrified and disgusted. I am not all "peaches and cream" or "flowers all the way" I am a tough woman who can slog it out with the best of them, I deal with people from MP's to ex cons every day, but the basic lack of manners (on BOTH sides) is quite horrendous. I stopped discussing the vast majority of my dates a really long time ago. Now I don't bother and quite frankly I doubt anyone who knows can actually say they blame me. I am not giving up though. I KNOW that there are fantastic men out there. I am surrounded by them. So I take a break so the bad ones do not cloud my view of men in general then go back to it. But it is a complete waste of time an effort 99.9% of the time. Edited March 19, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T 1
Larryville Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 And no. Most of the men I went Dutch with or paid for made more than I do... I just refuse to have some stranger pay for me or feel that I am "indebted" to them for the sake of a risotto or a pint of best. Me personally I absolutely don’t mind paying, but again if I am to the stage where I ask someone out for a nice dinner I have at least came to the conclusion that they are worth pursuing AND I want to spend quality with them, then the money is NOT an issue. Yes, most women I have met are like you and want to go dutch but if I invite them out to a dinner I’m paying. Before my vetting process was refined I would get with some women and the EXPECTED me to pay. Those I learned to absolutely avoid. 1
mcjordan Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 I don’t actually weigh the financial aspect of whether or not this woman is worthy of pursuing. This is what separates you from the...um....other, usually younger, men who are dating. They actually do walk around with a mental calculator. It is sad.
scooby-philly Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 I'm sorry for your experiences but happy that you learned from them!! Yes, the story was confirmed when he added me on facebook lol She really hated him for breaking off their engagement. I saw some of the comments from his friends & her family on his older pictures. He said she still hates him even though she's now married to someone else. Yes, you can only hide who you are for so long! So far he seems pretty open and honest about everything. So far...lol I agree that actions definitely speak louder than words! No need to apologize. I needed to learn the lesson that people really show who and what they care for through their actions - and that everyone who says they're your friend isn't and just because somebody says yes, it's not always meant to go forward. Just today I realized that while I would love the work associated with my old boss's job (and it's what I want I think long term) the person I'd be reporting to and I wouldn't be compatible I think. Need to discuss with some folks but I'll see what happens.
PrettyEmily77 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 That's exactly what my partner told me when we first met. I took it as a good sign - genuine non-bull$h:tter. Nearly a year on, we're still very much together and still not married (a good sign ). 1
Larryville Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 This is what separates you from the...um....other, usually younger, men who are dating. They actually do walk around with a mental calculator. It is sad. McJ - To me if I read your profile (assuming I found you via an OLD site) There are just clues in how someone writes about themselves, the pictures that they take, the things I see in the pics. If I write to you and you respond there are questions I ask, and I pay attention to how you respond, how responsive you are, how enthusiastic you are. If I ask about your “career” NOT job, I’m going to get a sense of your career priorities, financial status, education. You can just tell this stuff if you have any sort of EQ about someone. Why I don’t have to do the mental calculator, or having the weird uncomfortable initial discussions about “getting married” on first dates. Yes if you are a dude messaging HUNDREDS of random women just to try and get someone to respond to you… you will get bad seeds, bad dates and hence become bitter, and frustrated. If people took better care of picking dates as they would picking fruit or a steak in a grocery store they would be better off. 2
mcjordan Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 McJ - To me if I read your profile (assuming I found you via an OLD site) There are just clues in how someone writes about themselves, the pictures that they take, the things I see in the pics. If I write to you and you respond there are questions I ask, and I pay attention to how you respond, how responsive you are, how enthusiastic you are. If I ask about your “career” NOT job, I’m going to get a sense of your career priorities, financial status, education. You can just tell this stuff if you have any sort of EQ about someone. Why I don’t have to do the mental calculator, or having the weird uncomfortable initial discussions about “getting married” on first dates. Yes if you are a dude messaging HUNDREDS of random women just to try and get someone to respond to you… you will get bad seeds, bad dates and hence become bitter, and frustrated. If people took better care of picking dates as they would picking fruit or a steak in a grocery store they would be better off. This is why I think emotional intelligence is so vital. I am not sure why it seems to be in shorter supply today. I do suspect that the way we interact online and the distance two screens create has something to do with it. I believe child-centered parenting does as well. But that is a whole other thread. What I sense from you is that you are going to try to do your thing to make the odds as good as possible, and then let go of the result. What I see with other types of men is a "spam" message laziness, an expectation of response "because I sent out a lot of messages," and an entitlement from the first date to certain "things", or else she's a flake. That is NOT a recipe for success, nor is it remotely emotionally intelligent. Then these same men blame womankind for their lack of success.
Shining One Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 I'll admit, I used to hate dating when I paid for everything. I remember spending around $5K in one year of dates that went nowhere. I took the following year off of dating to help calm my frustration and to use the money saved to buy my mom a Lexus for her birthday. Now that I only date women who want to be equal partners, I no longer find the process frustrating and I actually enjoy myself.
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