LookAtThisPOst Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 I dated a woman a couple a years ago and from the stories I heard from her, they seem to be the kind of people I wouldn't want to be around. Her father is anti-social, meaning he isn't personable at all, even in public to the point of embarassing her. Her brother is an alcoholic, can't even keep a back water town job and her sister, though she is well off career-wise as she is a county official with a husband and two kids...claims she's a **tch to her all the time. Luckily they lived 3 hours away. Though, there may come a time where I would have wound up meeting them, but never happened because she said, "I'd never do that to you" and laughed. But, she's still in touch with them obviously, because they are family. That being said, would you take into an account your sig others family members as a possible deal breaker depending on how THEY are?
ExpatInItaly Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 No, it's not an automatic dealbreaker. Some people come from broken or otherwise dysfunctional homes but are wonderful people and partners themselves. If he treats me with care and respect, that's the key. If his troubled background influences how he relates to me, that's a different story. 4
LostOnes05 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Everyone has those kinds of people in their family, whether or not they have distanced themselves away from them, or even know them well. It's not a deal breaker for me, unless they treat me poorly and she begins to show the same attributes.
Imajerk17 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 I am confused though. You mentioned you were dating her a few years ago. Are you dating her *now*? If not, then why concern yourself w this... To answer the general question, its no big deal unless she is enmeshed w them. (And this woman didn't seem to be, at all.)
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted March 17, 2016 Author Posted March 17, 2016 I am confused though. You mentioned you were dating her a few years ago. Are you dating her *now*? If not, then why concern yourself w this... Does it matter? Nope. I was just happened to introduce the topic with that.
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted March 17, 2016 Author Posted March 17, 2016 No, it's not an automatic dealbreaker. Some people come from broken or otherwise dysfunctional homes but are wonderful people and partners themselves. If he treats me with care and respect, that's the key. If his troubled background influences how he relates to me, that's a different story. Yeah, a long time ago, I dated a woman where her mother didn't want her dating me because of the age difference. Apparently, her mother prodded her over and over about this and it came to a head and ended.
elaine567 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 To answer the general question, its no big deal unless she is enmeshed w them. I agree families, even so-called "nice" families are very often messed up if you scratch the surface and dig deeper. Humans are after all just human.
BlueIris Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 That being said, would you take into an account your sig others family members as a possible deal breaker depending on how THEY are? Definitely. I think every family has its version of "messed up" but life is much easier and we're more likely to understand each other and have fewer problems if our families are similar.
sandylee1 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Personally I'd steer clear. My family are pretty normal and we're all quite close. I wish my husband's family were more like mine as there have been a couple... actually about 5 times that they've really upset me ... Once to the point of me being in tears. None of my family would ever do that to him.. but I love him regardlesl
Toodaloo Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 I am confused though. You mentioned you were dating her a few years ago. Are you dating her *now*? If not, then why concern yourself w this... To answer the general question, its no big deal unless she is enmeshed w them. (And this woman didn't seem to be, at all.) That was my thought. Why worry about it now after all this time? The subject is mute surely? Anyway. If they are close - yes deal breaker. If they keep a distance - no.
smackie9 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Sometimes it's not the family that has the problems.......you are only getting your SO perspective.
Orion39 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Not so much an issue, just realize that when you marry someone you get all of their family too. It may be avoidable in a dating relationship, not so much marriage.
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