HopelessandLost Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Hi Everyone, I recently just went through a horrible break up... I'm sorry if I'm all over the place I'm completely lost and betrayed right now. I dated someone for 8 months and we had a nasty break up. He began distancing himself & starting fights for no reason and then cut me off by blocking my number/social media without a word. I tried to contact him for 6 months and he ignored me month after month. I took a break for about 2 months because I began seeing someone else and ended up breaking up with this person. After I did around 6 months post break up (stupid me) I reached out to him and he replied back. He told me he missed me and wanted to see me again. When we did he told me, "I love you, I always have, I'm sorry I took so long." I broke down in tears and of course I took him back... I still loved this man. After he left me in such a way I began going on different dates every weekend hoping to find that "spark" again... Our relationship was better than ever. He was so affectionate and loving and even gave me to the key to his own place. However recently he began distancing himself again (just like before.) He began getting annoyed with me and starting fights with me. The night before we broke up he got annoyed with me cuddling with him (I accidentally elbowed him trying to move positions and apologized right after) and told me to get up. I called for him in the bedroom in the bathroom asking what was taking so long and he said I was annoying & accused me of thinking he was texting some other girl. The sex felt off and ended with high tension where I cried myself to sleep that night. That next day I decided to text him that I wasn't going over that night. He never replied to that text. I found out we were over when I found out he deleted me on Facebook. I texted him, "Why did you delete me on Facebook?" No response. Immediately after I texted him this question he blocked me on Facebook. Now I understand I was being impulsive at this point and basically degraded myself because I left a voicemail that I was going to go over to talk to him & if he didn't reply then I had my answer where I stood... He changed his number... I didn't go of course but I feel so crazy and stupid right now for doing all that. I'm at lost everyone. I took him back only to be hurt again and lied to the same exact way. I feel like such a fool and my self esteem is shot down to nothing. If he really wanted to leave it's a simple, "It's not working, let's just part ways." Why is that so hard to do? Am I not worth those words? There's a lot more I can say but this is just everything I want to vent out right now. :/ Tips/advice/insight on this anyone? 1
PegNosePete Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 If he really wanted to leave it's a simple, "It's not working, let's just part ways." Why is that so hard to do? Am I not worth those words? It's so hard for him to do because he is a terrible communicator. He could not communicate his way out of a paper bag. He is also incredibly rude and disrespectful. But you knew that already, he showed you that the first time he did that to you... so it shouldn't be much surprise that he "dumped" you again in exactly the same way. It seems this leopard did not change his spots. It's nothing to do with your worth. It's all about how rude, inconsiderate, uncaring and socially inept he is. I would not treat a stray cat the way he treated you. Don't judge your worth by someone else's actions, especially someone who you know is acting like a complete douche canoe! Tips/advice: don't ever talk to this idiot again. Don't let him do this to you a third time! 4
smudge21 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 I would really like to know what you see in this man (I use the term man lightly to describe this worm) as it seems he's pretty much done nothing but treat you like an object, something he can use and abuse whenever his juvenile little mind feels like it. I know that when we love someone we can be blinded to reality so much, fail to see their faults and even make excuses for them. You know he's wrong for you and you know deep down that you can do better, but it can be hard to face reality. This snake isn't going to change as each time you take him back, you are in affect forgiving him for everything and telling him it's okay to treat you like this. When people we love hurt us we should always make it clear what they've done but often we can't and instead encourage them to carry on doing so. Us lovers can often be our own worst enemy. Everyone deserves and should be treated with respect. This maggot is not doing that and I very much doubt he will change. It will be hard to let go, but you know you must. 2
LostOnes05 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 I've learned that people rarely ever change. So when people show you who they are the first time, believe them. A woman I dated pulled the same stunt, the arguing for no reason etc. Just take some lessons away from the experience. I learned that I can't deal with poor communicators, people that surround themselves in drama, and take no responsibility for their actions. Also learn that your gut feeling will never lie to you. My advice would be to never go back to this person...they've left you twice now. When he gets bored he'll come back and say he's changed. But if you believe that I've got a bridge made of cinnabuns to sell ya!! No amount of love is worth the trouble and heartache. Trying to make things work with someone like that will only mess your head up and keep you running back to him. Sidenote: Do you think the feelings you had for him affected the 2 month relationship you had before getting back with him? 2
Author HopelessandLost Posted March 17, 2016 Author Posted March 17, 2016 I've learned that people rarely ever change. So when people show you who they are the first time, believe them. A woman I dated pulled the same stunt, the arguing for no reason etc. Just take some lessons away from the experience. I learned that I can't deal with poor communicators, people that surround themselves in drama, and take no responsibility for their actions. Also learn that your gut feeling will never lie to you. My advice would be to never go back to this person...they've left you twice now. When he gets bored he'll come back and say he's changed. But if you believe that I've got a bridge made of cinnabuns to sell ya!! No amount of love is worth the trouble and heartache. Trying to make things work with someone like that will only mess your head up and keep you running back to him. Sidenote: Do you think the feelings you had for him affected the 2 month relationship you had before getting back with him? Hi thank you for replying. I'm positive the feelings I had for him affected the people I tried to date for 6 months. However for the 2 month relationship it would have never worked out but I told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore. We had different values and beliefs and I didn't want to change for him.
