Brknbtstrng73 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Hi everyone. I am not new to Love Shack. I usually read the threads but I figured posting might help to give me some guidance. My mom passed away February 14th of this year, the day after my birthday. I am struggling to move on and accept that she's gone for a number of reasons, one is the way she died. My mom was 49, she didn't have any major medical illness, just a back problem and she also broke her leg a few days before she passed ( she fell down the stairs :/). The crazy thing is I saw her the night before she passed. I thought it was the most adorable thing to see her sleeping because snores. Nothing was wrong with her or at least I thought so. Another reason is my mom was more then just a mom to me. She was my best friend, my protector, my listener, my healer, my light. The thing is I wasn't raised by my mother. I was brought in foster care ( long story). And I remember asking for a mom because I really needed one. At the age of 25 I finally got that and now she's gone. My emotions have been everywhere and I am trying to control it. One day I am okay and then the next I am not. At work I can't seem to concentrate and produce although my manager knows what happened. I would just really like some advice on how to manage my feelings. I know this is weird to ask but is it okay to feel bad? to be upset and depressed? to not be able to concentrate ( I know its weird to ask those questions but my childhood plays a lot into why I am asking). Any advice would be appreciated. 1
Tayla Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 sadly, you will never be the same. follow the process. There is no beat the clock in grieving. It will ebb and flow. So very sorry to read of this loss... the wound is still fresh... 5
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 It's normal to feel all sorts of emotions. Heart hurts, anger, confusion, pain.. Losing a parent is awful and I'm sorry for your loss. Sounds like there was a complication in the way your mom died so her death is a total shock. Not being able to say goodbye and have the bit of closure is tough - You were extremely close to her and she knew how much you loved her so keep that close to your heart. Be kind to yourself, rely on other family members and good friends to help support you and if you feel as time goes on you need extra help do get grief counseling, there's no shame in getting a professional to guide you through the pain and stages of losing a loved one. 3
Doublegold Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Please accept my deepest condolonces upon the passing of your beloved Mom. I am so sorry, the loss of a parent is heartbreaking, and a Mom who is your best friend and confident is a love that can never be replaced. A sudden loss such as you are suffering is shocking and a grief you can never be prepared for. I found, for myself, that grief counseling was the only thing that helped me work through the loss of my Mom and shortly after, my Dad. Even with that, I learned that the loss would always be with me--and would change with time....and she will always be with me. You are so raw and deeply grieving right now. If grief counseling is not a realist opition for you--perhaps a local grief group would help you with the kind of support you need. Take care of yourself. Post for support. ((HUGS)) 3
angel.eyes Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 I'm so sorry you're going through this! Your emotions will be all over the map for quite some time. Unfortunately, there's no fast lane to recovery. You're also not going to have a lot of friends who've had a similar experience. Losing a parent when you're still relatively young is not common. Your friends may have a hard time relating in a way that you find supportive. Consider looking for a support group that's geared to younger people dealing with parental loss. Maybe start one if you can't find any in your area. Do you have access to a grief counselor? Maybe a social worker at the hospital where your mom was treated can suggest some for you. You can also contact your HR department at work to see what resources might be available through your job. Many benefit packages include a limited number of counseling sessions (e.g. 10) They are meant for situations like this. Hugs. 2
Poppyolive Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 I'm sorry. My mom passed, recently, too. Feb 20th. I've had a few significant losses in my life, my sister and my bestest friend. It's completely OK to feel however you are feeling. Ride the waves, allow memories and feelings to float up. Each new flare up is a layer of new healing. Like an onion. Each time you feel incredible sadness, pain, etc...is a layer, different than the last. A layer that will you bring you deeper. Sleep well, take naps, take long walks, go to the pool, get fresh ingredients in and make yourself a feel good dinner, write in a journal, listen to music, even the sad stuff.. Flush everything up and out. Everyone deals with loss differently. Do whatever feels right for you. Personally, I like to process things alone, so I've been on the down low. Sleeping well, writing and listening to music. A beautiful tune is Antony and he Johnsons - hope there's someone. Treat yourself to a massage or float therapy. Write to your mom. Sending you buckets of healing feelings. O 2
Author Brknbtstrng73 Posted March 17, 2016 Author Posted March 17, 2016 Thank you all for the kind words and support. I am really trying to hold it together especially for my younger brothers. They are handling it okay right now but some days its bad. I am considering talking with a grief counselor, maybe it will help a little with the pain or maybe I can get just a little closure. I am trying to stay strong and positive. I know that is the best thing I can do right now 3
summerdowling87 Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 I won't say I know how you are feeling. I will say that it's okay to cry and it's okay to be okay. I'm sorry for your loss-(internet hug from me to you) Just grieve how you need to. Take it one day at a time. 1
Satu Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad you posted. There is always somebody to talk to here, so don't hesitate to post. I think that bereavement counselling is a good idea. In the meantime, be very kind to yourself. Take care. 2
Lobouspo Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 OP, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Was it some type of cardiac event? That is very young to die suddenly in an otherwise healthy adult female 1
alphamale Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 I know this is weird to ask but is it okay to feel bad? to be upset and depressed? to not be able to concentrate ( I know its weird to ask those questions but my childhood plays a lot into why I am asking). Any advice would be appreciated. yes it's ok to feel all those things 1
Author Brknbtstrng73 Posted March 18, 2016 Author Posted March 18, 2016 OP, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Was it some type of cardiac event? That is very young to die suddenly in an otherwise healthy adult female To be quite honest, I am not sure. I did get a report from the coroner and he said that she didn't have anything physically wrong that could of caused her death. So now they are doing a toxicology report. I am still waiting for the results which can take 6 to 8 weeks. I don't know why but I'm nervous about the report. I can't shake this sick feeling I have.
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