pursuitofhappiness Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 I have a hard time being intimate with my girlfriend anymore. Kissing feels odd and I don't really get turned on around her or enjoy our intimacy. I love her and love being around her, but I just can't bring myself to get intimate. I don't know why, but I have talked to her and tried to fix things that I thought could have caused this. There's excessive nagging and smothering from her that comes and goes throughout the day Nd also some nasty fighting that we both worked on too. But I still feel awkward doing stuff with her.
Heatemyheart89 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Maybe the relationship is coming to an end and you are falling out of love with her. 8
PegNosePete Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 There's excessive nagging and smothering from her that comes and goes throughout the day Nd also some nasty fighting that we both worked on too. But I still feel awkward doing stuff with her. This seems like a simple case of cause and effect. Is it surprising that you feel awkward after excessive nagging and nasty fighting? What have you (both) done to solve these issues? 3
ExpatInItaly Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Nagging and smothering needs to be toned down a lot more than a day to see noticeable results. Does she understand how much this is affecting the dynamic between the two of you? The emotional health of a relationship often directly influences sexual intimacy. If you're feeling disconnected or turned-off emotionally, it's no surprise you don't want to initiate in the bedroom. How long have you been together, and are you still generally feeling smothered? How much time do you spend together? 3
joseb Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 How long have you been together? How long has she been nagging you? What is she nagging you about?
sandylee1 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Perhaps it's run its course and you need to move on. If you're not getting intimate with her ...... She'll find a guy who will . That's not hard at all.
Author pursuitofhappiness Posted March 17, 2016 Author Posted March 17, 2016 Been together for 5 years Been nagging about the whole time we've been together Nags only when she doesn't get her way exactly (not trying to sound mean or anything, just being straight forward) I used to always give in (my friends would say I was whipped) but since I started taking myself more into consideration we've fought more and the nagging has gotten worse We did have a period of very dirty fighting but it got better Nothing physical, just name calling and all But that did get better Anyways, I do try to talk to her about the intimacy issue and she just gets upset about it every time Something I shouldve origianally mentioned is that by intimate I mean making out and foreplay. She is saving it till marriage and I do want to respect that. She is ok with everything but actual sex.
Larryville Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 There's excessive nagging How long has she been nagging you? What is she nagging you about? Been nagging about the whole time we've been together Nagging the #1 sex killer on earth For me and my personality, nag once and I permanently tune you out. 5
d0nnivain Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 How old are you two? Being together for 5 years is a long time unless you are still teens. If so, I would say this relationship has about run its course. If you began dating over the age of 20, let me ask you this? Do you still want to marry her? The nagging will get worse & the sex will probably be lousy. If you don't want to marry, just end this. 2
Author pursuitofhappiness Posted March 17, 2016 Author Posted March 17, 2016 @d0nnivain We are both 23 Started dating at the end of high school. I love her She is sweet, very hard working, very smart. Basically fills out a checkilst of the perfect wife except for the one reason I'm writing this thread.
mrldii Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Nagging the #1 sex killer on earth... Agreed. OP, I'll bet it's something like this ^^^. Ill-advised and ineffectual Moms nag and smother; it would be more concerning if you found yourself getting turned on by [your girlfriend's] nagging and smothering. Getting turned off by it all is a perfectly natural, *normal*, and to-be-expected reaction, as we're not supposed to get turned on by parents and the roles they fill in our lives. Best of luck to you, OP. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 She is sweet, very hard working, very smart. Basically fills out a checkilst of the perfect wife except for the one reason I'm writing this thread. Love isn't enough. I'm serious, the nagging will get worse, not better once you marry. What is she nagging you about? If it's stuff like pick up your socks & don't leave wet towels on the bed, consider being a bit more considerate. If she's nagging you because she wants to do X but you are exhausted after having worked all day, she may be being unreasonable. If she gets upset when you try to talk to her about the nagging, she's not mature enough for marriage & I have little hope that she will change but if change is going to happen she's going to need a professional push. I'd drag her to couples counseling. I am a firm believer that every couple should get some form of per-marital counseling & it's absolutely essential for young couples like yourselves. If she balks I'd take that to mean she is selfish & only cares about herself not you or you two as a couple. In that case she will make a lousy wife so you might as well cut your losses. 2
amaysngrace Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 You're probably both just sexually frustrated. Five years is a long time for cold showers. If she hasn't jumped your bones by now move on and go enjoy your young body.