Author HopelessandLost Posted March 17, 2016 Author Posted March 17, 2016 I would really like to know what you see in this man (I use the term man lightly to describe this worm) as it seems he's pretty much done nothing but treat you like an object, something he can use and abuse whenever his juvenile little mind feels like it. I know that when we love someone we can be blinded to reality so much, fail to see their faults and even make excuses for them. You know he's wrong for you and you know deep down that you can do better, but it can be hard to face reality. This snake isn't going to change as each time you take him back, you are in affect forgiving him for everything and telling him it's okay to treat you like this. When people we love hurt us we should always make it clear what they've done but often we can't and instead encourage them to carry on doing so. Us lovers can often be our own worst enemy. Everyone deserves and should be treated with respect. This maggot is not doing that and I very much doubt he will change. It will be hard to let go, but you know you must. He is older than me which surprises me he acts this way. It shows to you a man of any age can still have the mind of a teenager on reality and relationships. Thank you so much for the support. I love the side he gives me when he's not treating me like garbage. That's the side I fell in love with. Thank you, I am doing my best to move on. We can't choose who we love sometimes....
Author HopelessandLost Posted March 17, 2016 Author Posted March 17, 2016 It's so hard for him to do because he is a terrible communicator. He could not communicate his way out of a paper bag. He is also incredibly rude and disrespectful. But you knew that already, he showed you that the first time he did that to you... so it shouldn't be much surprise that he "dumped" you again in exactly the same way. It seems this leopard did not change his spots. It's nothing to do with your worth. It's all about how rude, inconsiderate, uncaring and socially inept he is. I would not treat a stray cat the way he treated you. Don't judge your worth by someone else's actions, especially someone who you know is acting like a complete douche canoe! Tips/advice: don't ever talk to this idiot again. Don't let him do this to you a third time! I tried communicating to him that I'm a vocal person and I wanted that reciprocated. Of course it went in one ear and out the other. I guess I forgave him because he explained to me that it was because of his past but we all go through pain and know better than to treat another human being we "love" like garbage! I guess I forgave him because he said he felt so much pain knowing I was hurt for 6 months during our break. He still wore the watch I gave him everyday & kept everything I gave him because he 'loved' me. Thank you so so so much for replying. I am not a person who is hateful, and I know that's why he keeps treating me like this. He knows I love him. He knows I'm a loving and emotional person. And truthfully he was very emotionally abusive at times which is probably why I'm so low right now.
smudge21 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 He is older than me which surprises me he acts this way. It shows to you a man of any age can still have the mind of a teenager on reality and relationships. Thank you so much for the support. I love the side he gives me when he's not treating me like garbage. That's the side I fell in love with. Thank you, I am doing my best to move on. We can't choose who we love sometimes.... We never choose who we fall in love with. We can choose who we get close to and who we spend time with, even who we date and sleep with, but actually falling in love - it either happens of it doesn't. Don't beat yourself up over all this. You're only human and at least it shows that you are an open hearted caring soul capable of loving, and being loved by the right person. It's always easier to remember the good of people as that tells us that we made the right choice. If we focus on the bad, then that makes us feel bad as surely we would never pick someone like that. I can tell you about my current heart break, about how she's the sweetest person I've ever met... yet here I am because she's just ghosted on me for no reason. Now I'm left thinking if I even knew her at all, or just the image she projected to keep me close. Give yourself time and eventually you'll start to let go of those "good" feelings you had for him and maybe be able to knock him off that pedestal you stuck him on. Also, don't rush back into dating quite so quickly either (that always leads to us comparing the new one to our old one). Take some time for yourself and find your inner happiness.
LostOnes05 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Oh ok, I didn't gather that you had dated anyone else in that 6 month period. My question is who do you love more yourself or someone who comes and goes when they please??? Hopefully, the answer is yourself. But you have to start believing that and understand that sometimes you have to love people from afar (if at all). He felt so much pain that you were upset during those 6 months, that he did it again. And of course he kept those gifts, I'm sure they were nice. Doesn't take love to keep something that was given for free. You don't have to be a hateful person to know you are being mistreated and act accordingly. I've been in your shoes (figuratively of course haha) and it hurts, but I've never kept someone in my life that didn't want to be there or left when things got tough. Understand that he will be back, but unless you're wearing a shirt that says welcome and has footprints on it...best to leave him alone and give someone else a legitimate chance.
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