alexa137 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 been dating this guy for over a year now and for the past few months since he switch jobs I dont get to see him , maybe once a month, he works 8, 10 or 13 days straight(night shift), so when gets a day off he usually sleeps 16-18 that day! I tell him i want to see him and just never happens! last time I saw him was 2 weeks ago. When we first started dated it was so different, but he did live 2 blocks away so that makes a difference, so I saw him almost everyday. Then he moved to the other side of town( he doesnt have a car or apt) and changed jobs and since then its changed. I did break up with him on ny eve, I told him i couldnt do it anymore, I needed someone that I could spend time with and do things,but after about 6 weeks i Missed him and decided to give him another change that I just needed some time alone to figure things out, you see Im a single 45 yrs old woman, my only kid is away at college, I work PT at home, and I desire companionship, and like to go out and do things! Am i being selfish? is my attitude wrong? when he told me last night that hes working 13 days straight i just cried. since he just worked 5 days straight also, I feel like im wasting my time and will never see him! and honestly i know that when he is off next wed he will sleep all day and night and I just feel like a proirity to him. I do having alot of feelings for him but kinda stuck in this situation. I need someone elses opinions 1
preraph Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 These days a lot of people are working long hours and two jobs and have very little time for socializing because what time they find, they need to rest up. You can't expect the man to compromise his job to spend more time with you. He was like this when you met. If you need more companionship, then you can try dating someone else or more than one person or just doing things with friends. I will say that some people are workaholics for reasons other than financial survival. Some don't want to be at home dealing with the wife or kids and hide out at work. But that doesn't seem to be the case here. 1
basil67 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Seeing a person on average once per month wouldn't be nearly enough for me. I wouldn't hesitate to end it. 3
Author alexa137 Posted March 17, 2016 Author Posted March 17, 2016 not at all, his kids are grown and live with their mother and i have 1 kid and shes 4 hrs away in college. I feel like i cant break up with him just because he works 10-12 hrs aday 7 days a week but then again im home 24/7 alone everyday and want companionship, you know like dinner, movies, trips etc.. yea well the friend thing is out of the questions! I have 1 good friend and she works everyday also 2 jobs 8am til 12mid so i only see or talk to her about once a month. other friend is married with a 4 yr old so I only see her maybe once a month to shop. I tried dating someone else when we were on the break in Jan but we were definitely not compatible and i was not attracted to this guy, so I just stopped taking to him. you see the problem with the area I live in its a very small town so either I know the men here, they either already dated my friends, co workers, school friends, or they have kids with people i know etc.. or they are married or in a relationship already. Ive been on tinder for over a year and no luck meeting anyone in my area yet. sorry i talk alot the internet tends to be my social life lately I guess i just take it day by day until I can move from this area and meet new people, hopefully soon. 1
Gaeta Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 been dating this guy for over a year now and for the past few months since he switch jobs I dont get to see him , maybe once a month, he works 8, 10 or 13 days straight(night shift), so when gets a day off he usually sleeps 16-18 that day! I tell him i want to see him and just never happens! last time I saw him was 2 weeks ago. When we first started dated it was so different, but he did live 2 blocks away so that makes a difference, so I saw him almost everyday. Then he moved to the other side of town( he doesnt have a car or apt) and changed jobs and since then its changed. I did break up with him on ny eve, I told him i couldnt do it anymore, I needed someone that I could spend time with and do things,but after about 6 weeks i Missed him and decided to give him another change that I just needed some time alone to figure things out, you see Im a single 45 yrs old woman, my only kid is away at college, I work PT at home, and I desire companionship, and like to go out and do things! Am i being selfish? is my attitude wrong? when he told me last night that hes working 13 days straight i just cried. since he just worked 5 days straight also, I feel like im wasting my time and will never see him! and honestly i know that when he is off next wed he will sleep all day and night and I just feel like a proirity to him. I do having alot of feelings for him but kinda stuck in this situation. I need someone elses opinions 50 year old woman here. Hon, is this the life you want for yourself at 45? I hope not! We worked all of our lives, we put our kids through college, now we have some freedom so why waste time on half hearted men? This is not working for you anymore. Seeing a man once a month is not a relationship. You've been enduring this for months, it's enough. He's not the only man in town to date, many men would enjoy dating a woman like you with lots of free time. 3