stillafool Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Well her nagging is not going to get any better after marriage and kids it will get worse. If you are planning to stay expect to be celibate and wear ear muffs when at home. 1
Author pursuitofhappiness Posted March 17, 2016 Author Posted March 17, 2016 @d0novain Your post got me on a trail of thoughts. The nagging is over the top, but there are many instances that it could have been reasonably prevented by me. The thing is, I already feel pushed away by her smothering and control throughout the entire relationship and it's hard for me to want to try to fix things. I know that in marriage and maybe before (if I wanted to) I could have sex with her, but aside from me wanting to respect her abstinence, I don't really feel a drive to make love to her (or simply F*** for that matter). I think I'm just not attracted to her. I mean, she is attractive, I just don't feel like I'm that into her personally. Another thing is that she kind of expects to be treated like a princess. She wants to live a Disney movie. At some times I feel like a father or a brother. She is a real daddies girl. And another thing. I don't really feel like a team with her. I feel more like we are a formal couple. She doesn't seem to understand where I come from when I talk about my feelings or certain issues I have. It just doesn't feel like she really understands me and that may be why I feel like she focuses on herself more. Just because she doesn't really get me all the time. It is really hard because I don't know if this is love or attachment. I know I love her, but am I in love with her? I thought I lost her when we kind of had a break before and it tore me to pieces. We got back, but I don't know if it was just an attachment thing or if it was because I love her. Now I wish I was crazy about her and didn't have all these feelings, because she really isn't like most people. It just seems that the trade off is a deal breaker. But I don't want it to be. I want to want her. I'm a mess with all this.
d0nnivain Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 You are actually not a mess. You are just not listening to yourself. Some part of you is screaming "RUN!" Why aren't you listening? When you answer that for yourself, not even on here, you will know what to do next. 3
thecrucible Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 I think the most important part of what you said is that you don't think she "gets you" when you express your feelings to her. It can be a bit lonely when you don't feel understood by your partner. When you say she wants to be treated like a princess what kind of behaviours do you mean? Does she demand a lot from you?
Author pursuitofhappiness Posted March 18, 2016 Author Posted March 18, 2016 @donnovain I guess it's because I do appreciate her and I don't really want her out of my life. That's why I want to want her in a romantic way. @thecrucible Well my Dad always taught me to open car doors for women and all. So I do, but she expects it and doesn't seem to actually appreciate it. For example, I'll open the car door for her and she'll hold her hand out like you see princesses in movies do. She's also very much into Disney princesses and talks about how she wants a fairytale wedding with prince charming. It's sweet and all, but given all the details (most of which I didn't write here) it just seems odd and not too mature.
Emilia Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 This isn't going to change OP, it has come to an end. Why put up with it for 5 years? You obviously like safety and being with a woman that isn't going to leave you but life is about much more than this. 1
joseb Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 This doesn't even sound like a relationship to be honest. More a codependent friendship between friends that don't even like each other much. I think you know deep down you don't love her. And I doubt she loves you. So please do yourself both a favour and listen to what your gut is telling you. 1
Author pursuitofhappiness Posted March 18, 2016 Author Posted March 18, 2016 I really do care about her. Is there any way to try and make things work? Or are we just not compatible and the relationship has run it's course?
Author pursuitofhappiness Posted March 18, 2016 Author Posted March 18, 2016 Ah nevermind. I really am not that into her. I wish I was and if there is a way to be more into her let me know please. But if not, what do I do? How do I let her go and cope with it? We had a kind of break up before (initiated by me) and I really missed her like crazy and regretted it because of that.
smackie9 Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 You were kids when you started dating, now you are adults living a different life from when you met. People just grow apart. Her nagging is her falling out of love too....you two have become two different people, with different want, needs, etc. Plus there are new life experiences, people to date now....you are young don't throw your youth away because you feel guilty yo are not in love anymore. You can and will move on to a happier life without each other. 2
smackie9 Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 Ah nevermind. I really am not that into her. I wish I was and if there is a way to be more into her let me know please. But if not, what do I do? How do I let her go and cope with it? We had a kind of break up before (initiated by me) and I really missed her like crazy and regretted it because of that. You keep busy, throw yourself into going out with friends, and have fun. It will only take a few weeks to get over that hump....about a month later it will all feel normal again, exciting, positive, happy. 1
Kamille Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 Could you make the link clearer between her expecting to be treated like a princess and the nagging that is turning you off. What is the nagging about?
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