LoveRefreshed Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 My last gf and I broke up after dating for almost 6 years. At the end, our relationship was so stressful that despite me having deep emotional love for her, I did not want to have sex with her. I'm not most men, but maybe we're similar. When I am with a woman, being intimate, it's an expression of my feelings for her. It's hard to express anxiety, stress, resentment and fear with a bone...
Author pursuitofhappiness Posted March 18, 2016 Author Posted March 18, 2016 @kamille Well the nagging is because of different hings, but the most common are because I don't give her the attention she wants. I find it hard to because I guess I'm really not that into her. I guess I'm not that into her because of the nagging (so theres that back and forth cycle) and the fact she acts like a little girl wanting to be a princess. I wish I could want her though because she is a really good girl.
Author pursuitofhappiness Posted March 18, 2016 Author Posted March 18, 2016 I actually think a big difficulty in breaking up with her is the fact we had so much talk about the future. I also know she dedicates her whole self to me and it all just makes it so hard.
JADIE Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 I actually think a big difficulty in breaking up with her is the fact we had so much talk about the future. I also know she dedicates her whole self to me and it all just makes it so hard. Sounds more like she's dedicated her whole self to making you what she wants you to be, not learning to appreciate what or who you really are. Just my 2 cents
sandylee1 Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 Getting married would be a huge mistake. You've outgrown each other and it's time to move on.
tart6245 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 (edited) I'm in the same boat as you. Girlfriend of 2 years just nags and shames me all the time when I do things she doesn't like or approve of, like see my friends without her or when I play a video game, which is like once a week. We probably have sex once every two weeks. She complains about it but whenever I try to initiate, she seems to block me, and she never initiates. I'm likely going to leave her soon. The nagging will just get worse if you get married, and you have to think about the long term future. Is this how you want to live forever? My answer is no. We've tried to work on things, but she's just very controlling and manipulative. She'll never change. Not all relationships have to be that way. I've realized she only loves me for what she thinks I can be, not who I really am. She craves attention 24/7 and gets angry with me when I am not constantly entertaining her. I spend literally every day with her and it's not enough. We have almost no time apart. She's drained me and I know once I end things, I'll feel free and liberated even though it'll be hard and I'll miss the good times. Edited March 21, 2016 by tarheelian
ExpatInItaly Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 I actually think a big difficulty in breaking up with her is the fact we had so much talk about the future. I also know she dedicates her whole self to me and it all just makes it so hard. Does she have a life apart from you and the relationship? Friends, interests or hobbies? Or has she come to depend on you as her sole source of happiness and entertainment?
preraph Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 She's become a mother figure by having to nag you. Well, I don't know if she HAS to nag you, but the women I know who nag, all except one, did it as a last resort to get the man to step up and do his part. Anyway, it's unsexy once partners end up in a parental relationship. So I suggest whatever she's nagging you about, you jump in and do it before she has to bring it up again. 1
Empire87 Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 The reason why she continues to nag you and it's getting worse is because she has no reason to change her behavior or value you as a BF. I say this because you have been with her since high school and all the way through college. You've acquiesced to her complaints about attention and molded yourself to fit her needy princess behavior. You've done all this while not having a sexual (fully at least) relationship with her. When a girl gets all that with no/little pushback for so long, then eventually it will become expected which is why she feels it's ok to make this a daily thing. What you do to fix it? Simple. You present her with the consequence of you ending the relationship. Now the important thing is to actually have the stoned to back up this stance and not just make it an empty threat or temporary split like you've done before then missed her and came back. You can either bring it up the next time you two argue, or in my opinion, it would mean more if you brought it up when she's unsuspecting. Give her your reasons for why you feel like you are completely unappreciated and have put up with more than any other guy would over the last few years because you truly do care about and love her and saw her as a potential life partner/wife. However lately you've been realizing that no matter how many doors you open, how many dates you take her on, how thoughtful the gifts you give her are, or how much of a priority you make her, you are given more grief than thanks by her which you feel is unfair. Tell her to look around or look at her friends and think about how many of them would jump at the chance to have a BF who does the things you do for her and gives her the confidence of knowing where he stands as far as your future goes. You have the benefit of being the guy who doesn't waver about commitment which shows over the 5 years you've been with her and from what I can see you haven't cheated in that time. Which is really impressive to do from 18-23. Then top it off by saying you've done all of this without being LAID for 5 freaking years. And you wouldn't even have a problem with that if she was actually grateful and appreciate for what she has in you and your relationship. However you are at the point where if you're going to put in the effort that you do and abstain from sex till marriage, then the girl you're with needs to make you 10000% confident and secure in the fact that when you do get married, it will all have been worth it and you'll love your life together. At this point you can't picture the next 50 years going through arguments over and over about nonsense, and having a gf who doesn't want to jump all over you every once in a while to show her physical attraction to you. If you do that and pose it that way, she'll feel like ****. If she doesn't, then that's when you say "I think we need to spend some time apart so that you can figure out if I'm really someone that's important in your future or if you just enjoy the image I allow you to have of what your future will be. Either way, maybe some time apart will show you what else is out there and why you should value and treat what we have better. Then have the self respect to not contact her AT ALL for at least 2 weeks. If she doesn't care enough about you to reach out to you or try and get you back then she's just gonna be a selfish headache as a wife and you can be sure of that. If you contact her first or give in because you miss her and are lonely or are used to the easy routine you have with her, then she will know she can do/say whatever she wants because you'll always come back to her regardless of the threats you make about leaving. And you only have 1 more shot at this because if you crawl back or give in again, she's never gonna change.
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