Gaeta Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Ive been on tinder for over a year and no luck meeting anyone in my area yet. Tinder is an app for hook ups and kids. A woman like you needs a paying dating site with men looking for serious relationship. You try match, eharmony, or anything with a little more substance in your area. 1
clia Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 I wouldn't waste my time "dating" a guy who could only find time to see me once a month. (And he works all these hours but has no apartment and no car? What's that about?). You aren't a priority to him. My husband worked 12+ hours a day when we were dating and still found time to see me 3-4 days a week. 2
angel.eyes Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 If a guy doesn't have time to date you, he doesn't have time to date you. Find someone else! It makes zero sense to hang on month after month to someone who is unavailable and who you barely see. My boyfriend works 80-90 hours/week. We live in different cities. I still see him most days of the week. He makes time to date and puts in the effort. Where exactly is this guy living if he doesn't have an apartment or car? That makes no sense. Where is his money going? Have you ever been to wherever he stays? Something isn't adding up. 1
Miss Peach Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Seeing a person on average once per month wouldn't be nearly enough for me. I wouldn't hesitate to end it. Same here. If he can't give you want you want tell him you are leaving because you need XYZ. He may or may not come back and be able to give it to you at some point. In the meantime go find another guy who can. FWIW - My BF works long hours. He works sometimes 12-16 hour days to make up for the work on the days he sees me in order to get quality time with me each week. Tinder is an app for hook ups and kids. A woman like you needs a paying dating site with men looking for serious relationship. You try match, eharmony, or anything with a little more substance in your area. In my area I had the best luck on OK Cupid which is free. Tinder has a reputation of being a hookup site so probably not the best place to go for a RS. I tried a few paid sites and saw most of the same people. The ones I found specifically on the paid site I didn't find any more serious than the free one. 1
Lady2163 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Have you checked out meetups.com? It does have some dating groups, but it also has just social groups with different interests. I've run through several different scenarios. You say he doesn't have a car or apartment. I don't know where you live, but even if he is just renting a room, even on minimum wage, he should be able to make some time. Two basic thoughts come to mind: 1. If he has massive debt problems, what is he bringing to the table and how do you picture your future? 2. You're making someone a priority who only considers you an option. I've ruled out that this man is a professional, simply because even with the worst financial crisis and/or divorce, a man with a decent profession can get a loan for a car. Even a beat up car. I dated a man I also worked with who described himself as a workaholic. But, he really wasn't. He averaged working nine hours a day and was very good about sneaking in a few hours of overtime - which was big bucks. He usually had two days off in a row. He would cheerfully talk about the things he had done without me in his off hours. Often, when I tried to schedule something, he would suddenly take on an extra shift and remind me he was a workaholic. There were other problems in that relationship, but I was willing to accept the few hours of crumbs I got each week. Because I was an idiot. When I finally starting lowering the boom and not settling, the break up came faster than I thought it would. This man may have money problems, but he also has priority problems. I may be out of touch with people in this situation, but I was financially destitute after my divorce and had to work long hours and go to college. I'd work like crazy until I was ready to drop, take a couple of days off, and blow it by going to the mall. I was cutting my own throat. But, I'd worked hard, damn it. I was entitled to visit a bookstore or music store or my favorite clothing store. What I'm saying is: if you can identify where he is setting himself up to fail, not fully committed to getting out of his financial jam, you probably need to walk away. He just hasn't reached the point where he is good for anyone else. Unless you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, there's not much point in staying in the relationship. 1
smackie9 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 You should have stayed broken up.....you would have met someone else by now. 1
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